Question for Married Couples..

[Seirith]

Married 9 years, together 17. We put our money into a joint account checking before we got married, shortly after living together for the first time. We started with I paid the bills and then he gave me half but that got annoying so we put our money into one account. We both work FT and are both reasonable spenders so we have no issues with a joint account. Most of our bills now are on auto pay, I pay my CC and he pays his out of our 1 main account.

[Evolixe]

When you're married, most of your expenses are joint expenses.

Would you rather have arguments over who pays the bills? Does the person who makes more money have to pay a larger portion of the bills? What if one person works part time and takes care of the house and children? Do they deserve to have no spending money because they don't get paid for that? Or maybe you should write them a paycheck for their duties at home (wow, what a crappy marriage situation that would be, writing paychecks for each other). How else can you each pay your fair share? Do you have to do separate shopping, or do you force one of them to spend their hard earned money to buy food for the other as well? The amount of problems with separate accounts far exceed the challenges with having a single account.

You don't just spend money how you please in a marriage. You marry someone because you want to share your life with them. If you aren't interested in sharing a life with somebody, then quite simply do not get married. You talk about what big purchases you make. If you want to be separate, then stay single or keep the relationship beyond that level of commitment. Why would you even want to get married if you refuse to share?

I swear, it's no wonder the divorce rate is so high with attitudes like this. Nobody wants marriage to be a union between two people, they'd rather just keep it separate. How easy it is to get those divorces.

Not really, someone that would just sit at home is just not my type anyway. We're living in 2015. Not in the early 1900's. She can work.

And when you want something new for the both of you, like a couch, you talk about it, then determine who pays how much.. I don't really see the problem.
It's better than having an argument over "zomfg you can't buy that wtf thats way too expensive" when you are the one that brought in the money to buy it in the first place. I feel like that is at least if not more hazardous for your relationship than split accounts.

[poser765]

Not really, someone that would just sit at home is just not my type anyway. We're living in 2015. Not in the early 1900's. She can work.

And when you want something new for the both of you, like a couch, you talk about it, then determine who pays how much.. I don't really see the problem.
It's better than having an argument over "zomfg you can't buy that wtf thats way too expensive" when you are the one that brought in the money to buy it in the first place. I feel like that is at least if not more hazardous for your relationship than split accounts.

Personally I feel like the unhealthy thing in your example is someone thinking they have more say in the marriage of where the money goes because they earn more of it.

[Kaganfindel]

My wife and I have been using the same checking, savings and credit accounts for about fifteen years. I pay the mortgage and student loans, she pays the utilities, and we let the other know about any purchase over ~$50 that isn't a gift.

There's nothing in my life I can't do without except her and the kid, nothing I couldn't replace or remake.

[Ornerybear]

When you got married.. Did you put your money together in one bank account or keep it separate ?

my wife and i were married in july. we had a similar conversation. we will probably open a joint checking savings at some point in the near-ish future for cash savings and joint purchase purposes. one of us will change banks before that though so we are both with the same bank to make transfers easier.

We are keeping separate accounts though. I added her to my credit card because why have more than 1, makes managing it more easily.

We believe its best for us to have our own money, we split up financial responsibilities like bills (she gets utilities I get cell and insurance), and we pay for our own auto/education loans. so far its working great. though we have also discussed having auto pay out of a joint account that we put $xxx.xx into each paycheck/week/month and just pay all our bills out of that, but we haven't really discussed or calculated that yet.

[Radux]

Wife and I have been married for 5 years now, dating for 9. We've shared a bank account/funds for maybe 8 years now?

We both put some of our individual money towards our own IRAs and investments (we invest in very different companies), though.
The idea on personal spending is to just ask about it if it raises a concern.

[Symphonic]

We have never combined our checking or savings accounts, but we stopped using hers and just use mine for deposits/savings. I'm the only one who works a job that pays money - but if she did, she'd likely route it into my checking account, not hers. So it's not combined, but we use it as if it is.

[Myth]

My wife and I had a joint account before we got married. We have been together since high school and moved in together after 9 years of dating which is when we joined our accounts. We got married 6 months later.

[Lodreh]

I bought a house... I paid off my truck... and I was paying all my bills before I married my wife. After we married she graduated college and started paying back student loans... her car and insurance for the both of us. We've been married for nearly 10 years and we have a joint checking account but still maintain our separate accounts as well. It works for us... if either of us is going to make a big purchase or need a little extra we'll just talk to each other and square it away before we do it. It's not a difficult prospect to manage. We never fight about money... though we both wish we could earn a little more... but hey who doesn't?

[Deleted]

Why would I want to marry someone who can't make their own Money? Sounds like a stupid Idea.

Why is it that I suspect no one would actually want you to...

[Seegtease]

Why would I want to marry someone who can't make their own Money? Sounds like a stupid Idea.

There's a difference between "can't" and "doesn't because there are other things to do that actually matter in life." And this is something that should be agreed upon. Further, I imagine you're the type that if your significant other had an injury preventing them from working, they'd be dead to you. Because they can't bring in the bling, right? Screw love and all that worthless shit.

What, maintaining some kind of financial autonomy and freedom is divorce prep now?

It is, because it says you don't really want to be married, you just want a committed girlfriend/boyfriend. Which is fine, if that's what you want.

If there's no distinction between marriage and just a relationship, then there's no point in getting married.

Not really, someone that would just sit at home is just not my type anyway. We're living in 2015. Not in the early 1900's. She can work.

"Just sit at home" is a very ignorant way to view what actually needs to get done at home, depending on the situation. And who said it was a she? This has nothing to do with sex. Maybe one don't need two incomes, maybe there are things that are more important to an individual than how much money they can horde and how expensive all their things are. Crazy notion, I know. It's 2015, we're supposed to be utterly materialistic.

If prioritizing other matters over money makes me old fashioned, then so be it.

And when you want something new for the both of you, like a couch, you talk about it, then determine who pays how much.. I don't really see the problem.
It's better than having an argument over "zomfg you can't buy that wtf thats way too expensive" when you are the one that brought in the money to buy it in the first place. I feel like that is at least if not more hazardous for your relationship than split accounts.

An argument over whether or not you should buy it is absolutely no different than an argument over how much each other should pay. If you have this attitude of "well, I'm the one who brought the money in for it" then you're having a very unhealthy view of marriage, and probably should not take that final step.

[Lava Bucket]

Been married for around 12 years now and had a joint bank account since shortly after my first kid was born. We were doing the separate accounts thing for a while mostly out of laziness and not wanting to go to the bank. But once the kid expenses started adding up, it was just easier to throw all the money into one account.

After my second kid was born, there was no longer any need to be concerned about who would spend the extra cash because there was none. Problem solved!

Edit to add:
I never had any problems with getting a joint account with my wife because I keep no secrets from her. If she really wanted to screw me over, taking all my money wouldn't be the worst thing she could do to me. I'm a very private person with almost everyone, but I think that everyone should have at least one person with whom they're totally honest. Doesn't have to be your spouse, but it certainly makes for a closer relationship if it is.

[mrpopos10]

I am sole income provider so I have my own checking account and she has a separate checking I put her allowance in. I still consult her some some purchases though. Works out well for us.

[Jotaux]

I'm not married but I would imagine it would be easier to just put it all in one account.

[unbound]

When you got married.. Did you put your money together in one bank account or keep it separate ?

Ours is in one account. My parents have separate accounts. It doesn't really matter which approach you take as long as you take the time to talk about how the money is going to be handled.

In my case, me and my wife make all monetary decisions jointly above the weekly budget. In the case of my parents, my dad pays one set of bills, my mother pays a different set of bills, and they spend the remainder of their own money however they feel like.

[zebreck]

We kept ours almost entirely separate. We have a joint account we both pay into that pays our bills and buys groceries and occasionally fixes cars, and we file taxes jointly so we both go over each other's finances once a year by necessity, but other than that we do whatever the fuck we want with our own money. Sometimes we'll agree to set aside $x toward a trip or some such, but yeah, the vast majority of the time we've got our own thing going on.

[Raldazzar]

Can I just say, any couple that puts all of their savings in joint accounts with their spouses are foolish?

no, you can't. Everyone is different. just because you, or your mommy and daddy has had a bad experience means nothing. some people are happy.

I have had a joint bank account since before I got married to my mrs. no issues, no worries, though I'm the sole earner in the house, but it doesn't matter. its not my money or her money, its our money... wouldn't be right to have it any other way.. (in my mind.) and when I say that, I mean.. for us. different strokes for different folks.