Street Harassment vs Calm Down

[Enthusiastic Steward]

So someone I know linked this to their Facebook profile today:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...ef=mostpopular

If you didn't click the link it's women holding signs where they wrote "harassing" things men have said to them on the street. Before I get into it yes, I am a guy, so there's that.
On the one hand I think guys saying stuff to strange women on the street is just stupid people providing a public service by loudly letting everyone know that they are, in fact, stupid and getting upset about it is giving it more thought and attention than it or the guy deserves. On the other hand just reading a few of the comments irritated me at the stupid and if I was hearing things like this on a regular basis directed at me personally I would probably have much stronger feelings about it. I get similarly irritated when it happens to my wife, but she generally shrugs it off so irritation is about as far as it goes.

Anyway, moving on, or why I put "harassing" in quotation marks. My problem with this is some of the things on the signs. Yes, some of them are offensive, vulgar, and anyone willing to shout it to a random lady on the street would probably benefit from a solid punch to the groin, and I can understand being upset about them and feeling that this is a societal problem we should work to move past.
But then there are others. For example there is one where a guy asked a woman if she'd take care of him if he followed her home, and then proceeded to follow her home. That's creepy and inappropriate. Just before that, however, is one where a guy stopped a woman to ask if she was single. Ok.... that's not the same as a man wanting you to take care of him and following you home. That's a man finding you attractive and wanting to know if you are available to ask out. A bit awkward, but it's a compliment. Asking if you are single is not sexual harassment. Asking a woman on the street if you can put your dick in her ass (another of the signs) is sexual harassment. Not same.
Another is literally a sign that just says, "Hey girl - you got a boyfriend?"
Can we not ask? Are we supposed to just assume you do, because all women have boyfriends because that's what women do? That's sexist.

Why I find this so objectionable is that it trivializes the issue. This is supposed to be a stunt to raise awareness of sexual harassment and the offensively casual nature of people who feel it's acceptable to say crude sexual things to people they don't know. I get that. I support the idea, in concept. What I don't support is this series of three signs from further down:
"I want to fuck you with this jackhammer."
"Smile."
"Why don't you put those red lips around my cock honey?"

One of these things is not like the others!
Being told to smile is not sexual harassment. Maybe you looked like you were having a bad day. Maybe someone just wants people to smile. Maybe he thought you were pretty and wanted to cheer you up. Maybe who knows how many scenarios. The problem is that it turns the whole thing into a joke, and this is a legitimate issue.

I'm sorry, but if I was listening to some women talk about their experiences, and the conversation went like this:

"One time I was walking down the street, and a construction worker shouted he wanted to fuck me with his jackhammer, it was really unpleasant."
"I know how you feel, I had a guy follow me home one time, it made me really nervous and uncomfortable."
"Totally, one time a guy told me to smile."

I would laugh at the end.

It makes the whole thing ridiculous, and turns the issue into a punchline. It's not even anti-feminist at that point, it's recognizing the damage you are doing to your own cause and objectives. It's a detriment to your message, and it's making a mockery of sexual harassment, and it's upsetting that nobody putting this together had the common sense to realize that the majority of people would not find being told to smile some gross violation and including it in this picture series is inappropriate.
It's telling you that you can't tell women to smile or ask if they are single. That is sexual harassment! Don't compliment a woman, it's sexual harassment! Don't speak to a woman, it's sexual harassment! Now that you're rolling your eyes and making a snide comment and waving dismissively, here are some actual examples of sexual harassment that you should actually be upset about.

Yeah, next time just stick with those, and stop trivializing those women and the actual crap they have to put up with by including someone who is offended at being told to have a nice day.

You've been ranted at, you may now return to your regularly scheduled internet, and I'm off to bed to avoid the firestorm this could kick up.

TL/DR:
Sexual harassment is bad. Confusing normal human interaction with sexual harassment is also bad.

[apepi]

If they can do it can I go and say things girls have said to me on the road?

Oh boohoo someone said something to you and it hurt you! Grow up. This hurts real sexual harassment.

[Sunseeker]

What the fuck is wrong with asking a girl if she's single?

Yeah, people say asshole things to women. What else is new?

[Tradewind]

TIL, only men say dumb things.

[Notchris]

What the fuck is wrong with asking a girl if she's single?

Yeah, people say asshole things to women. What else is new?

*shrug*

I've been asked by a woman the exact same thing while I was walking to the store. I didn't realize I was being harassed.

A lot of those were pretty fucking ridiculous. But then some of the others are pretty petty.

[Sunseeker]

*shrug*

I've been asked by a woman the exact same thing while I was walking to the store. I didn't realize I was being harassed.

A lot of those were pretty fucking ridiculous. But then some of the others are pretty petty.

It makes me wonder how some people ever expect to find a date, or have a relationship.

I'm not going to become your girlfriend first and yes, I am going to make my first thoughts based on your appearance. If you open your mouth and turn out to be an idiotic, misandrist bitch who thinks every time a man talks to a woman it's rape, well yeah, your body isn't going to do much for me anymore.

[Deleted]

Let me just ad that this can be a severe problem, I suggest you guys watch 'femme de la rue'. Instead of using the /facepalm complaints from women as a scapegoat for justifying verbal harassment and intimidation.

[Sunseeker]

Let me just ad that this can be a severe problem, I suggest you guys watch 'femme de la rue'. Instead of using the /facepalm complaints from women as a scapegoat for justifying verbal harassment and intimidation.

I don't know about the OP because frankly, TLDR. But some comments are totally out of place.

But some aren't. Asking if a person is single should not be seen as harassment or intimidation unless you're doing it in a very aggressive or creepy way.

[Deleted]

I don't know about the OP because frankly, TLDR. But some comments are totally out of place.

But some aren't. Asking if a person is single should not be seen as harassment or intimidation unless you're doing it in a very aggressive or creepy way.

Good point to bring up, the problem with this is that a lot of guys do it in a very aggressive or creepy way without being aware of the fact that it often is very creepy and aggressive to ask such a thing if you haven't been in a conversation of 5-10 mins.

Also, guys, you don't have to ask a girl if she's single, she will slip it into the conversation in a subtle way: "haha, yeah my boyfriend can't stand pickles to" or something like that.

Try paying attention, you're hunting the most dangerous game of all, if you where to hunt lions, wouldn't you pay attention to every detail?

If you walk up to a girl and ask directly if she's single, then you are a moron and you should fail some more in the hopes that you will learn eventually (like I did).

[Independent voter]

[Powerogue]

Apparently any unwelcome flirt, however mild, is sexual harassment now.

As far as I'm concerned that's not sexual harassment at all unless there's some actual harassment going on, like someone insisting with these sorts of comments even after you've already flipped them off and told them to leave.

guy: Are you single?
girl: Yes, but I'm not interested.
guy: OK. *leaves*

is in no way, shape, or form, harassment.

[Deleted]

Apparently any unwelcome flirt, however mild, is sexual harassment now.

As far as I'm concerned that's not sexual harassment at all unless there's some actual harassment going on, like someone insisting with these sorts of comments even after you've already flipped them off and told them to leave.

guy: Are you single?
girl: Yes, but I'm not interested.
guy: OK. *leaves*

is in no way, shape, or form, harassment.

It sure isn't harassment, but wich stupid fool thinks that that is a polite and not at all creepy way to start a conversation or even show interest?

[Deleted]

I've had a lot of things said to me over the years. The worst ones are:
- "Show us your ass"
- "Shake your ass for us"
- (talking to my boyfriend) "Hey mate - let us have her for a bit"
- "Fitty!" etc: called out like they're apes.
- (the guy had this penis out) "Come on, suck my cock" (I went to the police, was only bloody 13!)
There are others, with the utter worst being those that just stare or follow you. They really freak me out.

Given that a lot of women hear things like that all the time, and I mean ALL THE TIME, it is easy to get annoyed by the tamer things. It all builds up. I remember a time I couldn't walk down my street without this one guy shouting at me from his window, so then if I went into town and someone else said "Smile beautiful" it becomes more annoying than if it was isolated.

[Slant]

Ah... Huffington Post.

[Deleted]

Okay here's the deal.

Someone in a public place that's well lit during the day comes up to you and quietly says to you, while keeping a safe distance, "Hey, I'm really sorry to bother you but I couldn't help but notice you and I just wondered if you were single / interested in maybe getting to know each other some time?" is pretty okay. It can get annoying if it happens all the time, but it's basically okay.

Someone coming up to you at night in a dark alley, getting all up in your personal space and making you feel threatened and being all "Hey baby girl, you single?" is not okay, because it makes you feel unsafe as fuck. Equally, someone screaming across the street at you "OI LOVE, YOU SINGLE?" for the world to hear is not okay either, because at that point it's not about asking if you are single, it's about showing off to everyone. Generally catcalls and street harrassment fall into this category, it generally doesn't happen when it's one person on their own, but when you get a bunch of people together (whether that is men OR women) you start getting the awful stuff happen. At that point, how you are saying it matters more than what you are saying. There is no nice way to shout something across the street from a building site at someone. There is no nice way for your hen party to shout at some guy passing you on the street. Doesn't matter what you are shouting, it's all the same shit.

As for like, demonstrations where you hold up signs with what your harrassers have said to you, it's understandable that some things are more effective on those signs than others, things like "Wrap your lips around my cock" are gross in any context, whreas asking if you are single sounds harmless so it's totally out of place, but when a group of guys are screaming it out of a van as they pass you in the street, it's not at all about asking whether you are single.

[Deleted]

Whatever you do don't go out on Fridays in a specific part of Cambridge, it's hen night every night there.

[Crissi]

Whats even worse is when a couple teenage guys say something they think is clever, and everyone but you takes it as a joke, but you feel harassed because it was obvious they meant it that way.

[Gerpele]

I can understand that but the number 6 got me thinking is it just "bitching". Then i saw the underlined "stop" so i guess the guy just grabbed her from arm and then asked.

Better approach would be to ask her to stop/if you could ask just one question, you know, in a polite way. That might even work.

[Keyboard Champion]

Guessing they will now make it illegal to verbally sexually harass random women on the street. Surely the pussy nanny state won't miss this opportunity.

[Cosmic Janitor]

Hilarious. Like always, it's just the typical feminism victimhood crap.

Try being an ugly fat guy and hear what people say, the very same people who probably hold up cartboard signs spelling out their "public sexual abuse", and then come back. Not to mention how easily drunk people take offense looking at you and suddly want to beat you up.