My B/F is a furry... advice?

[Goatfish]

To begin with, We have lived together about 3 years and known each other much longer. I have known about him being in that clique for a long while, just not really how much or realizing how it might affect me. I don't have much against the idea of furries, and I am honestly fine with them doing whatever they want as long as it doesn't directly affect my life (The same as I am for anyone doing anything really). I don't mind some of the art, but my issues come further when it hits the one thing furries are ridiculously famous for even though only a minority does it... Fursuiting, or wearing a $1000+ mascot-like costume as a second identity sort of thing.

Fursuiting is something I can not be around without feeling extreme discomfort. Mascots and masks in general play on my base instincts and have me completely on edge, even just looking at pictures of them is like tightening a wire around me. While the past few years I have been easily able to avoid any and all contact with this sort of thing, my mate decided in his infinite wisdom to buy himself a $1500 fursuit to wear to his bi-weekly artist meet and/or every party he gets the chance to. Besides the fact that he knows they bother me to no end and that if allowed I would gladly destroy the suit in various ways, it has been a common topic that we should work together to save money to take a nice vacation somewhere together, this suit destroyed what little savings he finally managed to actually save with my assistance, instead of spending it wildly as he grew up doing.

I have been attempting to stay pretty hands-off from the situation after letting him know that that thing confirms me not going to any party/place where he is going to wear it, and that I was really disappointed that he bought something like that in the first place. Him spending his spare change on art instead of games was at least sort of understandable (though I would never drop $200 on some custom art when I could spend it on better food or save it instead)... But this whole situation has me paranoid. I feel like my obscene disapproval of this 'hobby' or 'life choice' of his could start ending what I would otherwise consider a great match between us. Besides from this suit I have never connected with anyone nearly as much as I have with my mate here. It is like having a perfect match in every way but for one thing that revolts you.

I understand that I can't help feeling the way I do, and the things he enjoys can't magically disappear. I just feel screwed, any thoughts are welcome.

P.S: Yes, he knew just how much I disliked fursuits before he bought one, but I also think he believed it to be exaggeration until it actually arrived at the door and I actually got pissed off for the first time in 3 years together.

[Kujako]

Accept it or don't, you're not going to change him.

[Hottage]

He bought the suit, knowing it was an issue for you, without consulting you at all. He's now flaunting it in your face whenever he has the opportunity.

Whether he's doing it deliberately or not, he's been very selfish and you might want to let him know how it's making you feel.

[Raptor With a Saber]

Everyone has things they don't like another the other in a relationship "we need a new word for that". As Kujo said accept it or don't no other help can be given besides that. Your life your choice

[deadman1]

He bought the suit, knowing it was an issue for you, without consulting you at all. He's now flaunting it in your face whenever he has the opportunity.

Whether he's doing it deliberately or not, he's been very selfish and you might want to let him know how it's making you feel.

Regardless of how I feel about furries or people who are openly furries.

He needs someones consent to do something for himself?

If she doesn't like it she can leave him.

TO THE OP - If you love him, try to accept it, if you can't accept it leave him. It's pretty straight forward.

[TrumpIsPresident]

When you combine mental instability with sexual fetish and throw in an enabling element you will have escalation.

[Hottage]

Regardless of how I feel about furries or people who are openly furries.

He needs someones consent to do something for himself?

If she doesn't like it she can leave him.

He is half of a team, and if you know something you enjoy is a big issue for your partner you should consult with them... doesn't mean you can't do it, but at least showing you care about the other person's feelings is kinda expected...

[Izalla]

Regardless of how I feel about furries or people who are openly furries.

He needs someones consent to do something for himself?

If she doesn't like it she can leave him.

The fact that they were saving their money together to go on a vacation and he blew it on the thing she hates most is a shitty move on his part. Doing something for yourself is one thing, completely disregarding your partner in many ways to do something you want even though it will hurt your partner is not being a good partner.

[Muis]

Get a new boyfriend.

[lopus]

you have to determine if what you enjoy about him is worth putting up with what he enjoys, and is a side of his life that you don't agree. You cant change him whit out him resenting you, and trying to change your self for him is not a good option either.

is a matter of looking inside your self for the right answer

[Feali]

Furries scare me.

[deadman1]

The fact that they were saving their money together to go on a vacation and he blew it on the thing she hates most is a shitty move on his part.

The OP says

this suit destroyed what little savings he finally managed to actually save with my assistance.

The implication is that it's his money.

Doing something for yourself is one thing, completely disregarding your partner in many ways to do something you want even though it will hurt your partner is not being a good partner.

How is not allowing your partner to be themselves not "disregarding" them?

Either way, I didn't say it was a good thing, I said if shes doesn't like it she should leave him.

Like lopus said, neither of you are going to change.

He will resent you for changing him, and you will resent him if you have to change. If you can't accept it, move on.

[Swizzington]

Besides the fact that he knows they bother me to no end and that if allowed I would gladly destroy the suit in various ways, it has been a common topic that we should work together to save money to take a nice vacation somewhere together, this suit destroyed what little savings he finally managed to actually save with my assistance, instead of spending it wildly as he grew up doing.

This the part I have a problem with. Seems to me like his furryness is more important to him than you are. Maybe.

However, it's a core part of his identity and he cannot change that. If you can't accept it for whatever reason, then it's on you. It's not not his fault he's a furry and it's not your fault you aren't comfortable with it, but you kinda knew what you were getting into and if you can't handle the furry heat, you gonna need to get out of the furry kitchen, before this escalates and you both end up stressed/arguing/hating each other and being miserable.

Being able to accept and tolerate your partner's 'faults' in a gracious manner is a key part of a successful relationship. You don't have to like it, but you need to grin and bear it, if you wanna make it work.

With that part said, if you can make the effort to do that and he is still being a selfish dick, i.e the vacation money thing, then you should tell him to fuck off. It's not a one way street.

But you probably already knew all this.

[Heladys]

Dump him and ridicule him in front of everyone you know.

[Deleted]

Want pussy or furry? See what he chooses. Pretty straightforward and you both know in notime where this is going.

[Deleted]

If this was money you were both saving, then you have an issue. If it was purely his money, he can do whatever he wants with it. Unless you have a joint account together you have no power over what he spends his money on. Simple as that to me.

I'm gonna go ahead and say that I am a furry, in the sense that I enjoy drawing anthro-type characters, but I have only ever been to one 'meet' and I do not own a fursuit. I am similar to you in the fact I dislike people wearing masks, and the badly made suits creep me out. But the well made ones are cute so I don't mind.

But another thing here is; is he wearing this around the house? I may have read wrong but it sounded like he was only wearing it to when he goes to his art things, if so then it's just his thing and you are not obliged to go, and don't have to if you feel awkward.

The money issue sounds more like the bigger deal here, but as I said before unless it was both of your money you were sharing, you can't really tell him what to spend it on regardless. Most you can say is 'I would rather you didn't' and if he does then that's a shame for you. I understand don't get me wrong here, and money is a touchy issue. All you have to do is talk it out and make a mutual agreement. That's what relationships are about. If he starts doing things on purpose that make you uncomfortable, then maybe it's time you end things. But if this is just his hobby then talk it through. Regardless of fandom, it's probably a lot less money than what I see people spend on their yearly different outfits at Blizzcon/Comicon etc =p

[Sussemilch]

Don't shave.

[Deleted]

Call the cops.

[Chingylol]

Furries were always people I only have seen on the internet, along with juggalos.

[Deleted]

Sounds like he needs a furry girlfriend.

So, stop shaving.