10 Facts About Infidelity

[Celista]

This Ted article made it into my Facebook feed and I found it interesting, so I thought I'd post it here.

From the article:

1. Pairbonding is a hallmark of humanity. Data from the Demographic Yearbooks of the United Nations on 97 societies between 1947 and 1992 indicate that approximately 93.1% of women and 91.8% of men marry by age 49. More recent data indicates that some 85% of Americans will eventually marry.

2. However, monogamy is only part of the human reproductive strategy. Infidelity is also widespread. Current studies of American couples indicate that 20 to 40% of heterosexual married men and 20 to 25% of heterosexual married women will also have an extramarital affair during their lifetime.

3. Brain architecture may contribute to infidelity. Human beings have three primary brain systems related to love. 1) The sex drive evolved to motivate individuals to seek copulation with a range of partners; 2) romantic love evolved to motivate individuals to focus their mating energy on specific partners, thereby conserving courtship time and metabolic energy; 3) partner attachment evolved to motivate mating individuals to remain together at least long enough to rear a single child through infancy together. These three basic neural systems interact with one another and other brain systems in myriad flexible, combinatorial patterns to provide the range of motivations, emotions and behaviors necessary to orchestrate our complex human reproductive strategy. But this brain architecture makes it biologically possible to express deep feelings of attachment for one partner, while one feels intense romantic love for another individual, while one feels the sex drive for even more extra-dyadic partners.

4. Infidelity has been a reality across cultures. It was also common among the classical Greeks and Romans, pre-industrial Europeans, historical Japanese, Chinese and Hindus and among the traditional Inuit of the arctic, Kuikuru of the jungles of Brazil, Kofyar of Nigeria, Turu of Tanzania and many other tribal societies.

5. There are different types of infidelity. Researchers have broadened the definition of infidelity to include sexual infidelity (sexual exchange with no romantic involvement), romantic infidelity (romantic exchanges with no sexual involvement) and sexual and romantic involvement.

6. Myriad psychological, cultural and economic variables play a role in the frequency and expression of infidelity. But one thing is clear: infidelity is a worldwide phenomenon that occurs with remarkable regularity, despite near universal disapproval of this behavior.

7. Mate poaching is a pronounced trend. In a recent survey of single American men and women, 60% of men and 53% of women admitted to “mate poaching,” trying to woo an individual away from a committed relationship to begin a relationship with them instead. Mate poaching is also common in 30 other cultures.

8. Infidelity doesn’t necessarily signal an unhappy relationship. Regardless of the correlation between relationship dissatisfaction and adultery, among individuals engaging in infidelity in one study, 56% of men and 34% of women rated their marriage as “happy” or “very happy,” suggesting that genetics may also play a role in philandering.

9. Studies show the possibility of a gene that correlates to infidelity. In 2008, Walum and colleagues investigated whether the various genes affect pair-bonding behavior in humans; 552 couples were examined; all had been married or co-habiting for at least five years. Men carrying the 334 vasopressin allele in a specific region of the vasopressin system scored significantly lower on the Partner Bonding Scale, indicating less feelings of attachment to their spouse. Moreover, their scores were dose dependent: those carrying two of these genes showed the lowest scores, followed by those carrying only one allele. Men carrying the 334 gene also experienced more marital crisis (including threat of divorce) during the past year, and men with two copies of this gene were approximately twice as likely to have had a marital crisis than those who had inherited either one or no copies of this allele. Last, the partners of men with one or two copies of this gene scored significantly lower on questionnaires measuring marital satisfaction. This study did not measure infidelity directly, but it did measure several factors likely to contribute to infidelity.

10. Several scientists have offered theories for the evolution of human adultery. I have proposed that during prehistory, philandering males disproportionately reproduced, selecting for the biological underpinnings of the roving eye in contemporary men. Unfaithful females reaped economic resources from their extra-dyadic partnerships, as well as additional males to help with parenting duties if their primary partner died or deserted them. Moreover, if an ancestral woman bore a child with this extra-marital partner, she also increased genetic variety in her descendants. Infidelity had unconscious biological payoffs for both males and females throughout prehistory, thus perpetuating the biological underpinnings and taste for infidelity in both sexes today.

What are your thoughts on infidelity? I thought #9 in the article was extremely interesting, as it indicates that some people might be "hard-wired" for infidelity, outside of social influences that might encourage or discourage it.

[echoSAW]

It is a highly selfish behavior perpetuated by a cultural focus on the importance of pleasing oneself above all else.

[Elegiac]

It is a highly selfish behavior perpetuated by a cultural focus on the importance of pleasing oneself above all else.

Which is precisely why promiscuity is so stigmatized, right?

I don't much care who sleeps with who, it is the lying part that poses a problem.

[Independent voter]

In Mexico it's common to have one mistress, more than one and people will say it's excessive. A lot of Mexicans discover that dear old dad had another family across town and you have half brothers and sisters.

[Celista]

It is a highly selfish behavior perpetuated by a cultural focus on the importance of pleasing oneself above all else.

My initial reaction would be to agree with you. But, at the same time I know people who are never happy in relationships and always seem to have a wandering eye (of both genders). I wonder if society's expectations for such individuals to be in monogamous relationships is unrealistic.

Regarding myself personally, I have never cheated and have always been happiest in monogamous, committed relationships.

I thought the part where some people might be more inclined to cheat than others due to genes was interesting. I'd like to see data regarding that particular allele's expression in women and if there are any correlations with marital satisfaction/infidelity.

[echoSAW]

Which is precisely why promiscuity is so stigmatized, right?

I don't much care who sleeps with who, it is the lying part that poses a problem.

Promiscuity faces different level of stigmatization, depending on the culture, gender, etc of the person in question. I agree with you that the lying creates a whole other problem, as in this case the promiscuity is happening within the confines of what was (supposed to be) a monogamous relationship.

[Elegiac]

Promiscuity faces different level of stigmatization, depending on the culture, gender, etc of the person in question. I agree with you that the lying creates a whole other problem, as in this case the promiscuity is happening within the confines of what was (supposed to be) a monogamous relationship.

Far too much emphasis is placed on monogamy and marriage in general, is the issue.

[Sunseeker]

What are your thoughts on infidelity? I thought #9 in the article was extremely interesting, as it indicates that some people might be "hard-wired" for infidelity, outside of social influences that might encourage or discourage it.

While they are technically correct, the reason we have society at all is to overcome our natural predispositions. So the "it's only natural" argument is a rather woeful waste of time. Lots of things society strives to limit are "natural", that doesn't mean they're beneficial to society.

[Super Kami Dende]

My opinion is if you want to fuck multiple people, feel free to do it, just don't do it in a Relationship otherwise you are a huge piece of shit that needs a bullet through the eyesocket.

[Felya]

It is a highly selfish behavior perpetuated by a cultural focus on the importance of pleasing oneself above all else.

You got to lick it, before you kick it...

http://youtu.be/KmTNYD0nWN0

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My opinion is if you want to fuck multiple people, feel free to do it, just don't do it in a Relationship otherwise you are a huge piece of shit that needs a bullet through the eyesocket.

Yes, murder for cheating... They are huge pieces of shit... Okey...

[Ina]

It is a highly selfish behavior perpetuated by a cultural focus on the importance of pleasing oneself above all else.

I hope that you never have to find yourself in a relationship where you haven't been able to have regular sex for almost a year.

[Deleted]

It is a highly selfish behavior perpetuated by a cultural focus on the importance of pleasing oneself above all else.

It's human nature.

[Super Kami Dende]

Yes, murder for cheating... They are huge pieces of shit... Okey...

Indeed, since Cheaters generally ruin many lives, they should be put down.

[Ina]

Indeed, since Cheaters generally ruin many lives, they should be put down.

Your life isn't ruined by someone cheating.

[Felya]

I hope that you never have to find yourself in a relationship where you haven't been able to have regular sex for almost a year.

If she is sick or some shit, you are only going to strengthen his point... If you have an agreement, it's not really infidelity in a way that he is talking about...

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Indeed, since Cheaters generally ruin many lives, they should be put down.

I don't think you understand what life is... Ruin their lives... Not end them... That's so much worse, it's kinda fucked...

[Menthall]

Indeed, since Cheaters generally ruin many lives, they should be put down.

Someone couldn't keep his woman happy it seems...

[Super Kami Dende]

Your life isn't ruined by someone cheating.

I've seen many lives ruined by people cheating.

[Stelio Kontos]

If someone wants to sleep around that's their choice, and I'm fine and dandy with it.

Just don't do it while feigning "commitment" to someone in a monogamous relationship, that makes you a deceptive assmonkey.

[Ina]

If she is sick or some shit, you are only going to strengthen his point... If you have an agreement, it's not really infidelity in a way that he is talking about..

I'm talking about your partner gaining weight and becoming unattractive due to that, but you stay because you have a kid with them.

[Only the Best]

I've seen many lives ruined by people cheating.

No, you've seen many lives ruined by the person being cheated on's reaction to the person cheating.

I'm kinda surprised by what a Puritanical viewpoint this forum has when it comes to cheating, to the point that people are suggesting the death penalty for it.