1. #1
    The Unstoppable Force THE Bigzoman's Avatar
    10+ Year Old Account
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Magnolia
    Posts
    20,767

    Death and its impact on families

    So I was watching a cliche flick on tv about a family going through the loss of a loved one. During the flick, it essentially boiled down to the family becoming closer because of the death.

    But how often do you think this actually happens in the real world? Wouldn't the family have to be crazy functional prior to the death for a bond to grow stronger after it? I highly doubt that a dysfunctional family would suddenly become functional after a death. As a matter of fact, i'm willing to be that it's more likely that a family, regardless of how close they were prior to the death, to grow apart than the hunky dorey scenario in the flick.


    For one, everyone is going to be grieving after the death of a loved one. If one devotes themselves to their own grieving, they will have less to give to others that are also grieving. People also grieve differently, and may not be able to emphasize with someone else who grieves differently or longer.

    What do you guys think? Do I make a fair assessment? If you won't trigger yourselves, feel free to share any experiences your family went through.

  2. #2
    Deleted
    I went through such a situation not too long ago and I can tell you with certainty that it did bring our family closer together.
    Naturally because we knew this was going to happen we had a lot of time to prepare as well and plenty of time to say goodbye so I'm sure that softened the blow, as it were. But we definitely didn't grow apart over it, when things like this happen you shouldn't lock yourself in your room to cry alone, you need each other.

  3. #3
    The funeral would bring them together, if they've grown up since the split they could be mature enough to repair some old wounds and come together, depending on how severe some of those wounds were. I held a grudge against my brother over some pretty trivial BS, and this was for a number of years.
    .

    "This will be a fight against overwhelming odds from which survival cannot be expected. We will do what damage we can."

    -- Capt. Copeland

  4. #4
    Parents losing a young child often end up in divorce, otherwise I can see it bringing people closer together

  5. #5
    The Insane Revi's Avatar
    15+ Year Old Account
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    The land of the ice and snow.
    Posts
    15,628
    Grow closer right when it happens up until the funeral, and then back to where we were.

    At least that's how we've done.

    Obviously something like losing a child would be very different though.

  6. #6
    Moderator Crissi's Avatar
    10+ Year Old Account
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    The Moon
    Posts
    32,144
    wwve grown closer, but my family has always been functional.

    Well, except my dads adopted sister. She's a druggie and not even the funerals brought her back to normal.

  7. #7
    Deleted
    Was feeling pretty sad after my older brother died, the family kind of got worse though. When my father died, I was pretty happy and family(aunts & uncles etc to him) was pretty pissed at me for not feeling sad because of his death. Got worse with the family then as well.

  8. #8
    The Patient
    7+ Year Old Account
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    335
    I dont think theres a single predictable outcome for all cases. In my family there was a lot of drama between my parents and my aunt and uncle, since the latter wanted to buy the house my grandparents lived in, after my grandmother died. This meant they wanted it valued as low as possible, while my parents wanted it as high as possible. I dont think money being involved necessarily creates drama, but it will often bring older conflicts to the surface that havent been resolved. However i also believe that is quite possible that exactly by being forced to confront eachother in a less functional family that conflict can be talked about and solved. If you never seen eachother, conflicts wont be resolved. By being forced to attend a funeral together, people can come to realize their past conflicts seem rather trivial and mourning together creates a shared experience.
    Crazy functional families i'd guess already do most things together and thus a death brings them closer together by sharing some of their most vulnerable moments. But everyone being emotional and on eachothers skin all the time also could start conflict. You can be totally in love with someone but still get annoyed when you move in together with some of their weird, annoying or disgusting habbits.

  9. #9
    My family has said goodbye to quite a few people way too young. I think in some respect it has made iu value closeness to the relatives we do have. But then we've always had lunch weekly with everybody who lives in town even before we found out the hard way that every time you say goodbye to somebody it could be your last.

    But that's how I try to be; instead of holding onto petty grudges it's important to me that if I really care about somebody I can be comfortable that if the last thing I said to them is the last thing I'll ever say to them that I can live with that fact.

    Because that's the first thing you think of when somebody passes away; was I nice to them the last time I saw them? Was I abrupt with them?

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •