Long-term friendships and falling out

[THE Bigzoman]

But that has nothing to do with this issue. He clearly said he got annoyed with her constantly complaining to him and then ignoring him, and she got mad. I don't think friendzone needs to be dragged into this personally.

It's not like this all happened because he secretly wanted to get with her.

HE probably did at one point and she used him consistently in that way. When he got married, he just stopped giving a fuck and continued being her friend because "hey, why not"

He probably did want to get with her prior to their marriages. I'm telling you, the guy-girl besty friend thing is bullshit unless one of the parties is gay.

[Jester Joe]

HE probably did at one point and she used him consistently in that way. When he got married, he just stopped giving a fuck and continued being her friend because "hey, why not"

He probably did want to get with her prior to their marriages. I'm telling you, the guy-girl besty friend thing is bullshit unless one of the parties is gay.

And what I'm saying is what happened in the past is irrelevant, there's no point of just saying "you got friendzoned" because obviously that's all they were.

Also I disagree with your belief, but that's just on personal evidence.

[hollafame]

I'm telling you, the guy-girl besty friend thing is bullshit unless one of the parties is gay.

I'd agree. Every best friend I've had that was a girl is because some ulterior motive in me either wanting to be bf-gf or just to hook up. You won't get many guys admitting to that tho'.

[THE Bigzoman]

And what I'm saying is what happened in the past is irrelevant, there's no point of just saying "you got friendzoned" because obviously that's all they were.

Also I disagree with your belief, but that's just on personal evidence.

It is relevant for the reasons I outlined.

I'm inclined to say that you're lying to yourself to rationalize failed ventures.

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I'd agree. Every best friend I've had that was a girl is because some ulterior motive in me either wanting to be bf-gf or just to hook up. You won't get many guys admitting to that tho'.

Just avoid the shit dude. Make your intentions clear.

Then just implement a three strikes rule for the sake of efficiency for both parties. If she doesn't put out in three dates, drop her. Don't waste 4 years of your time like the OP.

[Jester Joe]

It is relevant for the reasons I outlined.

It would be relevant if he was still single in my opinion, this just happened recently, and he's already been married for 5 years. I highly doubt the cause of this is "being friendzoned". My point is your original post was just "Sounds like you were friendzoned. You'll get over it", and that literally isn't the issue at all. He was accepting it was just a friendship.

I'm inclined to say that you're lying to yourself to rationalize failed ventures.

But I'm not. Also you don't know me at all to judge that, nor do I believe you have a degree is psychology to decide that, no offense, so I would suggest not even bothering trying to argue it, because there is legitimately no way for you to some how prove that I like every single girl I've been good friends with.

[THE Bigzoman]

It would be relevant if he was still single in my opinion, this just happened recently, and he's already been married for 5 years. I highly doubt the cause of this is "being friendzoned". My point is your original post was just "Sounds like you were friendzoned. You'll get over it", and that literally isn't the issue at all. He was accepting it was just a friendship.



But I'm not. Also you don't know me at all to judge that, nor do I believe you have a degree is psychology to decide that, no offense, so I would suggest not even bothering trying to argue it, because there is legitimately no way for you to some how prove that I like every single girl I've been good friends with.

It's relevance likely carried from his interest prior to the marriages of both. He likely decided to continue the "friendship" following the marriage because he had nothing to lose from it until she became annoying.

I'm judging it from biology. Your a guy. I'm a guy....

come on *nods head and smiles*

Edit: You don't have to like them to have sex with them.

[Jester Joe]

It's relevance likely carried from his interest prior to the marriages of both. He likely decided to continue the "friendship" following the marriage because he had nothing to lose from it until she became annoying.

Ok, and what I'm saying is that it was years ago. I'm not trying to debate if he was "Friendzoned" at one point or not, I'm trying to show that it doesn't matter to him, he's married, all he wanted to be was friends. If you were married, would you care one bit if a girl friendzoned you?

I'm judging it from biology. Your a guy. I'm a guy....

come on *nods head and smiles*

There's a difference between wanting to stick your dick in something, and actually wanting to pursue a relationship. Also, not every guy is the same. Personally, I only pick one person at a time to like, and I've been sticking to that person for years. Meanwhile, I have another very close friend who is a girl who I talk to often. I don't want to do anything with her at all for multiple reasons. She's just been a great friend. Heck, you can say I friendzoned her, and her likewise to me. We just don't care about that.

Basically, it's very much possible, it just takes the right types of personalities. Personally, I'd rather be a one girl guy, so I'm not going to bother wanting anyone else.
Also, I'm lazy anyway.

[Jtbrig7390]

how do you guys deal with breaking off long-term friendships??

I write them off and go about my day. There loss not mine. I had a friend (opposite sex as well) we was friends for 7 years. We was friends with benfits and that lead to a lot of problems and even got to the point where I was used for sex.

It ended with her defending her new husband of one week over me. He got pissy because I commented on her FB and this guy she barely knew and married she defended. I told her to fuck off and I haven't spoken to her since. She even admitted to me she didn't care I commented on her fb "I was her friend at the time after all" but yet still defended him running his mouth at me.

Just learn they are not with ur time is the best thing to do.

[THE Bigzoman]

Ok, and what I'm saying is that it was years ago. I'm not trying to debate if he was "Friendzoned" at one point or not, I'm trying to show that it doesn't matter to him, he's married, all he wanted to be was friends. If you were married, would you care one bit if a girl friendzoned you?

There's a difference between wanting to stick your dick in something, and actually wanting to pursue a relationship. Also, not every guy is the same. Personally, I only pick one person at a time to like, and I've been sticking to that person for years. Meanwhile, I have another very close friend who is a girl who I talk to often. I don't want to do anything with her at all for multiple reasons. She's just been a great friend. Heck, you can say I friendzoned her, and her likewise to me. We just don't care about that.

Basically, it's very much possible, it just takes the right types of personalities. Personally, I'd rather be a one girl guy, so I'm not going to bother wanting anyone else.
Also, I'm lazy anyway.

Most people in the friend-zone fall into that either or spectrum though. Either they grab the feels, just wanna have sex, or both.

The whole "one like at a time" comes off a bit abnormal from my experience, but as long as you're not one of the afar admirers that never acts out on it, I don't see it a problematic.

Are you, in any way, sexually attracted to your great friend?

And I pretty much said the bolded here.

HE probably did at one point and she used him consistently in that way. When he got married, he just stopped giving a fuck and continued being her friend because "hey, why not"

[Jester Joe]

[B]

Most people in the friend-zone fall into that either or spectrum though. Either they grab the feels, just wanna have sex, or both.

The whole "one like at a time" comes off a bit abnormal from my experience, but as long as you're not one of the afar admirers that never acts out on it, I don't see it a problematic.

Are you, in any way, sexually attracted to your great friend?

And I pretty much said the bolded here.

To answer your question, no, not right now. Like I said, one girl guy. I'm more into the idea of being able to say I've only had sex with one person rather than leaving open to possible doubt of being like "Well, this ex was so much better than my current girlfriend". I'd rather judge by personality.

Also if you pretty much said the bolded, then why did you disagree with me?
Whatever, it's wayyy too late right now, I'm going to bed :x

[THE Bigzoman]

To answer your question, no, not right now. Like I said, one girl guy. I'm more into the idea of being able to say I've only had sex with one person rather than leaving open to possible doubt of being like "Well, this ex was so much better than my current girlfriend". I'd rather judge by personality.

Also if you pretty much said the bolded, then why did you disagree with me?
Whatever, it's wayyy too late right now, I'm going to bed :x

Because your refuting it's relevance under that premise for some reason. We have the same premise, yet we have different conclusions.

What's wrong with judging by sex in addition to personality? More importantly, whats wrong with saying to yourself "X was soo much better the Y"?

EDIT: What do you mean not yet? You don't become sexually attractive to someone over time. Is she sexy or nahh?

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Well, unless she changes physically over time.

[hollafame]

Just avoid the shit dude. Make your intentions clear.

Then just implement a three strikes rule for the sake of efficiency for both parties. If she doesn't put out in three dates, drop her. Don't waste 4 years of your time like the OP.

These were old high school days -- I've learned my lesson from being friend-zoned.

[Vestig3]

Funny i broke of a 18 year friendship and 10 year friendship with 2 friends after one of them went judas on me by sending me a sms that wasnt meant for me but for someone else saying i did some stuff and spread some very nasty rumors around the neightbourhood about something that happend on vacation that we promised we wouldnt tell when we where back home, but its true what they say when you go on vacation with people and spend some time with them thats when you realy find out how people realy are and so i told them to fuck off.

I was 20 back then im 25 now i havent seen both of them for 5 years eventho both of them live very close in this tiny neightbourhood and funny enough one of their brothers is my best friend lol.

[Halicia]

finally had up to the point where i was tired of her constant vicious cycle and ignoring me except when she was down from her breakup.

a friend thats only around when they need you isn't really a friend.

[Zaruru]

I feel for you, OP.

I had something similar happen to me as well. My best friend of 15 years, my brother of sorts, had a huge falling out once we began college. He changed for the worse and ignored all of us and went out of his way to exclude us and myself even out of all his plans in an attempt to make new friends. He played it off like it was okay and I told him one day that I was done being his friend.

Didn't speak to him again for almost 3 years.

Just recently I saw him again at a mutual friend of ours party. He came up to me and apologized for everything and wanted to work things out between us. I got my best friend back, and I missed him every day I didn't have him, and he felt the same exact way.

These things tend to work themselves out in one way or another, if your friendship means alot to her, then hopefully she'll try to reconcile.

[Deleted]

If she was a true friend, neither of you would have broken the friendship so easily. I consider that if someone is a true friend, bullshit like this can't break you apart. You should have accepted that your friend is not perfect and she should have accepted your opinion on her relation and not push it again every time, especially knowing your opinion.

[Vestig3]

Nothing hurts more then a friend going judas on your ass.

[Deleted]

Easy just don't have any
Next question ?

[Mercadi]

Friendship is supposed to be a positive relationship, where both parties benefit from communication with each other, or mutual support. If everything was like you say, OP, than that girl simply exploited you, and it's time to move on.

[Pool of the Dead]

so personal short story, just broke off a 10-year friendship with a friend of mine (opposite sex)

she had been with her bf for a good 6 years, constant back and forth battle of breaking up and getting back together

me as a married man of almost 5 years, listened to her problems and gave her advice when it was asked.

finally had up to the point where i was tired of her constant vicious cycle and ignoring me except when she was down from her breakup.

she ended up telling me to "fuck off" and that was it.

10 years and dissipated as if it never happened.

not sure how to feel at the moment, i have a mix of finally not having to deal with her problems anymore, but sad to see what the original friendship used to be transforming into a fucking nightmare.

/rant over.

how do you guys deal with breaking off long-term friendships??

Went through this recently myself, was really close with a woman friend of mine for years, was always friends with her BF's and she was always friends with my GF's simply platonic relationship.

Her latest boyfriend she is with, we went from talking nearly daily to maybe once a month if that and it only seemed to be when she was arguing with her boyfriend or pissed off about something about him.

Decided to close that book. She said she didn't care at the time. Though she recently broke up with him and I started getting a myriad of "I miss you!" or "Why don't we ever talk anymore " texts from her, to which I did not reply or care to acknowledge.

After about 50 unanswered texts, a couple of missed phone calls and some E-mails that went unreplied I think she finally realised I no longer cared.

Feelsgoodman.