Need advice on gf

[Rhine101]

Gonna be honest. I stopped reading by sentence 3. Gonna read the rest after this but I am damn certain the rest is irrelevant.


She wanted to leave. Should have let her. Not gonna get into the details but basically if you "convinced" her to stay and it wasn't a decision she came to 100% on her own then you're done.

Expect her to break up and be prepared to see her with her new man within days of the break up.

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Just read the rest.

FUCKING CALLED IT!

[ZazuuPriest]

cheating, sack up and move on

[Unclekreepy]

she don't want you, she's keeping you around cause she feels sorry for you but she's banging this other dude on a daily basis.

[Rhine101]

Is it cheating guys? Really?

Look at the facts.

She ended it. She made it clear she did not want him.
He chose to remain and probably guilted her into making him happy and not breaking his heart.
She is not even trying to be intimate and actively shutting him down at every turn.


In my humble opinion, she is faithful as fuck... to her new boyfriend. They must have a solid relationship if they can talk about OP and the dude keeps his cool about it.

[Mistame]

I can smoke, tuck a pouch, eat my dinner, and talk on my phone at the same time. Good luck with idiosyncrasies.

In the context of my comment, yours makes no sense. What I'm referring to is when one's expectations of the other don't align with who the other is.

There have been many times in relationships that I needed some space. The real question is, are you talking about why I need space, or have I given an ultimatum?

This literally has nothing to with what I said. What is hard to understand about "Using the state of the relationship as a bargaining chip"?

[Mifuyne]

That's what you end up with if you can't write down something in the correct manner.

[Mistame]

That's what you end up with if you can't write down something in the correct manner.

Fair enough. I suppose I could have worded it better. Though "capitulate" would imply something that affects me directly, but point taken.

[Shinrael]

She wanted to break up. I think this is enough. You can't really judge her when she wanted to break up yet you didn't let her. She appears to be interested in a new guy so you should either win her back somehow ( not sure how if possible at all ) or move on. I had a situation recently with a girl and I didn't want to move on... Just find a new attraction immediately mate or she could ruin you.

[Issalice]

My gf wanted to break up a while ago but i was able to keep the relationship together

Soooooo she tried to break up with you and you guilted her into staying, what did you expect? Seriously though, she tried to end it. That's a HUGE telling sign. Just break up with her! She obviously doesn't want to be with you!

[Jotaux]

Is it cheating guys? Really?

Look at the facts.

She ended it. She made it clear she did not want him.
He chose to remain and probably guilted her into making him happy and not breaking his heart.
She is not even trying to be intimate and actively shutting him down at every turn.


In my humble opinion, she is faithful as fuck... to her new boyfriend. They must have a solid relationship if they can talk about OP and the dude keeps his cool about it.

I would still call it cheating

[Lady Dragonheart]

Okay, that was tough to read...

I don't think that she's cheating... It honestly sounds like you're already broken up and she's already with someone else...
I mean, you don't ask to break up then not break up, once you break up, then it's done. >.>

[Spiral Mage]

1: Why are you "keeping this together"?
2: Why didn't you ask why she wants to break up?
3: Why didn't she tell you?

The problem is, people are notorious for taking bad news VERY BADLY. So rather than your soon-to-be-ex being honest with you, she's lying to you because she's probably afraid of the confrontation that will likely occur when she tries to leave you. The "keeping it together" you spoke of, was her agreeing to stay for now while she thinks of how to tell you the truth, whatever the truth may be.

She may just be a cheating bitch.
You may be a horrible boyfriend.
It may be somewhere in the middle.

But whatever the real reason is, she doesn't want to confront you. Because people usually FLY OFF THE HANDLE and do something dangerous, or stupid in anger and she doesn't want to deal with that.

If I were you. I'd calm myself, prepare myself for the worst news possible. Tell her you want to know what's going on and you want her to be honest, that you're prepared for the worst and you will stay calm (and seriously, STAY CALM, even if she rips you a new asshole .. like, tells you you're the worst person ever -- even if she's totally wrong about you .. just be calm, accept it and let it go).

Also, keep in mind, you ARE snooping into her stuff. I mean, I get that you want to understand more about why she's behaving the way she is but spying on her .. well, if you've done stuff like this before, I can already think of one reason she wants to leave you and even if you haven't, the fact you did now, doesn't go in your favor. Be calm, be upfront and ask, don't be a spy.

No matter what the truth is, I'd take the honest version any day of the week, over progressive decay, drawing something out you know is inevitable.

Whether she's the worst bitch in the world, or you're the biggest dick in the world. Or wherever it is inbetween.

It's over, when she tells you why, don't get mad. Just nod, accept it and let it go.

You might learn something about what you did wrong, if anything, that will help you in the future. And no matter what she says, AGAIN, just take it .. ask yourself if there's any merit in what she said, if so, learn from it for the next relationship. But this one is over.

[Rhine101]

With all due respect. She was up front. OP is very clear she tried to break up so the point was not missed.

It would be nice if she told him why, but at the end of the day that doesn't matter. Most people lie and say " it's me not you" anyways. To expect and in depth reason after each break up is a recipe for disaster.

I had to learn that shit the hard way. At the end of the day , the reason is because she doesn't want to be with you anymore. That's it. And that's enough.

[belfpala]

This literally has nothing to with what I said. What is hard to understand about "Using the state of the relationship as a bargaining chip"?

It's exactly what the OP was talking about.

Situation 1: I just can't anything right now. My only day off is Wednesday, you're welcome to join me but all I have is some frozen pizza and Netflix, and I'm not planning on leaving my couch.

Situation 2: The OP, space means I really don't want to hurt you but I don't want to be with you. k?