Girlfriend is insane?

[Lahkesis]

because she is a redhead, short, and an aries.

if that is a formula for short temperedness idk wat is.

I am a chef and i work a decent amount and pay for pretty much everything except the clothes and shit she wants.

I stopped at this quote just to say there's no esoteric "magical formula" for someone treating others like shit. And you're making excuses for her.

You're in an abusive relationship. You might want to seriously consider talking to a professional once you break up with her, or even before hand.

[iceberg265]

She's cheating on you, move on.

Agreed. Even if she isn't, shes a horrible girlfriend (seems like a horrible person in general but would need more info on her to determine that) and you should move on.

[Gilbergrape]

If this helps:

She lived with her dad until she was 22.
He passed away, she inherited like 30 grand and she has been living off of it since.

Never had a real job except ONCE at a retail candy store which she recently quit.

doing. really? move on. you are not responsible for her happiness.
and... don't look back.

- - - Updated - - -

I did actually. Talk to her about it and if nothing changes in a month then leave, the emotional feelings clouding your mind aside it's quite simple.

changing people? that's not going to work. when do people learn...
a relationship is not about changing the other. this always fails.

[Ghul]

she was probably "sleeping over" at a "friends" place 8>
maybe she just needed some space from you. some girls are like that...

[Vayshan]

So, I have been with the same girl for a bit over 5 years now. We have had ups and downs but like the past three years have been a serious roller-coaster, and I feel like a boiled frog.

She is a redhead, aries (both of these things mean nothing its just so can get an idea), extremely short tempered little goddess. However, when she gets mad she goes off the chain, insults me, tells me I'm all this terrible shit, tells me of other men she can go find and all this awful shit. Throws shit, breaks shit, cries hysterically, pulls her hair... Basically a full blown temper tantrum. Never apologizes for what she has done. Just pretends it never happened.

Well last Saturday, she left for like 9 hours without saying a word at around 11. I stayed home from work, so naturally I texted her to ask what she was up to. Nothing. 5 hours later she posts a pic on instagram and I'm like oh cool at least she is okay. I dont hear from her for another 6 hours

I asked her what was up

EXPLOSION.
is this normal fucking behavior? She is saying I am "obsessed" and i always "need to know" and i was "so mad at her" when in reality i was just curious. Better yet, when i try to tell her that i was just curious, she goes off on some weird rant about how obsessed and crazy i am and she doesn't need to tell me anything (which is true, but as her boyfriend... eh? wat?)

AM IN THE WRONG?
This whole situation leaves me pretty crushed.

Maybe she has a narcissistic personality disorder?

In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:

• Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
• Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
• Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
• Requires excessive admiration
• Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
• Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
• Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
• Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
• Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Because personality disorders describe long-standing and enduring patterns of behavior, they are most often diagnosed in adulthood. It is uncommon for them to be diagnosed in childhood or adolescence, because a child or teen is under constant development, personality changes and maturation. However, if it is diagnosed in a child or teen, the features must have been present for at least 1 year.

[Bryntrollian]

Ditch the chick. She may not be insane, but she's got some emotional issues that will only get worse until she grows up... And that may never happen.

I don't know man, she might kill him...

[Deleted]

Mean this in the nicest way possible but... Poke her away with a stick and hope she never comes back, anyone who thinks that you're the crazy one when it's actually them is not worth staying with, had a friend with the exact same problem except it was long distance, she told him he didn't try hard enough, it was all his fault and he was generally horrible to her, literally he went to see her every time and she came to see him once, explains it all really, now they're broken up and he hates her for what she said but still has feelings for her

[kendro1200]

If this helps:

She lived with her dad until she was 22.
He passed away, she inherited like 30 grand and she has been living off of it since.

Never had a real job except ONCE at a retail candy store which she recently quit.

You really should get out. She's going to be nothing but trouble, and she's not going to be not trouble until people stop enabling her fits and letting her act consequence free.

[Aucald]

Although I think that everything's been said that was required, I figured I would add my own $0.02 to underline it. The rationalizing of continuing a relationship because "I've invested X years in him/her/it" is almost always a road to ruin - imagine if you would a roaring bonfire into which you're chucking your prized possessions, and if someone walks up and asks you why in god's name you're doing that your reply is going to be "well, I've been doing it for 5 years, so why stop now?" This isn't to say the relationship is beyond repair, but only that the amount of time you've been in a relationship should never be a reason why you don't stop and reassess the nature of the relationship as well as its future.

If I were to do some armchair psychoanalyzing, I'd say your girlfriend has some trust/boundary issues as well as an explosive temperament in general. I don't want to disparage you personally, but I think your actions (or inaction) have also given her a sense of carte blanche where her temper is concerned and she feels she has no reason to either back down or limit her outbursts. Being able to freely express anger/frustration is an addictive behavior for some personalities, and this may be a case where she's been conditioned to think she can do so no matter how inappropriate her anger may be in context.

[SocialJusticeWarrior]

Cut the chord. Find a new bitch. Or slap the shit out of her when she acts up.

[Bisso]

Cut the chord. Find a new bitch. Or slap the shit out of her when she acts up.

Seriously man? Find a new bitch, or slap her? First if he follows your former advice, he might just get himself in the same kind of relationship, second, don't hit on people, girl or man, that makes you a childish idiot.

On topic: Leave her, she has problems, but I don't think you should sacrifice your own health to help her. She has to wake up and realize how she acts, or seek help. Find a new girl, and this time, try to make sure she isn't crazy

[KCguy]

It's hard to really say. Many people seem to be blaming her, but there is a reason why she acts the way she does as well. Yes she could need to grow up still, bit it's also a sign with trust issues. I'm not saying you are a bad person, but clearly both sides are to blame in this mess if she's feeling that way.

People are saying to just "bolt" or "run away as fast as you can", but it's easier said than done. You've been together for 5 years, so obviously it's tough to up and go. But I really do think you both need some space or to sit down and really hammer this out. Talk. See where both of you are truly at in all of this.

[SocialJusticeWarrior]

Seriously man? Find a new bitch, or slap her? First if he follows your former advice, he might just get himself in the same kind of relationship, second, don't hit on people, girl or man, that makes you a childish idiot.

Chris Brown did alright and he did a lot more than slap Rihanna. Many women regret attacking men when men fight back and behave more favorably afterwards. And if his next girlfriend is a crazy bitch he can dump her too. Most women aren't loose cannons, you can't put your life on hold just because your next girl might be a bunny boiler.

[Deleted]

Chris Brown did alright and he did a lot more than slap Rihanna. Many women regret attacking men when men fight back and behave more favorably afterwards. And if his next girlfriend is a crazy bitch he can dump her too. Most women aren't loose cannons, you can't put your life on hold just because your next girl might be a bunny boiler.

When a woman hits you, you can do two things: you fight back and show her her place, or you leave. When a man beats a woman, post emancipation, you can only do one thing: pack your things. Pre emancipation, you could do also only thing: live with it.

- - - Updated - - -

Good, so there still might be some sex involved.

Probably not much because then it makes much more sense in a stable relationship with regular intercourse to use birth control.

Make sure you don't make her pregnant in this final stage. Before you know it she wants you to pay for Bob the builder's child.

- - - Updated - - -

That's also very possible. how your relationship is 'built up' and how it functions is something that you determine yourself, but as i said, communication is just as important as for example sexual compatibility or wealth/money. (lack of money/sexual displeasure are two major reasons for ending of relationships).

I think in our specimen's example its the sudden change and rebellion against the rules. If you always SMS during lunch break, and then suddenly one day you don't, this is strange and reason for concern.

[LaplaceNoMa]

I had a girlfriend similar to yours several years ago. When my own depression regarding the whole situation reached the climax, I've decided to stay at my parents' after the usual 'go away right now' followed by 'please forgive me come back' several hours later.

Well, she commited suicide that very night.

Not trying to imply anything, but if I were you I'd run with my eyes closed never turning back.

[Issalice]

The women I know have never acted like asses on their periods. I think some are just using their periods as an excuse to act like an ass.

Definitely. I have never once acted out of the ordinary that time of month. I might feel like crap but it certainly doesn't alter my mood. This is certainly not a healthy relationship, that behavior isn't normal at all. And it isn't fair, you shouldn't have to deal with that.

I've been in a relationship for about the same amount of time, 6 six years this October. We have our ups and downs also, typically nothing out of the ordinary though. On the rare occasion one of us is a total asshole we always apologize and own up to it. If you love someone you should, why would you want them to think you really believed all of those awful things you said?

[wxcopy]

If she acted this way on the first date, would there be a second?

[OzoAndIndi]

Throws shit, breaks shit, cries hysterically, pulls her hair... Basically a full blown temper tantrum.

Well you didn't suggest how old you guys are, but be she 18, 35, or 50+ this little girl needs to grow the F up, to be brutally honest. If she's throwing tantrums like that then I suspect she was one of those who grew up as a self centered spoiled brat and no one in her family ever made her STOP throwing tantrums like a child when she didn't have her way. I mean really, pulling your own hair? Girl, are you 6?

All those classic images of some woman having thrown a guy's crap out on the lawn... yeah, I think this might have been worth doing a reverse, assuming you live together. She's clearly quite immature, being forced to go home to her damn parents for a while would be worthy of her.

I mean, if you were checking up on her in a suffocating manner I could understand being annoyed, but throwing s*** at the fan over it? Childish.


Edit: If you have no kids... personally I'd avoid it with this one. Imagine what kind of role model an adult who throws tantrums would be for a kid who's upset. Yikes.

[lakisa]

run. don't stop, don't look back, just run.

yeap run bro while you can, by sound you two leave together not smart move...

[Lady Tygry]

I admit I only read the first post because after 15 pages, I imagine TC has heard what he needs to hear

Sounds like you both need to work on communication to address whatever underlying issues need resolved but if this has been going on for three years, it's not going to get better (certainly not without some major changes). One of my biggest regrets is that I stayed in a dead-end relationship for waaaaay too long. Years later, I still think I was right in thinking that there wasn't a friendship to salvage but we both said some very nasty things to each other. Whether he said them out of anger or hurt, I would never try to contact him again as a result. I resented the guy for the "time lost" and I had I hard time coming to terms with my own inability to move on.

It's hard to walk away from something in which you've invested so much time but life's too short to be miserable.