How do you date an introvert?

[dixincide]

TL;DR:
Started dating an introverted girl I met online.
Same sense of humor, same interests We like each other.
Anything I should/shouldn't do.
Anything I can do to bring her out of her shell a bit more?
I'm very extroverted myself which is why I ask.


I joined an online dating site not too long ago as it was suggested to me in a previous post I had made.

I had many dates and messages since then but this one girl has had my attention above all others. We have the same interests humor and we've gone out on many dates. She thinks I'm pretty awesome and I feel the same about her.

My problem is that she is very shy, both of us are new to dating but she hasn't even kissed a guy until I came along. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable but I also don't want to have to ask to hold her hand and all that.

All around she's a great girl otherwise I would have moved on but she is pretty great when she opens up. Just wondering if there is anything I can do to help her feel more comfortable with me.

Thanks

[Soulwind]

First of all, the TL;DR is just as long as the rest of the post.

Secondly, the best answer is probably: Ask her, not us, what does she want to do, what would she rather not do, if she feels comfortable when doing certain things...

[Nachturnal]

Not a lot of advice other than take things slow, have some patience, try new things at a moderate pace. You don't wanna overwhelm a girl like that. You'll end up making her really aware of her inexperience.

Just be smooth, take things by steps, test the waters every so often and read her mood. Learn what she's comfortable with, what she's not, eventually she'll be like, normal?

[Deleted]

I hardly can suspress the mandatory alcohol quip

[Prokne]

If she is introverted, not just shy because she's new to dating, then all you have to do is relax and let her decide when to go forward. Have a lot of private dates where it is just the two of you and you can talk about stuff in a low key atmosphere. Do not take her to places where you will have lots of friends or people that will temp you to leave her alone with a bunch of strange people.

[Deleted]

How old are you? How old is she?

Anyway, don't be pushy, try to surprise her with little fun things, give her space when she needs space, give her hugs when she needs hugs, the usual stuff. Many people find it easy to trample or look down on shy people, try to avoid that I guess.

Incidentally, shy girls are the best in bed.

[dixincide]

First of all, the TL;DR is just as long as the rest of the post.

Secondly, the best answer is probably: Ask her, not us, what does she want to do, what would she rather not do, if she feels comfortable when doing certain things...

Right when I hit send I realized that TL;DR was very misleading. Hopefully its fixed now.

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How old are you? How old is she?

Anyway, don't be pushy, try to surprise her with little fun things, give her space when she needs space, give her hugs when she needs hugs, the usual stuff. Many people find it easy to trample or look down on shy people, try to avoid that I guess.

Incidentally, shy girls are the best in bed.

I'm 23 and she is 22

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Yeah I'm trying to move at her pace. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

I never was good at patience ever since Christmas was a thing. But I should learn sometime. So why not now.

[Feali]

Be an extrovert. Get her to try new things. Make her open up. But do it slow.

[Pull My Finger]

Avoid eye contact, don't make sudden motions and DON'T TURN AWAY. Remember, it's more afraid of you than you are of it.

[zenkai]

RUUUUUUUUUNNNNN - The ones I have met are bat shit crazy, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be around lots of people but if it hinders you to function in a social environment they need to get out more

[OnlineSamantha]

RUUUUUUUUUNNNNN - The ones I have met are bat shit crazy, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be around lots of people but if it hinders you to function in a social environment they need to get out more

That's... not how people work...

[the game]

You do it at her pace if you really care for her. You're likely to scare her off if you don't.

[Itisamuh]

Take things slow, and realize you may have to be the extrovert for both of you and do the initiating. While taking things slow, of course. Us introverts are pretty easy to deal with, if you can respect the patience and time involved. The pulling her out of her shell will come naturally with time, as she gets more comfortable.

[Felya]

Have you tried playing WoW?

[zenkai]

That's... not how people work...

It's how sane people work

[Filabane]

RUUUUUUUUUNNNNN - The ones I have met are bat shit crazy, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be around lots of people but if it hinders you to function in a social environment they need to get out more

Just... awful. There's not much good advice in here but this is awful.

One of the best (easy) pieces of advice I can give is this "comic"
http://g.fastcompany.net/multisite_f...-introvert.jpg
It actually does a really good job of summing things up in a very simple way.

[zenkai]

Just... awful. There's not much good advice in here but this is awful.

One of the best (easy) pieces of advice I can give is this "comic"
http://g.fastcompany.net/multisite_f...-introvert.jpg
It actually does a really good job of summing things up in a very simple way.

When he figures it out he will thank me later, if its a problem now it will continue to be a problem, it will only get worse until he gets fed up or finds someone better.

[Mrbleedinggums]

Your extrovert personality will compliment her introvert personality, and vice versa. Just understand that too much exposure tires us out, because we like to choose who we give our energy to, especially when it comes to social gatherings. Don't change for her, but have the both of you compromise. One day could be going out and dancing, another could be snuggling up and watching your favorite movie on the couch/bed. As long as she feels comfortable around you, she'll be more open to go out; we generally need a "leash" if we're in public places to where we can feel ourselves, or at least comfortable.

Granted, this isn't always the case: Amusement parks or malls? I know everyone is too busy to notice anyone else (unless they're me, which I pay attention to my surroundings as much as possible to see behavioral patterns.) and I like to unwind myself with some rides or go to my favorite stores. Parties? I hate being around anyone unless I'm near my "leash" or "comfort person", or I feel comfortable around to joke/drink/etc. with them.

Tl;dr: don't change a thing. Just switch things up, and you'll both enjoy each other's company and p.o.v

[Filabane]

When he figures it out he will thank me later, if its a problem now it will continue to be a problem, it will only get worse until he gets fed up or finds someone better.

I'm sorry someone apparently hurt you in the past but that has absolutely nothing to do with his situation. Being introverted is not some form of mental insanity like you seem to think it is. It's how you process "social energy". It can be stressful for them in a social situation because it's taxing, not because they're crazy.

[Mrbleedinggums]

When he figures it out he will thank me later, if its a problem now it will continue to be a problem, it will only get worse until he gets fed up or finds someone better.

Why thank you? You're telling someone not to understand someone with another point of view? Should someone do the same to a person who dates another person of a differing culture?

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I'm sorry someone apparently hurt you in the past but that has absolutely nothing to do with his situation. Being introverted is not some form of mental insanity like you seem to think it is. It's how you process "social energy". It can be stressful for them in a social situation because it's taxing, not because they're crazy.

^ Truth. People don't seem to understand a culture, personality style, etc. etc. so they mark them out as crazy. That is NOT how to do it folks.