Leaving Everything Behind

[Duronos]

Hey guys, I have an issue with my current standing in life. I feel like all of my issues throughout my final years of being a teenager have kind of stayed with me no matter what I do and I can't escape them. Went to jail when I was 16 (twice) due to my mother and I having physical altercations... The worst part is, it was her starting them and living down in the grand ol' South (no really I hate this place and I've lived in a lot of places) police didn't believe anything I said and well I was sick of her shit of her beating me and hit back and apparently she bruises easily.

Anyways, everything after going to jail has just been different, I lost a lot of my diligence in high school (I was at a 3.75 GPA unweighted before jail) and just didn't care anymore. Life just seemed different, it seemed against me, whether it was or not I viewed it that particular way. Joining the National Guard and well of course after I thought my past was the past, it comes back to haunt me and now I have to wait months on end for this suitability review to come back, to my advantage at least all of my charges were dropped so it will pass (I've talked to numerous people about it and they all say it will) but it's going to take months to get back (possibly 6).

I'm joining the Guard for the college benefits as I told my parents, (did I mention my dad was gone for 4 years of my high school overseas making up the money we owed in debt?) who are in slightly better financial standing due to my mother becoming a relatively successful real estate agent and my dad's a contractor, that I didn't want them to pay a dime for college. I feel like I'm stuck because even if everything came back, I'm doing this awful 5pm-12am job that I hate and I haven't had success finding a job elsewhere. Everything is torture, it's just a consistent mental game, I'm lazy in certain parts of my life because I can't cope with my issues so I hide it by being lazy.

What do I do? Do I do what my uncle did and just leave everything behind and become an outfitter in the bloody Yukon of all places? I mean he was gone for 20 years no phone calls or anything yet that idea (or something like it) is starting to sound fantastic once I have the money saved up for a flight somewhere. A new life is what I desire, a bit of adventure too would be nice, I'm so sick of being stuck here, this place symbolizes my greatest failures and I can't stand it. I want to go to college but what if I can't muster up the ability to get straight A's? I've been changing slowly but what's really been killing me is that I call in sick for work because I just can't stand the dreadful job and if I were to leave that job I'd have no money (biggest issue) and my parents would nag me.

Now with all that said, I love my family, I'd miss every single one of them but my god I'm crying to myself at night because I don't know where to go, which direction in life I should take, it's all... Terrifying. I can't be stuck here forever and I can't live here forever. If I were to just vanish without saying anything to my family, they'd be distraught, in their eyes it would be selfish but it's what I want. I want a new life.

[Blueobelisk]

Find job opportunities or programs elsewhere in the country, you don't have to move far.

Not to give you stereotypical "omg go to college" thing, but you kind of should if your parents can afford it. I understand you don't want to take anything from them but you can always pay them back later.

And lol suck it up and get those A's, nothing more I can say. (Not that GPA means --THAT-- much.)

[Duronos]

Find job opportunities or programs elsewhere in the country, you don't have to move far.

Not to give you stereotypical "omg go to college" thing, but you kind of should if your parents can afford it. I understand you don't want to take anything from them but you can always pay them back later.

And lol suck it up and get those A's, nothing more I can say. (Not that GPA means --THAT-- much.)

There's kind of this part of me that just wants to leave everything behind for awhile. I can understand your point fully and there is also a part of me that fully agrees with you but that other part, it only partially agrees.

- - - Updated - - -

Oh and just add this on, I considered active duty but I don't want to be told to do meaningless shit for a living for 4 years.

[Deleted]

Make something your hobby. Get good at it. Get hired by a small business that needs you for it. They'll pay for training as things go along. Hey presto, there you go. Gotta be a hobby that can be used in industry. Like coding. Art. Drama. Writing. etc. None really take skill, hell, I do all of them and have several jobs at the moment.

Alternatively, start you're own business. You may not be able to sell a product, but you can sell a service.

[Natiry427]

You need God.

Don't bring up religion

[Blueobelisk]

I understand you want to leave everything behind, but realistically you could be putting yourself in a shitty situation. "Oh I'll just move away and be done with it." KK now you're in a foreign place, have to find the money for food, housing, clothes, etc. for yourself by working a job, managing everything by yourself, etc. Large chance of failure since everyone seems to be complaining about jobs these days and you don't have a connection anywhere yet.

Well, that's what I'd worry about. If I were you, I couldn't just leave. Not without a good financial plan.

Of course military is a different situation than just moving away and finding a job. I guess it depends on what/where you really had in mind and what you want out of life.

[Duronos]

I understand you want to leave everything behind, but realistically you could be putting yourself in a shitty situation. "Oh I'll just move away and be done with it." KK now you're in a foreign place, have to find the money for food, housing, clothes, etc. for yourself by working a job, managing everything by yourself, etc. Large chance of failure since everyone seems to be complaining about jobs these days and you don't have a connection anywhere yet.

Well, that's what I'd worry about. If I were you, I couldn't just leave. Not without a good financial plan.

Of course military is a different situation than just moving away and finding a job. I guess it depends on what/where you really had in mind and what you want out of life.

Well I'm not going to just leave with no plan in mind, that would be foolish. If I can find a job up North (referring to Canada) then I might try it out and do other things such as hiking around the area in my spare time. Adventure is something I want and I have a knack for northern environments, my mothers side is pretty much all Canadian so finding a job in Canada won't be as hard as it normally would be. Now with that all said, maybe something else will pop up but I just need a place that has adventure as an off-time activity.

Coming home to my parents, playing the same video game everyday (LoL) because I don't care about other video games anymore is boring me to death... I also hate working in the food industry and that's where I'm stuck currently.

[OneSent]

The idea of leaving everything behind and just going "away" somewhere is a very romantic idea of life that many people have had, including myself. You've had no significant control over your life and you feel like you've been unwillingly herded from one place to another and it's draining you.

Going to college or joining the National Guard is not going to solve anything for you. In fact, I think it would only make things worse. The only reason you chose those two was because you feel they are your only options, but you know deep inside that you want to do something more. I really liked the example of your uncle becoming an outfitter in the Yukon. You'd be surprised what a little one-on-one time alone in nature can do for you!

The best advice I can give you is to take whatever money you have and just go do some traveling; anywhere, it doesn't matter. You just need to get away and do some self-searching. And since you love your family, simply tell them that you are not happy with where you are in your life and that you need to go away for a bit to rediscover yourself. You could even buy some supplies and do something as simple as camping.

The most important thing to remember is that this is your life and you can do with it whatever in the world you please. That helpless feeling you have is what has been ingrained into you since school; the idea that the only choice you have is the choice other people provide for you. But as far as I know, we only get one life on this planet, so why not take control and make it a life you enjoy living?

You are still young, so take your time and start small. But once you feel like you've taken the wheel and are in control of your future, you will immediately feel the effects. Good luck and peace be with you!

[Duronos]

The idea of leaving everything behind and just going "away" somewhere is a very romantic idea of life that many people have had, including myself. You've had no significant control over your life and you feel like you've been unwillingly herded from one place to another and it's draining you.

Going to college or joining the National Guard is not going to solve anything for you. In fact, I think it would only make things worse. The only reason you chose those two was because you feel they are your only options, but you know deep inside that you want to do something more. I really liked the example of your uncle becoming an outfitter in the Yukon. You'd be surprised what a little one-on-one time alone in nature can do for you!

The best advice I can give you is to take whatever money you have and just go do some traveling; anywhere, it doesn't matter. You just need to get away and do some self-searching. And since you love your family, simply tell them that you are not happy with where you are in your life and that you need to go away for a bit to rediscover yourself. You could even buy some supplies and do something as simple as camping.

The most important thing to remember is that this is your life and you can do with it whatever in the world you please. That helpless feeling you have is what has been ingrained into you since school; the idea that the only choice you have is the choice other people provide for you. But as far as I know, we only get one life on this planet, so why not take control and make it a life you enjoy living?

You are still young, so take your time and start small. But once you feel like you've taken the wheel and are in control of your future, you will immediately feel the effects. Good luck and peace be with you!

It is quite romantic ideally yet I've already experienced parts of it before and I enjoyed it, it would be a nice changeup to being around computers all the time.