Are Dating & Relationships Overrated?

[Vellauno]

Time for wall of text fun.

I am 34 and have been very happily married for 5 years now. My life would not be nearly as fulfilling without the wife that I hold dearly... and she was the first girl I ever dated.

Some people say 'oh, you are so lucky, the first girl you ever dated was the one for you' or even the more negative 'you must have pretty low expectations', but I assure you, neither is correct. It all comes down to approach.

Here is how I did it. Please note, what worked for me may not work for others, but I assure you, in my case, it worked well:

I have been interested in relationships for years before my first and only girlfriend and do not have problems courting or getting along with women. Despite this, I have strictly avoided entering a dating / physical relationship yet have made many many female friends. The reason for avoiding 'dating' someone romantically is simple, a spouse or girlfriend is often simply a great friend + physical fulfillment + commitment. I have always believed that the first step to a relationship should be friendship. Become friends, spend time together, talk to each other, and most importantly, become aware of each others values and attitudes. Think long and hard about who the person you are with is and be friends long enough (or at least know them long enough) to see past the mask most people put on in public. If you think this is the kind of person who you could spend most of your life with, then move to romance. If not, at least you have another friend with much fewer strings attached.

As a couple, the big issues are not dating, romancing and physical intimacy, the big challenge comes when you chose to live together and share responsibility. Can you spend all day everyday with your significant other without driving each other insane? Can you share major responsibilities and trust them? Can you hand over your credit card and share a bank account, with you SO? Can you tell them your secrets and everything with confidence in the fact that they will support you? If not, stop the relationship, and try again. Trying to 'make it work' is almost never a good idea when in all likelihood, there is someone out there for you.

Even if you find the love of your life, at most get engaged until both of you have finished your education, have found a job you can call a career, and life has settled to some degree. I gurentee you that until this point, you change dramatically in almost all cases. If you live a constantly changing dynamic unstable lifestyle, you may not be in the position to have children yet so why get married? Yes, marriage is a promise of commitment but is that so important if you trust your partner (and realize one or both of you may change) and you have no obligations to children? Children DO change the picture completely though, so be VERY careful there. When you have a child, a relationship is no longer simply about husband and wife or man and woman.

[Mormolyce]

Shrug. Married for 14 years, only ever been on one date.

Kinda wish I was dating instead.

[Nillah]

You're welcome to follow me though through any medium that's up to you. I also don't go after femininst stuff. Not worth my time.

Sure, what is it? I might reblog a serious post once in awhile if I'm in the mood, not often though. Also lots of video game stuff. Mostly dragon age right now, that game is killing me.

Me too!

Ah right I forgot to mention that part! Silly me.

[Aeluron Lightsong]

My name is right there. Warning though I do a lot of WoW fanart >.>


http://aeluron.tumblr.com/

Fixed there.

[Tyrgannus]

Aerosyne won the thread. I don't understand how people human anymore. Yes, I just verbified human. Even in just my lifetime, relationship dynamics have DRASTICALLY changed. We live in a time where change is far, far too rapid in my opinion. It's hard to get involved in something that will be obsolete soon, and hard to love something if you were never involved. For some terrible reason, we treat relationships as things now. Relationships are people. People are not things.

[Deleted]

I don't know if they are overrated but I don't care about them for sure. I'm 23, I haven't had a girlfriend for like 6 years and I don't even want one.
To be honest I just enjoy being single I just don't feel the need to have someone from the emotional side.
Now I don't totally reject the thought of having a gf, I just really don't care and if it happens then it happens but if not then that's fine too, I don't make any moves that's for sure, it's just too convenient being single and I love being alone.

[Kikuchi]

Short answer: I would say dating and relationships are quite overrated..

Long answer: 28 female, the amount of effort that can be put into trying to be with someone only for them to suddenly flip a switch and be done with you. Not worth it..

Girl 1: Long distance, I met her on in my guild on Elder Scrolls online while I was leveling my 2nd character, she was leveling her first and wanted help. With being quite fast at leveling I offered, it wasn't long before we started talking and getting to know each other. I would say about a month into it feelings were developing on both sides. A couple things happened that really made me think things were getting more serious, she went on a family vacation texting me as much as she could telling me she missed me etc., when she got back from vacation she called me every night, and finally she hinted at me moving out there to her. Things went on like this for months, we planned to meet up in person at Blizzcon a few months before the convention. About 2 months from blizzcon she tells me I need to back off some, she doesn't want to feel obligated to call and text me all the time, then she hits me with the best line that really crushes me "I don't want to lead you on". Anyway, we hardly talk for the 2 months before blizzcon I fly out there and she just acts forced and fake around me to the point where I just told her I'll spend blizzcon alone. Never spoke to her again.

Girl 2: Local, met her off the dating site match. We text for about a week before meeting for dinner, after dinner she talks about how much she likes me etc. I start playing Call of Duty with her when we're can't hang out in person. After two weeks of what I called dating (she didn't call it dating), she claims to not like me anymore and doesn't know why. She wants to stay friends, which that never really works out for me, not but a few days after she dumps me she's dating someone new.

[Aeluron Lightsong]

It's part of life though sometimes bad shit happens. It's also why I believe ageless serums need to come

Seriously though, sometimes life fucking sucks, doesn't mean it's overrated.

[Jaxsz]

im 35 and have never had a girl friend. Hell dont even think I have even been on a real date. sometimes I wish I did but when I look at my life it just wouldnt work. I have a lot of friends who were ruined by marriage. People I used to hunt and fish with 2-3 times a week for a period of 12 years. All of a sudden its like they went to prison. Two of my good friends said they been hunting maybe twice in the last 3 years. One was supposed to come to my weekly dove shoots this year but that was ruined by a damn new baby. We used to take trips to Arkansas to duck hunt for a week every year. It was so much fun and now thats gone, ruined by some fucking succubi.

My Uncle went through a bad divorce after marrying a whorebag that my Grandfather even made very obvious that he hated. This is a guy who was loved by everyone and never spoke ill-will about anyone. My brother is about to divorce some cunt that brainwashed him into hating me and my parents. She wouldnt even let my parents come over to see their own grandchildren.

So yes its extremely over rated. Theres no way I could get married and especially no way I could ever have a family. The amount of money my parents spent on me and my brother is staggering. 2 children in boarding school was $60,000 a year. Then of course theres all the other bills. Wouldnt be surprised if kids cost you 100k a year. I will enjoy my single life hunting and fishing every day with only my bills and everything (house, cars, toys) fully paid for. I enjoy my freedom too much. I mean how can it be love if you have to give up everything that you love doing?

You have a really messed up view of the world, of women, and of relationships.

A normal person gets in a relationship, has someone to love (both the spouse and the children, if they exist) and still does everything they love in life.

Most would argue having the relationship enhances the things they love in life. Considering you have no experience with this, I can only feel sad for you.

[Sorrior]

I would say they are UNDERRATED TBH. I feel too many people get caught up being self centered and selfish and have forgotten or never known how truly joyous and uplifting a good relationship is.

[Maltah]

im 35 and have never had a girl friend... So yes its extremely over rated.

Clearly, this man speaks from experience!

[Musta]

Yes they are. People take it too serious.

[Conspicuous Cultist]

You have a really messed up view of the world, of women, and of relationships.

A normal person gets in a relationship, has someone to love (both the spouse and the children, if they exist) and still does everything they love in life.

Most would argue having the relationship enhances the things they love in life. Considering you have no experience with this, I can only feel sad for you.

A messed up one but one with a grain of salt in it. Married folks just don't have time anymore, for one reason or another.

Plus there's a distinct freedom being a bachleor, you could find the "one" sure but there's no possibility of being burned by a relationship by just... simply not bothering with it. Acquire money, reach your dreams, get a manor.

I would say they are UNDERRATED TBH. I feel too many people get caught up being self centered and selfish and have forgotten or never known how truly joyous and uplifting a good relationship is.

A bad relationship is detrimental. It's just mitigating that risk by just simply not bothering, nothing wrong with looking out for yourself.

[Seirith]

I don't think they are at all. I'm 31, been married for 8 years, together for 16 years and he is the only person I have ever dated. He is my partner and best friend. My life is better because of him and his is better because of me. I couldn't imagine my life without him.