Roommate...Friend...or Girlfriend?

[Ktperry]

5 months? fuck it, be friends with her and find someone else, 5 months is no time.

In today's relationships it's a really long period of time. Sadly.

[Kulanae]

OP, if James Carville and Mary Matalin can make a marriage work, I think you can make it work with your GF if you want to.

What are said "topics" that you cannot agree on and are so bad that you are both considering separating?

[Kezotar]

5 months? fuck it, be friends with her and find someone else, 5 months is no time.

Why bother, after you've been fuck friends you'll start getting feelings to her, she's probably even dating other by that time, you're not going to like it and be selfish.

[The Kao]

Being close friends doesn't work well till you both have another mate =/

Even then it's quite hard to keep it up. Because human brains sooner or later see the past through rosie pink glasses and if you're still having contact then all hell breaks loose. Best to end it entirely and forever if you choose to, everything else is bound to come back at you like a boomerang at full speed.

[Deleted]

We'd just like some third party opinions

How old are you? If you're still in your teens or early 20s, things that you think are important right now and are causing "drama" as you put it might be quite insignificant after some time has passed.

Also, mind giving us some idea about what these "90% of topics" you don't agree on are? See, they might be valid things that people should see eye to eye on, but then again, they might be things that can obviously be compromised on, and then again, they might be completely irrelevant things you just happen to think are very important.

It's obvious by the situation that you guys don't truly love each other, but that's not always a requirement. If you want opinions on whether you should stick together, give a little bit more information on you both, and these things that seem to be driving you apart.

[Deleted]

Keeping your ex as a close friend is not a good option imo.

[Rogabr]

Either go forward with the relationship and see how things work, if they work.

wrong

We end the relationship now, but remain as close friends because we both deeply care about the others happiness. We really want to remain friends and be close, so we want to ensure that whatever option we take, the best option is the one where we can still be close friends without anyone getting overly hurt at some point in the future.

you keep her as a casual acquaintance at most if you have to have her around in your life, 5 months aint shit, shes going to more than likely use you as emotional support and you wont be able to do shit.

Being close friends doesn't work well till you both have another mate =/

Nup, guarantee one of them will still feel jealous and depending on the timeframe one or both will be a rebound, the very fact that theyve only been together for 5 months and they disagree on so much shit means either theyve taken the relationship WAYYY to fast or they dont agree on the very little things and its already causing fights. been friends with someone you dont get along with on so much very rarely works out, and even less when its "close"

I don't have any feelings for him any more and would never want him back.

At least in my case I still get that weird feeling when I see my ex with hes girlfriend

yea, Ok.

[Deleted]

yea, Ok.

Yep.. but it's more like "how can he be happy without me, I want him to be miserable and suffer", not "oh, I want him back but hes with someone else now and it hurts":P So no controversy there.

[melkesjokolade]

Being friends will most likely not work out.

[Maximus Testiculos]

Be fuck buddies.

[truckboattruck]

depends how replaceable she is

is she super hot? like "will never get another one that hot" hot?
if the answer is yes then keep her. agree with everything she says and make no waves

[Deleted]

depends how replaceable she is

is she super hot? like "will never get another one that hot" hot?
if the answer is yes then keep her. agree with everything she says and make no waves

So, your advice is to become pussywhipped on purpose. That's like awesome advice. Buddy, it doesn't taste that good.

[Tazr]

At the risk of sounding silly, what does your gut tell you? Deep down, you both probably know what you should do. The fact that you're here makes me think, right or wrong, that it's probably the friends route and you're (understandably) unhappy about it. Five months is a rather short relationship to go through couples counseling over, although what other people think on the Internet means nothing - what matters is whether the two of you think it's right for your relationship.

I will say, fwiw, that many years ago I ended a three year relationship (we lived together) and we kept living together for a while afterwards as friends. We actually did fine - we were even both ok when we started dating other people....BUT, the people we dated were seriously weirded out and couldn't deal with it - so that's a potential risk to be aware of, at least if you're planning to be roommates long term.

Ultimately, every relationship is different, so what works for others may or may not work for the two of you. Really, just go with your gut. The worst thing you two could do is go against your instincts - they're usually right. But being friends IS possible.

Sorry the two of you are going through this, but good luck!

[Nomial17]

The drama itself wasn't entirely pertaining to our relationship alone. It was simply drama we had gotten involved with that...I feel as though drained me of my emotional connection to people for the time. I feel like after the drama, it's hard, but not impossible for me to re-light that spark that makes things fly smoothly after a fight. I feel like we get into an argument, and every argument feels like more of a big deal to me than it should be. So I feel like our lines of thinking are so different that it's difficult for me to anticipate what to say and how to say, given somethings I say and do are just reactionary. I don't want to be in a relationship where simply reactionary thoughts are going to prove to be huge offenses or even small problems.

[Tastyfish]

The drama itself wasn't entirely pertaining to our relationship alone. It was simply drama we had gotten involved with that...I feel as though drained me of my emotional connection to people for the time. I feel like after the drama, it's hard, but not impossible for me to re-light that spark that makes things fly smoothly after a fight. I feel like we get into an argument, and every argument feels like more of a big deal to me than it should be. So I feel like our lines of thinking are so different that it's difficult for me to anticipate what to say and how to say, given somethings I say and do are just reactionary. I don't want to be in a relationship where simply reactionary thoughts are going to prove to be huge offenses or even small problems.

Sounds like you are arguing about what to have for dinner when the real issue is something else and it's just coming out as more then that. People usually have reasons they are defensive and take things to level ten. It's not just some random thing, and when it seems that way usually meds help :P

[ItachiZaku]

What do these 'couple therapists' seriously do? They seem like a big nonsense to me.

They take your money and make one person feel more guilty about the situation than the other.

[Pony Soldier]

I'm not an expert on relationships seeing how I've never been in one but to separate just because you disagree on things seems to me like a pretty dumb reason to split. I mean if you generally don't love each other then yeah but if it's solely on just disagreeing with things then I say you should just find a way to work it out and just not take each others opinions so seriously.

In the end though it's all up to you and what you feel is the right choice. Don't let some stranger tell you how to handle your relationship.

[Annoying]

Things won't "just work". Nothing will change unless you make it change.

[Deleted]

If you found out it doesnt work then it doesnt work, if after 5 months your conclusion is basically we dont agree on anything then you arent made for eachother.

It seems like this whole "stay close friends" might be an excuse for one of you to cling onto the relationship, if this is the case then it is a very bad idea, sooner or later the other one will move on and it will be harder then. I am saying this because no one decides to be "close friends" you are either close friends or you arent, so I am pretty sure the "stay close friends" is someones clingy idea.

In my humble opinion, stay friends and hang around together, dont plan to be close friends, just be friends, a relationship has to start with a friendship, my girlfriend is first and foremost my best friend, if you have very little in common or disagree on most things chances are you arent going to be close friends, unless you force it.

Like someone said living together with your ex is absolutely fine, the people you start dating however will be a lot more disapproving of you living with your ex-girlfriend in this "close friends" bubble.

[Citizen T]

My wife and I do not agree on 90% of the topics either, but we have been married for years. If you are mature enough, and have feelings for her, you can make it work regardless of anything since it all comes down to what you are prepared to do, or not do in a relationship.

I've been married 25 years to a woman I love dearly but we have very few things in common. We both enjoy each other's company regardless of whether we agree on a topic or enjoy a specific topic/recreation.

How about these two: James Carville and Mary Matalin?