Looking for feedback on a creative writing assignment

[Omgodzilla]

So, I 'm not sure if I'm allowed to make this type of thread but I figure its worth a shot. I have a cousin who's in grade 10 and he's taking a creative writing class. He was given an assignment to write a short story. He wrote a few pages and hasn't been able to come up with a title for it yet. Now he's looking for some feedback. I personally think its pretty decent for a grade 10 class but I'm not an expert so I figure some people here could probably give some better advice than me. Any feedback at all would be appreciated. So if you have patience to read through it, we'd love to hear what you think. Thanks!

Here's the link:

-Link Removed-

[Kerath]

I'm not much of a writer, but I'm a very avid reader.
That was surprisingly decent for a grade 10 writing assignment (grade 10 is what, 15 years of age?).
Scene setting was concise and clear, gave me a clear picture of of where the writer wanted to place me without rambling on and getting boring.
Dialogue, interactions and reactions felt natural.
Minor point - beware of superfluous words. No need to use 2 words when 1 would do.
Eg: The air was frigid cold as nighttime descended upon a remote Siberian village.
Could be amended to:
The air was frigid as night descended upon a remote Siberian village.
and still convey exactly what the writer wants to convey.
All this needs in my opinion is an edit for polish and to ensure that punctuation is all as it should be. Very good effort, I thought.