Another 'relationship' thread.

[Arhzelgcf]

Sorry if this is the wrong section.

I'll start off by saying that I found out my 'friend girl'(I don't know what to call it) has been screwing around on me and I don't know what I should do.

Our friendship started off online about six years ago. At the time I was a loser, big time. No friends, job, car and living with my mother. For the first time in my life someone had accepted me for who I was and befriended me. At the time she was going through some terrible relationship issues and through the span of a couple years we had become very close, spending all our hours in FFXI and WoW and on the phone. From wake to sleep we would talk to eachother.

The guy she was with ended up cheating on her, leaving her with a house to pay for, animals and alot of problems that needed to be taken care and I told her id help her. I left my family to be with her irl and while we were never officially together it sure did feel like it.. Ive been her friend living with her, helping her pay her bills, taking care of things around her house and her animals for 3-4 years now.

The past few days shes been in contact with her high school bf that she apparently has missed having alot in her life and ive found out that she has been messing around with him. Technically I should feel nothing by this as we have only labled ourselves just best friends the whole time but it hurts immensely. Ive honestly never been this low in my entire life. Ive always told her that she never had to hide anything from me and to just tell me the truth and id accept it and also that if she wanted to be with someone else id accept it and let her be happy but id have to leave.

So long story short.. I'm seriously depressed and I don't know what I should do. I have no one else to confide in, no where to run to. I cant turn to her for help or even look at her without feeling horrible. I've setup arrangements to leave but I don't know if I should or not. On one hand I care about her and need her as a friend so much in my life, on the other hand I feel betrayed, lied to and cheated. We could have called ourselves friends our whole life but calling the sky red doesnt change the fact that its blue.

Sorry for yet another sob/relationship bullshit thread.

[Deleted]

you should deffinatly tell her how you feel. if she dosnt feel the same then shes obviously not worth it. also you should consider if she has been using you for all this time, maybe she hasnt and is genuine in her freindship but from an outside eye it seems as if she could have been. goodluck i hope you figure it all out.

[Everlu]

while we were never officially together

This is the most important part and you need to acknowledge it. You two were not and are not together. She isn't "screwing around on you," and if you think that I'd recommend giving yourself a serious reality check. She didn't betray you, cheat on you, any of that. You absolutely don't have a right to feel so entitled if you freely admit that you weren't and aren't together. She isn't your property no matter how many nice things you do for her (and that is not how you win a woman's affection anyway).

Do you have a right to feel bad about the whole thing? Yeah, definitely. It sucks when someone doesn't have feelings for you back. The best you can do is take this as a lesson and not give everything you have to someone you dig but aren't in a relationship with. The whole thing sounds like you are living in a delusion.

[Bushtuckrman]

I'm a bit stoned right now but I am quite good and very experienced so tell you how it is, one paragraph at a time.

I'll start off by saying that I found out my 'friend girl'(I don't know what to call it) has been screwing around on me and I don't know what I should do.

Let me stop you there, if shes your friend girl then she isn't screwing around on you. Because there is no you and her.

Our friendship started off online about six years ago. At the time I was a loser, big time. No friends, job, car and living with my mother. For the first time in my life someone had accepted me for who I was and befriended me. At the time she was going through some terrible relationship issues and through the span of a couple years we had become very close, spending all our hours in FFXI and WoW and on the phone. From wake to sleep we would talk to eachother.

You spell it out right here. Her emotional needs simply weren't being fulfilled by her boyfriend, because he'd be just in it for the pussy mostly. So you, being lonely and some what desperate for someone to talk to had all the supply of emotional needs that she could ask for. Seemed like she needed quite a lot so her boyfriend must have been a deadset arsehole. Anyway, you two still aren't together, you were friend zoned from the start so she could use you for her emotional needs.

The guy she was with ended up cheating on her, leaving her with a house to pay for, animals and alot of problems that needed to be taken care and I told her id help her. I left my family to be with her irl and while we were never officially together it sure did feel like it.. Ive been her friend living with her, helping her pay her bills, taking care of things around her house and her animals for 3-4 years now.

You idiot
Why man, why get financially involved with somebody like this? Can you not tell that shes just using you man? Well did you at least get to sleep with her while living together or was it as just flat mates so you pay 'rent' to her to pay off her mortgage? I haven't read the rest yet but I can tell next she will seem to be happier so she will start sleeping with her ex again and thus the cycle continues...

The past few days shes been in contact with her high school bf that she apparently has missed having alot in her life and ive found out that she has been messing around with him. Technically I should feel nothing by this as we have only labled ourselves just best friends the whole time but it hurts immensely. Ive honestly never been this low in my entire life. Ive always told her that she never had to hide anything from me and to just tell me the truth and id accept it and also that if she wanted to be with someone else id accept it and let her be happy but id have to leave.

Oh god, man, why, just why? Why did you stuff your life up like this? At your age you should be in the prime of your life getting pussy non stop. Ok well basically now things are better in her life she is having nostalgia about her ex that put her in all this mess, but just like vanilla wow players she is reminiscing about the good parts and forgetting about the bad.

My advice to you is: Look at it objectively and look at what you want. Are you trying to be her boyfriend? Her father? A friend has no right to try and control somebody like you are attempting. Stop meddling in her life, if she wishes to live that way with her ex then so be it, her life may get worse but that is her fate to decide. You need to live your own life, move out find your own space. If you aren't very extravert then date online, I found so many hot chicks online you wouldn't believe, not only that but quite a lot of women on there really do want to look for an actual relationship as well. I have come across women like your 'friend' before, its always the same. They don't even understand it themselves its like they are solely driven by their impulsive hormones.

Delete all contact of her man, do not talk to her again. Unless you are happy to only be the friend who has to keep picking her up everytime she falls. It won't be anything else other than that though, and that sounds like a horrible way to live life. Peace.

[Deleted]

A little harsh, but it remains a reality: you were never with her. Of course your intentions were good from day 1, and it's frustrating you somehow ended up like this, I can imagine after all this effort and selfless love you've provided it all feels... unrewarding? I'm not sure if that's the word I want to employ, because it's a bit stupid anyway — the idea of getting rewarded for being nice isn't a good way to reflect on life. Anyway, your biggest mistake was doing everything for her: she seems to have used you and was highly dependent on you. Imagine the shock that would've been inflicted on her if one day you'd just straight-up made the decision to leave once and for all.

I'm not saying I find it horrible or disgusting that she didn't choose to date you (that's her choice!), I'm just rather more disgusted at the fact that (judging from the information you've provided us with) she hasn't been fair to you, she's never given anything back to you. If anything, she seems to have made you feel like shit.

Which is definitely why you should leave. Otherwise, she'll continue to emotionally abuse you.
And you need to live your own life. Don't give everything you have to someone else, especially when it's just a friend.

[Deleted]

hmmm. I'd hate to be in your position. Are you absolutely sure about what you think she did with him? I always get used; my first girlfriend broke up the day I bought my ticket to meet her again after skipping school and working 3 months to get it, the next one said she was coming to my country but she didn't want me to get her from the airport because her millionaire CEO other boyfriend bought her the ticket and they were having a nice christmas. And the next one made me wait for hours and hours on the train station where we were supposed to meet until I went to an internetcafe to find her live broadcasting her having sex with another guy. I felt so powerless...At any rate, you need to make a decision you won't regret. I don't know you so I don't know what you should do. I never give up so I'd keep trying everything possible to get her back, but then again, I'm always the one that gets used.

Maybe you should think about where to draw your lines. If you get cheated on will it be over and out?, or are you forgiving and will you say you only do this once to me and the next time you're out. Experience will tell you what works for you.

I'm not sure what would be strategic in your situation because I don't know the balance of your relationship to her and how much she is attached to you. Maybe she will think she can always get you back if you try too hard to save your relationship. Maybe she will come back to you if you say you'll go away. Maybe she'll miss you after you've been away for a while because you guys do have a history. Try to feel the right answer. Do whatever you think is good and what you think you won't regret, learn from this experience and become a stronger man.

[TheBeardedOne]

You have been dishonest with her. If you liked her you should of told her instead of lying to her to try and manipulate her over time to like you

[Gheld]

Corinthians 4:54 : If thine heart were truly fond of it then thou shalt be well advised to place upon it a loop of gold.

[Deleted]

Corinthians 4:54 : If thine heart were truly fond of it then thou shalt be well advised to place upon it a loop of gold.

Whilst that is not a thing, what you did there was seen, well done.

[Nights]

oh dude its always sad when someone have issues like this, yet its just another NOT relationship problem. Like you said, you can say sky is red yet its still blue, you can say you ware in relationship that she was not using you yet she does, move on and never look back at her again. Seriously how can you even call someone best friend, do so much as you did for her and still do shit like this to you, or she is the dumbest girl in the world and she didnt notice thru 3 yr that you love her.

Just move on m8, with some luck you find some proper girl for you to actually start a relationship not one sided givemedoformeverything, you will be happy for sure just move on, faster is better!

[pateuvasiliu]

Be honest with her. If you are not and you come out too late, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

Make your case. Stand up for your feelings. If she doesn't like you back, bail and move on.

You already proved you can turn your life around once. If shit happens, you can do it again.

[THE Bigzoman]

You're being manipulated.

[Deleted]

Everyone seems to be giving advice so why don't I do the same?
Smoke a bit of weed and if you feel like it do some shrooms.
Why? It numbs the 'media insula'.
'media insula' = The part of the brain humans refer to as 'love'.
Remember, love much like fear is just an illusion.
I know, I suck at giving advice. But who cares?
I'm eating yogurt. Not giving a f**k.

[jakeic]

You're being manipulated.

agreed. get out of there, build up some self confidence and try to ditch the self-loathing.

[dextersmith]

The past few days shes been in contact with her high school bf that she apparently has missed having alot in her life and ive found out that she has been messing around with him. Technically I should feel nothing by this as we have only labled ourselves just best friends the whole time but it hurts immensely. Ive honestly never been this low in my entire life. Ive always told her that she never had to hide anything from me and to just tell me the truth and id accept it and also that if she wanted to be with someone else id accept it and let her be happy but id have to leave.

You're a nosey hypocrite.

So long story short.. I'm seriously depressed and I don't know what I should do. I have no one else to confide in, no where to run to. I cant turn to her for help or even look at her without feeling horrible. I've setup arrangements to leave but I don't know if I should or not. On one hand I care about her and need her as a friend so much in my life, on the other hand I feel betrayed, lied to and cheated. We could have called ourselves friends our whole life but calling the sky red doesnt change the fact that its blue.

Sorry for yet another sob/relationship bullshit thread.

You're just friends and a coward for your pretense. She did not betray, lie or cheat on you. Stop trying to own her. Feeling like a bf does not make it so.

[Windfury]

This sounds like some crazy long term nice guy plan to get with her, which is super creepy. You weren't actually together, she doesn't owe you fidelity/her body because you've been nice to her. She hasn't lied to you, cheated on you, or betrayed you.

That said I can understand that it hurts, but it's something you need to deal with without blaming her.

If you are genuinely her friend why aren't you talking to her about this?

[Jotaux]

You're being used. She is probably fully aware of your feelings for her but doesn't want to lose you as a person she can rely on. She will never return your feelings and if you continue down this path you will just be alone forever waiting for her develop them.

[Deleted]

You're being used. She is probably fully aware of your feelings for her but doesn't want to lose you as a person she can rely on. She will never return your feelings and if you continue down this path you will just be alone forever waiting for her develop them.

From what i understand, the OP led the direction every way she turned; Yet he faltered on asking her out, and then he proceeds to come here and mope.

Sure it stings, but you're the major problem here OP, instead of asking her out and being a couple you merely coexisted with her and hoped by that virtue she'd ask you out.

And sadly, she didn't, she probably thought you were being the greatest friend she'd had.

I'm more in lieu with Windfury here, it's blunt, but truthful.

[Spectral]

The answer to almost all of these sorts of threads is, "you're young, move on and find someone else, be happy". I realize that seems incredibly hard, verging on hopeless at times, but if you're not suffering from any clinical psychological issues, it really is the answer. If you're not up to dating again just yet, be with your friends as often as possible. Lonely time sucks.

[Fuiking]

Wait, wait! Hold on, we should congralute him on moving out of his moms house and getting a job/car (if he did?) ... Thats a nice starting position you know, having a job and a car.

Either way, if thats the case, you used her too. I mean she had a house, pets, the whole thing, you jumped in, you got a car, a job, while not living at your moms house? Well done! Only the girl thingy is problematic, but you grew as person!