What do I really do?

[Cuzzin]

26 years old..turn 27 on dec 22
wife and 4 daughters

I have honestly looked at life up to this point with "childish eyes" and im very fine admitting this.
As I get older though I feel more and more for my children and want the "ABSOLUTE BEST" for them and up to this point I have done a "PISS POOR JOB" of it.

What are honestly my options?
My wife bless her soul "even though i dont believe in things like that" she does..and i respect that she has really been our "BACK BONE"
The only thing to show for my life is some years of line cook/kitchen management.

Once tax time hits this year 2016 I want to actually get some sort of paperwork behind my name. and i plan on doing either EMT classes or Electrical engineering classes so that I can at least put myself on a higher payscale.

But honestly at this time/age of my life I feel like I have wasted too much of it. I also feel like by the time my daughters are old enough to understand things they will realise how lackluster their father is...and this is starting to scare me more than anything I have felt before.

I hate to have to ask my mother for support with "MY" family but shit is hard to turn around on the dime.

I know the mess ive made but damn do i have any chance of making this right for my kids sake and my family?

[Kalis]

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it and, most importantly, work hard to achieve what you want to achieve.

27 isn't too old to turn your life around and become the father you want to be.

[primalmatter]

Army

/10chars

[Tuesdays]

Absolute best for your children isn't more money, and less father.

[Captain N]

You still have plenty of opportunities ahead of you at 27. Not everyone has the most ideal circumstances in life all the time but it doesn't mean you stop trying to make life better for yourself and your kids. Is it going to be easy? No. Can it be done? Absolutely. We all need help sometimes in life -- despite what some people on this site may claim. None of us are an island and it takes friends, family, and colleagues to get our own lives in order. Do what you think will be in the best interest of yourself and your family and go for it. You have the support of your wife already....now you just have to look in the mirror and say I'm going to do this and do it.

[Lothaeryn]

Absolute best for your children isn't more money, and less father.

This, if you truly want the best for your kids, involve yourself in their education, try and learn the material they are trying to learn and help them understand it to the best of your ability, help them excel so that they will not have a harder time down the road when they are getting ready for college level material. If you feel that may be a tad bit beyond your scope for certain subjects, then try and look for a tutor who might be better suited to where you fall short for them.

This is, of course, assuming your kids are still young and not in their mid teens already.

EDIT: Just remember one thing: have patience with them, it may not click in their head as easily as it may in yours, their minds still being developed can sometimes have hard times understanding certain concepts whereas they may become geniuses in others.

[Cuzzin]

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it and, most importantly, work hard to achieve what you want to achieve.

27 isn't too old to turn your life around and become the father you want to be.

thats half the problem...ive been so non caring I dont even know myself what career route I would even take....thats why i feel so destroyed im 26 and not only have i not started i dont even know what to start on.

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You still have plenty of opportunities ahead of you at 27. Not everyone has the most ideal circumstances in life all the time but it doesn't mean you stop trying to make life better for yourself and your kids. Is it going to be easy? No. Can it be done? Absolutely. We all need help sometimes in life -- despite what some people on this site may claim. None of us are an island and it takes friends, family, and colleagues to get our own lives in order. Do what you think will be in the best interest of yourself and your family and go for it. You have the support of your wife already....now you just have to look in the mirror and say I'm going to do this and do it.

thats what i did...i feel like some schooling is better than none..therefore I go get some schooling in either emt or electricity.....but even after that....WILL I HONESTLY BE ABLE TO MAKE A GOOD LIFE......for 4 daughters????

[Captain N]

thats half the problem...ive been so non caring I dont even know myself what career route I would even take....thats why i feel so destroyed im 26 and not only have i not started i dont even know what to start on.

26 isn't the end of the world. I had a career shift at 30 and I'm doing better off now than I ever was in the past. You mentioned electrical engineering or EMT. Why not become an electrician...or stretch that EMT into being a full-fledged RN.

thats what i did...i feel like some schooling is better than none..therefore I go get some schooling in either emt or electricity.....but even after that....WILL I HONESTLY BE ABLE TO MAKE A GOOD LIFE......for 4 daughters????

It depends on what you call a good life. You really don't want to be that parent who is always at work and misses watching their children grow up.

[Kalis]

thats half the problem...ive been so non caring I dont even know myself what career route I would even take....thats why i feel so destroyed im 26 and not only have i not started i dont even know what to start on.

I don't know you, I can't tell you where to start.

Sit down with your wife and mother, explain the situation to them and the overall goal you want to achieve, get their advice and advice from any other friends, family or work colleagues who know you.

[Cuzzin]

This, if you truly want the best for your kids, involve yourself in their education, try and learn the material they are trying to learn and help them understand it to the best of your ability, help them excel so that they will not have a harder time down the road when they are getting ready for college level material. If you feel that may be a tad bit beyond your scope for certain subjects, then try and look for a tutor who might be better suited to where you fall short for them.

This is, of course, assuming your kids are still young and not in their mid teens already.

EDIT: Just remember one thing: have patience with them, it may not click in their head as easily as it may in yours, their minds still being developed can sometimes have hard times understanding certain concepts whereas they may become geniuses in others.

I agree with you and I do this...this new shit they bring home is beyond my scope...I show them the way I was taught in school and they love it...but beyond that stuff....I canbe the best dad in the world...but if me and misses are worried about the lights being turned off...you cant tell me that wont effect the emotions in the house. I need to put myself on a higher platform to provide for them.....and thus far I have failed

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Army

/10chars

I was in the military at one point when i was 17 years old...at this time i was also involved in this family and lets just say i was not adult enough to handle it

[primalmatter]

thats half the problem...ive been so non caring I dont even know myself what career route I would even take....thats why i feel so destroyed im 26 and not only have i not started i dont even know what to start on.

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thats what i did...i feel like some schooling is better than none..therefore I go get some schooling in either emt or electricity.....but even after that....WILL I HONESTLY BE ABLE TO MAKE A GOOD LIFE......for 4 daughters????

What part of army did you not get?

They will give you both the education and hell the career path you want. Don't just whine go and get booted up. Worked wonder for me back in the day and back then the education was a joke compared to what is offered now.

If you want to become a EMT or.. I assume you meant electrician the army is a good place to go not only will they teach you but they will pay you while they do so.

Edit: When you say not adult enough... where you dishonorably discharged?

[Cuzzin]

26 isn't the end of the world. I had a career shift at 30 and I'm doing better off now than I ever was in the past. You mentioned electrical engineering or EMT. Why not become an electrician...or stretch that EMT into being a full-fledged RN.



It depends on what you call a good life. You really don't want to be that parent who is always at work and misses watching their children grow up.

At this point I would rather be the parent that can afford everything versus the parent that shows up to everything....right now I show up to everything only because I have no accual career.

[PuppetShowJustice]

Money doesn't make a good dad. I understand you're worried about being able to provide for your family and I totally get that. But you have to understand that your working and bringing in money isn't going to be what they think of when they remember you later on in life. Even if the lights get turned off and your family struggles through some tough times, it will be your ability to actually be there and guide them through it that will leave a lasting impression. There's more to providing a stable environment than simple monetary backing.

[Captain N]

At this point I would rather be the parent that can afford everything versus the parent that shows up to everything....right now I show up to everything only because I have no accual career.

That's no way to live. Your kids will remember that times you spent with them more than the things you bought for them. You can have both a career as well as time with your children. You just have to prioritize things based on what is enough to grant you a comfortable life. Do you want to work 60 hours a week for $85,000/year or would you be OK with working 40 hours for $60,000 but being able to watch your girls grow up?

[Cuzzin]

What part of army did you not get?

They will give you both the education and hell the career path you want. Don't just whine go and get booted up. Worked wonder for me back in the day and back then the education was a joke compared to what is offered now.

If you want to become a EMT or.. I assume you meant electrician the army is a good place to go not only will they teach you but they will pay you while they do so.

Edit: When you say not adult enough... where you dishonorably discharged?

i tried to not go into much details but i spent 8 years in the military between the years of 2007-20014 I made a call one day some people agreed some did not agree...I have a bad discharge this is also something im fine with admitting.

[Tuesdays]

FYI EMT afaik is a pain in the ass classes, volunteering, expensive, and the shit you see is a lifetime of nightmares.

Baby steps are key, electrician, plumber, HVAC - these are all trades that pay well, have a solid demand, have great hours and don't cost a mint to acquire. Get a few years of experience and you could be sitting in a factory with your thumb up your ass getting 35-40 an hour waiting for something to break.

Don't jump into college thinking you will be rewarded with a great life.

[Cuzzin]

That's no way to live. Your kids will remember that times you spent with them more than the things you bought for them. You can have both a career as well as time with your children. You just have to prioritize things based on what is enough to grant you a comfortable life. Do you want to work 60 hours a week for $85,000/year or would you be OK with working 40 hours for $60,000 but being able to watch your girls grow up?

I completly agree with you...but isnt ther some point where I say ok kids...ive put you guys over my own self-growth...now I need to grow some?

[May90]

You don't believe in yourself and have a low self-esteem. It is fine, many of us have this problem (I have, to some extent). You don't have to be "absolute best", you don't need to be rich, you don't need to do constant self-beating. If you love your wife and love your daughters, then your actions will show it, regardless of what course of actions you choose. They will never think of you as a "lackluster father", there is no such thing.

Also, you are 26. I am 25, and I feel like a kid still. Huge life is in front of you, and you don't have to rush it. You are doing just fine.

[Cuzzin]

FYI EMT afaik is a pain in the ass classes, volunteering, expensive, and the shit you see is a lifetime of nightmares.

Baby steps are key, electrician, plumber, HVAC - these are all trades that pay well, have a solid demand, have great hours and don't cost a mint to acquire. Get a few years of experience and you could be sitting in a factory with your thumb up your ass getting 35-40 an hour waiting for something to break.

Don't jump into college thinking you will be rewarded with a great life.

That is also something that scares me and is why im choosing quick start careers... It seems like from when my class graduated back in 09-2010 college was different...now i hear people spending lots of time on school just to be in the same shoes as me. So in whole i have no idea

[Deleted]

You've got low self esteem, but you love your family and you want to make it better for them.

Work at improving yourself, but not at the cost of yourself. No doubt you think you're the worst guy in the world but to them you're pretty awesome. Of course there's always room for improvement. Don't spend 95% of your time thinking about how shitty you did and 5% feeling bad about not being able to improve. Instead, spend 30% of your time at improving, and ACKNOWLEDGE EVERY LITTL STEP OF PROGRESS THAT YOU MAKE; and spend the rest of the time enjoying your life and your progress. You have to snap out of this negative thinking, I have the feeling that that more than anything else is dragging you down currently. Focus on positive stuff and acknowledge it and treasure what you have. You're fine. Just build on that. :-)