How do you approach people out of your social circle?

[dixincide]

TL;DR:

• I have no real experience with meeting people out of my social circle (especially at their work)
• Would like advice on how to approach the situation
• Would also like to hear stories about your experience (if any) with this situation.

This particular situation relates to a potential date/romance thing.


Hey, so I post on Gen- OT a lot and it's been a great source of insight on some current events going on in my life.

I go to the gym regularly and always say hello to one of the receptionists, she is very pretty and I tell my trainer and a few people at work about her every now and then. I don't bring her up often but I have mentioned that I think she is pretty and despite knowing nothing about her, she does seem to carry herself well and looks like she could be a lot of fun to get to know.

Outside of my trainer I have no real connection with this girl, and being a customer service job her smiling and being friendly is likely due to her workplace. That being said one of the girls at my work has mentioned that I should leave my number with her since I talk about her every now and then and I'm not usually like this with other people.

I was just curious if any of you had any experience with getting to know someone outside of your friend circle and if so how did you go about introducing yourself? Thanks in advance.


My biggest fear is obviously rejection. I'm not trying to score with this girl or date her immediately but I would like to get to know her better and see if the potential for a relationship is there.

My next biggest fear is the fact that she works at the gym that I visit every day. If I were to get rejected from her I don't want every visit to be super awkward when I check in/out. But that's just me being nervous I think.

[Elim Garak]

Easy, I don't believe in social circles, everyone is equal, socially speaking. So there's no (artificial) problem of approaching anyone.

[the game]

Social circles is a high school construct. If you aren't in high school anymore you need to drop that idea.

[icausewipes]

I approach them smacked-up and cracked-up with my tongue on my chin and my boys in hand, swinging from the rafters like a real RocknRolla.


Has not failed me yet.

jk


Just say "hi" and go from there.

[SteveRocks]

Social circles is a high school construct. If you aren't in high school anymore you need to drop that idea.

Ahh if only this was true!

[icausewipes]

Social circles is a high school construct. If you aren't in high school anymore you need to drop that idea.

They exist at work, school, and internet forums.

[Kalis]

Semaphore or Morse Code.

Alternatively, just talk to them. Engage in idle chitchat and see if they seem interested in talking to you or just being polite.

[Reeve]

The cure to fear of rejection is getting rejected.

[Jester Joe]

Roll on the floor towards her, then when you end up at her feet, stare her right in the eyes and say "Sit on my face".

Works every time.

Honestly, I don't. The only people I get to know are people who approach me. Try finding out when she gets off perhaps and ask if she wants to stop for a quick drink (coffee or tea?)? I dunno.

Or maybe try working out with her? I'm bad at this stuff.

[Gamdwelf]

The cure to fear of rejection is getting rejected.

It definitely is not.

[Jester Joe]

It definitely is not.

Well, technically, if you keep getting rejected, eventually you'll either get to the point of "What do I have to lose" or "I'm too afraid to get rejected anymore".

[Gamdwelf]

Well, technically, if you keep getting rejected, eventually you'll either get to the point of "What do I have to lose" or "I'm too afraid to get rejected anymore".

Or the "i must be so fugly I should just end it now."

[3DTyrant]

Roll on the floor towards her, then when you end up at her feet, stare her right in the eyes and say "Sit on my face".

Works every time.

Honestly, I don't. The only people I get to know are people who approach me. Try finding out when she gets off perhaps and ask if she wants to stop for a quick drink (coffee or tea?)? I dunno.

Or maybe try working out with her? I'm bad at this stuff.

I can vouch for this method working 150% of the time. Hasn't failed me once. Ever.

Okay, okay, jokes aside, my advice, don't try, let it happen, talk to someone, don't think "I have to talk to this person for reasons.", rather think "they seem like a decent person, I'll try getting to know them. If they show no interest, then that's cool."

[Speedlance]

When I speak to new people I speak like I've known them for years, I need like 10 secs and I'm comfortable infront of anyone.

[Annoying]

Just do the normal "hello", maybe a brief chat about how ball-sweat-inducingly hot it is outside, maybe a mild, witty remark. Maybe one of you will start talking about something that you both enjoy. I stopped trying to make new friends and just let them organically grow on me as I saw them more. I definitely have made more friends without trying. People will talk to who they want to, and if you talk about something interesting to them, they might want to talk more. If they talk about something interesting to you, you might want to talk more. Next thing you know... *oops*, you have a new friend.

[dixincide]

Most people at the office gave the same advice in that I was over thinking this too.

I've always thought if it didn't happen naturally it felt forced. And since I am the one that will start the conversation then it might just be that.
I'll just wing it and hope for the best. It's hard to get the first topic started but after that conversations usually just flow with me.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

[Banshee Prince]

When I meet new people I usually start by walking up to them, beating my chest several times and urinating on them and/or something that belongs to them in order to assert dominance.

As for this woman, you should follow her, get to know her habits, what she likes and where her family lives so you can get an understanding of what she's like outside of the workplace. It worked for me when courting my third wife.

[May90]

I don't have any social circle, and I prefer not to socialize with the same people for too long, it bores me and creates attachments that are more like hindrances and annoyances. So, I don't know, I just walk up to someone, say, "Hey, how's it goin'?", and then it just goes on. Trying to prepare a "perfect approach" never works, just walk up to that girl and say "Hi". No one will reject you for saying "Hi".

The cure to fear of rejection is getting rejected.

Not necessarily. It is more of a "it either breaks me or makes me" kind of thing. Some people get rejected so often, it breaks them from inside, and they become social corpses. Others grow immunity to rejection and stop fearing it.

[announced]

just try talking to her for a bit, ask her about normal things like the weather or what does she think of any current events (major things) or things that happened in your town/area. get her perspective on something like that. see if you agree or disagree with her and whether she seems genuinely interested in your conversations. (who knows she might be too dumb for you). if you get to know her better and still like her, when you feel more comfortable with her try asking when she gets off work and if she wants to grab a cup of coffee or something like that.

if not just try following Glorious Warrior's advice and spy on her, but dont get caught lol.

[Flutterguy]

Assert your dominance by being loud and authoritative. Then tell her she's pretty and ask her how her day is.