There's this girl at work...

[Spray]

If you guys hit if off because you took my advice, name your first born after me please.

Yes, because Jayburner is an amazing baby name.

Back to the topic - looking at my relationship history, miracles DO happen and are absolutely worth the risk. Check her out, if everything goes well and you happen to be head over heels in love with her, go for it.

It's always worth if you're genuinely crazy about someone, if it's just a quick fascination - let it go.

[Sooba]

I agree with everything but the bolded part. Most people succumb to manipulation if you're good at manipulation. The fact that the game works on them isn't a detriment to their character. I agree that someone you picked up like that probably isn't someone you'd spend a while with, but that's because anyone who is manipulating people into dates isn't likely to value the person's feelings that they're manipulating. Don't spread the rumor that women (or anyone really) who fall to this are people you don't want to be with. Again, if you're not being overtly rude in your manipulation/ignoring attempts, this would work on a lot of good people.

And yet the guy you're defending was describing disrespectful/rude behaviour (which was then parodied by others). I'm not talking about doing a magic trick, looking nice, or even some teasing. (Most guys fail at negging) Taken in context, he's just wrong.

The fact remains that you can only "game" for so long. You're going to act like yourself eventually. Why not get a girl you're totally heads-over-heels for by simply being your best self? Then you don't even have the pressure to try and act like something you're not.

This is all leaving aside the fact that "gaming" someone tends to be a result of disrespect for an entire gender...

[Tommy T]

And yet the guy you're defending was describing disrespectful/rude behaviour (which was then parodied by others). I'm not talking about doing a magic trick, looking nice, or even some teasing. (Most guys fail at negging) Taken in context, he's just wrong.

Love how you're taking this thread so seriously. Quite cute.

[Grummgug]

OK, here is how it works.

When girls complain "I want a MAN", it means they are BORED waiting for nice, shy guys to make the move. They want action. They are often IMPRESSED by guys that make a move on them.

The most successful guy (with women) that I ever knew had huge balls. He would just sit right down next to a girl with a cool smile and start chatting them up. His typical opener was to start talking about the fun activities and parties last weekend / in the last month / in the last few months.

Specific example:

He sits down with a big smile

him: Dude, I went to a kick ass party last weekend!
her: Oh?
him: Yah! It was over in abc and we did xyz it was a blast! haha
her: cool.
him: You shoulda been there. Next time I'll make sure to bring you along!
her: oh!
him: Hey I'm going to blah blah blah this weekend. Wanna go? It'll be fun!
her: yes or no whatever.
him: Yah we could either do that, or you know I got this awesome star wars action figure collection. You could come over my place and we could play with them! It'll be fun because I'm awesome!
her: laughs

The last line works in HIS case because he is athletic and like 6"4' and doesn't look at all the type to be into sci fi of playing with kids toys so its funny.

But basically he just walked right into her cubicle, pulled up a chair and chatted her up. And yes it worked. They had sex in the stairwell at work at one point lolololol

[Deleted]

OK, here is how it works.

When girls complain "I want a MAN", it means they are BORED waiting for nice, shy guys to make the move. They want action. They are often IMPRESSED by guys that make a move on them.

The most successful guy (with women) that I ever knew had huge balls. He would just sit right down next to a girl with a cool smile and start chatting them up. His typical opener was to start talking about the fun activities and parties last weekend / in the last month / in the last few months.

Specific example:

He sits down with a big smile

him: Dude, I went to a kick ass party last weekend!
her: Oh?
him: Yah! It was over in abc and we did xyz it was a blast! haha
her: cool.
him: You shoulda been there. Next time I'll make sure to bring you along!
her: oh!
him: Hey I'm going to blah blah blah this weekend. Wanna go? It'll be fun!
her: yes or no whatever.
him: Yah we could either do that, or you know I got this awesome star wars action figure collection. You could come over my place and we could play with them! It'll be fun because I'm awesome!
her: laughs

The last line works in HIS case because he is athletic and like 6"4' and doesn't look at all the type to be into sci fi of playing with kids toys so its funny.

I see a cute girl sitting on the bus, i make the move.

Me: He-
She: I'm not interested

Awkward bus ride ensues.

How i visualize my attempts at publicly picking girls up would go.

[Deleted]

Speak to her. Women and emotions are over-rated.

Anything you currently feel in contrast to her will not measure to the disappointment or joy you will feel respectively from dealing with the whole situation.

Nothing will ever come from dolting about and making excuses.

You will achieve nothing from doing nothing. So be your will to know her - talk to her.

But do not let your eyes fool you. Some women may seem grand, glorious - But they can lie. No matter how much you love them.

Never, ever, ever, ever forget that - Lest you end up crying "What did i do wrong" when she plain used you for her own needs.

[Sooba]

Love how you're taking this thread so seriously. Quite cute.

Not so much, just had someone try and state that your obviously sarcastic responses were the best course of action. :P

Incidentally, the thread started out rather serious indeed. Continue with your playground though. :P

[Deleted]

Snipl

And to no-ones surprise - the woman simply wanted the D, and got the D by some dolt who was clever enough to realize that giving the D is surprisingly easy to someone who actually wants it.

- - - Updated - - -

I see a cute girl sitting on the bus, i make the move.

Me: He-
She: I'm not interested

Awkward bus ride ensues.

How i visualize my attempts at publicly picking girls up would go.

Most people do not have the balls to exclaim that they are not interested plain and simple.

Most of them will even lack the balls to exclaim that they like you - even if they are interested.

At best maybe they can hint. But outright exclaim?

Guys have their own complexes - but so do women. Most of them too weak and frail in sense of happenings before they get "swooped away" by some D-bag who happens to give them the D.

Then all of a sudden they are open and happy and self confident, etc. etc.

TL;DR - Nope. They are too sodding weak for that.

[Deleted]

Don't want to sound rude, but you should man up and speak to her, you're not a child anymore. You're 23, you're a man. I started asking girls out without a shame when I was 17 and even then I though I was late.

[icausewipes]

Here's the whole story. about 10 months ago, I started an internship at a Belgian IT company, which transitioned into a 6 month training paid for by the government. at the end of the six months, there were still some holes in my knowledge (and a few minor issues with my attitude), so the training was extended by another 3. The training is supposed to end in the company hiring me as a fulltime employee for an indeterminate length. I'm 23 years old btw.

About 2 months ago, in early december, we got a new employee on our customer support/helpdesk service. she's a brunette, not going to give too many details, but I think she's cute, to the extent that I think about her almost every day. not in a creepy, sexist or psycho way, but more in a "I'd love to get to know her better" way.

the thing is, I have absolutely no idea on how to best handle this. I'm afraid that I might risk either of our jobs, or the friendship I've built with my coworkers. I don't want to lose my job over a girl. relationships between coworkers are very often frowned upon, and I really don't want either of us to get into trouble because of this.

What's more, I know nothing about her apart from her name and her looks. I don't know how old she is, what she likes, or even if she already has a relationship. Again, I don't want to risk anything.

Finally, I have absolutely NO experience when it comes to relationships or even the other gender. I'm afraid that I'm going to say something that's completely stupid or lame or insulting.

I don't know how to handle this. I'm a huge fan of reading books, but this isn't something you can learn from a book.

Don't eat where you *bleep*. Chicks like this are a dime a dozen, but you risk losing your job over a "misunderstanding".

[Flyingmoney]

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just gonna tell you something every grown up should know by the time they're 23 and trying to be a productive member of society.

Nobody cares, honestly. It's not a bad thing that nobody gives a shit...but they don't. If you like her, talk to her. Your boss doesn't care, her boss doesn't care, nobody you work with cares...99.99% of anybody that meets anybody meets them at work, it's where most people spend most of their time. It's not outrageous, it's not taboo, it's perfectly normal for you to like somebody at work.

Plus if they don't like you back, nobody cares.

I've seen people at work ask each other out, I've seen it go well for them and I've seen it be a total flop for them. I know the part you're scared of, the 'what if it goes bad between us?' part...nobody will care. As long as you can be a mature adult about it, and continue working with her like nothing happened...nobody gives a shit.

Hope that puts your mind at ease. Go get her

[Jayburner]

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just gonna tell you something every grown up should know by the time they're 23 and trying to be a productive member of society.

Nobody cares, honestly. It's not a bad thing that nobody gives a shit...but they don't. If you like her, talk to her. Your boss doesn't care, her boss doesn't care, nobody you work with cares...99.99% of anybody that meets anybody meets them at work, it's where most people spend most of their time. It's not outrageous, it's not taboo, it's perfectly normal for you to like somebody at work.

Plus if they don't like you back, nobody cares.

I've seen people at work ask each other out, I've seen it go well for them and I've seen it be a total flop for them. I know the part you're scared of, the 'what if it goes bad between us?' part...nobody will care. As long as you can be a mature adult about it, and continue working with her like nothing happened...nobody gives a shit.

Hope that puts your mind at ease. Go get her

also let Jim & Pam from the office be an inspiration for you.

[wowaccounttom]

My first gf was at the age of 19 (almost 20) so I can somewhat understand.

From what I remember, the best way to tell if it will go somewhere is on whether or not she is willing to spend time with/around you. Lunch breaks, after work, weekends. Even if she does, be mindful that some women enjoy attention, like to flirt with men and it might still not mean anything (in which case you telling her something shouldnt upset her as she would probably be used to it, so you could continue being friends).


it might hurt, it might not. imo give it a try, i did once, and it paid off.



Worst case scenario just go ahead and tell her something like "I think I sort of like you, you are pretty and smart (or whatever you want to use to describe her while being respectful and keeping it short), would you like to watch a movie or perhaps go grab something to eat after work?)....

ps: some have said dont do anything at work, at certain point in life (meaning after school/college/university), most people only find time to socialize at work... with coworkers........sooooo... ummm.. yeah. Just make sure to not be rude, pushie, or anything that might send her to HR running. Telling a girl that she is attractive wont get you fired from most places.

ps2: oh yeah,, if you are as ..um.. much of an indoors person as i think you are, and she isnt, there might be a few issues with jealousy on your part. girls like to be seen, so you are going to be forced to do evil and unspeakable things like hanging out with others and stuff... i know because i was/am like that.

ps3: its cheaper now

ps4: no good games yet..

get the "ps" stuff????

[Deleted]

you know nothing about this women, you are attracted to her because of her looks, and now you have psyched yourself out, DONT APPROACH, she will smell your anxiety, which turns a women of very fast, and she will reject you, not because of how you look or who you are, but because that awkwardness will make you seem less than her in her eyes,

I dont know if Ive explained it right, but im sure some will understand

[Deleted]

you know nothing about this women, you are attracted to her because of her looks, and now you have psyched yourself out, DONT APPROACH, she will smell your anxiety, which turns a women of very fast, and she will reject you, not because of how you look or who you are, but because that awkwardness will make you seem less than her in her eyes,

I dont know if Ive explained it right, but im sure some will understand

And all that is obliterated by the very second one actually just speaks to the woman.

It isn't that hard to understand that women are nothing but a person. It doesn't matter what they look like.

[tankbug]

....The last line works in HIS case because he is athletic and like 6"4'and doesn't look at all the type to be into sci fi of playing with kids toys so its funny.

Unless that line included rape, serious crime or "Norman Bates"-type personality problems, it could be almost anything, I think

[Frogswolf]

I'm a 29 year old female, gasp! Simple dude... just go up to her one day, and ask if she'd like to go get a cup of coffee or something after work. If she says no, just leave it at that.

[Deleted]

I'm a 29 year old female, gasp! Simple dude... just go up to her one day, and ask if she'd like to go get a cup of coffee or something after work. If she says no, just leave it at that.

Cup of Coffee is such a weak-sauce go to thought.

It's only useful purpose is the fact that it is so incredibly neutral that you cannot be offensive unless you're dealing with a really, really messed up person.
Or someone who doesn't like Coffee.

But really, by all stretches of the imagination - Food is better then coffee. Share an awesome meal with someone, and if you like em - You'll enjoy your meal and good company. 10x better then any rotten cup of coffee could ever bring you, really.

[Grummgug]

I see a cute girl sitting on the bus, i make the move.

Me: He-
She: I'm not interested

Awkward bus ride ensues.

How i visualize my attempts at publicly picking girls up would go.

EVERY GUY gets shot down more than than they get positive responses by a WIDE margin.

The girl will most likely still respect you for trying. Just move on to the next one.

[Elorii]

Simple. Smile, say hi, and nothing more for a while. After a while, ask how her day is going, keep it casual. Eventually, if she wants to know more about you, you will know by her reactions. Don't talk to her thinking it will result in a date, think that it lets you both get to know each other, like new friends. Eventually, you will find out what you need to know.

And for the people who say not to get involved in work relationships, I met my wife of 23 years at our job. Just go slow and easy, and if you start dating, agree to keep work at work and personal life at home. My wife and I didn't tell anyone at work we were dating for the first few months. When we revealed it, our relationship was solid enough to deal with the additional pressure.

Edited to correct auto-spell errors.