Girls messaging you first

[Kurioxan]

I wish there had been online dating when I was younger, it would have been so encouraging to know some of the things you have in common before even meeting each other.
Don't give up, there's a ton of possible matches on those sites.

Somehow i find it rather bleh, i love the process of discovery, even if it reaches impasses, and then managing to break through differences, feels rather rewarding.
Dating sites feel, odd to me, not in the a judgemental type of "hurr its for losers" kind of shit, but its... odd, bit like going to the grocery and buying something you find interesting, if it makes sense?

And ye, there are a lot of people on those sites, no one is anyones first choice and everyone is pingponging until they find a decent enough match, just like RL, but a bit "faster", so not much use in overthinking if one is a first choice or not.

[Afrospinach]

erin@mmochampion

the "mm" in "mmo" stands for matchmaker

I'll bite, what does the "o" stand for.

[Kurioxan]

I'll bite, what does the "o" stand for.

Be creative, what would be the Big O?
Also, probably best not to ask.

[Deleted]

I'll bite, what does the "o" stand for.

"OshitErinIsTheBestPersonEVER"

[Deleted]

organic?
/10

[ItachiZaku]

what would be the Big O?

Well, clearly Oscar Robertson.

[Deleted]

- Since the number of males on online dating websites is huge compared to females, it means I most likely were not "her first choice" or maybe her last. If I push and try to set a date to soon maybe she will think I'm desperate, if I wait maybe she will find anoter guy

I think you got it backwards.
The site having way more men than women means women get to choose and cherrypick. Of all the potential mates she chose you, you should feel honored for it.
On the other hand of course she's had another partner before, you can't expect to be your GFs first all the time, that just doesn't work, mathematically.

- Because the last relationship that started on the online dating website wen't bad, maybe this one might also (dunno maybe either I or the females on the website have issues)

You need to get this, all your relationships even your last are going to end bad, it doesn't matter how and where they started.

[thatguy181]

The questions I have atm:

- Since the number of males on online dating websites is huge compared to females, it means I most likely were not "her first choice" or maybe her last. If I push and try to set a date to soon maybe she will think I'm desperate, if I wait maybe she will find anoter guy

- Because the last relationship that started on the online dating website wen't bad, maybe this one might also (dunno maybe either I or the females on the website have issues)

I found my wife via online dating. Not sure why you put it in quotations. That being said, I do strongly recommend only using online dating sites that require money before allowing you to text/message each other more than a smile. It shows commitment and keeps away a lot of crap. Also just avoid everything on free weekends.

Anyway, enough random advice. Your questions...

You probably weren't her first choice. So what? She's interested enough in you to send you a message. You may be the first person she saw today. You may have been at the bottom of her list of matches today. You may be someone she was finally matched to after several months. There's a 99.9999999% chance she's either been pinged by numerous other guys or has pinged numerous other guys. Every day back when I was on the site, I'd look at my daily matches, send messages to the ones I thought were good matches, and wait. The point is, if you see someone that interest you, you've got to let them know. She may ultimately want marriage and all that, but for right now, she sees you in the race for whatever it is she wants. She may see others in the race too. If you think she's what you're looking for... You need to make sure to let her know and get to the point where you do enter into a mutually exclusive relationship. There are tons of other guys out there. Her being a woman, she's probably being contacted by most of them. It's up to you to show you're the best choice.

Your second question is just illogical. I woke up and stubbed my poor pinky toe on the corner of the bed this morning. Maybe I should just stay in bed the rest of my life to avoid that happening again. I was rear ended a year ago, I should have stopped driving because who knows when that may happen again. 30 years ago I exited the comfort of my womb only to see absurdly bright lights and get spanked by a strange man... Should have just stayed in the womb. Get what I'm saying bud? Life's about taking chances. You'll usually win a lot more than you lose, but you've got to put yourself out there. You've got to be willing to lose in order to win.

[Vaxall]

I found my wife via online dating. Not sure why you put it in quotations. That being said, I do strongly recommend only using online dating sites that require money before allowing you to text/message each other more than a smile. It shows commitment and keeps away a lot of crap. Also just avoid everything on free weekends.

I dont know how old you or OP are, but i d say he is alot younger then you are.
Either a girl is like "yeah sure i wanna text with strangers" or shes famediving and will be arrogant and wont text back anyways.
I think theres i no difference in a payed dating site or a free one, exept apps/sites like lovoo where like 80% just looking for a hookup (man and woman).
Even on Lovoo you can buy somekind of stuff and send people some "special stuff" idk, you wont get anything back if shes not interested.

[Deleted]

She may see others in the race too. If you think she's what you're looking for... You need to make sure to let her know and get to the point where you do enter into a mutually exclusive relationship. There are tons of other guys out there. Her being a woman, she's probably being contacted by most of them. It's up to you to show you're the best choice.

Then there is that fine line betweend despare or interested and being a nice guy or a creep. Yeah can I enroll in classes to learn that?

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I dont know how old you or OP are, but i d say he is alot younger then you are.
Either a girl is like "yeah sure i wanna text with strangers" or shes famediving and will be arrogant and wont text back anyways.

Getting our of the first half of the 20's, but I look more 20ish, so younger then I actually am.

[Hinansho]

[THE Bigzoman]

It's not uncommon for the women lacking in appearance to take initiative. (saying this because the ones that take initiative on dating websites are usually lacking)

trust me....

[Deleted]

It's not uncommon for the women lacking in appearance to take initiative. (saying this because the ones that initiative on dating websites are usually lacking)

trust me....

I take initiative! What're you trying to say?!

[THE Bigzoman]

I take initiative! What're you trying to say?!

You're an anomoly. (You're perty)

If you weren't so fascinated with cutting off penises (not just talking about the joke) you'd be at least cuddling status.

[Reeve]

So I've been registed on this "online dating" website for about 3-4 years. In the first month I've talked to a few girls there then I got a message from this random girl and we talked a bit. We were "matched" high so eventually we met up in person and had a 6 month relationship. After it ended it left be a bit bitter so I didn't message or talked to a lot, if any, girls on the dating website.

Yesterday a girl messaged me because we were "matched" so we started talking and found out we have shared interests/hobbies. It was about a 1h conversation, in the end I've asked for her FB profile address or phone no. to talk easier. She gave me the profile, I've added her to my friends and found out we kinda have shared friends.

The questions I have atm:

- Since the number of males on online dating websites is huge compared to females, it means I most likely were not "her first choice" or maybe her last. If I push and try to set a date to soon maybe she will think I'm desperate, if I wait maybe she will find anoter guy

- Because the last relationship that started on the online dating website wen't bad, maybe this one might also (dunno maybe either I or the females on the website have issues)

You're trying to generalize the whole population of women in online dating by a sample size of one? One relationship that went south? Seriously, learn to judge people by their individual merits, not based on what someone else did years ago.

Also, if you like her and want to arrange a date, don't play games. Just ask if she'd like to get some coffee next Saturday, maybe 5 PM? Then if things are going well, you can go to dinner after coffee. If not, you both go home.

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It's not uncommon for the women lacking in appearance to take initiative. (saying this because the ones that take initiative on dating websites are usually lacking)

trust me....

Eh, it's more just that the good looking girls are more likely to get taken off the market faster. I've been messaged by good looking girls quite a few times. But yeah, something like 90% of the girls who message me first are obese, or have serious personality issues that would turn me off.

[THE Bigzoman]

You're trying to generalize the whole population of women in online dating by a sample size of one? One relationship that went south? Seriously, learn to judge people by their individual merits, not based on what someone else did years ago.

Also, if you like her and want to arrange a date, don't play games. Just ask if she'd like to get some coffee next Saturday, maybe 5 PM? Then if things are going well, you can go to dinner after coffee. If not, you both go home.

Don't do a coffee date. Get her to a bar. If you have to do dinner, eat a meal before you go. It'll save you money and if she's self conscious about her weight she won't eat more than you, saving you money.

[Martyn 470]

A woman has never messaged me first but that means fuck all, I usually just make an icebreaking joke.
The most recent joke involved me asking a girl if she was a human dressed as pikachu, or a pikachu dressed as a human ( she has a picture with a Pikachu onesie).
She then said she'll leave it up to me to decide, to which I replied that I've been looking to date a Pikachu with cute classes and a nice smile ( she had both of those), to which she answered " Pika Pika", IE i'm interested in you.

To cut a long story short, basically who messages who dosen't matter, it's more about the way you're introduced because girls are interested in guys who can make interesting conversation.

[THE Bigzoman]

You're trying to generalize the whole population of women in online dating by a sample size of one? One relationship that went south? Seriously, learn to judge people by their individual merits, not based on what someone else did years ago.

Also, if you like her and want to arrange a date, don't play games. Just ask if she'd like to get some coffee next Saturday, maybe 5 PM? Then if things are going well, you can go to dinner after coffee. If not, you both go home.

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Eh, it's more just that the good looking girls are more likely to get taken off the market faster. I've been messaged by good looking girls quite a few times. But yeah, something like 90% of the girls who message me first are obese, or have serious personality issues that would turn me off.

Yeah. Nothing but fatties for me. I had one butterface, but I didn't want to risk meeting her because if she had the bod she'd show it off (so she must not have a bod)

[zealo]

Just go for it. If she is the one that is initiating contact on a dating website its pretty clear she probably has an interest in you.

[Crissi]

I almost always end up having to message first. Dont judge anything by it. Just means we know what we want and arent lazy about it and / or ugly. Nothing irritates me more than guys waiting forever to respond because of some sort of "I dont wanna look desperate" rule.

Also, judging an entire industry because of 1 bad relationship is incredibly stupid. You just need to realize that was a bad situation, then try again.