Intimacy question...

[Deleted]

You must be kidding, right? Please someone tell me this guy is kidding.

Kidding? What? Condoms sucks so bad. Chafing, discomfort & pain can be caused by condoms. <.<

[Deleted]

I mean, to me it seems a little paranoid to continue using condoms with a prolonged partner in a monogamous relationship...

Granted i loathe wearing them but do so when meeting new flings...

Do your views on abortion line up?

In the sense that if her used BC failed, would you both wish to have an abortion?

(INB4 It's only her choice, it's why i'm asking if their views line up).

[Revi]

Never Ever Trust Anyone. Even the people you love the most. You have no one to depend on but yourself.

Wear a condom, you never know if she forgot to take her pill. Or worst case scenario, you never know if she just stops taking it all together to have a surprise baby.

Seriously? This attitude is pretty common on these forums, but I can't understand being this distrusting towards your own wife in a happy marriage. I'm going to go ahead and guess you're not happily married though.

There's no reason to wear a condom if your wife is faithful and on birth control. Since it seems like he's only concerned with mishaps in regard to birth control, I think it should be much better to just have a good system for the pills and leave it at that. Say what you want, but condoms just aren't as much fun.

[ewokgangbang]

youre married and use condoms? that statement in itself is odd, sounds like large trust issues at play here....
also i thought condoms were for sailors because they go port to port if you know what i mean....

[lenloc]

Compromise with her.....

Tell her you will stop wearing a condom and she can stay on the pill. Then when she goes out of town go to the doctor, freeze some of your boys, and get a vasectomy. When time comes for the baby making you should announce that you had a vasectomy and that your boys are in storage. After this, two things may happen.

A) Your wife will be pissed, deal with it, you'll have kids and be happy. Albeit your wife will never trust you again.

B) Your wife will be pissed, divorce you, and then you'll never have to worry about knocking anyone up for your next round of dating and also for your eventual second divorce.

[Deleted]

Compromise with her.....

Tell her you will stop wearing a condom and she can stay on the pill. Then when she goes out of town go to the doctor, freeze some of your boys, and get a vasectomy. When time comes for the baby making you should announce that you had a vasectomy and that your boys are in storage. After this, two things may happen.

A) Your wife will be pissed, deal with it, you'll have kids and be happy. Albeit your wife will never trust you again.

B) Your wife will be pissed, divorce you, and then you'll never have to worry about knocking anyone up for your next round of dating and also for your eventual second divorce.

Getting a vasectomy without telling your partner but still wanting kids is fucking idiotic. The woman would have to go to a clinic to get pregnant in that case and it's way more bothersome to get pregnant that way than by having sex.

[Kathandira]

I mean, to me it seems a little paranoid to continue using condoms with a prolonged partner in a monogamous relationship...

Granted i loathe wearing them but do so when meeting new flings...

Do your views on abortion line up?

In the sense that if her used BC failed, would you both wish to have an abortion?

(INB4 It's only her choice, it's why i'm asking if their views line up).

I personally just wouldn't want to ask someone to go through such an experience, if it could be avoided all together. Abortion is not pleasant.

[Deleted]

Do you think it does or does not decrease the chance of having a mishap?

Of course it does. And if she used hormonal implant instead of pill, the chance would drop more as pill has to be taken regularly to have effect. She could also use cervical cap with spermicides, have intrauterine coil implanted, and to top it off, female condom. Also remember to pull out just to be sure.

The true value of condom as contraception is actually 81%. Is that worth your overall enjoyment and the risk of health issues caused by condom? Both the pill and condom can fail and if that does happen, so what. Modern interruption methods are not as harmful as was the case in the past with curretage.

If you still cannot overcome it, pull out. Pulling out with pill as a method of contraception is actually equally effective as condom with pill.

Why do you and your wife care so much what her friends think? Are her friends having sex with you or having your kid? it's really none of their concern.

So very helpful response, but barring that, she asked them so it is.

[Yesthisisnew]

Wow this is way more traffic then I expected.
The the point of a vasectomy, discussed that she is not comfortable with it... also she has not complained in anyway I think she is just curious since I am the only person she has ever been with an this has always been the ground rules. I was just curious if anyone else had this "fear" and had gone through the redundancy.

I do like the analogy of looking both ways before crossing the street - She does forget to take her pill every once in a while but only by a few hours or so... But I do trust her completely and there is no way she would have a baby on purpose. That's not what this is about!

It's about the opinion if I am being overly cautious or if it is a good 2nd line of defense. Sounds like everyone is 50/50 on it.

[Kathandira]

Seriously? This attitude is pretty common on these forums, but I can't understand being this distrusting towards your own wife in a happy marriage. I'm going to go ahead and guess you're not happily married though.

There's no reason to wear a condom if your wife is faithful and on birth control. Since it seems like he's only concerned with mishaps in regard to birth control, I think it should be much better to just have a good system for the pills and leave it at that. Say what you want, but condoms just aren't as much fun.

LOL no, my g/f of 6 years is just very forgetful. I threw in the Surprise Baby thing just cause it happens.

But yeah, there are often times where There is no sex to be had for a week because my g/f forgot to take her pill, and we have to wait for the readjustment to it.

We still wear condoms as well, but we like to be double sure as neither of us are interested in having children.

- - - Updated - - -

youre married and use condoms? that statement in itself is odd, sounds like large trust issues at play here....
also i thought condoms were for sailors because they go port to port if you know what i mean....

It is also a birth control method. Married people who have no plans on having children may still use condoms.

[Deleted]

I do like the analogy of looking both ways before crossing the street - She does forget to take her pill every once in a while but only by a few hours or so... But I do trust her completely and there is no way she would have a baby on purpose. That's not what this is about!

If she forgets to take it, you shouldn't really go without a condom.

[Katchii]

Both methods have a chance of failure, so using both further reduces the risk of pregnancy but still doesn't eliminate it completely. However, using both only reduces the risk marginally. While wikipedia is obviously not a comprehensive or particularly trustworthy reference, it does give a pretty good general idea of the effectiveness of the different contraceptive options.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compari...ontrol_methods

If you and your wife are OK with the situation, who gives a shit what other people think.

If you really don't want to have kids there are other methods than what you're currently using that are much less annoying and equally, if not more, effective.

[Kathandira]

If she forgets to take it, you shouldn't really go without a condom.

Even with a condom, I still wait when she forgets. The risk just isn't worth it. 1 mistake can cost you a lifetime of money and stress.

[Revi]

Wow this is way more traffic then I expected.
The the point of a vasectomy, discussed that she is not comfortable with it... also she has not complained in anyway I think she is just curious since I am the only person she has ever been with an this has always been the ground rules. I was just curious if anyone else had this "fear" and had gone through the redundancy.

I do like the analogy of looking both ways before crossing the street - She does forget to take her pill every once in a while but only by a few hours or so... But I do trust her completely and there is no way she would have a baby on purpose. That's not what this is about!

It's about the opinion if I am being overly cautious or if it is a good 2nd line of defense. Sounds like everyone is 50/50 on it.

I'm not saying it should come first, but sex really is better for both of you without condoms, but only if you both feel secure in only using one form of birth control. Honestly I would suggest looking into other methods, like those implants (no idea what they're called in English) so that you can both feel confident that it works and still skip the condoms.

[Deleted]

Even with a condom, I still wait when she forgets. The risk just isn't worth it. 1 mistake can cost you a lifetime of money and stress.

Each to their own I guess but sounds a bit paranoid. I wouldn't abstain from sex because of forgetting to take pill though, would just use a condom and if shit happens and it breaks, take a morning after pill.

[Reeve]

The true value of condom as contraception is actually 81%. Is that worth your overall enjoyment and the risk of health issues caused by condom? Both the pill and condom can fail and if that does happen, so what. Modern interruption methods are not as harmful as was the case in the past with curretage.

I always hear these really low efficacy rates on condoms, but I've had sex loads of times with girls who weren't on contraception using only a condom, and never gotten one pregnant. Easily 50 times at least, which means that the probability of getting someone pregnant in one of those sexual escapades should be something like 1 - (0.81)^50, or 99.997% (I hope I did that right. It's been a LONG time since I took any stats). I must be the luckiest person alive if the efficacy of condoms is only 81%.

[Rukentuts]

I always hear these really low efficacy rates on condoms, but I've had sex loads of times with girls who weren't on contraception using only a condom, and never gotten one pregnant. Easily 50 times at least, which means that the probability of getting someone pregnant in one of those sexual escapades should be something like 1 - (0.81)^50, or 99.997% (I hope I did that right. It's been a LONG time since I took any stats). I must be the luckiest person alive if the efficacy of condoms is only 81%.

81% is the "real" i.e. in practice rate. Means people without a clue can skew it.

[Kathandira]

Each to their own I guess but sounds a bit paranoid. I wouldn't abstain from sex because of forgetting to take pill though, would just use a condom and if shit happens and it breaks, take a morning after pill.

It is hyper paranoia. But why wouldn't I be? I have no interest in raising children. My g/f has no interest in giving birth to a child. I would rather not shove a child into foster care. And I wouldn't want her to have to go through the mental torture of an abortion.

There is a lot at stake. I use every precaution I can.

[Reeve]

81% is the "real" i.e. in practice rate. Means people without a clue can skew it.

That's also annualized. The individual use rate of failure is far lower.

According to Wikipedia, which I've been reading since my post, in a "perfect use" scenario, which is not exactly hard (no pun intended) with condoms, there's a 2% chance of failure in a given year of having regular sex. If you figure a minimum of two nights a week for an average of 50 years to get one failure, that's one condom failure resulting in pregnancy in 5200 sexual sessions. Pretty good if you ask me.

Condoms with spermicide apparently run a perfect use failure rate of 0.05%, or once in 2000 years.

[grimsanta]

Is she on the pill or is she on another form? If she's on the pill, I have to ask why? This isn't the 1960s anymore. We have better options for most people that are much more safe. I'd never trust a girl on the pill, and I would do as you're doing by wrapping it up. But there are other options where you wouldn't have to wear a condom.

I can't even imagine sex with a condom. Ugh.