How to deal with people who owe you money?

[StayTuned]

9 moths ago I've lent a friend money for his rent. A smaller 3 digit sum.

So far the only thing I got was a "of course I'm going to pay back, but I just don't have it now". Meanwhile, he spends money on/with his gf, travels, gambles and even opened his own "company".

Multiple tries to offer him payback in rates failed. Now he's ignoring me on FB and didn't reply to my messages for 2 months. I acknowledge our friendship is over, but that still doesn't mean I don't want my money back. Especially because we run into each other at university or at other people's places. Shit's getting beyond awkward.

All I can do is remind him over and over again but that won't help anymore I'm afraid. I also can't buy myself anything if I break his legs, so that's off the table as well.

Taking legal steps sounds ridiculous for such a small amount of money...

Have you guys been through such a situation before?

[Deleted]

Never a borrower or a lender be, especially to friends and family. I have seen too many people fall out over loans and money owed, in your case you should write this debt off and break contact with him, next time don't lend anything.

[AdrianCC100]

Probably won't get that money back. Just don't offer to help him money wise in the future. If he asks, just tell him he still owes you from last time.

[Xykotic]

Well, do you have it documented? Otherwise taking legal action probably isn't going to work.

[Deleted]

9 moths ago I've lent a friend money for his rent. A smaller 3 digit sum.

So far the only thing I got was a "of course I'm going to pay back, but I just don't have it now". Meanwhile, he spends money on/with his gf, travels, gambles and even opened his own "company".

Multiple tries to offer him payback in rates failed. Now he's ignoring me on FB and didn't reply to my messages for 2 months. I acknowledge our friendship is over, but that still doesn't mean I don't want my money back. Especially because we run into each other at university or at other people's places. Shit's getting beyond awkward.

All I can do is remind him over and over again but that won't help anymore I'm afraid. I also can't buy myself anything if I break his legs, so that's off the table as well.

Taking legal steps sounds ridiculous for such a small amount of money...

Have you guys been through such a situation before?

If he's a real friend he will pay you back if you ask him, if he doesnt and you see him spend money on other things then just dont have any contact with him again, he broke the fucking brocode....

[Felrane]

baseball bat to the knees

[Coombs]

If people were capable of paying others back there wouldn't be organized crime. Tony Soprano that mother fucker.

[StayTuned]

Well, do you have it documented? Otherwise taking legal action probably isn't going to work.

Naah... Who would have though this could happen, given that we were really good friends for a long time. I blame his gf, she changed him for the worse, but w/e.

Never a borrower or a lender be, especially to friends and family. I have seen too many people fall out over loans and money owed, in your case you should write this debt off and break contact with him, next time don't lend anything.

Good advice actually. Some people just can't deal with money. I also am not really reliant on that money.... which is why never really pressured him, I guess. But 9 months is just stupid.

[Deleted]

Brake his legs.

[HAcoreRD]

No documentation?

Break his legs.

[Cosmic Janitor]

If the sum would be higher; break his legs, lol. But since it was a lower 3 digit sum, write it off and never lend money to such people again or stop being friends with leeching scum.

You can only keep pestering them.

[Dole4011]

Never "loan" money to friends or family expecting to get it back. If they return it, that's nice, but it's generally bad practice. Don't give them money that you're not okay with not getting bakc.

It'd probably be more appropriate, if you felt compelled to give them money, to say something along the lines of, "This is a one-time gift since you're in a tight spot. If you feel like you need to return it when you can, that's fine, but I'm not going to hold it against you."

If they ever come begging again, tell them you'll pass. Or, if anything, you give them money with strings attached (e.g., "I'll help you make rent, but you have to sell your iPad, get an extra part-time job, etc."). The thing is, people who constantly need money (esp when they are spending it as soon as they get it on non-essentials) have bigger problems than a lack of cashflow; they don't know how to handle money in the first place. They need to learn basic money management and just giving them handouts is only going to enable their poor decision-making. Sometimes they need to face the consequences of their actions.

[StayTuned]

He's not a leecher. He works and makes money. He just doesn't want to pay me back I assume. I can't know for sure what's going on because he doesn't reply.

He's 24, if that's of any help. I could maybe contact his parents, but they would probably kill him for making the family look bad.

[Afrospinach]

Have you guys been through such a situation before?

Yes, and you really cannot do much about it. I lent money to a trust fund baby(when you are going to inherit god knows how much in x months surely that can't be much of a risk, right?) and it was hell getting it back. Yes, his inheritance was real and such he was not pulling a fast one but the conclusion seems pretty simple: You loan someone money they get to do something now. When they pay you back all they get is the "enjoyment" of paying you back, essentially getting nothing for it. Even though he had money to buy one of those spiffy WRX impreza STI coupes that are quite rare and maybe 35000 NZD at the time it was hard to get cash from him. Honestly I think this is pretty typical of people who are poor at managing money so TLDR:

Never a borrower or a lender be, especially to friends and family. I have seen too many people fall out over loans and money owed, in your case you should write this debt off and break contact with him, next time don't lend anything.

If you are really going to do this you should get a written contract. The other thing that irritated me was it took him like 3 years to pay me back and all I got was the principal amount. If he had taken it from a bank he may have ended up with as much as 40% interest.

[Nerevar]

Like Stewie.
But on a serious note, just confront them about it. If they remember about the debt and are just struggling atm, no need to pressure them, they will return the money. But if they forgot about it and now are spending their free cash on something else, they're douches and you should demand the money back.

[Deleted]

when it comes to money, even with close friends: document it. Because "An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written on"

[Deleted]

He's 24, if that's of any help. I could maybe contact his parents, but they would probably kill him for making the family look bad.

there you go. just do that.

[Pitkanen]

At this point, I would take collateral of some sort for anything over 100, if I wasn't going to see near-immediate payback.

In your situation, hindsight isn't really helpful.
-Record a conversation where the terms are stated and confirmed so you have legal options.
-If they still have money issues, you are likely the easiest debtor/bill to avoid. Congrats. You may want to plan monthly payments?
-If they have money on hand and they are just screwing you, you need the legal option.

Parents are always an option. I figured that since he didn't go there for money in the first place, and you didn't push for him to go that direction first, that there wasn't a strong connection there.

[sugarlily]

Sadly, often lent money is never seen again. Ask yourself if the money is worth losing the friendship/relationship b/c sometimes it gets pretty ugly.

IF you ever lend money again (nonono) consider it a gift, never lend what you wouldn't miss anyway & don't lend or borrow from friends or family, at all costs avoid it.

I don't know why this happens so often but it does. I guess as a last resort with this tool in particular, request $10/week or even per month.

(idk if it would cause a huge blow-up or end up being helpful but what about posting it to his wall to publicly be seen- maybe say something like "Hey man, I miss you! I'm glad my loan was able to help you out! You're doing well, were able to start a business, go out to dinner w/ your gf, travel, gamble & enjoy life. I know you've been super busy & unable to reply or respond to my previous requests, messages & calls, but maybe we could agree on a simple $10/week to repay the money I loaned you. Also, it would be nice to be able to put this behind us b/c I always thought of you as a good friend & I miss you, bro" ~ it might show him that you really were a genuine friend he has left behind or it might shame him into handing over something or at least warn others of his shitty views on helpful friends & save somebody else from losing $ to him. )

If he balks at that, fuck that guy. You were kind enough to help & he is too selfish to even hand you a little back in thanks, or even offer a trade or home-cooked dinner by his gf or a movie or SOMETHING. Anything. That douche doesn't deserve your friendship. I'm sorry this happened *comfort

1.) Tolerated behavior never changes
2.) We teach people how to treat us
3.) We get what we settle for

[Reeve]

Assume it's gone, be pleasantly surprised if he pays you. Never lend someone money you're not OK with losing.

The same goes for cosigning on loans and rental agreements and such. Assume that you'll end up the person holding the bill.