Guy I used to know died

[Blueobelisk]

I guess I should clarify exactly what I mean by bad taste. You would have every right to ask the family what caused the death, but death is a touchy subject as is. Just because they decided to post about the death, doesn't necessarily mean they want to discuss the reasons behind it.

I entirely agree.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terror_management_theory

Terror management theory can attempt to explain a lot of why we hold the dead in higher esteem. I had a professor who studied TMT and had a published experiment wherein people were asked to rate how favorably they thought of a person's life story. I'm struggling to find it online, but I'll explain the gist.

In one version, the man in the story was still living. In the other, he had died. The only thing that changed was the mention of the man's death. Everyone who read the death story viewed the man in much higher esteem. There were several versions of the story, ranging from the man as a thief/murderer, to the man as an upstanding professional. Everyone (on average, statistically significant to <.01% if I remember right) always rated the man higher when they mentioned that he had died, regardless of the story.

This is because we humans have a unique problem over other animals known as mortality salience. We know we're going to die, and it can terrify us. When we are reminded of our mortality, we tend to empathize more readily with those who have gone before us.

This theory may also explain other cultural signs of respect (funerals, stopping for funeral processions on the highway, etc). If you're interested in more, there's the link above. I'm not an expert on the topic, but I know a little bit about it through my psychology studies.

You may be confused about everyone's behavior partly because you've not experienced a lot of death in your personal life, but also because we as Americans don't really sit down and have discussions with our children and each other about how to emotionally handle the bigger tragedies in life like death, divorce, addiction, miscarriages, loss, illness, etc.

If you're interested in more, there's the link. I'm not an expert on the topic, but I know a little bit about it through my psychology studies.

Thanks for posting that. It was really cool. I love talking about logical stuff like that.

[Celista]

Reading around Facebook and noticed a post saying something along the lines of "miss you dearly", I click over to this guys profile and of course it's the usual long posts of how awesome he was etc.

There is no mention of what caused his death which around here means it was fully alcohol related and he did it to himself by accident most likely (drunk driving, you get the jist). Why must people never explain how he died and just focus on how great of a person he was which was somewhat true, to be honest he was kind of a cocky prick sometimes though I never personally had any beef with him, we cool with each other.

Look I know if someone dies it's a very sad thing but to hide how he died is personally a bit too much in my opinion and it makes it obvious that he did it to himself (most likely unintentional).

Something like this happened w/a high school friend of mine and it turned out to be suicide (she used a gun and it was extremely evident that it was self-inflicted, she also left a note). Really it's not always something alcohol related.

[Mormolyce]

Why not copy paste this onto his Facebook page instead of telling a bunch of people who really don't care?

First reply to post hostile to OP and calls into question the thread's reason for existing.

I'm going to make this part of my Grand Unified Internet Forum Theory.

[zephid]

Reading around Facebook and noticed a post saying something along the lines of "miss you dearly", I click over to this guys profile and of course it's the usual long posts of how awesome he was etc.

There is no mention of what caused his death which around here means it was fully alcohol related and he did it to himself by accident most likely (drunk driving, you get the jist). Why must people never explain how he died and just focus on how great of a person he was which was somewhat true, to be honest he was kind of a cocky prick sometimes though I never personally had any beef with him, we cool with each other.

Look I know if someone dies it's a very sad thing but to hide how he died is personally a bit too much in my opinion and it makes it obvious that he did it to himself (most likely unintentional).

There's a huge difference between not talking about how someone died and hiding how they died.

[Krommm]

People usually don't like to talk bad about someone who died, regardless if the person was very disliked. They'll also pussyfoot around the how and why X person died because they feel awkward or that they are dishonoring that person. If I ever get mentioned in my death, I hope people are like " what a tragic car accident " "shame he overdosed" etc, but maybe I'm in the minority with that mindset.

Tell it like it is.

[zephid]

Oh I wasn't asking you guys what I want to do about it, I'm just wondering why it's considered such taboo to ask how he died.

It's not taboo to ask how he died, especially not if you knew him.

[Duronos]

People usually don't like to talk bad about someone who died, regardless if the person was very disliked. They'll also pussyfoot around the how and why X person died because they feel awkward or that they are dishonoring that person. If I ever get mentioned in my death, I hope people are like " what a tragic car accident " "shame he overdosed" etc, but maybe I'm in the minority with that mindset.

Tell it like it is.

I'd believe a lot would like that but often not it goes down to the families to decide, not the dead person... Cause he's dead.

- - - Updated - - -

Confirmed it was a car accident, someone posted three other people along with the guy I knew on his wall. That usually deduces to a car accident... I also know he was a heavy drinker. Well unlucky for him and everyone else in the car, hope the families get through this.

[Zoldor]

You tell me why, I don't even need to tell you how absurd you just sounded.

Because you don't want to seem insensitive in front of people you actually might know?

On the other reason some people don't want to hear the details and the person making those posts is normally family or good friend and they know how he died and don't really feel the need to explain it for everyone.

[Aitch]

How dare those selfish grieving family and friends to not satiate your morbid curiosity!

[Blueobelisk]

Confirmed it was a car accident...heavy drinker...unlucky for him and everyone else in the car

"Unlucky" for him. Lucky for everyone else on the road.

[Very Tired]

It's sad I've felt the same way as the OP, except that was when I was in high school and the persons were people in my school.

[Mirishka]

Reading around Facebook and noticed a post saying something along the lines of "miss you dearly", I click over to this guys profile and of course it's the usual long posts of how awesome he was etc.

There is no mention of what caused his death which around here means it was fully alcohol related and he did it to himself by accident most likely (drunk driving, you get the jist). Why must people never explain how he died and just focus on how great of a person he was which was somewhat true, to be honest he was kind of a cocky prick sometimes though I never personally had any beef with him, we cool with each other.

Look I know if someone dies it's a very sad thing but to hide how he died is personally a bit too much in my opinion and it makes it obvious that he did it to himself (most likely unintentional).

So you created a topic to trash someone who just died, based on the assumption that it just had to be alcohol or something.

Wow... and you're the one calling him a prick?

[Gephyrophobia]

Why not copy paste this onto his Facebook page instead of telling a bunch of people who really don't care?

Exactly this, so much. Not sure why people post this kind of shit here like we're supposed to have some sort of response.

[Duronos]

So you created a topic to trash someone who just died, based on the assumption that it just had to be alcohol or something.

Wow... and you're the one calling him a prick?

I said he "could" be a cocky prick sometimes, he was your typical rich kid. Granted we both got along quite well and partied every now and then, I was clearly asking why people always view others the way they do once they die. A page back a poster clearly answered my question.

- - - Updated - - -

"Unlucky" for him. Lucky for everyone else on the road.

Whether alcohol was involved or not I do know he never wore a seatbelt.

[AeneasBK]

Why not copy paste this onto his Facebook page instead of telling a bunch of people who really don't care?

Pretty much this

[Duronos]

Pretty much this

Like are none of you getting this? If I were to post that on his page I'd never be able to set foot in my town again without people giving me mean looks.

[Blueobelisk]

Whether alcohol was involved or not I do know he never wore a seatbelt.

Ask to see the police and coroner's report.

[Celista]

Like are none of you getting this? If I were to post that on his page I'd never be able to set foot in my town again without people giving me mean looks.

I'm not sure they're serious. In any case, I don't think asking people privately what happened would have been out of line, but posting "dang, what happened???" on the dead person's fb wall might, uh, not have gone over too well.

[Crissi]

Asking can be considered bad if any of the family or friends felt like they could have prevented it. How my grandmother passed away took my mother a LONG time to finally get over and finally talk about it. Just cause its not tlaked about doesnt mean the victim did it to themself.

[Graeham]

It's a matter of respect and etiquette. If someone dies then it's typically considered to be wise to discuss their strengths and positives rather than focus on the negative stuff that they may or may not be associated with. The exception to this is when someone dies after doing something really horrible such as murder. The deceased's friends and family also don't need people telling them that their loved one had flaws - they probably know that already but their priority is making peace with what is obviously going to be a very traumatic event for them.