It's all gone Pete Tong (windows 8)

[Pum]

My laptop has seemed to have underwent some kind of incapacitating spasm and it's taking excruciatingly long to load anything (it actually hasn't successfully started up and logged in yet since it went tits up).

I was on Google chrome just surfin and right out of nohwhere it wasn't loading pages, they were crashing, paint wouldn't open it said some shit about not being able to execute, then a message popped up saying computer was low on memory. I just assumed that Chrome has caused memory usage to reach tipping point as I have only had the laptop in sleep mode for nearly a week and have had the same window open for the duration, so all the tabs must've just built up till it finally was saying nah.

I ninja turned off the laptop and at first it came up with a very crudely positioned boot manager that said windows has failed to start so could you por favor insert windows installation disc. I did nothing and it seemed to restart itself and came up with the same thing, and then it restarted again and started to load normally, but it took nearly 10 minutes to get to the login screen, and when I logged in after 20 seconds waiting for the password to be typed in nothing happened after another 10 years so I smacked the hussy off for another crack at loading up. Got to the loading screen before log in and at the moment it's just a black screen laughing at how helpless I am. I'm usually not too bad with this but I have never seen this before and I can't even access boot menu or start in safe mode.

Any advice my little cumquats? Any help appreciated.

[WarBringerPT]

Insert a usb pen with win8, boot from it, try to repair it. Try to repair the boot files. try to recover with a restore point.

[Pum]

How do I get it to boot from the USB when the computer is loading up normal but it's just taking forever? (Haven't got to home screen yet though).

Do you have any idea what's wrong here?

[WarBringerPT]

How do I get it to boot from the USB when the computer is loading up normal but it's just taking forever? (Haven't got to home screen yet though).

Do you have any idea what's wrong here?

in the bios change who boots 1st to the usb pen. or press f8/f9/fwhatever depending on the laptop.

[Pum]

in the bios change who boots 1st to the usb pen. or press f8/f9/fwhatever depending on the laptop.

I don't have a disc for windows 8 it was preinstalled on the laptop when the uni threw it at me. The disc for Windows 7 for my desktop is in another country so that's no good either. Could I just be cheeky and download random copy onto USB?

[BicycleMafioso]

I don't have a disc for windows 8 it was preinstalled on the laptop when the uni threw it at me. The disc for Windows 7 for my desktop is in another country so that's no good either. Could I just be cheeky and download random copy onto USB?

Installation files are installation files. For instance, you should be able to use the installation key (I have a fever, words don't come easy) just fine with any installation file as long as the version and language matches, 32-bit and 64-bit doesn't have to match though.
From then on, you can probably just run a repair or rollback tool when the option presents itself in the installation process, instead of installing.

So download an ISO, stick it on a USB thumb-drive, see if you can repair it (to see whether you can isolate the issue at least).

[WarBringerPT]

I don't have a disc for windows 8 it was preinstalled on the laptop when the uni threw it at me. The disc for Windows 7 for my desktop is in another country so that's no good either. Could I just be cheeky and download random copy onto USB?

yep. all you need is an iso of win8, put it on a usb pendrive (there are guides for that on google), boot from the usb.

[Pum]

Thanks for your help lads, will give it a shot and a Hail Mary.

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Installation files are installation files. For instance, you should be able to use the installation key (I have a fever, words don't come easy) just fine with any installation file as long as the version and language matches, 32-bit and 64-bit doesn't have to match though.
From then on, you can probably just run a repair or rollback tool when the option presents itself in the installation process, instead of installing.

So download an ISO, stick it on a USB thumb-drive, see if you can repair it (to see whether you can isolate the issue at least).

Okay so this morning I turned the laptop on and it came up with recovery mode, so I ran a diagnostic/repair from the menu and it said nothing was wrong with it or it couldn't find anything wrong with it (clearly not the case). Have downloaded an ISO and have just booted from the USB and the exact same thing is happening, disgustingly slow and devoid of any hope.

- - - Updated - - -

Poor me, I'll just suffer!

[Evildeffy]

Well it could honestly be anything.

It's not easy to diagnose from a distance like this but most slowdowns like that I have experienced it being the HDD being FUBAR.
However that would not explain why a USB booted OS has the same issue.

The only slowdown I know about that is the CPU being throttled because it's overheating.

There are plenty of reasons what it CAN be that we cannot test.

You have 3 options in reality with issues like this:
Option 1: Bring it to a friend whom is VERY good with computers and actually understands technical details etc. and pray he can figure it out.
Option 2: Bring it to a computer shop to have them examine it.
Option 3: (unlikely to happen) Send it to someone, if option 1 and 2 are not happening, on this forum f.ex... there are plenty of professionals around here who could do a lot more when having it in their hands.

Distance diagnostic can point you in the general direction but nothing beats having it in your hands to diagnose.

[WarBringerPT]

Like I said, try to restore it to a previous restore point. Boot from the usb and try to restore.
Or try something else:
https://www.winhelp.us/repair-your-c...windows-8.html
http://www.7tutorials.com/command-pr...-corrupt-files

Try and see if it's the boot files that are corrupt, or try another thing. Google has a lot of info , just by searching "windows 8 not booting black screen".