Is marriage worth it? (US)

[The3rdCatalyst]

So the idea behind marriage is that you make a commitment to spend the rest of your life with someone else. But in the current (US) system there is a lot more behind. With the average divorce costing 15k, lawyers costing 250$/hour and a minimum 6 months after a divorce petition to have the case reviewed, it is both time consuming and expensive.

In some cases the divorce process has taken longer than the couple was actually together. Between heavy alimony charges and questionable 50/50 splitting, is the marriage/divorce process fair? In few cases, such as what happened to Robin Williams, a prenuptial agreement can be overturned.

Or is the entire system a fair economic system and people need to be more responsible about the relationships they get into? According to the American Psychological Association(APA) 40-50% of married couples will divorce, this number drastically increased in the 70's and has only recently started to decline. Is it a system of naive people getting into relationships and marriage being too accessible or is it a clearly broken system for profit?

Why is divorce important when talking about marriage? Because so many people in the US will divorce.
A low(er) end wedding will cost less than 10k. This number does vary, but the average wedding cost is closer to 26k.
10k+(15k*50%)=~17.5k just to get married.

The whole idea of this is, if you love someone, why get married? Why go into a system which costs so much money? Why not just be together and not make a religious or legal promise but a promise based on trust that you two will always be together.

[Revi]

That's not really something you can give a universal answer to.

Is it worth it to you?

[Spectral]

If you're smart, educated, and wait till you're 30 to get married, divorce rates are low. Married people are, on average, wealthier, happier, and have more stable life circumstances than unmarried people.

Basically, if you're not a degenerate, getting married is a pretty good plan.

[Wildtree]

Revi and Spectral combined answered it perfectly.

[Azadina]

You should ask yourself if you consider possible loss of some money more valuable than the marriage.

[haxartus]

No it's not worth it in most cases.
It is worth it if you have been together for let's say 10 years, and marriage is just a formality.

[Independent voter]

A good woman can make your life so much better. There's synergy between man and woman.

[Deleted]

If you're smart, educated, and wait till you're 30 to get married, divorce rates are low. Married people are, on average, wealthier, happier, and have more stable life circumstances than unmarried people.

Basically, if you're not a degenerate, getting married is a pretty good plan.

Did you adjust for initial income?

Sounds like circular logic. Wealthier people are disproportionately likely to get married because its expensive.

This says nothing about whether being married makes you wealthier and/or happier.

[Mercadi]

I think we could do away with the marriage. It will eliminate a lot of drama, lawyers, politics, and threads.

[slime]

if you are the guy .. no. If you are the girl .. yes.

[Calfredd]

I think we could do away with the marriage. It will eliminate a lot of drama, lawyers, politics, and threads.

I'd wager it would be easier to make polygamy legal than to get rid of marriage in the legal sense because of how much money and benefits are tied into it (visitation rights should your SO end up in the hospital being a major benefit).

[The3rdCatalyst]

and threads.

One day...

You should ask yourself if you consider possible loss of some money more valuable than the marriage.

That is sort of the purpose. But I don't think it is. Not just the financial cost but also the time/effort involved. If two people love each other, why do we need the religious or legal formality of marriage. Why not just be in love with each other, story ends. Why have a system which legitimizes your love. Love is not something tangible so it cannot actually change if you're married or not. I have the feeling that only time and interaction change the feeling of love.

If there are financial strains then wouldn't that diminish the feeling of love and create friction because there are more things to worry about in the relationship such as money? If that is true, wouldn't marriage then be self defeating?

[zebreck]

Why do it? Insurance and Tax reasons mostly. I was with my wife for nearly a decade before we got married, our ceremony consisted of the two of us and a justice of the peace. Total wedding cost? $56.35. Getting married has saved us around $5,000 over the last two years in medical costs and taxes giving it the best return on fifty bucks possibly ever. That's not even including the fringe benefits like getting FMLA access and just people generally treating "wife" as an excuse where "long term girlfriend" wouldn't be. Am I worried about divorce? Not really, we're well educated atheists who have lived together for a long time and don't have kids. The divorce rate for our demographic is comparatively low. Basically it just boils down to whether or not you think the benefits are worth the risk, I think it's a no brainer in my case.

[Evolixe]

That is sort of the purpose. But I don't think it is. Not just the financial cost but also the time/effort involved. If two people love each other, why do we need the religious or legal formality of marriage. Why not just be in love with each other, story ends. Why have a system which legitimizes your love. Love is not something tangible so it cannot actually change if you're married or not. I have the feeling that only time and interaction change the feeling of love.

If there are financial strains then wouldn't that diminish the feeling of love and create friction because there are more things to worry about in the relationship such as money? If that is true, wouldn't marriage then be self defeating?

You look at it like it's a piece of paper. Which factually it is.. but that's not how I and many other people think about it.

It's a gesture of love, and a pretty damn powerful one at that.
If you really think you can be with the person you are marrying for the rest of your life, then I'd say you should do it.

And even if it ends up costing you more money than it gains you..
Ultimately money is just material possession, and love is.. infinitely more valuable than that.

[Azadina]

That is sort of the purpose. But I don't think it is. Not just the financial cost but also the time/effort involved. If two people love each other, why do we need the religious or legal formality of marriage. Why not just be in love with each other, story ends. Why have a system which legitimizes your love. Love is not something tangible so it cannot actually change if you're married or not. I have the feeling that only time and interaction change the feeling of love.

If there are financial strains then wouldn't that diminish the feeling of love and create friction because there are more things to worry about in the relationship such as money? If that is true, wouldn't marriage then be self defeating?

I'm not sure...I guess... It creates kind of deeper bond and commitment between two people, instead of them being able to just dissappear one day, with no ties. Hard to explain, just how I feel about it.

[Templar 331]

people need to be more responsible about the relationships they get into?

BOOM! There it is. People need to stop thinking with their genitals before they get married. There is nothing wrong with marriage, it's the idiots that mess it up that's the problem.

[Wyshbonez]

From a purely financial standpoint, the tax breaks involved can be worth it. Before my wife and i got married we were together for 4 years, got roughly 800 back on taxes, after we got married, we got about 2 grand back on taxes.

[Celista]

If you marry wisely it is. Think about the things that matter to you in regards to a life partner. Think about things like values and character--would this person be a good mother/father to my children? Does this person want the same things I do out of life? etc. Physical attraction is important, but at the same time looks fade no matter now in shape you keep yourself in--no one looks like they did at 20 when they are 80.

Get to know someone awhile before taking such a plunge--there's no rush. Take your time. Marrying later helps (both in terms of duration of relationship and chronological age).

[Deleted]

If you think that you want to bet half or more of your stuff aswell as possibly alimony that you can get another person to love you for the rest of your life, sure go for it. Also take into consideration "people being wealthier" during marriage ignores what happens after the marriage.

[Deleted]

The whole idea of this is, if you love someone, why get married? Why go into a system which costs so much money? Why not just be together and not make a religious or legal promise but a promise based on trust that you two will always be together.

This is the mindset I would keep if I were you. If 2 people really love eachother they dont need to peform an old religious tradition to prove it to society, its non of their business really.

It's a gesture of love, and a pretty damn powerful one at that.

How is it a gesture of love? Because society says so? How about people grow some originality and character and peform their own gestures of love.