Transition / general stories [Lots of images]

[Deleted]

Okay, I'll tell you a secret. I really just want an excuse to be able to write down a bunch of stuff where someone will potentially read it. It's going to be boring, mind, so don't feel like you have to. For those of you who don't want to read, how about telling everyone about something life changing or exciting or whatever that has happened to you! Let's share a bunch of cool life stories, just for the fun of it!

So, I'm trans. I've known... pretty much my whole life, in one way or another. I'm 23 now, and started transition last year after I moved out of home, and right now I'm sat at home, recovering from SRS (Sex Reassignment Surgery, 'the op').

I know there are a lot of stereotypes and fetishisation and stuff surrounding trans people. You only need to take a quick glance at somewhere like 4chan to find 20 "Trap / shemale" threads (words I utterly despise, by the way) full of everything from crossdressers to trans girls with autogynephilia (which is like, people who transition because they are sexually attracted to the idea of themselves as a woman, basically) to trans girls doing porn for money to pay for HRT, surgery etc. It's all very, very sad and very very weird, and part of the reason it took me so long to transition. I mean, no one really wants to jump headfirst into a group of people where all you see of them is fetishisation and smut. Took me a long time to realise that there are more people out there than just that and it's just bad representation that shoves these images alone down or throats.

It's all a bit of a shame really, because I know there are tons of people like me, who have / had similar worries and either transitioned later than they could have, or maybe even never transitioned at all, and while that may not seem like that big of a deal to someone who isn't trans (mostly because it's nearly impossible to describe what being the wrong gender feels like) because, well you still get to live your life, it's not like you're going to die right? Although the suicide rates for trans people suggest that by not transitioning, you may very well die.

Anyway, enough rambling. So, I came out to most of my friends (but not my family) in may 2012, and started HRT in August. When I came out to my parents in september, I looked like this:



So, okay, I know. Disaster. I was only a couple of months in though you guys! Be nice.

One of the biggest 'struggles' is the whole "passing in society" thing, that is, having people not be able to tell you are trans unless you tell them so. For obvious reasons, it can make life a lot easier for you, although it's not important to everyone. To me, however, it's pretty damn important. I don't really want to be one of those "out and proud" trans activists or anything, and would rather just sort of get by in my everyday life without anyone knowing. To that end, I've spent... So many hours, days, weeks... I can't even count any more, working on my appearance, clothing, makeup, etc. Trying to develop a style for myself. Right now I think I'm in a pretty okay place, I feel mostly comfortable with how I look (barring a bit of facial surgery I need done) but it's been a pretty brutal year and a half to get to this point. I guess you never really appreciate the little things like that untill you are in it. I remember early on, trying to learn how to do makeup, I'd spend like, 6 hours on an evening after work applying makeup, scrubbing it all off, re applying it, experimenting and trying to find what looked okay, what didn't. I've spent so long trying on clothes, trying to find something that hides my worst features, accentuates my best features... I know pre transition (and it's probably similar for most people) I doubt I spent 1/100th of the time I do now. Maybe that's vanity, I don't know. I guess I just see it as something that I have to do really, if I want to be able to walk down the street without everyone staring.

Been through a lot of changes and development, from a style point of view, and because of the hormones, since then. Pictures below:

So this is October 2012:



November 2012:



January 2013:



March 2013:



April 2013:



June 2013:



And October 2013 with my current girlfriend:





and this is last month, while I was in thailand, just after surgery. Admitedly not at my best, so no judging this one either!:



Those are a few of the people I met over there, too. really great girls.

Anyway, as you can see, there's quite a bit of change since when I came out. I hope to continue growing, and changing for a long time come, as a person, as well as just the vanity stuff.

<Trigger warning: Self Harm>

In the end, I think that whole "growing as a person" thing is the biggest thing that's come out of all of this. Pre transition, I was pretty lonley and depressed. Never wanted to do anything, go anywhere, see anyone. Nothing matters, you know? It's like, why bother doing anything when it doesn't feel like it's really you who's doing it? I self harmed a little bit: http://i.imgur.com/vxLnfMM.jpg
...though was lucky in that I never had any real suicide attempts, but... a life where you are just existing, instead of living just isn't worth... well... living, you know? I dropped out of uni as a result of it, just really not in a good place. Never had friends in school, escape from reality into videogames, etc etc.

Looking back now that I'm post surgery, it seems really strange to think that the sight of my own body used to make me feel physically sick. That I could hate myself so much, but I suppose that's just how it is. I remember, just after I came out of hospital after having had my surgery, I was halfway through getting changed and went to go to the bathroom in my hotel room. To get there you have to walk past this full length mirror, and was totally naked at the time, and got to this mirror, saw myself, and literally burst into tears with happiness. For the first time, being able to not just hate my body, but actually love it, right? It was crazy. Even with all the swelling, and the 500 stitches I have in me making everything look all mangled and thoroughly gross, I was still COMPLETE, you know?

Going from that pre transition, to now where all I want to do is live life, experience... everything in the world. Go out. Have fun. See friends. Dance. Laugh. Cry. Live Right? Before I wanted to do nothing, now I have goals, ambitions. I want to open a flower shop. I want to start a family, have children.

If there are any trans people here, particularly post op ones, I'm sure you can relate. And for anyone who is in the closet, not wanting to come out for some reason or other, honestly, I can't say strongly enough how much you should just do it. It will really really change your life for the better.

Anyway. Apologies for the really long post. I just felt like I wanted to write a bunch of stuff down you know? And then I was like, "well, I like waffling about myself, and I LOVE hearing other people's life stories, so I'll start a thread where I can do both!" So I totally encourage all of you to talk about anything you want to talk about that's happened in your life. Marriage? A death in the family? A personal struggle? Achievement? Tell everyone about it!

Let's share stories! : )

Peace and love!

xxxx

[Deleted]

Pics would fool me, well done.

[Stir]

Congratulations to you! You look great; good genes and great timing.

I honestly cannot imagine the amount of insecurity, doubt and judgement trans people have to go through during their transition (especially in the early times!) For that, you have my greatest respect.

Well done!

Edit: As to your request: My past is a past. It defines who I am today, and it wasn't fun.
I'd like to leave it at that, if you do not mind. No disrespect intended towards your courage of sharing, of course.

[Deleted]

Congratulations indeed! Great thing that you've got over hard times in your life and can be true to yourself. It's always great to see and hear about people that find a way to be who they really are even if it's difficult. Hopefully society as large would grow understand and accept people more widely. I wish all good to your life.

[Orange Joe]

Pics would fool me, well done.

Have to agree with this.

[Deleted]

Thank you for your kind words, everyone! But less stroking my already oversized ego, more sharing your own stories! <3

xxxx

[Deleted]

Good that you're pursueing whatever makes you happy, I must be dumb but i didn't catch it in the story, if you went from male -> female then great job
If you went from Female -> male, sorry but i just don't see it, you have a very feminine face.
But apparently others do see it so that's good.
I'm not trying to be offensive, but i hope you can still speak the truth on this forum and don't have to lie to make someone feel better. ( without being rude ofcourse)

[Deleted]

Good that you're pursueing whatever makes you happy, I must be dumb but i didn't catch it in the story, if you went from male -> female then great job
If you went from Female -> male, sorry but i just don't see it, you have a very feminine face.
But apparently others do see it so that's good.
I'm not trying to be offensive, but i hope you can still speak the truth on this forum and don't have to lie to make someone feel better. ( without being rude ofcourse)

Oh, no, I went from male to female!

[Dezerte]

Oh, no, I went from male to female!

I too was confused, I thought you looked like a women on your first picture. So I guess you should take that as an compliment.

[Deleted]

How is the voice training coming along? Often it is the voice that is the giveaway.

[Deleted]

How is the voice training coming along? Often it is the voice that is the giveaway.

Ups and downs. My voice is definitely my worst feature. It's at the point now where people often tell me things like "Woah, you have quite a husky voice for a girl" rather than "Woah, your voice is deep, are you trans?"

Voice work is just the sort of thing that takes... a long time, you know. I can't afford voice training / coaching sessions because my insurance / NHS won't pay for any transition related sutff, so I'm having to pay for everything down to my HRT (which now that I am post op, I could potentially die if I stopped taking), which doesn't leave much left over at the end of the month!

xxxx

[Deleted]

Oh, no, I went from male to female!

Well power to you then looks great!

[Darsithis]

I didn't do that myself, so I have no story to share. But I know a lot of people in transition and they're some of the most courageous people I know.

Props to you.

[Kurioxan]

Looks good, later with more money and time you can correct anything you feel is lacking, but it does look good.

I can pull off crossdressing, done so sometimes using gf's clothing during halloween, but happy as I am. Strength to you though, hope it all keeps improving.

[Reg]

If the goal was to make your outward appearance reflect the way you felt inside, than you must feel like an attractive young woman on the inside. Great transition.

As a straight male, I would totally hit on you if a chance random encounter happened lol

[Sunnydruid]

Wow. You are beautiful.

Annnywho. I never actually figured out what sexual orientation I would be considered. I have never had the opportunity to be with another person of the same sex but I will admit that I have fantasized and flirted with the same sex. However I have always dated the opposite sex, my previous gf knew that I enjoyed those fantasies and actually was completely okay with it. But I can't tell if it's just hormones or if that's how I actually feel.

Life is confusing.

[Reg]

Wow. You are beautiful.

Annnywho. I never actually figured out what sexual orientation I would be considered. I have never had the opportunity to be with another person of the same sex but I will admit that I have fantasized and flirted with the same sex. However I have always dated the opposite sex, my previous gf knew that I enjoyed those fantasies and actually was completely okay with it. But I can't tell if it's just hormones or if that's how I actually feel.

Life is confusing.

While I find certain men to be physically attractive, I find it to be different than sexually attractive. But who knows?! I guess I would be in the same boat, even though I am 99.9% sure I am straight lol

[Splenda]

Color me amazed, you're gorgeous.

[Ergar]

You look like my 3rd-5th grade teacher, so yeah, you would fool me.

[Deleted]

While I don't have to contribute something related myself, I'd really like to say that you have my respect for venturing that step.
Also, you look really good.