Relationship advice

[kevin schlaup]

hi guys ive been reading these forums for a while but i finally decided to post. im having some relatioonship problems. i met my gf over wow almost two years ago. like 21 months to be exact. everythings been great for the most part. weve had our fair share of fights and disagreements. i live in kentucky and she lives near chicago. we visit each other at least once a month. everything is great when were together. but when were apart.... i dont know.

she seems to have zero interest in plain old talking to me. we always skype and webcam while we play wow, but she never talks to me on the phone. if i call her she usually says shes playing wow and cant talk. she almost never calls me on her own. i dont know i just like talking to her on the phone. ive had a lot of girlfriends in the past and they called me all the time. i loved it. it made me feel wanted. to get phone calls at random times would always put a smile on my face. when we talk on skype we are always doing something. she always wants to raid or level with me or something. she likes to bring other people with us to. which brings me to the next point...

she has a LOT of other guy friends. i trust her and im not jealous or anything but i dont know. shes not an attention seeker she plays mostly male characters. but she has next to no girl friends irl and like 2 girl friends on wow. i have met all the guys she talks to in real life and they seem cool. some of them either like her or used to like her which is a little unnerving but shes really trusty. i kno from a 3rd party pov she probably seems like she toys with guys but its not likd that. she always tells me when she hangs out with ppl and she never hangs out with them alone

so basically i just feel like a wow friend. like shes not enjoying her time with me unless im physically there or were playing wow. she seems to never want to talk to me on the phone. she always makes excuses not to. i still love her very much and i strongly feel she feels the same but i dont know what to do. if i tell her i want to talk to her on the phone more then she probably will but she will be forcing it. i want her to want to talk to me also the boy thing doesnt bother me but it does at the same time. if i tell her it bothers me i know shell stop talking to them and i dont want to make her do that. i really dont know what to do. does anyone have any advice?

i feel like maybe moving in will fix it but thats not an option for now. we are both in college with full time jobs and its going to be impossible to uproot our lives

please help im dying inside. yes im a hopeless romantic so this stuff hurts...

[TheBeardedOne]

hi guys ive been reading these forums for a while but i finally decided to post. im having some relatioonship problems. i met my gf over wow almost two years ago. like 21 months to be exact. everythings been great for the most part. weve had our fair share of fights and disagreements. i live in kentucky and she lives near chicago. we visit each other at least once a month. everything is great when were together. but when were apart.... i dont know.

she seems to have zero interest in plain old talking to me. we always skype and webcam while we play wow, but she never talks to me on the phone. if i call her she usually says shes playing wow and cant talk. she almost never calls me on her own. i dont know i just like talking to her on the phone. ive had a lot of girlfriends in the past and they called me all the time. i loved it. it made me feel wanted. to get phone calls at random times would always put a smile on my face. when we talk on skype we are always doing something. she always wants to raid or level with me or something. she likes to bring other people with us to. which brings me to the next point...

she has a LOT of other guy friends. i trust her and im not jealous or anything but i dont know. shes not an attention seeker she plays mostly male characters. but she has next to no girl friends irl and like 2 girl friends on wow. i have met all the guys she talks to in real life and they seem cool. some of them either like her or used to like her which is a little unnerving but shes really trusty. i kno from a 3rd party pov she probably seems like she toys with guys but its not likd that. she always tells me when she hangs out with ppl and she never hangs out with them alone

so basically i just feel like a wow friend. like shes not enjoying her time with me unless im physically there or were playing wow. she seems to never want to talk to me on the phone. she always makes excuses not to. i still love her very much and i strongly feel she feels the same but i dont know what to do. if i tell her i want to talk to her on the phone more then she probably will but she will be forcing it. i want her to want to talk to me also the boy thing doesnt bother me but it does at the same time. if i tell her it bothers me i know shell stop talking to them and i dont want to make her do that. i really dont know what to do. does anyone have any advice?

i feel like maybe moving in will fix it but thats not an option for now. we are both in college with full time jobs and its going to be impossible to uproot our lives

please help im dying inside. yes im a hopeless romantic so this stuff hurts...

I think you should stop been dishonest. You do not trust her and you are jealous of her guy friends. Why else did you bring it up and go into such depth about. Long distance relationships rarely work for a reason because you cannot get what you want out the relationship daily and inevitably look for it elsewhere.

I would seriously consider the relationship and if it is worth continuing with if your not happy with it cause its jot going t chnage until you live closer

[Deleted]

to get phone calls at random times would always put a smile on my face.

Tell her this. If she doesn't respond to that like you expected her to, I would tell her that you think she's a little bit uninterested in you lately. So first bring it quite positive, but she will probably react heavily if you mention her uninterest, so that would probably end in a breakup between you two. But according to your post, she could even be cheating on you, or just is into you because of the sexy time you have every now and then. So I wouldn't see much harm by just telling her how you feel...

[kevin schlaup]

Tell her this. If she doesn't respond to that like you expected her to, I would tell her that you think she's a little bit uninterested in you lately. So first bring it quite positive, but she will probably react heavily if you mention her uninterest, so that would probably end in a breakup between you two. But according to your post, she could even be cheating on you, or just is into you because of the sexy time you have every now and then. So I wouldn't see much harm by just telling her how you feel...

well if i tell her that she will do it but it would be artificial. like shes just doing it to make me happy even if she might not particularly enjoy talking to me. is it wrong for me to feel this way? should i just take any form of affection from her and assume its not artificial?

[Itisamuh]

She sounds like me, I hate talking on the phone too. It has nothing to do with how I feel about a person. I simply find phone calls very boring.

[Rukentuts]

She sounds like me, I hate talking on the phone too. It has nothing to do with how I feel about a person. I simply find phone calls very boring.

He also sounds clingy. This is a bad combination.

[kevin schlaup]

He also sounds clingy. This is a bad combination.

i am. she used to be but i think she suppresses it because she thinks its a bad thing. i actually like her being clingy

[Deleted]

well if i tell her that she will do it but it would be artificial. like shes just doing it to make me happy even if she might not particularly enjoy talking to me. is it wrong for me to feel this way? should i just take any form of affection from her and assume its not artificial?

No it's not wrong to feel that way, but I get her point that she might think it's 'time consuming' to talk with you on the phone when you could also skype or w/e. I think it's just her way, quite a lot of women don't like to talk on the phone (although more men doesn't). But still, I would tell her you like her and that you hate seeing her not much, that she maybe could talk to you more on the phone or w/e she likes, to be more in touch with one another. I think she would get that, and you won't force her to pick up the phone, but just where she likes to contact you with. Maybe she just doesn't like talking on the phone and you should respect that.

The part about the male friends is pretty shit, because if you tell her anything about that she is probably going to be really, really pissed. So I would try to make her be happy to be with you again, go with surprises or anything. Bring her something for in the bedroom, or some romantic flower, or just take her to diner or the movies. Just something that you think she would like, and I hope that will eventually make her spend more time with you. If she doesn't and she still likes you, just respect that she is just not into the talking like you are.

Still, it's quite sucky that you have a long distance relationship and have some jealousy towards her, I totally understand you but it's going to be quite difficult if there doesn't change anything. Just try to be peaceful with her, if there isn't anything that says she's cheating on you, then just say to yourself she isn't. Otherwise you'll never find inner peace while she's your girl I hope I helped you out mate

[Deleted]

Maybe she just hates talking on the phone. I do. Many people do.

[kevin schlaup]

No it's not wrong to feel that way, but I get her point that she might think it's 'time consuming' to talk with you on the phone when you could also skype or w/e. I think it's just her way, quite a lot of women don't like to talk on the phone (although more men doesn't). But still, I would tell her you like her and that you hate seeing her not much, that she maybe could talk to you more on the phone or w/e she likes, to be more in touch with one another. I think she would get that, and you won't force her to pick up the phone, but just where she likes to contact you with. Maybe she just doesn't like talking on the phone and you should respect that.

The part about the male friends is pretty shit, because if you tell her anything about that she is probably going to be really, really pissed. So I would try to make her be happy to be with you again, go with surprises or anything. Bring her something for in the bedroom, or some romantic flower, or just take her to diner or the movies. Just something that you think she would like, and I hope that will eventually make her spend more time with you. If she doesn't and she still likes you, just respect that she is just not into the talking like you are.

Still, it's quite sucky that you have a long distance relationship and have some jealousy towards her, I totally understand you but it's going to be quite difficult if there doesn't change anything. Just try to be peaceful with her, if there isn't anything that says she's cheating on you, then just say to yourself she isn't. Otherwise you'll never find inner peace while she's your girl I hope I helped you out mate

thanks bud. i trust her and im 99% sure shes not cheating on me. but i always second guess my self. several years ago i was in a great relationship. or so i thought. it was as perfect as i could imagine a relationship being. im like a human lie detector. my friends and family are always like "good god how did you know i was lying!?" even little white lies. so i am good at reading people. but this ex gf... she was a player at heart. she was sooooo convincing. she led me on the entire relationship. to this day i still dont know what was truth or lie. she lied to me about her age, religion, political views, friends, her past.... everything was a lie. so when this perfect relationship ended so suddenly with me finding out everything was a lie and wondering if she even liked me it started his huge conflict in my head. i never believe my intuition and i second guess my own thoughts and feelings.

believe me im over this girl. she tried to get back with me a while back when i was single and i said no. but she left my mind in ruins. even 5 years after that my brain is still recovering from the trauma. sorry if im a wuss but it really messed me up

so to sum it all up, im trust the shit out of my gf but my past experience says not to so im at war with my own brain :S i just want her to be genuine and not like my ex. i told her that and she seems to understand that

[God8010]

hi guys ive been reading these forums for a while but i finally decided to post. im having some relatioonship problems. i met my gf over wow almost two years ago. like 21 months to be exact. everythings been great for the most part. weve had our fair share of fights and disagreements. i live in kentucky and she lives near chicago. we visit each other at least once a month. everything is great when were together. but when were apart.... i dont know.

she seems to have zero interest in plain old talking to me. we always skype and webcam while we play wow, but she never talks to me on the phone. if i call her she usually says shes playing wow and cant talk. she almost never calls me on her own. i dont know i just like talking to her on the phone. ive had a lot of girlfriends in the past and they called me all the time. i loved it. it made me feel wanted. to get phone calls at random times would always put a smile on my face. when we talk on skype we are always doing something. she always wants to raid or level with me or something. she likes to bring other people with us to. which brings me to the next point...

she has a LOT of other guy friends. i trust her and im not jealous or anything but i dont know. shes not an attention seeker she plays mostly male characters. but she has next to no girl friends irl and like 2 girl friends on wow. i have met all the guys she talks to in real life and they seem cool. some of them either like her or used to like her which is a little unnerving but shes really trusty. i kno from a 3rd party pov she probably seems like she toys with guys but its not likd that. she always tells me when she hangs out with ppl and she never hangs out with them alone

so basically i just feel like a wow friend. like shes not enjoying her time with me unless im physically there or were playing wow. she seems to never want to talk to me on the phone. she always makes excuses not to. i still love her very much and i strongly feel she feels the same but i dont know what to do. if i tell her i want to talk to her on the phone more then she probably will but she will be forcing it. i want her to want to talk to me also the boy thing doesnt bother me but it does at the same time. if i tell her it bothers me i know shell stop talking to them and i dont want to make her do that. i really dont know what to do. does anyone have any advice?

i feel like maybe moving in will fix it but thats not an option for now. we are both in college with full time jobs and its going to be impossible to uproot our lives

please help im dying inside. yes im a hopeless romantic so this stuff hurts...

This, like all of life is a gamble. If you feel like when you're together everything seems right, it might be worth the risk in uprooting. Still at your age I'd let the relationship play out more. Personally I'd tell you a relationship is a horrible investment but I'll die a lonely old man or so I'm told. I also wouldn't do anything until you both talked about it and agreed to living together. I wouldn't worry about the phone, I think you might have found a girl with some self respect. A lot of people don't like talking on the phone, it does feel impersonal. You do sound a bit clingy, though you've learned from the past with clingy girlfriends. Really you're just living what you know, still not everyone feels the need for that constant approval. To some, it's a deeper connection than words can convey. You sound like you're in a good place, just thinking too much.

[kevin schlaup]

thanks a ton for the replies guys. i honestly thought half the posts here would be calling me a wuss, pussy whipped, or just saying to break up with her just for thinking this way. but you guys have been awesome and understanding of how i am. your posts have been really helping me figure this out. thanks a lot!

[Tastyfish]

Hey whatever you do, don't go chasing ghosts. Do not look for a reason, or believe the worst, because you want to.

[Atrea]

i am. she used to be but i think she suppresses it because she thinks its a bad thing. i actually like her being clingy

Clingy is another word for "too needy". It's not supposed to ever mean something good.
And you come off as exceptionally clingy. Tone it back a bit, that shit is concentrated pussy repellent.

[Deleted]

thanks bud. i trust her and im 99% sure shes not cheating on me. but i always second guess my self. several years ago i was in a great relationship. or so i thought. it was as perfect as i could imagine a relationship being. im like a human lie detector. my friends and family are always like "good god how did you know i was lying!?" even little white lies. so i am good at reading people. but this ex gf... she was a player at heart. she was sooooo convincing. she led me on the entire relationship. to this day i still dont know what was truth or lie. she lied to me about her age, religion, political views, friends, her past.... everything was a lie. so when this perfect relationship ended so suddenly with me finding out everything was a lie and wondering if she even liked me it started his huge conflict in my head. i never believe my intuition and i second guess my own thoughts and feelings.

believe me im over this girl. she tried to get back with me a while back when i was single and i said no. but she left my mind in ruins. even 5 years after that my brain is still recovering from the trauma. sorry if im a wuss but it really messed me up

so to sum it all up, im trust the shit out of my gf but my past experience says not to so im at war with my own brain :S i just want her to be genuine and not like my ex. i told her that and she seems to understand that

You're welcome. Seems to me you're still in love with her. Tell her this, but try skipping the 'You have too much male boyfriends' part. (Yes, I did that once and totally fucked it up :P) Anyways, if she isn't holding you off on purpose, then everything is going to be alright for you. Wish you the best in the future my friend!

[Marrilaife]

i dont know i just like talking to her on the phone. ive had a lot of girlfriends in the past and they called me all the time. i loved it. it made me feel wanted.

What people said already.
You want to feel "wanted", "needed", "important", therefore it's mostly about boosting your self esteem, and that is what people point as "clingy", I'd rather call it insecure and yeah, as people pointed out, that's the opposite of masculine.

Anyway, either you or her have a serious plan of moving near one another in foreseeable future, or it's not a relationship, just a virtual wow "friendship", no one is gonna promise you during all these years of college and whatnot she won't meet someone at least comparably interesting who is THERE for her and she will walk away just because being close irl is an important part of relationship. If you don't see someone in everyday situation, don't share chores, can't hug, kiss and eventually have sex, then it's more imagination than a relationship.

[ifrah]

So what were your plans for the near future exactly, or did you even have any? I guess moving together or even closer was not in the playbook yet? In that case I'd recommend to start mentally stepping down from the girlfriend level to whatever between lost and forgotten/friend/fuckbuddy/??? .
There's issues with your relationship. Talk them through and see the result, which may be unpleasant. Too often it's easier to just turn the blinds on and carry on hoping it'll be so much more wonderful magically one day. And that one day you'll end up with a big pile of crap and a load of time wasted. Don't waste your life with a relationship or "relationship" that doesn't satisfy you.

[ponies]

she sounds like she's over you dude.
I would never trust a girl with a lot of guy friends.
no disrespect. just real talk.

[dacoolist]

Take a deep breath!

[aquarious]

Yup, take a deep breath and relax, Kevin. I can't be sure, but it sounds like things might not be so bad. Strong relationships take a ton of work, so maybe the long-distance is cutting into the time that it takes to become strong. When you do talk and spend time together, you need to make it count. This is an article on how to build a satisfying, life-long relationship with your soulmate, once you have found them. Spoiler: Its not easy.

Find it here: blog.californiapsychics.com/blog/2013/12/what-happens-when-find-soulmate.html

Good luck dude. And don't worry so much about her guy friends...she is a whole person and deserves a social life, just like you do. Gamer girls can have a hard time finding female friends. Plus, who knows...she could fall for a female friend just as easy as a male friend...what you need is trust and not control.