Thread: "Friendship"

  1. #1
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    "Friendship"

    What's friendship all about?

    I have this "friend" i've known like forever. We went to the same school, played at the same team, worked at the same place, etc. For a few months now he's become occupied with starting his own buisiniess, he got a new girlfriend, getting his college degree, etc. He doesnt call, nor do i call him, we rarely Whatsapp eachother. Last time i've seen him was December. This isnt rlly the first time we havnt seen eachother in a long while, and we often go about the "we need to hang out again soon" correspondence on whatever. When we do hang out, its like weve seen eachother the day before that and we got shitloads to talk about.

    But doesnt friendship require you to "make time" for one another? I'm pretty sure he can fit 1.5h of free time in that 6 months of which we havnt seen eachother. I understand starting a buisiness takes alot of effort and time, and boy, girlfriends do to. But cmon. Is 1.5h in 5-6 months that much to ask for? Somewhere i feel he just CBA to make the time anymore and weve grown apart.

    What are your views on this? Anyone ever experienced something like this? Its not like im gonna crawl up a social bubble and die, I have enough people to hang out with, but this is a childhood friend.

  2. #2
    The Lightbringer OzoAndIndi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shiift View Post
    What's friendship all about?

    I have this "friend" i've known like forever. We went to the same school, played at the same team, worked at the same place, etc. For a few months now he's become occupied with starting his own buisiniess, he got a new girlfriend, getting his college degree, etc. He doesnt call, nor do i call him, we rarely Whatsapp eachother. Last time i've seen him was December. This isnt rlly the first time we havnt seen eachother in a long while, and we often go about the "we need to hang out again soon" correspondence on whatever. When we do hang out, its like weve seen eachother the day before that and we got shitloads to talk about.

    But doesnt friendship require you to "make time" for one another? I'm pretty sure he can fit 1.5h of free time in that 6 months of which we havnt seen eachother. I understand starting a buisiness takes alot of effort and time, and boy, girlfriends do to. But cmon. Is 1.5h in 5-6 months that much to ask for? Somewhere i feel he just CBA to make the time anymore and weve grown apart.

    What are your views on this? Anyone ever experienced something like this? Its not like im gonna crawl up a social bubble and die, I have enough people to hang out with, but this is a childhood friend.
    Well, it's not uncommon for that to happen as people get older. Teen years many kids seem to want to spend all their time with each other, piled like a bunch of puppies hanging out at someone's house... then the twenties and older come and people have their lives to focus on and try to push in the direction they want it. Friends are important, esp old ones since they have that history there of having known you so long, but times change with different periods in life and not uncommon that young adulthood ends up like that for many.

    Been there, am there, we chat when we can and see each other on occasion, but between jobs, building careers and other pursuits, some having kids and needing to spend more time on their growing family, etc.. it happens, but friends are still there. I figure it will differ by decade and the current time is a busy period. I imagine someday we'll even be old people doing modern old people things together.
    Last edited by OzoAndIndi; 2014-05-03 at 12:08 AM.

  3. #3
    One thing I'm damned sure of is that if you're putting it in scare quotes (as in the title), it's not much of a friendship.

    My two closest friends are married with kids. One of them lives 500 miles away. When we're in each other's towns, we find time for each other, and it's like old times. Yes, part of being a good friend is finding time, even when you're busy.

  4. #4
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    I'd be happy to have just that one friend whom i interact with intermittently... But people grow apart, for no other reason than life.

    He might of moved for work, family, finance or even girlfriend related issues; All a part of life, and that you manage to keep in contact shows the strength of that friendship.

    As for him not putting enough effort into this, have you even broached the subject with him?

    A night out every fortnight with him, a gaming night between yourselves and other friends monthly ect.

    Perhaps see where he stands on that.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Shiift View Post
    What's friendship all about?
    Friendship is magic.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spectral View Post
    One thing I'm damned sure of is that if you're putting it in scare quotes (as in the title), it's not much of a friendship.

    My two closest friends are married with kids. One of them lives 500 miles away. When we're in each other's towns, we find time for each other, and it's like old times. Yes, part of being a good friend is finding time, even when you're busy.
    Scare quotes were just to illustrate the subjectiveness of the term friendship.

  7. #7
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    I am no longer friends with anyone from my childhood or school, growing up and going through puberty changes you so much that you are both no longer the same people.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Nixx View Post
    This is exactly what the one friendship I maintain is like and it's exactly why it's the one friendship I maintain. We go weeks, months, sometimes over a year without seeing or talking to each other, but it's like we hung out just yesterday when we finally hang out again. As opposed to all of my other friends, who seemed to think there was some sort of necessary minimum visitation requirements per quarter, this is the one I'm free to participate in as I please without anyone trying to compel me to do things when I'm busy just because of weird views on social requirements.
    Ive got a few friends like that too. We can go a year and they call me up for something and its just like yesterday.

  9. #9
    Maybe get new friends that actually care about you? If they can't make that time then they don't care, even if it feels good to meet them you don't seem important to them. Idk, I don't consider someone who I never meet a friend, more like acquainted.
    Quote Originally Posted by kbarh View Post
    may i suggest you check out wowwiki or any similar site, it's Grom that orders the murder of Cairne

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by dcuffel View Post
    Friendship is magic.
    I kinda wanted to drop the same line...

  11. #11
    The Lightbringer De Lupe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dcuffel View Post
    Friendship is magic.
    I will agree with this though. Sometimes, being a good friend means letting them do their own thing for a while, even if it means not hanging out as much as you'd like.

    Give him time, and he'll come around.


    Wish I had more to contribute to this thread. Then again, what do I know? I haven't seen any of my friends in 9+ years...so yea. I have a hard time staying connected with people.
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  12. #12
    Umm... a friend is someone who'll be there for you when you're in a really bad spot. All the rest are acquaintances. They're not easy to come by and honestly, I only keep 2. One guy and one gal (girlfriend).

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by dcuffel View Post
    Friendship is magic.
    Well technically it's about honesty, kindness, laughter, generosity and loyalty. Magic just "makes it all complete".

    As far as the OP goes, it sounds like true love. jj.

    Really, most of my male acquaintances I know through my female acquaintances. We never directly make plans with each other so we rarely "hang out." but that's kind of a principal characteristic of male bonding. Later in life it only happens if the stars line up right and nobody really counts the days between.

    It's like cats. They all wander around and do their own thing. Two male cats who trust each other will also just wander around and do their own thing but when they bump into each other they are all like "hey let's spar" but after play time is over they don't bother to actively seek each other out.

    EDIT: I guess you could also say that all those "buddy comedies" out there create an unrealistic expectation of the fate of male bonding in later adulthood.
    Last edited by Gheld; 2014-05-03 at 03:36 PM.

  14. #14
    true friendship is when you can go months without speaking to him/her but when you do it's like you've never stopped speaking

    if you need constant contact with your friend, either you're obsessive or you question his/her friendship: in any case the fault lies with you

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Shiift View Post
    Somewhere i feel he just CBA to make the time anymore and weve grown apart.
    Not that I'm the master of your relationships, but I know that place (opposite from you). I cycle in and out of groups depending on what I'm doing with myself at the time, which I assume is a commonality I share with a lot of people. It looks like you've fallen out his immediate perception as his priorities have shifted. Not to sound callous, but you probably just don't serve an immediate purpose at the current time. Busy networking and doing all those things he needs to do to fulfill his interests (which may have moved away from yours).

    I have two friends very similar to you. We don't see each other for up to 6 months, but they contact me (always them contacting me, that's the dynamic, I'll never call them and they know it) when they want to spend a day out. They're both childhood friends that I foster a lot of loyalty towards. They're about the only people I have as friends that don't truly cycle out based on my current social milieu.

    I can't speak for your relationship dynamic, but it seems the onus might be you to contact him and take it from there. It really depends on how loyal he is to the relationship to see you despite differing interests.
    Last edited by RapBreon; 2014-05-03 at 03:55 PM.

  16. #16
    Banned Gandrake's Avatar
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    So ask them out to dinner or something every now and then?

    Eating together is something anyone can make time for easily because you have to do it every day, especially if you're paying and they get to pick where to eat.

    if you need constant contact with your friend, either you're obsessive or you question his/her friendship: in any case the fault lies with you
    there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a close friend that you see on a frequent basis

  17. #17
    Some of my closest friendships are the ones that we sometimes lose touch for a little bit. As an adult, life gets busy. But they know as much as I do that we care for each other, and they are still the first person I'd call if I had to bury a dead body

  18. #18
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    Not all people are equally committed to a relationship but that doesn't mean they don't care. It's just that they don't have it in them to make 'first contact', it's not in their nature. It's up to you to keep contact and suggest activities if you miss them.

    I'm just like your friend. To me we last parted as good friends and there's no reason why we still aren't even if it has been 3 years since last time we saw each other, nothing has changed it has just been a while since last.

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