Dumped Because of Hairloss?

[Realsykes]

The whole faith thing sounds like an excuse to me. It's one thing to get annoyed or angry about it and tell you that she doesn't appreciate it, it's another to break up. For this kind of transgression you say you find it uncool, he apologizes, you forgive and move on if you're still interested in the guy. It's only when it becomes a consistent or repetitive thing that you really take offense at it. That said, I wouldn't assume it's the hair either. Again, if you're really into a someone (whether you're a guy or a girl) you overlook some things I wouldn't stress about the hair thing. Really. The truth is she really wasn't that into you. Fair enough. Move on.

Yeah :T Idk, I've been down this road before so I'm not that sad about it, but it still blows, she was a very cool girl. We never fought, but she did say she was sad because we hadn't been tlaking that much lately (mind you we BOTH started new jobs and I've been working triple shifts and im off when she's asleep so).

[mizeri]

sounds like she has somebody for a bit and was waiting for a reason to break it off with you

[Randec]

Bro, she's shallow. She said it herself. That thing where people jokingly go "oh, I'm so shallow hehehe", that's the way people sugarcoat bad qualities, throwing them out there to see how you will react. You did it yourself by casually mentioning balding dudes. It's the same shit.

Anyone who actually cared about you would feel sorry for you and re-assure you. They'd tell you you were still handsome and comfort you. When someone you really care about feels embarrassed and ashamed you don't get mad at them. That's not the appropriate reaction.

She's just using your keeping it a secret as a false pretense to dump your bald ass. Any sincere anger or resentment she may exhibit comes from being deceived into wasting her time on a baldy. She will most likely string you along for a while before dumping you outright, after she's toyed with you and you've inflated her ego by singing outside her window in the rain and pining away for her.

Ask yourself, do you want to be with someone who is this manipulative and shallow?

Or, she may "forgive" you tomorrow and turn out to be the girl of your dreams. You never know. But from what you've said, I don't think that's the case.

Yeah :T Idk, I've been down this road before so I'm not that sad about it, but it still blows, she was a very cool girl. We never fought, but she did say she was sad because we hadn't been tlaking that much lately (mind you we BOTH started new jobs and I've been working triple shifts and im off when she's asleep so).

In my experience, everybody is cool for the first year. Even the psycho dudes who beat their wife and shit. Most people can play nice for a year-ish, then the shit comes out.

[glo]

Hair loss shouldn't be that dramatic over the course of 6 months, was it more gradual?

[delicousaids]

I told my sis about this, and she essentially said what I was thinking, "Why didn't she just reassure you that your thinning is fine and that she still likes you for you? That faith thing is an excuse." But you're right, if she deems that as something to hold over my head, she isn't worth it.

You have to look at it from her side, too. Someone she's put her faith into seems to have no faith for her, back. Imagine if this might be the other way around, wouldn't you worry a bit she didn't have faith in you?

I'm not saying her whole "WE NEED TO BREAK UP" reaction was justified, and you're both in the wrong here in your own ways. I'll agree she's being a bit more abrasive about it than you, but you're the one that lead her to have reason for it.

It's long distance. That leaves a lot of room (literally) for paranoia to creep in with no way to physically hold her and reassure her she's just being paranoid (I know 'physical reinforcement' seems shallow and that she should just believe your word, but just being able to feel someone touching you is kind of a big deal in a situation like this)

Again, that said however, she's either just being petty about this or wants to just hold it over your head. See where it goes and how you feel. She may want to get back together with you, you may not want to get back together with her, you may stay friends, you may not. Just follow what you think is best while still trying to consider her stance on everything.

And trust me, with this whole "I'm sure it's an excuse for the hair thing!!!", you'll find you'll be a lot better off with other people if you don't assume the worst until you know for sure it's the worst.

Edit: Hold on, hold on. When I read you saying "Thinning", does this mean you're implying natural hair loss or you meant you were just cutting it down? I've never seen people use "thinning" as a means of implying cutting hair, but you kept talking about how you were buzzing your hair down and stuff.

If you're NATURALLY losing hair and you told her about how you were NATURALLY losing it and this came up, then I apologize for reading your message incorrectly and this sort of changes things a bit. I'd say she's more on the shallow side then anything else.

[ProphetFlume]

Yeah, it was the hair. People won't get too worked up about lying if it's something they don't care about.

Long distance relationships are just proxy relationships until you meet someone new anyway.

[Realsykes]

Lol I wouldn't listen to some of these people dude. After experience with the same sort of thing, same sort of girl, I can say that I can smell those types of excuses from a mile away. I feel like she's using that as an excuse since it's her only real out. If she was the kind of girl worth keeping, she would've said, "I'm shocked that you have that little faith in me, you have nothing to worry about." Someone who cares about you isn't going to take that shitty fucking way out like she apparently did. Girls that shallow are not worth keeping because we all get older, we all have genetics that we can't help and we all lose at least some of our looks at some point. What then? She cheats on you?

The only thing I can say is next time something like this happens, be more subtle about it. I wouldn't just come forward because then it makes it a big deal. Just casually post a couple pics or something so she can see you. Maybe tear it up some more in the gym so you balance yourself out if you're really worried. You're not the only one dude, I know that feel. And if it ends up not working over some dumb shit like this, you're truly better off and there are about a billion women (not little immature girls that will probably look like shit in 10-15 year anyways) out there that are nicer, hotter, smarter and will appreciate you more. It sounds cliche but it's the truth. Good luck.

Thanks man, that's reassuring. I know it, but it sitll sucks to find someone you click with and she ends up being a shallow biatch about something like this. Thing is, we were friends before, never done that in my life for relationships, thought that'd strengthen the relationship in the end. I was wrong.

[OzoAndIndi]

My question is, more to the girls, would you see it was a lack of faith/trust and break up over that, or the fact that your guy may be self conscious and he may just need some reassurance? I'm still peeved about this, and friend's opinions are bias.

Well, that sounds more like an individual thing so I'm not sure if sharing her gender helps all that much; one girl's easy going acceptance of something is another's over reaction. If she's oversensitive and it rocked her perception of what was or has trust issues that are affected by unexpected changes or unknown info, then she might be truthful.

I can understand being self conscious, though I wouldn't jump to solid conclusions/assumptions until you really know.

[Thelxi]

It looks like you just gave her the excuse she was looking for.

[videotape]

You're not missing a goddamn thing. Be glad it happened and carry on.

[Jinxz]

there's plenty of better fish in the ocean, be glad you ended it with that excuse for a person and move on.

[Realsykes]

Hair loss shouldn't be that dramatic over the course of 6 months, was it more gradual?

Dude, don't even get me started on that whole thing. You would think so, but apparently I'm the outlier here. Had enough hair to have a very stylish hipster spike thing going on, to losing about 60-70% of my density. I've been on Fin for 8 months going on 9, and it only gets worse. Going to try Avodart here soon when I have enough money. Like, it's in my genes, but under a year I went from totally fine, to massive hairloss.

- - - Updated - - -

Well, that sounds more like an individual thing so I'm not sure if sharing her gender helps all that much; one girl's easy going acceptance of something is another's over reaction. If she's oversensitive and it rocked her perception of what was or has trust issues that are affected by unexpected changes or unknown info, then she might be truthful.

I can understand being self conscious, though I wouldn't jump to solid conclusions/assumptions until you really know.

I know I shouldn't assume, but this seems crazy to end a relationship over, especially it being our first fight and her not even fighting to have it continue, mind you, she also said, "well this is your decision," and i didn't say anything, I just said I'm tired of hiding it form the girl I really really like so I grabbed a set and told you today. Never ocne said I wanted to end it.

[delicousaids]

Long distance relationships are just proxy relationships until you meet someone new anyway.

[Citation needed]

[Realsykes]

You have to look at it from her side, too. Someone she's put her faith into seems to have no faith for her, back. Imagine if this might be the other way around, wouldn't you worry a bit she didn't have faith in you?

I'm not saying her whole "WE NEED TO BREAK UP" reaction was justified, and you're both in the wrong here in your own ways. I'll agree she's being a bit more abrasive about it than you, but you're the one that lead her to have reason for it.

It's long distance. That leaves a lot of room (literally) for paranoia to creep in with no way to physically hold her and reassure her she's just being paranoid (I know 'physical reinforcement' seems shallow and that she should just believe your word, but just being able to feel someone touching you is kind of a big deal in a situation like this)

Again, that said however, she's either just being petty about this or wants to just hold it over your head. See where it goes and how you feel. She may want to get back together with you, you may not want to get back together with her, you may stay friends, you may not. Just follow what you think is best while still trying to consider her stance on everything.

And trust me, with this whole "I'm sure it's an excuse for the hair thing!!!", you'll find you'll be a lot better off with other people if you don't assume the worst until you know for sure it's the worst.

Edit: Hold on, hold on. When I read you saying "Thinning", does this mean you're implying natural hair loss or you meant you were just cutting it down? I've never seen people use "thinning" as a means of implying cutting hair, but you kept talking about how you were buzzing your hair down and stuff.

If you're NATURALLY losing hair and you told her about how you were NATURALLY losing it and this came up, then I apologize for reading your message incorrectly and this sort of changes things a bit. I'd say she's more on the shallow side then anything else.

I told HER to put herself in my shoes, and realize balding at a young age isn't exactly you want to go around posting everywhere and yelling on the top of a mountain, yknow? It sucks man lol but I've finally worked up the courage to tell her, that's what I was trying to get across, that is my own insecurity, nothing to do with her, she made it all about her and that's what I also find annoying.

[roflwaffle]

I'd say if she's willing to break up with you over this, it's hair loss.

no one else might but ty for this reply.

[NewOrleansTrolley]

I'll admit.. I grazed your opening post. Here are my thoughts though.

It's better now than to find out she'll dump you over hair loss than if you continued dating her and found out she'd dump you if you lost your job. Good riddance.

[hellosaltygoodness]

in my opinion, as a female, the faith thing is an excuse to break up with you. most females are very familiar what it is like to be embarrassed of their body image, and would empathize enough to know that you hiding it was not a "faith" thing, but an embarrassment thing. so either she has been wanting to break up with you for a while and is jumping on this excuse, or she really just is that shallow and does not want you think of her as that shallow.

[Kuthe]

You lied/hid something that wasn't hugely important, but how is she meant to trust you if you hide something small, what happens when something big happens. You really screwed up.
Hopefully by now you'd realize an apology doesn't help, it's been 10~ months, if you can't think of a way to make it up to her, then that's your problem.

[Laerrus]

She admitted she was shallow AND it was a long distance relationship. It was doomed from the start.

^This

OP don't worry too much about it. This was a big growing experience for you, too bad she did not see it that way.

[Realsykes]

in my opinion, as a female, the faith thing is an excuse to break up with you. most females are very familiar what it is like to be embarrassed of their body image, and would empathize enough to know that you hiding it was not a "faith" thing, but an embarrassment thing. so either she has been wanting to break up with you for a while and is jumping on this excuse, or she really just is that shallow and does not want you think of her as that shallow.

Thank you for the first "known" female reply, and I figured as much, sis said the same thing.

For the guy below this post, the Riddler, I've personally been dealing with it for 9 to 10 months, we started dating end of February.