Ditching friends for GF - is this a scumbag move?

[Lodreh]

Start of a relationship: sex everyday

Who has time for this? Seriously? Three times a week sure... but everyday... damn, I'd be in traction.

[Dug]

Who has time for this? Seriously? Three times a week sure... but everyday... damn, I'd be in traction.

Love finds a way

[dextersmith]

No Dugraka, never had a GF, but I'm 99.999% sure that I would NEVER cancel plans I made with friends just to see my SO. Sure, I will see my friends less, but I wouldn't cancel things to be with her. At least I hope not.

I'm sure he said that too. As people mature, they'll stop doing this....til they get married.

[weirdman]

Nope this is 100% scumbag move and clearly this guy is not a real friend.

If you make plans with someone you need to repsect the time and energy that went into making said plans and that persons willingness to commit themselves to spend time with you.

There are reasonable exceptions to this (illness, car accident, family emergency, etc...) but "nah I want to hang with my gf" if basically a big middle finger to your friend and you should take the hint, clearly he is not as committed to or values your friendship as much as you do his and IMO anyone can do better than someone like that.

Mutual respect and appreciation in all things.

[Lytrwths]

It's a completely acceptable behavior buddy, give it some time for the relationship to mature and your friend will include you on his plans too. It's also acceptable that you are somewhat upset but try to be happy for him and maybe ask yourself what would you do if it was the other way around, how would you act? Bottom line is ; be patient!

[Reeve]

Who has time for this? Seriously? Three times a week sure... but everyday... damn, I'd be in traction.

I started a relationship 3 months ago. We're currently having sex on the order of 10 times a week. We skip some days during the week, but we're shameless on the weekends about going 3 rounds in a day.

[Malachi256]

If you're in your mid-twenties and the guy has found a GF that he really likes, you should be happy for him. There's a good chance it will only get worse - this is the time when people form long term partnerships and start families.

Yes it sucks that he made a commitment and then bailed - that is his own immaturity. The way you handle it like a proper guy friend is to be happy for him and adjust. If you want to handle it like his ex-GF then by all means get all emo about it.

[Taeldorian]

I said the same thing and yeah you're right it's scummy to cancel plans like that but at the same time its understandable. You'll make plans with another friend but your SO will want you to spend time with her instead. You won't want to disappoint them and at that point the choice becomes clear. It's an unfortunate thing but if you two are really good friends he's not going to completely forget about you. As I said, let them get through the honeymoon/bunny phase and they'll settle down.

This is basically it right here. I did the same thing when I was with my gf for the first few months, may have even gone up to a year can't remember. The more time you spend with the person you just started dating, the more you get to know her/him which makes the relationship stronger and better. Eventually they are going to want space from each other so he will most likely hang out with you again eventually, just gotta give it time.

Another option is to find someone you like, and double date. My older friends do that a lot, and it's actually really enjoyable. You get to know their partners, which can bring you even closer to your friend. This is if you want a girlfriend though, don't do it just to hang with your friend again.

[Reeve]

If you're in your mid-twenties and the guy has found a GF that he really likes, you should be happy for him. There's a good chance it will only get worse - this is the time when people form long term partnerships and start families.

Yes it sucks that he made a commitment and then bailed - that is his own immaturity. The way you handle it like a proper guy friend is to be happy for him and adjust. If you want to handle it like his ex-GF then by all means get all emo about it.

Yeah, when people get married and have kids, my experience has been the relationship becomes a few times a year, rather than a few times a week. Parents generally get on well with other parents, but their world is just too different from the world of single people.

[Will]

Your friend was quite disrespectful. If you make a commitment, you owe it to the other party to keep it. If you can't keep your commitment for whatever reason, you phone up and apologise to the dude you're letting down. It's that simple.

If it's a spur-of-the-moment sort of thing, and the GF wants to hang out with you on super short notice, you immediately ring the friend you're letting down and explain this to them - you let them down politely and remind them you haven't forgotten them by offering to reschedule.

However, waiting for them to phone you up is plain rude. You OWE it to them to get in touch with them first and explain your change of situation.

That's part about being young, commitments change on short notice. I completely understand this. But neglecting to update your buddies on the situation is a real slap in the face towards them, especially if they've been looking forward to seeing you.

As I said, I totally understand that youngsters can be fleeting and all, but your friend "Jeff" should have contacted you ASAP and let you down gently, not ignored you until you took it upon yourself to call him. I damn well hope he was apologetic-sounding. Also, if "Jeff" does this kind of thing often then we won't blame you if you stop contacting him. Some people are so unreliable they're not worth the hassle of mucking around.

[darkwarrior42]

It's not terribly surprising, but if he actually set up plans with you ahead of time I'd consider that rude at the very least.

As for everyone saying that the relationship is more important, and this is to be expected.... that's certainly possible, but if that's the case, why commit to the party in the first place? Just say you're not sure if you'll be able to go and leave it open-ended, so that if you decide you can't or don't want to you're not cancelling.

[Donald Hellscream]

Well its understandable if they are fresh in love and want to spend as much time as possible together. However bailing on something that was already planned ahead of time is a huge dick move.

[Dug]

Well some people just can't find it in themselves to reject a friend from the start. I don't know the guy but I'd assume its coming from a place of not wanting to hurt your friend and thinking its the best course of action at the time. Personally I'd rather be told from the get go that you can't hang but again I understand the logic.

[Hallidyne]

Nah, he's not a dickhead. He is practical. He also realizes that if he doesn't hang out with his girlfriend, his chances of getting any slide to 0%, unless you were willing to hook him up or something, just saying. When (if) you get a girlfriend, this will become obvious to you.

[dixincide]

Just like a baby needs attention until it's self sustaining.
A relationship is no different.

Time management is key, but I expect my friends to disappear a bit when they get a new girl.
Hell I expect them to disappear for a bit when they get a new toy. *cough* Fallout 4 *cough*

[dextersmith]

Get cool with the gf. By being cool with her, it opens up more possibilities to see him. He now has the option of bringing her along with him to spend time with you instead of "sneaking off" to come see you for a few hours.

Don't be her gay best friend and don't make him think you're falling for her. They need their own space and you need your friend without being a third wheel; they're a couple, not a trio. If you can't hang out with him without kissing her ass, he's garbage. Have some dignity.

[Teebone]

What can I say?



Maybe that's a bit too far....

[Tyrianth]

Scumbag move. I would never cancel plans with someone to hang out last minute with my boyfriend. I would either invite him along (assuming it was ok with my friend) or tell him we can't hangout today. Never had a problem with this. Most people don't expect you to cancel preexisting plans to be with them, if they do then they're not the type of people I want to be in a relationship with anyways.

[dextersmith]

Come this year... he gets a girlfriend. He swears to not become as distant, and for the record, he and I hung out usually about once a week, but frankly, I got really annoyed because almost the same thing happened, though this girl he didn't seem to have a problem with me meeting, though we ultimately never met. I ended up severing the relationship because I wanted some time to just chill with him and only him, yet doing that was an impossibility till I essentially had to plead with him for his attention for even a moment. He was sooooooooo judgmental of me it felt like, unempathetic, that ultimately, I was fed up with him for it. We didn't speak for a fair length of time.

Now we're on suuuuper rocky terms. She believes he should give me a second chance, he doesn't believe in them, so he is 'compromising' and saying we can start from base 1 essentially, as acquaintances.

I have to ask, Who the fuck is he, and why is that loser so special that you would plead with him? Why would want a second chance? Work on your self esteem.

[AeneasBK]

I can see what's happening
(What?)
And they don't have a clue
(Who?)
They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line
Our trio's down to two.
(Oh.)

The sweet caress of twilight - theres magic in the air...

No one?


I'll get my coat.