Workplace Bully

[Mentia]

What the hell? Is this 1965, DID WE GO BACK IN TIME?!

That would be nice. Too many pussified people today.

[dextersmith]

Ask to speak with her at a convenient time for her. Ask if you've offended her because you used to get along. If things continue, report her for creating a hostile work environment; everyone has a boss.

Edit: Advise HR of the issues (in case things explode) and that you'd like an opportunity to address it with first. Ask them for suggestions of what to say.

[PIsForPhuck]

Neither you nor the OP were able to show her being a bully.

OP, in life you have to deal with unfriendly people, it happens. You also have to get over it.

I'm sure many people have been a situation that's been hard on them, but when they put it in words it sounds like less than it is. Is that what's happened with the OP? Maybe.

[Deleted]

She senses weakness, that's why she bullies you.

[Deleted]

Open dialogue has always worked best for me.

Buy her a coffee, walk up to her and go "Hey Jan, I was at the coffee shop today and thought you might like one. I noticed you always drink [insert coffee type here], so I got you one of those. I also wanted to talk to you about something. Do you have time? It's important."

A simple pattern interrupt like that can achieve great results.

Then you go and have a conversation with her.

You could tell her "So Jen, I realize there's been some tension between us and I just want to lay all the cards out on the table. Please explain to me what it is that I might be doing that irritates you? I wanna make sure this doesn't continue, so please, let's talk about that."

You might learn something about her, you might even learn something about yourself. Give it a go.

[Gandrake]

What the hell? Is this 1965, DID WE GO BACK IN TIME?!

I've never met a woman working bouncehouses or bread.

I could never have a female superior. Not because women are stupid or inferior or anything, but because I've never met a woman who's put as many hours into their job as I have.

Most women prefer jobs like date pulling, waitressing and being clerks. All of the men I know generally have more physically demanding jobs that require all of these skills and more.

[CptEgo]

I've never met a woman working bouncehouses or bread.

I could never have a female superior. Not because women are stupid or inferior or anything, but because I've never met a woman who's put as many hours into their job as I have.

Most women prefer jobs like date pulling, waitressing and being clerks. All of the men I know generally have more physically demanding jobs that require all of these skills and more.

Maybe you haven't met the right women then..

[tj119]

Either
A. Ignore her.
Or
B. Ask her why she is so rude to you and if she doesn't fuck off you will have to bring HER superiors into the equation. If she continues be a downright dick back and report her as well. Just don't cross the line and get fired.

[Charge me Doctor]

report to your companies personnel department. I would go all official with all my relations with her, writing reports about her behavior and everything about her work, how many times she fucks something up but hides from everyone, how often she is late, how she spends time on personal shit (from sitting on a phone to going to toilet) and so on. This shit worked for me, after (vie my numerous reports to authority) realizing that the guy who was unpleasant to me was spending around 4 hours per work day (8 hours) on shit like disctracting others from work and roaming around, he've got fired

[KievanAquinus]

This really doesn't sound like bullying to me.

Bullying would involve humiliation. You didn't really give any examples where she tried to humiliate you.

Bullying would involve fear or intimidation. You don't really sound afraid of or intimidated by this person.

What you have is a mean supervisor. Welcome to the Workforce! Those kinda jerks are everywhere.

Your best bet is to kill her with kindness. Some people in the thread have already made some good suggestions on that front.

Failing that, if this is something that's really, truly making your workplace an unbearable situation, you should have a meeting with Jan and a third party, someone from your HR department, someone who's is over Jan. Hash it out, make your feelings known, as see where it goes from there. I would not recommend confronting her about it one on one. In the Corporate World, you always want a witness.

[Cyberowl]

Uhm, I don't know how to tell you, and I may be a bit crazy, but maybe talk to her? That's was people used to do before the Internet and text messages.

[NYC17]

I don't see how this is bullying. If she can't do her job without being rude it seems like she's just bad at her job.

[Spectral]

Well, we've successfully turned the words "bully" and "bullying" into meaning absolutely nothing. Congratulations!

[Deleted]

Maybe you're just shit at your job and she's fed up of you. Did you even consider that?

[Deleted]

I would start patronizing her at every turn. Reply with "Roger that, chief.", "You're the boss!", " You know best.", " Your promotion sure is overdue.". Gotta have a sarcastic tone in your voice though. Don't wanna make her think she's actually worth a damn.

She also sounds like one of those people who love to point out that she isn't feeling too well today but she came into work anyway because that's just how serious she is about her job. When she has one of those days you go up to her and ask " Oh my god Jan! Are you feeling alright? You look like you have a fever or something.". She ain't sick, everybody knows that. She know she ain't sick, she know you know she ain't sick, everybody knows. That's not the point though. She can't call herself out on her own bullshit and she can't call you out for telling her she looks like shit. But her massive ego will trick and convince her she does feel like shit because that's the only way she can maintain her illusion of superiority. She'll call in sick the very next day.

But if trolling doesn't work and she become plain nasty you go tell your boss. You're not the problem in this equation, she is. She's killing morale which slows down everybody's working pace. If her presence and bullshit negatively affects her coworkers then she's simply not worth it. She ain't good for business and she ain't irreplaceable. If your boss doesn't do anything to correct the situation you tell him or her that you quit because of Jan's bullshit and toxic attitude. And, yeah, start looking for a new job. It's good to have a backup in case shit goes south.

[KievanAquinus]

But if trolling doesn't work and she become plain nasty you go tell your boss.

I would not recommend trolling a supervisor at work. You may feel better in the short term, but long term prospects are bleak.

A good rule of thumb, your workplace is not an anonymous internet forum and you shouldn't behave as though it was.

[Deleted]

I would not recommend trolling a supervisor at work. You may feel better in the short term, but long term prospects are bleak.

A good rule of thumb, your workplace is not an anonymous internet forum and you shouldn't behave as though it was.

She's not a supervisor. She's a person who happened to supervise his training. I did that with newcomers when I was 16 years old and doing my apprenticeship. You just get assigned as supervisor so that the newcomer has someone to ask if he/she is unsure about anything. Not actually a real job.

[KayossZero]

Pretty much this. I could never have a female superior.

Oh la la, the MRA stinks with this one. Quite edgy though!

[analmoose]

She's not a bully, she just doesn't care for you for whatever reason it seems. Not everyone is gonna be your buddy, so man up ( woman up?) and get over it. People like you calling this a bully are what's wrong with the world.

[Tydrane]

This isn't bullying. She's your boss and as such has the power to tell you what to do. She not very nice, big deal, people can be like that. My advice, accept her shitty personality and learn to live wit it, or move on.

I guess I should have clarified this in the original post, but we're actually on the same level. She's not my superior, when I mentioned that she was involved in my training, I meant more specifically relating to following procedures at my workplace. I can and do work in all of the same areas that she does - something I neglected to mention is that I've actually been trained in a few areas that she hasn't, something that I know she did not react kindly to when she found out. But she wasn't alone in that, and the other employee who took issue with it directed her ire at the manager who made that decision.

As an aside, thanks for all the replies, I'm finding it really interesting to see how other people would react to this sort of situation, though some are more believable than others. As to whether this actually qualifies as bullying, well, I guess it's hard to explain that in one post without detailing every incident that fits into what appears to be an ongoing theme.

I will say, though, because one person highlighted fear and humiliation, that she doesn't call me to the mat privately, she does it regardless of whether there are other staff or customers present - whether or not that is intended to humiliate, it's at the very least wilfully ignorant of the capacity to cause humiliation. And as to fear, no, I'm not afraid of her, per se. I'm afraid that one day I'll lose my cool and fire back, and then she'll have grounds to complain about me.