Got apartment with friend, now feel it was a mistake and want to move home - advice?

[belfpala]

I tend to adapt to whoever I'm living with. If I'm living with someone clean, I tend to also be very clean (in the public areas of the house). If I'm living with a slob, I become very slobby. If I'm living alone, I'm a total slob. I clean my pots and pans immediately, but I generally eat my meals by the computer, and I can't be bothered to get up in the middle of whatever it is I'm doing to clean my dish right at that moment. I'd probably be more like you if I ate at the kitchen table though.

I typically eat at my computer also. Then my semi-OCD goes ROAR SHIT THAT DOESN'T BELONG ON DESK. Then I say, "ok semi-OCD I'll take it away and rinse it."

The cultural norm part of the discussion, I'm not really understanding. Did the OP say he was forced to leave home somewhere and I missed it? If not, he made that choice, and he probably had reasons for wanting to, and now he's forgetting those reasons. Unless, I guess, the reasons were simply, "I'm supposed to."

[Mazar]

its pretty simple really, grow a pair and act like an adult. Or move back in with mommy.

[Reeve]

-snip

Exactly. In the spectrum of conflicts with roommates, these problems are exceedingly minor and easy to fix. Learning to fix them is an important part of becoming an adult.

[the game]

It doesn't matter whether or not you feel it's unjust. It's still a thing and will still affect you.

I think it's unreasonable that driving certain small cars I like very well may be construed as unmanly/treehuggerish in Houston and deny me the interest of some girls I might otherwise want to date, but that doesn't mean that such perceptions aren't a real thing or that they don't have a real affect on your life. And you could say, "Well I just wouldn't want to date a girl who judged me like that," but the reality is that most people judge most other people on something or another and if you push away anyone who does any little thing stupidly, you won't ever get very far.

Oh you'll get far by getting quality people in your life instead of quantity. Some people are just worthless to care about.

[Deleted]

Ok, so take my opinion with a pinch of salt, because I'm still in education and living at home.

Perhaps the homesickness will fade in time? That's what a lot of other people are saying. And, hey, it's not like you're on the other side of the world. You can visit your family without too much trouble. Maybe you can drop in with your family frequently for a while, and then slowly draw the visits out? Get yourself used to life without them. Moving out sounds like a big shock, but you can definitely soften the blow.

[Blueobelisk]

I disagree with you wanting to leave dishes out. I lived with 2 guys one summer and I was 2 hour driving distance from My grandparents/uncle, and I swear to god I brought all my food in containers and ate only from them with my own plastic utensils. And I drank from my own water bottles. Not a single thing on the sink/counter was used by me. I'm a germophobe so I wouldn't use it anyway, even here at home I eat off paper plates.

But God those guys were slobs and just left shit piling up. It was horrible. We had cockroaches and shit.

I personally think everything should always be clean. Or at least completely clean the plates and stuff with just water so it's clear but unsoaped.

I have a picture prepared of what it was like when I said this post.



It was like that quite honestly all the time. Nothing changed. I mean it never got washed and stacked back up, it just never got washed except maybe right before a certain item was used.

And stuff kept getting added on. And the problem was we'd (read: one of my roommates) host stuff (we had to because we were the first floor apartment), so they'd bring stuff, but it wasn't really clear who's responsibility's it was to wash those since someone else brought it so...

Yeah. I can't live like that. OP, just wash your stuff.

I'm not a germophobe, but I've often thought it would be nice to eat off of paper plates so that I never have to worry about washing them. Keeping my non-plate stuff clean is easy as hell. I don't do that, though, because I don't want to be the guy who generates a ton of paper waste every year that can't even be recycled. Paper plates are for one off events, not for an every day lifestyle.

Eh. I'm not too concerned with stuff like that so it doesn't bother me. It's VERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY convenient. I almost never have dishes beside the ones I cook with.

[Torgent]

You're wrong, he's right.

Lol what? He's wrong for using a dishwasher?

[Reeve]

Oh you'll get far by getting quality people in your life instead of quantity. Some people are just worthless to care about.

And you'll get farther by realizing that even quality people have flaws, and shutting everyone out who has one particular (and common) cultural flaw will reduce the pool of quality people from whom you can choose.

[GreenJesus]

I am confused.. is the OP a girl from the 1800s who can't take care of herself and lets the man dominate her? Or is this a dude who doesn't have any balls? Cause this whole thing is just stupid.

[Granda]

If I was paying half rent and had even my best friend trying to dictate how I get to live to me, one of us would be moving out either way. Or we'd just be dead its been known to get like that. OT: Seriously its half your place, you guys have to compromise, he doesn't get to dictate that's not how people living together work, unless one person is paying for everything. Assert yourself, it sounds like your getting walked all over and that is what's causing you to want to go back home too, because this guy is a dick.

[Dedweight]

As for the whole "I just have to get used to it" thing...it's been getting worse every day, not better. Ever day I want more and more to move back home, not less.

Go out and do other things to help take your mind off it or try calling home every couple days/weekends, that could potentially help with the homesickness. Sure it's not the same as actually having it face to face but it's an acceptable alternative.

[belfpala]

Go out and do other things to help take your mind off it or try calling home every couple days/weekends, that could potentially help with the homesickness. Sure it's not the same as actually having it face to face but it's an acceptable alternative.

This also. I'm in my 30s and still talk to my dad by phone a few times per week. He enjoys it, I enjoy it. Win win.

[starkey]

Share house costs ie toliet stuff,cleaners anything that you both use but not food that should be separate cause as you said yourself everyone has different tastes.

bills should be split you both use power i gather internet is shared and cable etc

The only downfall i found with flatting with close friends is you actually get to see how they live and you pick up on little annoyances lol but hey beats moving into your first apartment with a total stranger.

Most of all have lots of fun first time flatting is awesome

[The One Percent]

If he wants to split food, just let him know he's going to get the raw end because you aren't going to eat shit just because he does.

[IzoGray]

Do you honestly think your parents want their grown son moving home because he was homesick? Even if they were loving parents they would want you to be an adult.

[Tinykong]

The less number of things you can share, the better.

You want to avoid "well I don't want to pay for _____ this week because I use it less than you do." That could be toilet paper, soap, steaks, whatever. Minimize sharing and your life will be better.

[Seirith]

I can understand the home sick feeling. My parents and I are very close and I miss seeing them every day but moving out is a part of life. If you are home sick trying calling your parents or invite them over for dinner once a week, like a Friday night if they live close.

As for your roommate, it seems to me that you are good friends but not good roommates. I would sit down and have a talk with him that it is unfair to have his things only his way and that you like him but being roommates is not working out and that you will help him find another one or will be breaking the lease when it is up/or at X date. I would then try and find a small apartment you can afford on your own.

[Radio]

Didn't have the homesick problem myself, instead had the opposite problem where I had mum calling me exasperated because I was too independant.

In a roommate situation, unless you guys are cooking meals for the both of you, food is an individual expense. There is absolutely no reason to split the food bill when you guys are eating seperately.

You'll have to come to a compromise on the dish washing though. I'd probably just follow his lead on cleaning things when you're done with them, but that's my personal preference.

[Graeham]

It's natural to feel homesick. I felt the exact same way once I moved out to live with my partner. It does get easier to deal with as time goes on. If you miss your family then do your best to visit them when you can and keep in direct contact through the use of the internet or your phone. I ring my mother almost every evening and visit her about twice a month. It helps.

As for your housemate? I'd suggest sitting him down and gently explaining your situation to him. Let him know how you're feeling, make it obvious that you're struggling to adjust and see if there's any compromises that can be made to make it easier on you. If you've known him for a while then he should be open to dialogue with you. If that doesn't work then simply try and part ways in such a way as to keep your friendship intact. Some people can be the best of friends but perform poorly when forced to be in each other's presence for an extended period of time.

[Deleted]

The homesickness, missing pets, missing noise (I often spend time in the countryside and the lack of activity grates on me), missing parents and talks etc. I understand.

What I don't understand is the arguing over bills and chores... like, can't you just wash all your own shit up after you like plates and then take it in turns to do general cleaning like vacuuming communal areas, taking out trash, and other things you both contribute to in terms of mess? On the dish-washing front, I'd agree with him that you should do it immediately after finishing eating. Leaving shit lying in the sink or dishwasher for hours until you're "ready" just causes bad smells and makes the place look a mess. It takes minutes to wash up after yourself, so just do it.

With regards to the food bills just tell him he can buy his own food and you'll buy yours; divvy up the fridge/cupboard/freezer space and don't touch one anothers' shit. Why do you need a shared food allowance? It makes no sense whatsoever. The only time my 4 flatmates and I ever shared the cost of food was if one of us was going to make dinner for everyone, like on special occasions (birthdays/holidays), so you all chip in.