What am I supposed to feel...? (girl related)

[Auberdeen]

Talking to this girl. Met her at the restaurant I work at. Both were dating ppl when we met last August, since then broke up with our g/fs and b/fs, now exclusively dating each other.

As per usual, we always share stories and talk about our past and present, a lot about ex's, a lot about friends. A lot about everything. We both have a lot of friends in common and come from the same town, so commonly talk about people we both know of all different ages.

Every1 once in a while she would tell stories about this one guy, few years older than her, usually involving him and her and their other friends. This guy used to hook up with one of her really good friends, but has since gone off to college and is just fisting around in some jew frat now(actually though). Kind of a ladies man, STUPID rich. Decent athlete, probably smooth with the chicks, but an egotistical dbag imo and most know him and accept him for that. Only interaction I have ever had with him face to face is when I was walking with said girl on the beach and we walked right by him playing volleyball. Granted they were in between points, but he just GRILLED the SHIT out of us and she proceeded to scurry forward a step and walked beside me to try and mask her blatant presence next to me from him. Really didn't think anything of it other than she and him used to be homies and had some type of fall out, and didn't want to be seen. Nothing against him, he's just the definition of a rich tool deusch and can piss off.

Like I said, they don't happen too often, but usually the stories would be about one time they were chillin or whatever and just some random shit happened with them and their friends, how he would spend so much fkn money at the club using daddy's black card, random stories, sometimes we just randomly rip on him for no blatant reason just as a fkn joke for no apparent reason. Standard harmless joking about friends with one another.

Just found out, 10 months after we starting hooking up and talking, that they've hooked up a few times, and she never mentioned that in an capacity. The only relationship she has ever described to me is that they used to be tight back when she was a Freshman and he was a Senior in HS, he is rich, they used to chill in a group with ppl, her close friend used to hook up with him, and that he just became weird and once she really got to know the kind of guy she was(arrogant and possessive and selfish). Never once mentioning the story she just told me which is...paraphrasing... That they hooked up a few times, and didn't mean anything at all, he made some type of massive self-loathing apology how it was his fault that things got weird and, my favorite part, "it wasn't important to her". I find this statement... frustrating. Wasn't important to her, sure, but what about what is important to me? I have perceived this little jew boy in one light as a former friend who turned dick, when I should have been perceiving him in another, the former friend who she hooked up with and still talked to sometimes, even though they don't hook up anymore. I feel... robbed kinda? When you hear stories about a person, someone you don't know especially, your mind begins to paint a picture of the individual, characterized by the description that your friend has given you, and illustrated furthermore by the character-traits and choices this person has made involving the person who is telling you these stories. After many stories, you feel like you know the person, or in a way at least your friend telling the story does. Just feeling that...my picture has been wrong for so long, and.. I'm not sure what to feel tbh lol.

Why wouldn't she have mentioned from day one what happened? and why create some type of facade that includes their relationship as friends just getting weird and growing apart? I truly don't even think I would have give a shit if i had known from square one, why would I? It's her past...but after all this time of random stories about him and frequent inside-joke slander and slew toward him, and never once mentioning they hooked up a few times?

He is in her past. I got it. But she never told me the truth about their past.

What...am I supposed to feel? :|

would love not to be trolled. feels are real...

[Alexanderjac]

she probably didnt feel like talking about it and you should be glad that she now trusts you enough to tell you

[breadisfunny]

attracted to her.

[Deleted]

hard.

/10char

[davecrew]

If you still really like this girl I would just let it go and try not to worry about it. I remember having these feeling about ex's/hook ups at early points in relationships but as time goes on it doesn't even phase me anymore and don't even think about it.

[Auberdeen]

If you still really like this girl I would just let it go and try not to worry about it. I remember having these feeling about ex's/hook ups at early points in relationships but as time goes on it doesn't even phase me anymore and don't even think about it.

but why describe someone one way as a former friend, when they were a former hook up? kinda sketchy no?

[Evil Midnight Bomber]

-Snip-

She probably didn't tell you because she figured you'd act like this when you found out.

[Auberdeen]

She probably didn't tell you because she figured you'd act like this when you found out.

how is that? like I was a lied to? Like i said, I wouldn't have given a shit. It's her passed. But just the re-fabrication of reality....

[Rokom]

how is that? like I was a lied to? Like i said, I wouldn't have given a shit. It's her passed. But just the re-fabrication of reality....

It could be that she regrets the hookups and just doesn't like to talk about it but...

* shrug

[Jokerfiend]

Because she loved him.

She knew deep down that he is a playboy. Will do whatever he wants, whenever. She loved him anyways. Maybe it was the lifestyle, or the asshole "thing" girls are into. Either way, she was in love with him and didn't want to tell you.

You can either be hurt by the lie and well deserved, or you can get the hell over it and move on.

Choices are very simple. You compromise your hurt with the intent to save her face or you blow it off. If you think this is unforgivable, do yourself a favor and end it. If your resentment or mistrust widens, end it.

Or you can blow it off. Basically, if this is a an honest deal breaker, end it and quit asking strangers for advice on your personal relationship. We don't have context, we aren't your friends, and I don't care if you love or hate this girl.

Move on or don't, end of discussion.

[Evil Midnight Bomber]

how is that? like I was a lied to? Like i said, I wouldn't have given a shit. It's her passed. But just the re-fabrication of reality....

She never lied to you. She just didn't tell you about something that shouldn't matter anyway.

If you want to let something stupid like that destroy what seems to be a good relationship...that's on you though.

[Jokerfiend]

She never lied to you. She just didn't tell you about something that shouldn't matter anyway.

If you want to let something stupid like that destroy what seems to be a good relationship...that's on you though.

http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/whe...-become-a-lie/

[Evil Midnight Bomber]

http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/whe...-become-a-lie/

If it was a guy she still hung around with...then it becomes important that she withheld that information. Since it's a guy she doesn't hang around with anymore..it doesn't matter. The information is not really pertinent.

[Super Kami Dende]

You got used dudes, move on.

Sluts gonna slut.

[Doctor Amadeus]

The truth is important in ANY relationship as is honesty, and while I do observe you using words like Hooking up, and speaking kind of no big deal about it, there is no real reason not to tell you, except for maybe to tell you flat out if you asked she wasn't going to tell you. If being with you, over time you made it clear and it was clear to her that you would want to know about her past, then she should have told you.

[Overlord Fordragon]

He is in her past. I got it. But she never told me the truth about their past.

I can't help but think that this would not be an issue for you if she was straight with you from the beginning.

[SupBrah]

Yeah i'm pretty sure she's still hooking up with him or will if he makes a move in the future. Sounds like he's the one she really wants deep down, but she settled for you because she can't have him.

You have to learn to take your partner's story at face value. 90% of people will change a story to make themselves sound better.

Not trying to sound mean or anything, but I've seen happen before.

[Auberdeen]

I can't help but think that this would not be an issue for you if she was straight with you from the beginning.

100% correct my friend

- - - Updated - - -

The truth is important in ANY relationship as is honesty, and while I do observe you using words like Hooking up, and speaking kind of no big deal about it, there is no real reason not to tell you, except for maybe to tell you flat out if you asked she wasn't going to tell you. If being with you, over time you made it clear and it was clear to her that you would want to know about her past, then she should have told you.

more or less exactly what my gut is telling me, appreciate it

- - - Updated - - -

http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/whe...-become-a-lie/

great article thank you

[ImEveryCliche]

Without knowing either of you, I can only hazzard a guess. By the sounds of the description of that guy, i bet he just picks up chicks, fucks them, and moves on to the next. If she had feelings for him at the time (which she is entitled to), perhaps she was hurt by the way he used her, and feels hurt and ashamed of the whole situation, which is why she would have trouble telling you.

My advice, you are an adult. Have a mature discussion with her about it if you feel it necessary, or just let it go. Don't ruin a good thing by being so caught up and threatened by something that happened in the past (assuming there are no signs of it still going on).

Best of luck

[Auberdeen]

Because she loved him.

She knew deep down that he is a playboy. Will do whatever he wants, whenever. She loved him anyways. Maybe it was the lifestyle, or the asshole "thing" girls are into. Either way, she was in love with him and didn't want to tell you.

You can either be hurt by the lie and well deserved, or you can get the hell over it and move on.

Choices are very simple. You compromise your hurt with the intent to save her face or you blow it off. If you think this is unforgivable, do yourself a favor and end it. If your resentment or mistrust widens, end it.

Or you can blow it off. Basically, if this is a an honest deal breaker, end it and quit asking strangers for advice on your personal relationship. We don't have context, we aren't your friends, and I don't care if you love or hate this girl.

Move on or don't, end of discussion.

there is a wide variety of people that come from all walks of life on here, and the feedback is very fast. granted some are trolls. but nonetheless feedback from a non biased community. i did provide some context, the necessary context i believed in order to formulate an objective opinion over. sorry if it wasn't to your standards, but no one is making you reply. having said that, thanks for your feedback of "Choices are very simple. You compromise your hurt with the intent to save her face or you blow it off. If you think this is unforgivable, do yourself a favor and end it. If your resentment or mistrust widens, end it. Or you can blow it off. "