A Social Experiment - Would you date a loser?

[Reeve]

So is this directed only at women? Because these sort of standards really only seem to apply to men.

I've never heard a man say they won't date a woman because she, "Can't hold down a job." or similar socio-economic-related things.

I wouldn't want to date a woman who can't hold down a job.

[Kalis]

I just read it, and its kinda creepy how many of those things things listed apply to me.

I don't think everything on the list made him a loser, for example the one listed below wouldn't normally class someone as a loser, unless I really don't understand what the definition of loser is.

-He is hygienic, understands the need to use deodorant daily, bathes/showers daily as well.

[Deleted]

I wouldn't want to date a woman who can't hold down a job.

My rule of thumb is self-sufficiency.

Can you pay your bills and go out every so often with me?

Do you have drive to better yourself?

So on so forth, of course this is a majorly redacted version of what i look for in a partner; But someone who regularly switches jobs, has gaps of employment where no reason is forthcoming for it and the like won't impress me at all.

[Cosmic Janitor]

Not much of an experiment, that is more like a vague survey without anyone evaluating it aferwards. The list is also a bit implausible in places, some of the traits I would assume are almost mutually exclusive or not in line with the loser theme. I don't really get how a clean, skinny and not being a dick are loser traits? In fact half of the points seem to be loser traits and the half seem to be desireable. Possessing 50% good traits and 50% bad makes you fairly average in my book :P.

[Frozenbeef]

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/atl/m4w/4481210989.html

This post struck a nerve.

How did you get my entire life summed up on one page :S

Yes i would date him, another me would be wonderful <3

[Reeve]

I don't think everything on the list made him a loser, for example the one listed below wouldn't normally class someone as a loser, unless I really don't understand what the definition of loser is.

-He is hygienic, understands the need to use deodorant daily, bathes/showers daily as well.

I consider basic hygiene to be bare minimum. I don't choose to date people because they meet the bare minimum.

[Nivena]

-He plays videogames, 35+ hours a week.

Only during progress or always?

-He states he has zero motivation, poor self-esteem, calls himself a social disaster due to social anxiety, a homebody, and is fearful of the outside world. However he's good at hiding it.

That is a tough one, I don't like people in general who have low self-esteem and always complain that they can't do anything.

[JohnBrown1917]

I don't think everything on the list made him a loser, for example the one listed below wouldn't normally class someone as a loser, unless I really don't understand what the definition of loser is.

-He is hygienic, understands the need to use deodorant daily, bathes/showers daily as well.

I know, just though it was kinda weird, that with a few changes, that list could be used to describe me.

[Deleted]

Obviously people on a gaming forum WILL tick those boxes because gaming attracts people with anxiety and low self esteem due to the escapism. Personally I wouldn't date him, too much baggage

[Dragon Claws]

I'm tempted to post this on Twitter, or news media outlets, just to see it posted on a public or nationwide scale.

But I have zero idea of how to go about doing it.

[Deleted]

Loser has many many many definitions. Every human is a loser in one way or another. At the end of it all, we lose and have been loosing the battle with life (dying since birth).

Also drive for money cannot define if you're a loser or not. Money is human invention and in no means close to what nature defines better or worse. Actually, greed is in no means a positive thing. We're all greedy since we all make money to buy things, that aren't required for our existence.

Example: Someone can have the brains, but doesn't have the nerves required to execute something. On the other hand, somebody may have the nerves but not intelligence, who do you think will succeed in today's world? Brainless with nerve obviously, but if we were evolved to the point where we could see the potential of someone without analyzing him/her, the brainless would be a loser and the one with intelligence a winner.

EDIT On there's actually website you pointed us to, I just started my own philosophical debate.

When you've been in a relationship long enough, you'll realize all these points are shite anyway, you can't define anyone by something like this. Person may seem like that, but when you get to know him/her, you understand him/her. Same goes the other way around, someone can seem like OMG so awesome, but is in fact a loser who kills himself in the end.

Example: Celebrities, they seem like they have everything, wealth, beauty, prestige, all the awesome things, yet so many of them are drug addicts, now why is that? ... exactly, you win in life when you're happy for what you are, not what others think of you!

[Kalis]

I consider basic hygiene to be bare minimum. I don't choose to date people because they meet the bare minimum.

That doesn't make any sense in the context of my post. I said that being hygenic isn't necessarily the trait of a loser, indeed quite a few things on the list aren't related to being a loser at all, such as:

-He is not clingy and understands that you need space sometimes.
-He has stated he is not interested in marriage or having kids. It is not because he is afraid of commitment.
-He does not drink, smoke, do drugs. He also has no interest in trying them either.
-He has no interest in political affairs, politics, and has no true alignment to any party (Democratic, Republican, Libertarian, Tea Party, etc.), but votes.
-He has a fairly appealing face, is clean-shaven, takes care of his hair, and has "boyish" looks.
-He copes with depression and is not suicidal.
-He finds comfort in simple things such as peace and quiet.
-He is willing to go out to eat over eating a home-cooked meal.
-He carries himself with a relatively calm demeanor and finds it difficult to crack under pressure.
-He is pro-choice.
-He is about "live and let live", is a pacifist, and is against violence.
-He is not Christian, nor Atheist. However he does not look down upon others for their faith.
-He does not like guns outside of recreational use.

[Reeve]

That doesn't make any sense in the context of my post. I said that being hygenic isn't necessarily the trait of a loser, indeed quite a few things on the list aren't related to being a loser at all, such as:

-He is not clingy and understands that you need space sometimes.
-He has stated he is not interested in marriage or having kids. It is not because he is afraid of commitment.
-He does not drink, smoke, do drugs. He also has no interest in trying them either.
-He has no interest in political affairs, politics, and has no true alignment to any party (Democratic, Republican, Libertarian, Tea Party, etc.), but votes.
-He has a fairly appealing face, is clean-shaven, takes care of his hair, and has "boyish" looks.
-He copes with depression and is not suicidal.
-He finds comfort in simple things such as peace and quiet.
-He is willing to go out to eat over eating a home-cooked meal.
-He carries himself with a relatively calm demeanor and finds it difficult to crack under pressure.
-He is pro-choice.
-He is about "live and let live", is a pacifist, and is against violence.
-He is not Christian, nor Atheist. However he does not look down upon others for their faith.
-He does not like guns outside of recreational use.

Right, but equally they aren't the traits of a "winner" either. I don't date women because they don't suck. I date them because they're awesome. Most of the stuff in that list that isn't bad is "He doesn't totally suck ass in these particular attributes." Or it's just completely neutral. There's nothing in the list at all to actually recommend him to anyone.

Also, to those who match what is said in the list, I'd say that maybe it's a generational thing, but in my generation, at least, the expectation was that by the time you're in your mid-twenties, guy or girl, you have a steady job and don't live with your parents, or failing that, you're in the military or finishing a master degree/PHD/MD. If you haven't gotten there yet, you're probably not as mature as your peers, and probably not worth dating.

[Dragon Claws]

That doesn't make any sense in the context of my post. ]

Maybe the experiment involves mixing positives and negatives?

[Deleted]

Obviously people on a gaming forum WILL tick those boxes because gaming attracts people with anxiety and low self esteem due to the escapism. Personally I wouldn't date him, too much baggage

http://hardfarmer.com/news_view.php?id=93

[Frozenbeef]

I think the social anxiety are the cause of all the other negative aspects, maybe he needs a psychologist rather than a sociologist? :P

[Varchuti]

Is this a post about what an average "loser" is? Idk, Person doesn't seem that far off from a common person where I live, besides the shunning of sex and drugs. Most people I know would rather watch a cartoon than some reality show. Most people I know say they have one form of social anxiety. People around me would rather not drive everywhere. Most people I know believe home is where the heart is, hanging out with friends is great but being home is awesome. IDK I know quite a few people who would identify with a lot of that post who I don't see as "losers".

[Sorrior]

How did you get my entire life summed up on one page :S

Yes i would date him, another me would be wonderful <3

Hellooooooo

LOL but more seriously..That list describes me rather well(Ironically i own my own home but tend to be lax on hygene among a few things) but yeah...TBH it is more the description of an INTROVERT then a loser...Which sadly seems to be much the same these days.

[Reeve]

Maybe the experiment involves mixing positives and negatives?

The point I was making is that the list is negatives and neutrals, not negatives and positives.

[Kalis]

Right, but equally they aren't the traits of a "winner" either. I don't date women because they don't suck.

They're generally neutral traits, but could be positive traits depending on the woman choosing.

I don't date women if they don't suck.