People that appear nice and turn to be jerks

[May90]

I get an impression that many people pretend to be nice to get some advantages in life, but at some points they drop the mask and show what jerks they are really. For example, there was this guy I talked a lot to on Bioware forums; he was very friendly, I would even call him a friend back in the days. Then, in some thread on forums we disagreed on a minor thing. I didn't give much thought to it, but suddenly he grew very brief and cold in our interaction. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that he didn't have any more reason to talk to me since my comments in that thread demonstrated me, basically, as a fool. Of course he used a very nice way to say that, but the meaning is the meaning. And I've had thousands stories like that in my life. I've even seen people ruining other people's lives with a smile on their face.

Anyone else can relate to this? How do you deal with people like this? On one hand, they come around like nice people, so being harsh to them feels wrong somehow. On the other hand, they have a big potential of ruining your mood or, sometimes, even your life if you take the bait and don't take any precautions.

In general, I am not sure if I must be as nice to people as I am. It backfired at me so many times that I have an urge to drop all the pleasantries when I meet new people nowadays and just be mean, regardless of what they think of me. I am tired of being used by jerks pretending to be decent people.

[Elhaym]

. And I've had thousands stories like that in my life. (

If thousands of people have called you a fool...

The easiest, most mundane, way to see how people really are is to hold the door open for them. If I hold the door for 20 people a week I get 1 that says thanks and an extra 20 people who try to pile through the door CUZ OMG THE DOOR IS OPENZ.

[Independent voter]

It's hard to interact with humans on a forum, you have no way of judging their emotional state or mental stability. Maybe he was just having a bad day, week or month, then again maybe he is an asshole.

[May90]

If thousands of people have called you a fool...

The easiest, most mundane, way to see how people really are is to hold the door open for them. If I hold the door for 20 people a week I get 1 that says thanks and an extra 20 people who try to pile through the door CUZ OMG THE DOOR IS OPENZ.

No, I mean that thousands times people did something jerky that wasn't really expected from them based on their previous "nice profile".

I don't know, "Thanks" can be pretentious as well. Just yesterday I observed an old woman with a child in a store that said a warm "Thanks" to a woman that helped you move her cart to the car, then proceeded with yelling loud at her child for some silly reason. People's mood changes very fast sometimes, depending on the situation. And I might be biased towards noticing negative, but I think that such negative examples characterize the person the best. It is easy to give 1000 smiles, but it is much harder not to curse just once.

It's hard to interact with humans on a forum, you have no way of judging their emotional state or mental stability. Maybe he was just having a bad day, week or month, then again maybe he is an asshole.

I noticed it as well. Perhaps the problem is that we imagine virtual people to have some qualities that they don't really have based on our small sample of data. In real life it is usually easier to judge people's characters, but, again, I was cut many times there two by believing that some people are not what I believed they were.

[Elhaym]

No, I mean

It was a joke.

[May90]

It was a joke.

I know; that's why I put this smile in the end of my sentence.

[belfpala]

I'd suggest working with me for one day. I'll go in reverse, ride your ass, yell, pick on every mistake. Then we finish the cleaning list and I buy you a beer and I'm your buddy. Rinse, wash, repeat tomorrow.

- - - Updated - - -

I noticed it as well. Perhaps the problem is that we imagine virtual people to have some qualities that they don't really have based on our small sample of data. In real life it is usually easier to judge people's characters, but, again, I was cut many times there two by believing that some people are not what I believed they were.

One of my exes summed it up nicely. She said, "You like the idea of me, but you have no idea who I am."

[belfpala]

If nothing else, I became way too smart for those people that today I'm partly annoying them. You can just feel that disturbance in the force when they just stop talking.

I've never met anyone who claims to be smart and actually is.

[May90]

Now, if someone goes anything similar to that, I just laugh it off because I EXPECT that everyone is prick from start until they are prove otherwise. As long as your intentions are good, no one should threat you like trash.

Hmm, I wouldn't want to go into the full "expect trouble" mode. I like people, and I never judge them negatively before I've had enough time to know them better. Perhaps something in between would be a solution: to not expect anything from a person, but to be ready for anything. To keep in mind that even people appearing the nicest in the world can always have a jerky part of their personalities.

I know, I can be a jerk in some rare cases, when someone touches something sensitive in me. But I definitely won't break a relationship with someone based on some short petty argument on virtual forums. I guess this threshold is just different for various people. Some people can get really mad really fast for no apparent reason.

I've never met anyone who claims to be smart and actually is.

I will say an oxymoron here, but the day I understood how ignorant I actually was was the day I got much smarter.

[belfpala]

I will say an oxymoron here, but the day I understood how ignorant I actually was was the day I got much smarter.

Every time you realize you might be a cosmic schmuck, you become less of one. --paraphrasing some author I can't remember.

[nocturnus]

Every time you realize you might be a cosmic schmuck, you become less of one. --paraphrasing some author I can't remember.

Robert A. Wilson

Awesome principle by the way

[belfpala]

Robert A. Wilson

Awesome principle by the way

Ahh yeah, him. I think I read Cosmic Trigger when I was 16, a couple decades ago. And Illuminatus! of course.

[Seranthor]

I get an impression that many people pretend to be nice to get some advantages in life, but at some points they drop the mask and show what jerks they are really. For example, there was this guy I talked a lot to on Bioware forums; he was very friendly, I would even call him a friend back in the days. Then, in some thread on forums we disagreed on a minor thing. I didn't give much thought to it, but suddenly he grew very brief and cold in our interaction. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that he didn't have any more reason to talk to me since my comments in that thread demonstrated me, basically, as a fool. Of course he used a very nice way to say that, but the meaning is the meaning. And I've had thousands stories like that in my life. I've even seen people ruining other people's lives with a smile on their face.

Anyone else can relate to this? How do you deal with people like this? On one hand, they come around like nice people, so being harsh to them feels wrong somehow. On the other hand, they have a big potential of ruining your mood or, sometimes, even your life if you take the bait and don't take any precautions.

In general, I am not sure if I must be as nice to people as I am. It backfired at me so many times that I have an urge to drop all the pleasantries when I meet new people nowadays and just be mean, regardless of what they think of me. I am tired of being used by jerks pretending to be decent people.

As I warn folks... I'm equal opportunity... I take the opportunity to treat everyone as equals... until which time they prove they aren't equal, then I take the opportunity to treat them as they deserve, sometimes that results in things coming out of my mouth that as my mother would say, 'truthful, not nice'.

[Ayla]

In general, I am not sure if I must be as nice to people as I am. It backfired at me so many times that I have an urge to drop all the pleasantries when I meet new people nowadays and just be mean, regardless of what they think of me. I am tired of being used by jerks pretending to be decent people.

As I get older, I can smell a dick from across the room. Im nice to everyone, until they prove otherwise. If someone is an asshole, I go on with my day because I already have enough negitivity in my daily life.

Theres always going to be assholes, and people that cant take a small amount of butthurt. But you have to learn when there is: being an asshole because a job needs to be done and being an asshole because you can be.

I will always be a bitch if I think you'll screw me first. I wont be mean, but I'll be 'fair'.

[Dispraise]

I like the opposite. I appear to be a jerk, but am actually a fairly nice dude.

[tithian]

In general, I am not sure if I must be as nice to people as I am. It backfired at me so many times that I have an urge to drop all the pleasantries when I meet new people nowadays and just be mean, regardless of what they think of me. I am tired of being used by jerks pretending to be decent people.

Why do you have to be nice or mean to strangers? Be indifferent, like 99% of the rest of us. If it's not family or a close friend (as in, real life friend, internet friendships don't count), then you should expect that everybody has an agenda, not about you per se but they are definitely not taking your emotional well-being into consideration.

But as House said "everybody lies". Golden rule.