Best comeback you've managed to pull off?

[Aeluron Lightsong]

When I was at junior high, one of my classmates said I tasted my own semen and I managed to overheard so I replied with a good old fashioned, "I couldn't help it, it was because I kissed your mother on the lips last night." This is junior high so I was the king of all comebacks that moment and a loud "OOOOOOH SHIT" came through the classroom and I got punched in the gut. Then suspended because the teacher oversaw him punching me in the gut.

Lol ouch even though I would of done @_@ but still lol.

[Deleted]

To any guy/girl with an attitude:

"In the old days you actually had to be hot/handsome to have an attitude".
Or the all classic: "Whats your name?" "Oh, sounds like a skanks name".

Me and my friends used to diss eachother for funsies, so i always use what people say to me. For example, today at work someone asked me:

A: "Could you put this in there?"
B: "Do you know who else asked me that yesterday night?" *smiley face*
A: "My mom.. fuck you".

[Deleted]

Not mine, but I thought it was funny.

This guy was getting ignored for ages at the bar with the bar woman serving others that came after him. So he whistles at her and she says "I'm not a dog". He said "Well we're all entitled to an opinion".

[Conspicuous Cultist]

Not mine, but I thought it was funny.

This guy was getting ignored for ages at the bar with the bar woman serving others that came after him. So he whistles at her and she says "I'm not a dog". He said "Well we're all entitled to an opinion".

And then his drinks started to taste strange.

[Colmadero]

And then his drinks started to taste strange.

After that I wouldn't even dare drinking there again.

[Ashnazg]

Best comeback is a stone cold stare.

#1 way to defuse situations too.

Had too many run-ins with aggressive hobos who quickly leave you alone after being on a receiving end of a cold, silent look.

[Deleted]

Best comeback is a stone cold stare.

#1 way to defuse situations too.

Had too many run-ins with aggressive hobos who quickly leave you alone after being on a receiving end of a cold, silent look.

[Illusions]

Some guy was like "LOL U PLAY WOW NERD!" and I was like "Well, at least I have the money to play it. " and everyone was OOOOH. But that is quite shitty when compared to others here.

Oh and the stares. I love when someone tries to insult the other and he/she just looks back with the stare of "yeah? and?", then winning. :>

[Baracuda]

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0:38

[hellosaltygoodness]

back in high school an ex was once bothering me and at one point he tries to insult me by saying i have a "loose vagina" and i told him that's because i'm used to bigger dicks than his.

[sugarlily]

I got into some dumb argument with a woman who couldn't park for shit, <snip>

Nice:) Reminds me of my crazy-funny (I always described him as 'Homer Simpson, but on purpose') Dad when I was maybe 7-8 yrs old. He almost always was tipsy or on his way to drunk, but his wit never suffered. He had quite a few great comebacks on record <3

We were pulling into a swanky restaurant parking lot for my birthday. He was driving up & down the rows searching for that perfect parking spot, ignoring all other traffic/pedestrians/other human beings at all until some screeching woman rolled down her window & yelled at him; "HEY!! You're driving the wrong way! Didn't you even see the arrows?!" to which he replied w/out missing a beat, "ARROWS!? I didn't even see any Indians!!" & drove away while making a Curly (or newer gen may know as a Zoidberg (V) (o,,,o) (V)) "whoob whoob whoo!"


The only other comeback I still think about was done by one of my childhood friends. She had come to visit me & go out for Halloween. I had married an ASSHOLEFACE who was in love with himself. While she & I had gotten dressed up he comes strutting by & pushed his way in to ogle himself in the mirror. I innocently said, "what are you going as, honey?" & he quipped "Duh! As a good lookin' guy!" Yes, he was serious. Jenny laughed & simply said "You're gonna need a little more costume there, bub."

I caught royal bleeding rugburnt-on-my-face HELL for it later but in that moment, I laughed 'til I had tears running down my cheeks. I think of it every Halloween & love Jenny for helping show me what a fucktard he was :)

fuck him. fuck him right in his ear.

[Deleted]

Hmm tricky, always need to take a shower to actual come with a good comeback

Seriously though, I have karate dojo in the sports-center I'm responsible for and their owner is all about respecting the dojo and such (he has a banner of Japanese motto's and life lessons). However everything outside the dojo he and his students are like pigs (cake crumbs, garbage being left everywhere). So one day I had enough and basically threw all their litter into the dojo, he was furious, and all I said was: respect is a gesture that two individuals find on equal ground, a quote from his banner

Sadly it only helped for a week...

[Azutael]

I don't usually bother coming up with any comebacks, instead I just blatantly agree with whatever trash-talk people fling at me.
And it's fun because it pisses people off. So their attacks backfire making me happy.

[Deleted]

Usually when friends start the usual "your mamma" jokes etc.
Went "Your penis is so small that your balls get wet when you pee."
Shut him up

[Deleted]

Usually when friends start the usual "your mamma" jokes etc.
Went "Your penis is so small that your balls get wet when you pee."
Shut him up

Or: Your dick is so small, you need sugar cube and tweezers to lure it out.

[Felicia]

My parents moved us back to TX when I was 16, halfway through my junior year in high school. Went from a 5A school, to something... less then 1A. My class had 8 people in it :P Anyway, it was my first day and I refused to talk to anyone. It was highly awkward. But the 3 guys in class were talking about women and kitchens. I nonchalantly said, 'Yeah, my mom got a new set of Farberware knives for Christmas. I've been wanting to use them.'

That shut them up. From then on, I fit in with the guys just fine. But those other girls... damn, they hated me.

I've never come close to a comeback like that I usually think of them a bit later.

[Zaedria]

Or: Your dick is so small, you need sugar cube and tweezers to lure it out.

I've always found insults concerning alleged small gential size (or assertions of a sparse sex life) to be primitive and pointless.

Pointless because outright stating something as a fact when you actually have no knowledge (or know it to be false) is obviously untrue and all you are left with is that you're expressing to intent to offend, which is easily countered by laughing it off like the absurdity it is.

Primitive because even if it were true, people can hardly help how they're born. You might as well say "haha, you have brown hair." It's meaningless as an insult because it's simply a statement of fact. Though it is true that small genitals are associated with a certain social stigma and ridicule, this strikes me as animalistic. There are far more important things in life. We have the higher brain function to care about so much more than reproduction and base pleasure. Anyone who thinks that it's a meaningful insult to call someone a virgin or suggest that they have small genitals I assume to be someone I wouldn't care to associate with. I'd rather value intelligence and thoughtfulness. And no, I'm not even a guy, let alone one with a small dick.

I know I might sound like a pretentious twit, but I'm not having a go at you, and I'm sorry if it sounds like I am.

... Though it does remind me of a snappy comeback I heard once. In short:

Teacher: You're all having a test on Monday morning, and no excuses.
Student: But sir, what if I'm tired from having furious sex with my girlfriend?
Teacher: Then you'll write the test with your other hand.

(Hey, it's fair play if you're talking to someone who's just shown themself to think that kind of insinuation is an insult. :P)

[TZucchini]

If I was looking for my comeback I would have wiped it off your chin.

[WeaponXAnimosity]

Played a slot machine for the first time and started with a $20 bill my sister gave me. Just kept playing and watched the $20 disappear to around $1. Assuming I'll end up with nothing, I kept playing and just when my $20 was almost gone, I scored a major match of some kind and watched the amount jump all the way to $50. I asked my sister if I should keep playing and without a second thought she said "NO!" Gave her back $20 and kept the remaining $30.

- - - Updated - - -

back in high school an ex was once bothering me and at one point he tries to insult me by saying i have a "loose vagina" and i told him that's because i'm used to bigger dicks than his.

Not really a comeback but a deeper hole being dug...I guess from those "bigger dicks" you're use to.

[Frolk]

"dude, u suck" then im "maybe i suck, but u swallow"
That have given me alot of people doing "OOOOOOH BUUUURN"