A lifetime of failure and set backs

[Tendencie]

MMO-Champion is my only "forum" I visit for anything. So I thought I'd share this very personal story about myself for help on why my entire life has been a series of failures and set backs.

When I was a kid, I was the unpopular one. Was picked close to last for any school activity. Looking back I was a dork. I struggled through school my entire life. I got hooked on video games at a young age. Spent much of my childhood playing super nintendo, nintendo 64. It more than likely helped to contribute to a rotten brain at a young age.

I seem to be accident prone. Many broken bones over my lifetime. All involving sports. I enjoyed sports and was moderately okay at them... just accident prone. I was still hooked on video games when I was a teenager but also got into bmx racing... which bmx of itself helped contribute to many of my broken bones... yet I kept doing it (derp).

Here comes along high school, but due to my peers and influences and views on life, I screwed up my sophomore year. Skipping class. Wanting to drop out. It cost me an extra year of school. I didn't graduate until I was 19. Parents divorced and I changed schools. Did better. Tried to reinvent myself. It did work long enough to get me through those 2 years at that school. At the same time I also attended a technical school and achieved my Comptia A+ Certified Computer Technician Certification and also the schools certification. I thought great! Things are looking good for me and my future.

I got a job straight out of high school for a small town computer shop. That lasted 3 months then a few of us were laid off. I was shocked. I had no idea what to do. So I applied anywhere and everywhere. Got a job at Subway. Was hired because I was white. Got fired a month later. She just stuck me on prep and would then tell me to go home after like 4 hours. Found out she was fired from Subway 2 months later.

My dad opened up a snack bar the year I graduated high school. He forced me to work for him for $20 a day or he would evict me. I had no place to go. My dad is messed up in the head and still is to this day. Until one day I snapped and told him off. I didn't care if I lived under an overpass (I still remember that very vividly)

I decided to go to college full time. That lasted 2 weeks. I was overwhelmed with school work. It was a private college. I'm a knucklehead when it comes to book smarts. So I dropped out. Even had a $25,000 grant. Said screw it, I've always wanted to be in the military, So I guess that's where I'll go.

So now I'm 21. Joined the Air Force. It was a great experience. PT was fun. Made great friends. Learned a lot. 5 weeks into bmt, I had internal bleeding of my esophagus. Set me back far in training. They medically discharged me.... ( I'm just like are you f**king kidding me - to myself at life... like where the hell did this come from and why now )

So there I am, 21. Nothing planned ahead. My dad then told me if I wanted to work for him he would hire me for $50 a day in cash. Figured it would just be a temporary job... well, that temporary job lasted 3.5 years... His business was bought out in 2012. I went from other temp jobs to temp jobs.

Shortly after I was back home, I attempted suicide with my vehicle... but in the middle of the act I just couldn't go through with it. ( I suck so bad I couldn't kill myself if my life depended on it lol )

During that time my dad kept telling me to talk to the V.A to see what they can do to help me. So to shut him the hell up because he's a psycho, I said fine. Long story short after all the tests and examinations, they rated me at 50% disability. I didn't even know there was such a thing. I just did it to shut my dad up lol. They diagnosed me with severe depression, anxiety, insomnia, hyper insomnia. I was like jesus man. Im messed up lol.

So I had this money. Thought okay Ill get me a decent vehicle. Long story short. My own ignorance made me lose $6,000 when I got F'd over by a friend for buying his vehicle. I didn't know anything about vehicles. He told me his truck was worth $3,500. Came to find out I should not have even paid over $1,500 for it. He lifted it and what not. Redneck truck. Man I was dumb. After spending another $3,000 fixing it up and selling it, I was out $6,000. Bought a little cavalier after that.

I got involved with BMX racing again. Became very good. Took a state championship. Grabbed 2 1st place national wins. Then I had the worst crash of my life racing in 2012. Broke my wrist and had bone bruises. Couldnt walk. Bed rest for 6 weeks. After that, I got into the gym life to get back in shape. Fell in love with lifting. I still go 6 days a week to this day.

I also dated this girl who was very innocent and nice. Shy too. Lasted 2 years. Everything was great until she started to change and by change I'll say this. She turned into Miley Cyrus. LITERALLY. She cut her hair to look like her. Wanted to get tatted up too. She cheated on me a lot, that I later found out. Like wtf is up with my life.

I landed a job in November of 2013 for the worst retailer in the country. Sears. Looking back and realizing that the reason I was hired was because I had a heart beat and my own vehicle. I worked 28 hours a week. So it's early 2014, I'm 26 and was still living at home. It wasn't until March 2014 that I finally got my own apartment. It was great being out on my own.

While at Sears, I was an awesome sales associate. Even got promoted to appliances. I hated the job deeply, but it was all i had. My manager who hired me in quit to go into business for himself. So they hired in this woman who is a complete moron. She used me for bitch work constantly. I was 100% commission. So she would try to force me to do all kinds of moving product around and cleaning because I was the "buff" one, while everyone else stood around. I kept explaining to her that's not my job and its taking a toll on my paychecks. So now I'm really beginning to hate my job. To the point I was having trouble sleeping. That Sears was on my mind 24/7. I cried going to sleep knowing Id have to go to work and not make hardly anything. It got to the point I contemplated suicide again. And I realized that's not healthy. That's no way to live. So I went in. Quit. This was October 2014.

I decided to move back home to save my money because I didnt know how long it would have been before I found a new job. 2 months later, I was hired by Charter Communications. Amazing company to work for. I thought this is great! Training was going fine. Aced everything. Then it came to the point of ladder safety and training. Found out I have a fear of heights. NOOOOO. DAMNIT!!! Signed a separation form...

February 2015. I'm now 27. Living at home again. No Job. It's like I just struggle my entire life. Even after all that, never done drugs. Never smoked. Never been drunk or buzzed. I'm a straight edge kinda guy. Im stuck. I feel like im in this vicious circle of failure and set backs.

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Update:
I think a lot of you missed what I was sharing. It was more about my luck in general. Not so much just a financial aspect, but life in and of itself. Something that has been this way for me since elementary school.

My dad is crazy. There is a reason my mom divorced him... I live with him but I pay him $250 a month and I try my best to just "keep peace" while staying here. I am miserable. Every now and then I go see mental health at the V.A but it's like they live in a constant fear of "don't say anything that might trigger a lawsuit" advice.

The V.A money may seem nice and I am very thankful of it. I never once asked the V.A for an increase in money, but it is also both a blessing and a curse. It's money that isn't enough to live on my own and the reasoning behind it is they deem me as unemployable. I wanted to prove that wrong, but man... I must be. They have some smart people who work there and evaluate people as their profession.

Once again... ex girlfriend turned into Miley Cyrus. WTF

Accident prone.

I wish I could open my own computer business or gym. But money is key and that which I don't have.

And I know how to interview for a job and find a job. The problem is getting the phone call back saying come in for an interview. I've never once been called in for an interview and not been hired.

This kinda goes in reference with my life. I want it. I work for it. I get it. It gets taken away from me. Back to the struggle. ( Rinse and repeat )

[breadisfunny]

in regards to the sears comment...it could have been worse at least your not working for walmart....this post something seems a bit not right about it...

[Deleted]

Seems like most of your problems are dangerous jobs and hobbies, and girls. I would quit all of those.

Seriously though, you seem to pick really shitty jobs.

[Deleted]

OK, but how many people can say they dated a person who literally turned into Miley Cyrus?

I know a guy, who got together with a girl, I swear she looks like Miley Cyrus. She even does the tongue out thing.

[Mifuyne]

What, no shady link at the end?

[Tendencie]

This is one of those confession sessions. The one thing that I'm very good at is working with computers. But I can't seem to find a job specifically working with them for somewhat decent pay for the life of me. That's my niche in life. More than bmx and lifting, it's computers. But a job isn't everything. My life in generally seems to be the never ending struggle.

[Deleted]

Welcome to to the real world, it sucks, Deal with it.

[breadisfunny]

Welcome to to the real world, it sucks, Deal with it.

wow such an amazing insight. go on....

[Evil Midnight Bomber]

This sort of reminds me of a joke:

When Johnny was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mothers rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 6 his favorite toy was taken at the playground. But that's ok, Johnny's used to hardships, after all when he was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mother's rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 7 he got beaten up pretty bad in school. But that's ok, Johnny's used to hardships, after all when he was 6 his favorite toy was taken at the playground, and when he was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mother's rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 8 his family's house caught fire and burnt down. But that's ok, Johnny's used to hardships, after all when he was 7 he got beaten up pretty bad in school, when he was 6 his favorite toy was taken at the playground, and when he was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mother's rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 9 his puppy got hit and killed by a truck. But that's ok, Johnny's used to hardships, after all when he was 8 his family's house caught fire and burnt down, when he was 7 he got beaten up pretty bad in school, when he was 6 his favorite toy was taken at the playground, and when he was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mother's rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 10 his family forgot his birthday and he didn't get anything. But that's ok, Johnny's used to hardships, after all when he was 9 his puppy got hit and killed by a truck, when he was 8 his family's house caught fire and burnt down, when he was 7 he got beaten up pretty bad in school, when he was 6 his favorite toy was taken at the playground, and when he was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mother's rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 11 he never got to eat lunch at school because the bully kept taking his lunch money. But that's ok, Johnny's used to hardships, after all when he was 10 his family forgot his birthday and he didn't get anything, when he was 9 his puppy got hit and killed by a truck, when he was 8 his family's house caught fire and burnt down, when he was 7 he got beaten up pretty bad in school, when he was 6 his favorite toy was taken at the playground, and when he was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mother's rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 12 he spent the summer with two broken arms. But that's ok, Johnny's used to hardships, after all when he was 11 he never got to eat lunch at school because the bully kept taking his lunch money, when he was 10 his family forgot his birthday and he didn't get anything, when he was 9 his puppy got hit and killed by a truck, when he was 8 his family's house caught fire and burnt down, when he was 7 he got beaten up pretty bad in school, when he was 6 his favorite toy was taken at the playground, and when he was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mother's rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 13 his bike got ran over in the driveway. But that's ok, Johnny's used to hardships, after all when he was 12 he spent the summer with two broken arms, when he was 11 he never got to eat lunch at school because the bully kept taking his lunch money, when he was 10 his family forgot his birthday and he didn't get anything, when he was 9 his puppy got hit and killed by a truck, when he was 8 his family's house caught fire and burnt down, when he was 7 he got beaten up pretty bad in school, when he was 6 his favorite toy was taken at the playground, and when he was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mother's rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 14 a storm blew a tree over onto his house where his room was and destroyed everything in his room. But that's ok, Johnny's used to hardships, after all when he was 13 his bike got ran over in the driveway, when he was 12 he spent the summer with two broken arms, when he was 11 he never got to eat lunch at school because the bully kept taking his lunch money, when he was 10 his family forgot his birthday and he didn't get anything, when he was 9 his puppy got hit and killed by a truck, when he was 8 his family's house caught fire and burnt down, when he was 7 he got beaten up pretty bad in school, when he was 6 his favorite toy was taken at the playground, and when he was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mother's rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 15 his father ran off for good. But that's ok, Johnny's used to hardships, after all when he was 14 a storm blew a tree over onto his house where his room was and destroyed everything in his room, when he was 13 his bike got ran over in the driveway, when he was 12 he spent the summer with two broken arms, when he was 11 he never got to eat lunch at school because the bully kept taking his lunch money, when he was 10 his family forgot his birthday and he didn't get anything, when he was 9 his puppy got hit and killed by a truck, when he was 8 his family's house caught fire and burnt down, when he was 7 he got beaten up pretty bad in school, when he was 6 his favorite toy was taken at the playground, and when he was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mother's rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 16 his mother had a heart attack and died. But that's ok, Johnny's used to hardships, after all when he was 15 his father ran off for good, when he was 14 a storm blew a tree over onto his house where his room was and destroyed everything in his room, when he was 13 his bike got ran over in the driveway, when he was 12 he spent the summer with two broken arms, when he was 11 he never got to eat lunch at school because the bully kept taking his lunch money, when he was 10 his family forgot his birthday and he didn't get anything, when he was 9 his puppy got hit and killed by a truck, when he was 8 his family's house caught fire and burnt down, when he was 7 he got beaten up pretty bad in school, when he was 6 his favorite toy was taken at the playground, and when he was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mother's rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 17 the car he saved up for got stolen. But that's ok, Johnny's used to hardships, after all when he was 16 his mother had a heart attack and died, when he was 15 his father ran off for good, when he was 14 a storm blew a tree over onto his house where his room was and destroyed everything in his room, when he was 13 his bike got ran over in the driveway, when he was 12 he spent the summer with two broken arms, when he was 11 he never got to eat lunch at school because the bully kept taking his lunch money, when he was 10 his family forgot his birthday and he didn't get anything, when he was 9 his puppy got hit and killed by a truck, when he was 8 his family's house caught fire and burnt down, when he was 7 he got beaten up pretty bad in school, when he was 6 his favorite toy was taken at the playground, and when he was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mother's rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 18 he was the only one arrested leaving a graduation party. But that's ok, Johnny's used to hardships, after all when he was 17 the car he saved up for got stolen, when he was 16 his mother had a heart attack and died, when he was 15 his father ran off for good, when he was 14 a storm blew a tree over onto his house where his room was and destroyed everything in his room, when he was 13 his bike got ran over in the driveway, when he was 12 he spent the summer with two broken arms, when he was 11 he never got to eat lunch at school because the bully kept taking his lunch money, when he was 10 his family forgot his birthday and he didn't get anything, when he was 9 his puppy got hit and killed by a truck, when he was 8 his family's house caught fire and burnt down, when he was 7 he got beaten up pretty bad in school, when he was 6 his favorite toy was taken at the playground, and when he was 5 he had to eat 5 bowls of his mother's rotten oatmeal.

When Johnny was 19 he joined the Navy, determined to turn his luck around. His first day aboard his ship he was told to repaint the masts. As he was painting the very top his safety gear failed and he plummeted down to the deck.

But that's ok, Johnny's used to hard ships.

[Blueobelisk]

Not sure what to say. Apply for more jobs?

[Velaniz]

You've been awfully unlucky throughout life. This doesn't mean you're doomed to always fail, obviously. Keep trudging on and you'll find something that works for you.

Also:

I got involved with BMX racing again. Became very good. Took a state championship. Grabbed 2 1st place national wins.

You're clearly not a failure. You've just had an upsetting amount of setbacks, something that's probably made worse by how you're prone to thinking so negatively about yourself. It sounds like a lot of things you've been through haven't been your fault. Your manager being a dumb fuck wasn't on you, and the whore who cheated on you sounds like she has 10x the issues that you have. You need to develop a more positive outlook that's based around a healthy self-view, and work your way forward from there.

[Deleted]

But that's ok, Johnny's used to hard ships.

I love it.

[Funkyjunky]

MMO-Champion is my only "forum" I visit for anything.

I think I figured out your problem.

[Deleted]

wow such an amazing insight. go on....

Well it does. Unless you are a 1% type person with a trust fund, then at some point in your life things will be shit, you just got to accept, Deal with it and try to improve.

[Tendencie]

You're clearly not a failure. You've just had an upsetting amount of setbacks, something that's probably made worse by how you're prone to thinking so negatively about yourself. It sounds like a lot of things you've been through haven't been your fault. Your manager being a dumb fuck wasn't on you, and the whore who cheated on you sounds like she has 10x the issues that you have. You need to develop a more positive outlook that's based around a healthy self-view, and work your way forward from there.

I generally have a positive outlook. It just seems like whenever I get something, it gets taken away from me. Like a sick joke on me from some demonic force. I don't get it. I mean, wtf. Girlfriend turns into Miley Cyrus. Internal bleeding. Living at home still at 27. Im tired of trudging along. I don't want that to be my existence... Im tired of it. Vicious cycle.

[breadisfunny]

Well it does. Unless you are a 1% type person with a trust fund, then at some point in your life things will be shit, you just got to accept, Deal with it and try to improve.

and telling them to suck it up is going to improve things how exactly? oh that's right it isn't. usually the idea is to provide advice on what direction to go in not to tell them to shut up and go whine somewhere else.

[Deleted]

I generally have a positive outlook. It just seems like whenever I get something, it gets taken away from me. Like a sick joke on me from some demonic force. I don't get it. I mean, wtf. Girlfriend turns into Miley Cyrus. Internal bleeding. Living at home still at 27. Im tired of trudging along. I don't want that to be my existence... Im tired of it. Vicious cycle.

You've had more jobs and money, it seems, than me in my entire life, I'm 29, without a job, and I moved out a couple of years ago. How can you not afford to live alone?

[Sunnydruid]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Don't dwell on your past, this will only lead to depression because you will always wonder 'what could have been?'. Don't do that. Fuck the negative things that happened in your past. Say that for me out loud. "FUCK THE NEGATIVE THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN MY PAST". Stop dwelling on them. It's not healthy.

Use your past as a learning experience for things that can be prevented in the future. Your life could be worse - thankfully it seems like your parents(even your father) care. This is just an inference i made from how you talked about them. It seems like they actually do care, they just may have a weird way of showing.

Lets look at jobs:
Go to every single temp agency within a 25mile radius, catch a bus if you have to. Get experience doing something, somehow.

Look at warehouses. Some warehouses give better wages than you think, you just have to search real hard. You need something to gain experience to put on your resume for future opportunities. Don't use craigslist or any shady site, apply through reputable sites, preferably directly on the employers site. Do follow up emails on interviews and send thank you emails no matter if you got the job or not. It looks good on you.

Even if all you can find is a shitty job, it's better than nothing!Use that job as a steady income while you look for a better job. Don't stop searching until you are happy. Even when you are happy it's good to look every once in awhile just to see what is out there and how the job market is.

When you go on an interview, dress for success. Just because it's a warehouse(or other blue collar jobs) doesn't mean you can come in wearing gym shorts and a tee. Invest in Khakis and a polo or something. Look them in the eye directly when you are talking and when you are listening, however don't be weird about it. Remember to blink and such lol.

Always ask questions, ask even the basic textbook questions about the position. You can google some good interview questions to ask. I'm sure someone on here would know as well.

Don't chew gum during an interview. Good god don't do that. And sit still. If you are in an office chair don't swivel like you have ADHD and just chugged 3 Monster Energy drinks. You will be nervous but that's normal, you know that.


My biggest tip for you, and I have stated this already.
DON'T DWELL ON THE NEGATIVE EVENTS IN YOUR PAST

[Tendencie]

You've had more jobs and money, it seems, than me in my entire life, I'm 29, without a job, and I moved out a couple of years ago. How can you not afford to live alone?

My average monthly expenses were about $1,200 a month. Just me. I have rent, vehicle payment, insurance, utilities, food, etc. I only had maybe $200 a month left over.

[Deleted]

What, no shady link at the end?

I was dissappointed too

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