should my daughter visit her mother in jail? is there a benefit to visiting?

[lordmatthias]

I would say she is old enough to make the decision. I would just make sure you prepare her for the environment should she choose to go. In all honesty jail is a reality, I don't think it is a good idea to shelter children too hard from reality, especially if it won't really hurt them (which I highly doubt it will). If anything it will show her there are consequences for poor decisions, as well as humans can make mistakes, pay for them, and grow from it. On a side note, it will probably help your wife, if she wants your daughter to visit her (I would probably talk to both to ensure both want it).

Either way, I wouldn't force the situation, just adequately prepare.

[Independent voter]

Well, if mom wants to see her child and the child is okay with it, why not? You can see a scenario where mom is too embarrassed and doesn't want to see her child but if that isn't the case, I see no problem with it.

[bloodrunner]

Most jail system have an age limit for visitors. This may not be even possible. as for seeing her mother in jail, what is your motive? 1)to help her mother? 2)create a divide between them? 3)gloat over the mother's situation?

[Nyoken]

Financial crime? Yea go ahead.

[Seegtease]

the reason I questioned about whether to take my daughter has nothing to do with her mom, but the environment.

She's 14. Why would you shelter her from knowing what a prison looks like?

She's not going there to hang out with random inmates and assimilate into prison culture, she's there to see her mother. You don't just roam the interior around the prisoners freely and unsupervised. You go there, you visit the person you came to visit, and you go home. It's not complicated.

Denying your daughter the ability to visit her mother if she really wants to would be far more damaging than exposing her to a prison (which is not damaging whatsoever). We're not talking about a toddler here. There's no good reason for someone that age to be sheltered from seeing a prison. It's a part of our society that we'd all do well to understand.

[Dawnrage]

My advice is to not listen to any advice you get on this site.

This is really the only reply you need. Not sure why you would want advice from the people who frequent the off-topic section. Their advice is probably the most useless.

Not really advice but my dad did time for crime too, and I went to visit him when I was 13 or 14. Didn't really change my outlook or anything about me, so there's that.

[AeneasBK]

If you're sticking by this woman she will be missing her daughter. And at 14 she's hardly a dericate frower.

[Binko]

As a general rule it's best to not try to shield your kids from the reality of a family situation, especially if they are teens. Kids appreciate honesty and openness even if they don't express their appreciation. Treat a 14 year old as if they are adults in training instead of still little kids.

Her mom is in jail and she should visit. Just like if she was in jail her mom would surely visit her.

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She's 14. Why would you shelter her from knowing what a prison looks like?

She's not going there to hang out with random inmates and assimilate into prison culture, she's there to see her mother. You don't just roam the interior around the prisoners freely and unsupervised. You go there, you visit the person you came to visit, and you go home. It's not complicated.

Denying your daughter the ability to visit her mother if she really wants to would be far more damaging than exposing her to a prison (which is not damaging whatsoever). We're not talking about a toddler here. There's no good reason for someone that age to be sheltered from seeing a prison. It's a part of our society that we'd all do well to understand.

I saw this post after I posted mine. This poster is exactly right. I'm an old guy who has raised two daughters so I have a bit of perspective and I think it's best to let teens deal with a sometimes harsh reality rather than try to protect them like they are delicate butterflies.

[Kezotar]

People on these forums are so silly immature and the accusations thrown at the father are even more stupid.
You're good to ask, sadly don't bother asking here. You talk with the mother if she even wants to be seen by her daughter in jail.

It's not an easy thing. I wouldn't like having my children see me in jail. And again, simply because OP The father asks - it means he's quite the opposite if the accusations. He wishes to do the best for her and therefor views other people's point of view before perhaps making a mistake.

No parent can take the right decision. Who here visits their mother or father in jail? It's a tough one.

[Aeula]

Get your daughter thrown in jail, then they can be together all they want!

[Kezotar]

Well, if mom wants to see her child and the child is okay with it, why not? You can see a scenario where mom is too embarrassed and doesn't want to see her child but if that isn't the case, I see no problem with it.

My point. And OP is simply asking. He's trying to figure the best solution to a very uncommon scenario. And people still call him stuff.
These forums are not what they used to be.

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If you're being serious, even if your child is an A student, perfect behavior, seeing the inside of a jail would probably be a positive thing, because they would see how gross and what not it is.

As a mother or father being seen inside a jail can't be the best thing.
Hope she's had a clear mind, it's only 6-months.

[Usagi Senshi]

If you're being serious, even if your child is an A student, perfect behavior, seeing the inside of a jail would probably be a positive thing, because they would see how gross and what not it is.

She won't be in that type of jail/prison for that sort of crime and for that length of time. Seriously, where are you people getting this shit from? Also, you don't directly visit them at their holding cells/room but at the visitation area with other women and their families.

I went and visited my mom in prison when I was 15 (early 1995, brother 12 and he visited too) and she was very happy. Visited her a few a more times before she got out in early 1997. She was in a women's correctional facility for the majority of that time and it was for involuntary manslaughter.

Your kid will be fine IMO.

[Gaidax]

Of course she should visit, it's her mother, it's not even the question whether she should - she must.

Her mother did not grow and take care of her for 14 years just to be dumped over something silly like a petty crime.

[Deleted]

This is a decision to be made by both your wife and daughter. You mainly need to be available for emotional support to both when required

[Gaidax]

Sorry, but there is no must here. If her mother didn't want to be apart from her kid she should have followed the law. Instead she's locked up for 6 months setting a horrible example for her kids.

It is still her mother, the fact that she slipped up once on some petty shit does not make her evil incarnate that should be shunned by her daughter.

Especially if we're talking about financial offense, which is usually done for the gain of her and her family including the said daughter.

Half a year in jail do not cross out 14 years of raising a child well. So yeah, the said daughter must go on and visit and show solidarity with one of the two people in the whole damn world that actually genuinely care about her and her well-being without any personal gain.

It's even ridiculous that this is up for a consideration, it should be a no-brainer thing here.

[Azgraal]

My advice is to not listen to any advice you get on this site.

Nice paradox you've got there then.

[Deleted]

This is really the only reply you need.

Not really. A lot of people said that the OP should just let the daughter decide if she wants to go there or not, and that is a perfectly ok advice.

[Laerrus]

If your daughter is emotionally mature enough to handle it, then there is not much that you need to do. Just let her go see her Mom.

On the other hand, if your daughter is like my 14-year-old and still answers every goddamned tough question with an "I don't know." and always seems to have an expression "like a deer in lost in the headlights", then still let her go see her Mom but prepare her in advance for whatever difficult situations that she may face.

[Deleted]

14 is old enough to make her own choice.

[Deleted]

Yeah or else they'll be using it against you

That said if something happens while she's there your wife will chew you out for it

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

Best decision would still be to take her, You still love your wife don't you?