What do I really do?

[Independent voter]

thats what fucks me up...sure i can get a job at any mcdonlads or burger king but fuck...ive spent years being a cook....that wpuld be a slap in the face to me to go flip some fake ass burgers.

It's a job, money coming in. It'll motivate you to look for a better job. And cut back on the drinking to one night a week, moderation in all things.

There are other jobs out there too, you don't have to flip burgers. Like I say, there are more jobs than people at the moment, you just need to start looking.

[Doctor Amadeus]

i dont socialize beyond my family...who else am i to talk to?? I dont have friends and such etc

It goes to that maturity thing and you don't actually need friends. Because just like any other relationship you make friends you earn and put in the time to make who should reflect you.

If you don't have friends it's just one more symptoms of a bigger problem. Evident by the fact you are here asking what should be discussed with a trusted proven support system if nothing else.


Bottom line is nobody is fucking perfect and any assholes looking down on you won't be in a position to really help you out.


Want some real advice beyond seeking professional help?

Ok fine get offline find a place like Alaska maybe I a boat or oil rig, sell all your stuff but a ticket and enough to get where you need, bust your ass work like a maniac send what you don't need to your family until you get promoted and buy a good life insurance policy.

[thilicen]

If this isn't a perfect moment for Shia LaBeouf.. In any case, don't forget your family through whatever you decide to do, best of luck! Self improvement is awesome, you should definitely go for it.

[Tuesdays]

It's a job, money coming in. It'll motivate you to look for a better job. And cut back on the drinking to one night a week.

There are other jobs out there too, you don't have to flip burgers. Like I say, there are more jobs than people at the moment, you just need to start looking.

BTW the troll I was talking about is Hubcap, couldn't remember the name...

[Doctor Amadeus]

I guess a third option is a life of crime however if a person isnt deciplined and smart enough to get ahead legally, then crime doesn't work to good unless you are ruthless enough to eat your own children and that useally leads to prison or dead because eventually even other criminals will have enough of that shit.

But good luck whatever you do.

[I Push Buttons]

You make a thread like this every couple of months...

I remember the last one where you described how you made your wife undergo permanent sterilization because you couldn't be bothered to use protection or have yourself sterilized.

I mean what...

[PuppetShowJustice]

Well, I tried the "Focus on what's really important, be a good father" approach and you just deflected it. I hope if you read this tomorrow you will feel better after a night's rest.

Here's the thing, your life isn't bad. You have a wife and a parent who is still alive and they're both trying to help you. You have 4 kids who probably all look up to you. Stop thinking its you alone against the world because that isn't your situation. Stop feeling guilty because your family wants to help you. That just means you have a good family. That's what family is supposed to do.

When I was around your age I was between jobs too. But for a little while there I also didn't have a home to go to. I lived in my car. I didn't have any family to turn to. I didn't even have a friend nearby to crash on their couch. I fell asleep wrapped in filthy clothes and an old ratty jacket that I used as a blanket. The driver's side door on my car didn't seal shut all the way which let the cold air in. Sometimes cops would harass me and tell me that I needed to move my car. A couple of times I considered doing something stupid in front of them so that they would take me in so that I could sleep somewhere less drafty and maybe get food on a more regular basis.

Your life isn't actually bad. You just feel bad. And that happens sometimes. I have nights where I get super down too, man. I get it. But if you just keep feeling bad you're not going to change anything. If all you can do is be a cook then do that. The world needs cooks. What it doesn't need is people just slogging through their lives like zombies feeling bad about themselves for no reason. Take something you can do and be the best that you can be at it.

You know what I do now? I dabble in game design a bit and that is my passion but my day job is that I run a gas station. It isn't glamorous or fun or what I imagined I'd be doing at my age but I can eek out a living and enjoy my hobbies and I'm happy more than I am anything else. Figure out what it takes for you to enjoy your life. If you need therapy, get it. If you need medication, get it. If you just need to man the hell up and be a line cook or whatever, do it. Life is too short to spend it drowning in self-pity.

Hating on yourself will only bring your whole family down. Don't be that guy.

[Rudkobing]

Four daughters a 27... WOW,
I salute you, sir.

[Deleted]

So you've spoken to your wife and she said she'll support you with whatever you choose.
From the sounds of it, you're currently unemployed?

If that's because you're the main child raiser of the family because of your wifes working hours then that's fine. Maybe get yourself a little part time job or something and sort out some courses - could even be distance learning stuff if need be. Maybe an apprenticeship type role. Here in the UK, a lot of our apprenticeships will now pay a decent start salary.

That's the thing though, a starter salary. You're giving me the impression you want a nice decent job, paying a good salary without going through the grind to get there. If you want to be able to provide for your family in a more financial way then you're going to have to just suck it up for a few years. As long as you don't then switch your focus solely to your job. Got to balance them.- easier said than done though.

In the meantime just get a part time thing if that's all you can spare time for whilst studying. Yeah it might be a small time job that you think is 'beneath' you but at the end of the day, you'll get yourself a bit of an income to support some studying costs, help out with the household bills etc even if it's only a small amount.

Going to be one of those "Just get up and do it" scenarios. Life isn't handed out on a silver plate. If you want something you have to go work for it and make it happen for yourself, no one will just give it to you.

[Deleted]

Four daughters a 27... WOW,
I salute you, sir.

More like the last post :P

[vindicatorx]

I wouldn't even bother with EMT classes they don't make shit and are overworked. Your a manager @ a restaurant? What kind? Fast Food or something better? Starting salary for managers at Applebees and the like is around $40k which is around the same as the EMT. I mean 27 and 4 kids if you were just 27 and married would be a lot easier but the 4 kids thing you have to make a choice you want your see your kids grow up or you want to start a minimal 4 your process. If you aren't going to go for the minimum four years don't waste the time and money on college. I would look into vocational training like plumbing, electrician, perhaps IT installation or something like that. These are more train while on the job jobs.

[Raldazzar]

26 years old..turn 27 on dec 22
wife and 4 daughters

I have honestly looked at life up to this point with "childish eyes" and im very fine admitting this.
As I get older though I feel more and more for my children and want the "ABSOLUTE BEST" for them and up to this point I have done a "PISS POOR JOB" of it.

What are honestly my options?
My wife bless her soul "even though i dont believe in things like that" she does..and i respect that she has really been our "BACK BONE"
The only thing to show for my life is some years of line cook/kitchen management.

Once tax time hits this year 2016 I want to actually get some sort of paperwork behind my name. and i plan on doing either EMT classes or Electrical engineering classes so that I can at least put myself on a higher payscale.

But honestly at this time/age of my life I feel like I have wasted too much of it. I also feel like by the time my daughters are old enough to understand things they will realise how lackluster their father is...and this is starting to scare me more than anything I have felt before.

I hate to have to ask my mother for support with "MY" family but shit is hard to turn around on the dime.

I know the mess ive made but damn do i have any chance of making this right for my kids sake and my family?

being a good parent is far more important then earning big bucks mate.

I'm 30, and my daughter just started school. I recently left a job causing a 10k pay decrease. but. due to the hours i was working, I wasn't seeing my family. and this was affecting them as well as me as we are all very close.

we all know people who grew up with only one parent, and whilst im sure this will cause some butthurt from people raised by single parents.. and im not saying they do a bad job, they try the best they can.. but unless one is a complete deadbeat, you are generally far better off with both parents.

so just make sure you are there for your girls. it's the little things. learn how to do hair. learn the names of the stupid tv characters :P be front and center for every little performance they do. (this is time consuming..) I turn up to things an hour early just to make sure i get front row seats. and its all so worth it when she beams at me.

EDIT : To actual careers advice, if you feel you are too old to learn new tricks, start with a company at a low position.

Start say.. as a customer service agent on phones.. work your way up to admin/supervisor, then manager etc etc..

there are many ways to progress without a formal education. I have qualifications I don't even USE in my industry. (well, I use them to demonstrate technical ability that's about it.)

[ItachiZaku]

Apparently, I need more hugs as I lack empathy, almost entirely. In fact, sometimes when I'm in situations that might warrant a hug and I don't get one (I don't initiate, as sometimes that seems creepy), I think that i missed my opportunity for happiness on that day.

In that regard, I sort of agree, in that happiness being fueled by others and your motivation is based on others. People say you shouldn't do this, that you should be your own motivation, but I've never really been about that. I can't pre-emptively strike that motivation, it's always retroactive and in most cases, too late. I think part of the problem is that you NOW think like this, instead of when your first daughter was on the way.

[Cuzzin]

You make a thread like this every couple of months...

I remember the last one where you described how you made your wife undergo permanent sterilization because you couldn't be bothered to use protection or have yourself sterilized.

I mean what...

You are a rude asshole...after we had 4 kids that was OUR decision

[Cuzzin]

I wouldn't even bother with EMT classes they don't make shit and are overworked. Your a manager @ a restaurant? What kind? Fast Food or something better? Starting salary for managers at Applebees and the like is around $40k which is around the same as the EMT. I mean 27 and 4 kids if you were just 27 and married would be a lot easier but the 4 kids thing you have to make a choice you want your see your kids grow up or you want to start a minimal 4 your process. If you aren't going to go for the minimum four years don't waste the time and money on college. I would look into vocational training like plumbing, electrician, perhaps IT installation or something like that. These are more train while on the job jobs.

I would love to go back to school for 4 years but at this point it seems like....theres no way i can put them through another 4 years of no advances in life

[Tinykong]

What do you do?

Provide. Your time, your money, everything. Even when it's not appreciated or acknowledged.

If you think you can still be a good father and spouse while going to school to earn more money, then do it. If you think having more money will make your life better, it really won't. The reality is you have 4 kids, and until they are adults, your life is about providing for them. Even after they are adults, you will have to keep giving to them. That's the life you made.

[Cuzzin]

Maybe you should not have 4 kids if you can't really support them?
Unpopular opinion maybe, but hey.

OK mr smart ass...ill just rewind time and undo all of it......FUCK OUTTA HERE