Should I return my ex-husband's heirloom?

[lawow74]

Contact her, send it back, and move on with your life.

[mirthen]

If you had a daughter with your ex i would say keep it and pass it to her, if not return to his family so it can be passed down if he(or other family member) has kids to pass it down to at some point.

[Warlord Booty]

If you had a good relationship with his mother, you should probably return it. You said you have no use for it, so why not? If she was a bitch to you, pawn it, cuz fuck her.

[Tastyfish]

You could send it by cirtified mail so whoever the target is has to sign for it.

[Tziva]

Send a brief message, "I'm mailing you your family ring. Sorry for the delay in returning it." And then mail it.

[thatguy181]

If you've no use for it and you know it's a family heirloom... Something you know his mother would like back... Something you've apparently kept even though you never wore it afterwards...

It really doesn't matter if she ever liked you or not. That family heirloom belongs to a name you no longer share. Figure out a way to get in contact with her and let her know you've decided you want to return the ring and are dropping it by UPS or FedEx or whatever. If you think there's any chance she may be vindictive and claim it never arrived, you can request signature of delivery and neither will deliver without a signature.

There are countless reasons to return it. Very few to keep it, and even fewer good reasons to keep it. IMO, it's clear that there is a little guilt going on inside of you from keeping the ring, ridding yourself of that guilt by returning the ring is more than enough reason to return it and return it fast.

[Raeln]

Ok, so I've tried to Google the proper etiquette for this but my situation is slightly unique. Hopefully one of you awesome folks can help me out! <3

I was married to this guy for 3 years, we were together for 5 total. His mother gave me a pearl ring that was her grandmother's. When me and my husband split, I'll admit I was a little hostile towards him (he left me for another woman but that's besides the point) and when I was asked to return the ring (His mom asked me, not him) I refused. About 5 days after he told me he was leaving me for her, I moved from Alabama to Indiana. I recently returned to Alabama to get the rest of my stuff from my father's since I recently remarried (this was a while ago with the first husband and the ring) and came across it in my stuff. My question is this...Should I return it? I do know it means A LOT to his mom, it belonged to her Grandmother, and I've really got no use for it, I feel weird keeping it, it's not really worth enough to sell, and I'd feel REALLY bad just throwing it away if I could possibly return it to her without making it look like I'm trying to make drama or force myself back in or something..because since me and Ex split, apparently it's come out his family never liked me (they were all very wealthy and I'm from a blue-collar family) and they're kinda pretending I never happened since a divorce in the family would look bad for them.

So? Should I return it? And how? I would like to message his mother on facebook, or call her one, to inform her I'm sending it because I'm honestly scared that if I just drop it in the post she'll throw it away because they know I live in Indianapolis and it'll be postmarked from here. Should I message her, or just call? I just don't want to make a bunch of drama or anything...just return it.

halp?

My only question is, "why would you want to keep it?"

Message/call the mother, tell you want to give/send it back and ask her how she would prefer it delivered to her.

On a side note, it would be better to get rid of this thing (unless you have children with your ex) because it may end up creating jealousy issues with your new husband if you hold on to something so dear from a previous broken marriage. This is somewhat similar to keeping a picture of your ex-husband hanging on the wall for him to see everyday when he walks in the room.

- - - Updated - - -

At first, I was like... Yeah, why the hell not?

But after that last bit, I'd just melt it down into something else and then keep it around to remind me of how awesome I am. If they don't like you anyway, what's the point of trying to do anything nice for them?

If you're really determined about it though, you should just speak to her personally and keep anyone else out of the matter.

Because doing things just for spite can lead very nice people down unwanted roads.

Just because his family were/are jerks doesn't mean the OP needs to be too. Take the high road.

[Prokne]

I would send the ring back. His mom didn't cheat on you. Just put it in a box and mail it back with no big deal made about it. Make sure you insure it though.

[Archmage Alodi]

Heirlooms are BoA you cannot trade them with other people.

[DarkTZeratul]

My dad was in a somewhat similar situation with his first wife (though in that case, she was cheating on him). My great-aunt had given a fair amount of jewelry to her, which she kept after the divorce. My great-aunt's opinion on the matter - and likely your ex-mother-in-law's as well - was that she hadn't gifted the jewelry to the woman, she had gifted them to my dad's wife, which she no longer was.

She did eventually return the jewelry... Thirty years later. You should probably do so with a touch more haste.

[Bullderp]

Do they deserve to have the ring back with how they've treated you as a family unit? Probably not.

Are you justified in doing whatever you want with it since they gave it to you? Of course.

Can you be the better (wo)man and give it back, despite who deserves what? Absolutely.

That said, the decision is yours. If it will make you feel better and take a weight off of your back, go for it. Return it and never look back. If you want to melt it down or pawn it off, and they've already written you out of their lives expecting to never see you again, you're more than free to do what you will with it.

Personally, I'd find a way to return it. But that decision ultimately lies with you.

[maulgryve]

It sure is easy for people to write out responses telling you that you should have returned it in the first place, as if it was the easiest decision to make. If my wife left me, and my mother-in-law didn't like me, then if she asked me for an heirloom, I honestly can't say that I would give it to her. Especially if the only motivation I had was to be the 'better person.'

There are two things though now that could influence me:
1.) You have a new significant other. What would the new SO think about you holding on to this heirloom.
2.) Would the old mother-in-law even want the heirloom back at this point? It may only remind her of you, and therefore, she may not want it.

In Conclusion:
I would talk to my significant other before I made any attempt to contact the old mother-in-law. If the SO didn't care, and you wanted to return it, then send a facebook message with the sole intent of returning it. Don't make small talk, and don't ask about your ex. Just keep it simple.

I came across the heirloom when moving some of my things. I know it meant a lot to you, and I would like to return it, if you would have it.

No need to say sorry for keeping it all this time, or go into detail. Keep it simple and straightforward: I want to return the ring. Do you still want it. Period.

[Veritas94]

If he's making a new character and could use the XP boost then you should return it.

This times a thousand. All jokes aside, you should. I mean, despite all the crap that went down, it's extremely important to his family.

[Ham on Rye]

Ok, so I've tried to Google the proper etiquette for this but my situation is slightly unique. Hopefully one of you awesome folks can help me out! <3

I was married to this guy for 3 years, we were together for 5 total. His mother gave me a pearl ring that was her grandmother's. When me and my husband split, I'll admit I was a little hostile towards him (he left me for another woman but that's besides the point) and when I was asked to return the ring (His mom asked me, not him) I refused. About 5 days after he told me he was leaving me for her, I moved from Alabama to Indiana. I recently returned to Alabama to get the rest of my stuff from my father's since I recently remarried (this was a while ago with the first husband and the ring) and came across it in my stuff. My question is this...Should I return it? I do know it means A LOT to his mom, it belonged to her Grandmother, and I've really got no use for it, I feel weird keeping it, it's not really worth enough to sell, and I'd feel REALLY bad just throwing it away if I could possibly return it to her without making it look like I'm trying to make drama or force myself back in or something..because since me and Ex split, apparently it's come out his family never liked me (they were all very wealthy and I'm from a blue-collar family) and they're kinda pretending I never happened since a divorce in the family would look bad for them.

So? Should I return it? And how? I would like to message his mother on facebook, or call her one, to inform her I'm sending it because I'm honestly scared that if I just drop it in the post she'll throw it away because they know I live in Indianapolis and it'll be postmarked from here. Should I message her, or just call? I just don't want to make a bunch of drama or anything...just return it.

halp?

Not for nothing, but why do you even want to keep it? You said yourself you don't want it. You keeping it only can be out of spite. You refused the mom at first, but it's likely that was just out of anger at the time. You've had time to clear your head since then and it sounds like you realize that you need to return it.

Return the ring, close this chapter and get on with your life. Look forward, not backward.

Your first sentence says you're looking for what the proper etiquette would be. It's not etiquette. It's common sense and decency.

[Bullderp]

Obviously you should return it ... What the hell is a matter with you asking such a question here? It belongs to his family not yours, and since you're not together anymore you should return it. You should in fact return it the moment you guys divorced ...

I'm actually one of those guys who does not want to get married, 'cause most marriages don't last or are just a a shell, but when it comes to heirlooms like in your case, I take it as stealing.

They gave it to her. It is hers to keep or do with as she pleases. The only reasons she should give it back is out of the kindness of her own heart. If it were stealing, they can file a police report to reclaim it. But they can't. Since it's hers.

[Banzhe]

Just send it as recommend so you get a receipt once she signs for it..

[wariofan1]

Absolutely. Not only for her sake, but also so you can lay everything pertaining to your ex-husband behind you for good.

[MisterMine]

Ok, so I've tried to Google the proper etiquette for this but my situation is slightly unique. Hopefully one of you awesome folks can help me out! <3

I was married to this guy for 3 years, we were together for 5 total. His mother gave me a pearl ring that was her grandmother's. When me and my husband split, I'll admit I was a little hostile towards him (he left me for another woman but that's besides the point) and when I was asked to return the ring (His mom asked me, not him) I refused. About 5 days after he told me he was leaving me for her, I moved from Alabama to Indiana. I recently returned to Alabama to get the rest of my stuff from my father's since I recently remarried (this was a while ago with the first husband and the ring) and came across it in my stuff. My question is this...Should I return it? I do know it means A LOT to his mom, it belonged to her Grandmother, and I've really got no use for it, I feel weird keeping it, it's not really worth enough to sell, and I'd feel REALLY bad just throwing it away if I could possibly return it to her without making it look like I'm trying to make drama or force myself back in or something..because since me and Ex split, apparently it's come out his family never liked me (they were all very wealthy and I'm from a blue-collar family) and they're kinda pretending I never happened since a divorce in the family would look bad for them.

So? Should I return it? And how? I would like to message his mother on facebook, or call her one, to inform her I'm sending it because I'm honestly scared that if I just drop it in the post she'll throw it away because they know I live in Indianapolis and it'll be postmarked from here. Should I message her, or just call? I just don't want to make a bunch of drama or anything...just return it.

halp?

dont listen to all the carebears in this thread. destroy the ring in the most creative way you can think, film it , and send the tape to your ex

[Anguished]

I'd say that you're better off returning it, especially if it's not being used. Just return it and get the hell out, hell, even post it if you know the mothers address, if you want to keep out of contact to avoid any unnecessary drama.

[Deleted]

In my opinion, if you return it or not is solely a matter of decency. You definitely don't have to, but common courtesy should make you do it.