Poll: Is it ever ok to snoop on your partner?

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  1. #61
    Banned Vea Lea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pendra View Post
    I disagree. Having some privacy is fine, even in a relationship.

    That said, I don't get how snooping in someone's phone is still a thing. Don't people use PIN codes/touch ID on iPhones for unlocking - and if so, why tell anyone?
    people know the code to mine because many use it checking on webpage or news or playing games

  2. #62
    Quote Originally Posted by Winter Blossom View Post
    I guess if you have a valid reason to - like, you know they are cheating.
    Essentially, i dont care if my gf checks my stuff although id rather she trusted me more.
    Then again i dont really do shit that would concern her, while in a relationship i respect boundaries and simply dont flirt with others.s

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gabriel View Post
    I didn't plan on dating arrogant person such as you in the first place, so don't worry, your privacy is safe.
    nothing I said was arrogant. I think you need to go learn what the word means as its definition clearly eludes you.

  4. #64
    Quote Originally Posted by Kalium View Post
    Here's the thing... "reason to suspect"... in what healthy relationship does the partner ever give you that? Relationships are built on trust. If you "have" to snoop and don't find anything... how long does that last? Maybe you missed something. Maybe they are better at hiding what they are doing. Can't you see it's a never ending trap? As long as that suspicion is there it's going to taint the relationship. Better to get out if you ever have "reason to suspect" because you don't trust them so you can't love them.

    Unless of course you are the jealous type that views your partner as a possession... not as a person.
    A reason to suspect would be if your partner is constantly caught in lies, like where they been

  5. #65
    Banned GennGreymane's Avatar
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    I would say yes, but dont like go fucking crazy.

    that makes you a bit too possessive, but we are humans and its to assume the worst, we have all had experiences like that.

  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vea Lea View Post
    people know the code to mine because many use it checking on webpage or news or playing games
    If people want to use my phone, I can unlock it for them. I don't see why I would need to tell them my code.
    But then again, to each their own.

  7. #67
    Quote Originally Posted by MatthewOU2015 View Post
    http://www.cnn.com/2015/05/26/living...130pVODtopLInk

    This CNN article got me thinking. I would say no it's never okay. I've been in relationships before where my girlfriend would be like "Let me check your phone" and I would tell her no. Not because I have something to hide , but because I value my privacy. In my opinion, just because you are in a relationship does not mean you give up your privacy. Plus you should have trust in one another. Snooping never ends well.
    Well, since our Dear Leader Obama loves to snoop on citizens all over the world, I guess it's alright to snoop on your partner.

  8. #68
    Yes, but usually no.

    I was with a girl who I suspected of getting back into drugs, I searched her room and my suspicions were confirmed. What followed from all that was enough to finally get her into a professional rehab program. She gets out soon and has improved. I won't be feeling guilty about what I did any time soon.

  9. #69
    I wouldn't like them to snoop behind my back but if they asked me to look at my phone I wouldn't care and I keep every conversation I ever had on there.

  10. #70
    Merely a Setback Reeve's Avatar
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    I think if you're snooping on your partner, it already means that you don't trust them, which is a bad basis for a relationship.
    'Twas a cutlass swipe or an ounce of lead
    Or a yawing hole in a battered head
    And the scuppers clogged with rotting red
    And there they lay I damn me eyes
    All lookouts clapped on Paradise
    All souls bound just contrarywise, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

  11. #71
    Quote Originally Posted by mayhem008 View Post
    If you feel it needed to snoop on your partner then you should prob not be in the relationship anymore.
    This exactly. Really is all there is to it.
    The generalist looks outward; he looks for living principles, knowing full well that such principles change, that they develop. It is to the characteristics of change itself that the mentat-generalist must look. There can be no permanent catalogue of such change, no handbook or manual. You must look at it with as few preconceptions as possible, asking yourself, "Now what is this thing doing?" -Children of Dune

  12. #72
    Quote Originally Posted by Xcal View Post
    A reason to suspect would be if your partner is constantly caught in lies, like where they been
    If they lie to you then they do not respect you... therefore do not love you... so get the hell out!

  13. #73
    Snooping for the sake of being nosey is not okay. Snooping because you have strong suspicions that your partner is cheating on you or lying about something, then I think it's okay.

    My last relationship ended when I decided to check my gf's email (took all of two, maybe three tries to guess her password because "what's a 'secure password' mean?") because I had my doubts about her faithfulness: she'd been acting very odd lately, dodging questions about what was up, and unfortunately, this was already her second chance after having already been unfaithful once before.

    Lo and behold, I find a treasure trove of very explicit emails with the guy she's seeing behind my back, including a few mentions of how I don't know about them yet but she thinks I "might" be getting suspicious.

    So I confront her, there's drama, she demands to know exactly how I found out, and I admit to getting into her email.

    "That's an invasion of my privacy! You should have just asked me!"
    "...I did. You lied."
    "You should trust me more instead of like, hacking my private email!"
    "Trust you when you say you're not cheating even though you are cheating?"
    "Yes!"

    Yeah, okay, goodbye bitch.

  14. #74
    Partying in Valhalla
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jakexe View Post
    Yes, but usually no.

    I was with a girl who I suspected of getting back into drugs, I searched her room and my suspicions were confirmed. What followed from all that was enough to finally get her into a professional rehab program. She gets out soon and has improved. I won't be feeling guilty about what I did any time soon.
    That's one of the few I'll wholeheartedly agree with. I missed the signs with a housemate/good friend. What I would give to go back and snoop more. I knew he had problems in the past, but I was too naive in how fast it can become a problem... and with how well experienced drug users can hide signs.

  15. #75
    IMO there is no good one answer to this. If you are asked for your phone sure the person may not trust you but you refusing is not to let them look at your phone is not exactly giving the other person the impression that you can be trusted.

    The question becomes are people just supposed to trust people on blind faith? Or do people require evidence that a person can be trusted? In many ways this mirrors faith in religion. Most people on here don't believe because there is no evidence to have any faith now we have the shoe on the other foot. Why should someone trust you if you do not provide any evidence that you can be trusted?

    My answer to the question that there are occasions when it is OK to snoop. If you are worried that your significant other might be turning into a psychopath its better to know that now than later ala The Shining. But if you feel the constant need to snoop to reassure yourself of your significant other the issue is not with the other person but the person in the mirror.

  16. #76
    By the time you're snooping in earnest, your "partner" more or less ceases to be that.

  17. #77
    Quote Originally Posted by Winter Blossom View Post
    I guess if you have a valid reason to - like, you know they are cheating.
    If you know they're cheating, then you can break up/confront them without snooping. It's not a court, so you have no reason for more proof than you knowing it.
    Everyone has so much to say
    They talk talk talk their lives away

  18. #78
    If they have a dodgy history of backstabbing you in the past such as cheating or flirting too closely with another girl/guy if they are another girl/guy regardless, then id say keep an eye on them but dont choke them.

    Its wrong to go invading their privacy but if you have "good" reason to doubt such as frequent times leaving the house and going to "work" when you know they dont usually go to work on that day then its time to think about breaking out their diary and phone and reading their texts just incase.

    But dont do it "until" theres some sign that they are performing out of character and only "if" they are doing it constantly, not just once or twice.

    An odd day isnt unacceptable, an odd week where they're skipping out on alone time to be with someone else, is suspicious.

  19. #79
    Deleted
    I think we need to define what snooping means, if you are going to go through your partner stuff because you are looking for dirt, then this isnt ok really, this to me seems like an unhealthy relationship if your partner believes it needs to monitor your stuff for "bad" things.

    However me and my fiancee ( been together for 11 years mind you ) we dont have any expectation of privacy from eachother and this is something we acknowledge, but then again why should me or her have any expectation of privacy, you are in a committed relationship there should never be any weirdness between you and you should trust eachother, if she ever wanted to go and read through a facebook chat I had for whatever reason she would be more than welcome to.

    Things like finding porn folders are pretty childish things, shit if you have to hide porn from your SO you are already missing out on a lot of awesome things in your relationship that you dont share with your partner. And if your girlfriend finds a bikini photo of Mila Kunis on your machine and instead of complimenting it breaks up with you, then I must say you chose poorly to begin with so good riddance .


    To the people saying its "good" reason if you have a history of backstabbing, cheating etc... If the way you conduct yourself then you dont deserve to be in a relationship until you actually change, just get a FWB instead, and who are these people that are staying in relationships with people that cannot be trusted and with a history of "backstabbing and cheating".

  20. #80
    Herald of the Titans Lemons's Avatar
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    If I thought she was cheating I'd snoop...it's up to her to never give me any reason to do that.

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