"Age is just a number"

[Toraak]

I always thought the guideline was half your age plus seven is the minimum age you should be dating. Which means that the 'acceptable' gap increases with time.

So, a 20 year old should date no one younger than 17 (which might still be pushing it), and a 30 year old should date no one younger than 22.

[RoryTee]

Age is just a number , and a jail cell is just a room.

[arel00]

It matters only when you're seriously thinking about building a family, imho. At 30 I think about my future children, and if I were to date a woman that was, e.g. 45, I'd have some doubts. Cause if I had kids now, when they are 15 I'll be 45, but she would be 60. That is quite a lot of difference. Believe me I know that, my dad is 45 years older than me (I'm an only child) and while I love him very much, the age gap was very present during my teen years.

That said, there are exceptions that work out well. My uncle and aunt have an age gap of 12, and they've been married for over half a century with 3 kids and a very happy family.

All this, just to be clear, is about adults. Under 18-20 it's an entirely different world, and there age DOES matter.

[Mystrome]

I always thought the guideline was half your age plus seven is the minimum age you should be dating. Which means that the 'acceptable' gap increases with time.

So, a 20 year old should date no one younger than 17 (which might still be pushing it), and a 30 year old should date no one younger than 22.

This 'rule' indicates what is socially acceptable pretty accurately, but it usually only applies when the man is the oldest of the 2. A guy being 36 with a 25 year old girlfriend raises a lot less eyebrows than vice versa. It does start feeling weird when you use it for 50/60+ year olds for me. Daddy-issues comes to mind....

It would be ok for me to date a girl born today in 48 years according to this. :P

[ciggy]

It isn't just a number, but I'm cases where an older person is as immature as the young person, or the younger person is as mature as the older person it really does tend to be just a number.

age doesn't refer to maturity. Big difference.

Between two 18+ "adults" who gives a shit the age difference. Yeah, you'll catch shit from certain people, cougar comments perhaps... But in the end it doesn't matter unless you let it.

[Merope]

I've dated women significantly older than me. The largest difference was 19 years. I was 26 and she was 40.

Here's the thing about that. We were great together, had tons of fun. But if we had stayed together, when she retired I'd still have 2 decades of work to do, so I couldn't travel the world with her and do the sorts of things young retires do. When I retired, she'd be geriatric and I'd primarily be taking care of her health instead of traveling the world and doing the sort of thing young retires do. When I became geriatric, she'd be dead and I'd have no partner remaining.

It's not a fair situation for either party. You can have a lot of fun for a while, but at some point it has to end to give each other a chance at a proper life, preferably before either party is too old to seek out someone new.

Wow, are you me? I was in this (almost) exact situation - the only difference was a 16 year gap. My sentiments are the same...it would have been fun until later in life.

[Deleted]

IMO the older the two are the wider the gap can be. If there is a 20 year old going out with a 40 year old it's a little odd to me. But if there is a 60 year old going out with an 80 year old then tbh the difference doesn't seem that significant.

Personally I couldn't/wouldn't go out with someone who is old enough to be my dad. For me the gap can go from 18-21/22. Im currently 18 (nearly 19) so I can't exactly push the number back. I have plenty of friends between the ages 18-26. Although we all get along I just can't see myself going out with someone with a gap greater than 5 (even that's pushing it for me). I hate myself for saying all this and to be clear I really don't care how people live their lives, if your happy then go for it.

Maybe/hopefully my opinion on this will change in the future, but as of now i'd rather stick to people around my age. I think in 10 years time I won't care so much about the gap, I know people who have a child/are married and theres a 10-12 year gap.

[Deleted]

Age is just a number , and a jail cell is just a room.

Nonsense!

If there's grass on the pitch, play ball.

...And if there isn't it's too late anyway

Obligatory i'm not a pedophile comment.

[The Kao]

I always thought the guideline was half your age plus seven is the minimum age you should be dating. Which means that the 'acceptable' gap increases with time.

So, a 20 year old should date no one younger than 17 (which might still be pushing it), and a 30 year old should date no one younger than 22.

Social standards and self-imposed laws, depends entirely on where you live. I bet if there was another civilization somewhere in the universe they'd see things entirely different.

You may want to live by those rules just to have it cozy and warm but there are people who like bending them and pushing things a little farther. And honestly, there's nothing wrong with it since, after all, people can only know themselves what is "acceptable" for them and what is not.

[Catta]

You never fail to make me laugh, Catta!

Its a gift.

[Deleted]

Right on OP, that's what I said to the police officer.

[Kurioxan]

• Moving out of the house and truly becoming independent for the first time.
• Getting started on your career -- which sometimes comes with a need to relocate.
• Coming of age to drink and party.

A lot of those depend on the culture and country, we are allowed to drink beer at 14, heavier stuff at 16 (including going to clubs etc) at 18 you are already past those experiences in terms of drinking/partying, at 22ish most people hardly drink outside of being at a bar having a beer or two with friends for example.

Anyway on topic, ignoring cultural differences/how fast people "grow up" etc.
Age is indeed mostly just a number, you have to realize that most people going into a relationships are not planing for the future, they arent thinking "oh we will have kids and buy a house, omg she will retire 13 years before me... how will i handle that?"

No, in fact, if you think of things like that in a relationship that is less than a couple of years old id find it a tad... odd (if it comes up in less than 2 months its generally the "run away boy/girl, run for your life" alarm)
People are having fun, unless you are breaching a local law, age is indeed just a number, if things work out, they work out and its not something you should worry about.
If things dont (mostly dont ) then you left with more experience and hopefully a better person.

There are things that say, a 30 year old woman can give you that a 18-25ish cant, be it financial stability or emotional security, both genders (sadly girls even more so probably due to culture etc) are very insecure around that age, which is.... very tiresome tbh, many times dating someone older is a good way for you to realize where you are at, and where you should be, helps you grow... something that is fairly hard to happen dating someone of your own age (without a lot of pain at least).

Points of view, experience, culture, interests, group of friends and so forth vary between age groups, and to be fairly honest i think its quite beneficial to date outside of your age group, even if just for the experience, networking and perspective, dont expect it to work (it might)

[Gaman]

Age devided by 2 + 7 is a nice thumb rule.

A lot of people threw out the phrases "age is just a number" and "you are both adults."
I wonder how many people really and truly actually believe this?

I truly and actually belive that, that does not mean I do not find some relationships a bit creepy, (20 year old with a 40+) but who am I to comment on such a thing?, its non of my fucking business.

Myself is 25, would not date a teenager now, say that teenager is 17, would not have a problem dating her in 5 years when I am 30 and she is 22. (Not that I find that likely to happend, but you get the point.) Would date a 30year old now, 5 years older, would probably have no problem dating a 40year old when I am 30. or a 30 year old when I am 40. But thats just my prefrences.

[nyc81991]

Age is not just a number. It indicates how developed the brain is and life experience which isn't necessarily tied directly to age but plays a factor.

[Kurioxan]

Age devided by 2 + 7 is a nice thumb rule.

not really.
Date whatever you want as long as you arent doing anything criminal.

[Deleted]

What's ironic is that i find i have more in common with people upwards to 6 years older than me.

I couldn't really imagine dating a girl a little younger than me.

[Tyraena]

So a recent relationship advice thread ended up getting derailed by a discussion about age gaps in relationships.

A lot of people threw out the phrases "age is just a number" and "you are both adults."

I wonder how many people really and truly actually believe this?

I think a majority of people would agree at the older end of the spectrum there isn't as much concern. Myself, for instance, I'm currently in the beginning stages of dating someone 13 years older than me. However I'm not at an age anyone would call young, especially in this forum so although people have commented on the gap, there has not really been any concerns expressed.

But at a younger age, I just don't see how you can really hold true to a "age is just a number" mentality. There is so much that happens in those early years that really shapes a person. A few examples:

• Moving out of the house and truly becoming independent for the first time.
• Getting started on your career -- which sometimes comes with a need to relocate.
• Coming of age to drink and party.

People tend to be very different when they come out of that. They are more settled and focused on different things. They are more financially secure and independent. They have more experience handling people and relationships under their belt.

When an 18 year old is dating a 31 year old (I'll stick with the 13 year gap) it's very hard for me to see how that has any real long term potential. I'm sure there are exceptions out there but it seems like it's not a great match for the two people. The only way I'd really see that working out is if you have a very mature 18 year old dating a very immature 31 year old.

I wonder what other people think -- and why they think so. I don't really have any personal experience when I was younger dating anyone older, however I do have experience now that I'm older having people much younger than I pursuing me -- and it has absolutely zero appeal. However in my current situation we're both working on established careers, we both understand the need to balance work and fun, and we're both financially secure which allows us to do a variety of things without it feeling lopsided or having issues with the other person not able to pay.

I've always maintained that it's not about age, but about life experience. However it would be foolish to pretend that age isn't an indicator of where someone is at in their life.

Thoughts? Opinions? Comments?

Once both or of the age of consent, it is just a number. Every experience builds character, even the ones that don't work out, and just end of (hopefully) providing some useful amount of wisdom for moving forward. You shouldn't be avoiding relationships because of it, unless it is really an issue for you, or the age gap is ridiculous (20+ years). Just do what makes the both of you happy, as long as it does make you happy, and move on when it doesn't. Eventually, you will hopefully find the right one, and settle in for the long term.

[alt-ithist]

when me and my friend both 19, some time ago got hit on by some girls.
they told us they where 13 and almost 14. they said oh you guys are 19? it's just a number.

But still. in that context it isnt a number. the're still like.. really childs.
For me yea, under 20 it really counts.. and above the age of 20 it just start to vague away...

And a bat is just a piece of wood. But I will crack it over a pedaphiles head if they touch my under age kid.

[Lenonis]

But I find it hard for people in relationships with 10+ yrs age difference able to really have mutual interests, beliefs, maturity and morals.

Did you really mean that in an unqualified sense? Is it really so hard to think that someone who is 40 might have the same interests, beliefs, maturity, and morals of someone who is 50?

[Halicia]

And a bat is just a piece of wood. But I will crack it over a pedaphiles head if they touch my under age kid.

the difference with age that really matters is 'who is in control of the relationship'. at younger ages, the older person is almost always the dominant person in a relationship, especially with those that can't legally consent...

but as you get older, quite often you will have bosses, teachers, priests, etc who are in a position of social or economic dominance over you... but are YOUNGER.

"Different stages in life" can be good or bad. Sometimes a relationship thrives on different experiences. Opposites attract and all. Sometimes not. But that's more a matter for the relationship to determine. The important thing is there isn't an individual in the relationship in a position of dominance that abuses that.

Like most political correctness, people go overboard with 'protecting strangers from possible harm'. Its their life, let them be happy.