Need a braindead, skilless champion for top lane.

[Ragu4]

Who is a nice, braindead top lane champion who isn't Garen? He really isn't cutting it anymore and honestly, I think it might be good to know two, MAYBE three champions to play at any given time. I was Shitter 4 last season, 6-1 placements, praying to any and all deities, gods and multi-dimensional beings that I somehow get into Shitter 5 so I never have to play ranked again. BUT...in case I get into Bowels, any recommendations on just the most unfair, skilless, click to win champion to carry my noob ass to silver....would be appreciated. I'm going to fail to attempt to cut my left hand off now.

OK i've calmed down lol. I just need to remember that it's a free children's video game.

[Fafnar]

That was the most lingo laced thing I've read in a long while.

Thanks!

[Deleted]

Mundo and Malphite are good choices, unless they don't get banned... Otherwise Garen is still a good choice imo. He got me to silver.

[habitsbreaker]

vlad, the champ is all about knowing your matchups,

[TEHPALLYTANK]

You could try playing a game you enjoy.

[Oneirophobia]

Shen*, Garen, Mundo.

*Get sunfire cape. Split push all game. This is only getting stronger with patch 6.3 as sunfire is getting bonus damage against minions.

When a team fight happens, ult in. If your ult is on CD, teleport in.

He is also very strong after his rework. Possibly over tuned. If you can't seem to 1v1 in early lane (which you shouldn't have trouble) play conservatively so you don't feed until laning phase ends, and then continue on your merry split-pushing-sunfire way.

[Rafoel]

Irelia. Why? Because:

1) You don't even have to last-hit or position yourself, when you see a minion close to dying, you press Q.
2) Just press W whenever you start fighting the opponent, as its self-buff.
3) Press E when opponent tries to escape. Also press E if he tries to engage on you.
4) Spam ult on cooldown. Try to hit your opponent with it, although its not mandatory. Try to do it while attacking opponent with auto-attacks, although tis not mandatory as well.

[Deleted]

Pantheon.

1. Throw Spears
2. ?????
3. Profit.

[StrawberryZebra]

I'm surprised no one has said Renekton yet. He's both very strong and very basic. His matchups are usually in his favour across the board, and even in "bad" ones its not a hard counter as much as its just more difficult for him to win. He can even handle some of the most obnoxious toplaners like Darius, Riven and Rumble. He drops off towards the end of the game of course, but if you're placed into Bowels then its probably not going to be much of a concern, he should get you up to Shitter 5 no problem.

[Editos]

1.- Pick Tamh Kench againts AD champs.
2.- Start with cloth with 4 potions
3.- Rush zz'rot portal
4.- Watch them cry

[Varvara Spiros Gelashvili]

Cho gath is pretty mindless he pros...

Wave clear
CC
Sustain
Burst
Tanky

[Ergar]

Malphite and Mundo. I'd say mundo though since if you reach lategame you can literally just put your W on and run into their team. Press R at some point and throw Q's in their general direction and you've just won the teamfight.

[Deleted]

Tbh I don't know any more of a braindead champ then Garen ... And the chances of ever playing Mundo or Malphite or small anyway. A good Garen is still incredibly irritating at most levels. And he's so easy to understand.

[Deleted]

I used to think there was a lot of braindead champions but nowadays...not so much.
I think Led + + is probably right. Garen mechanics have little to no skill involved. You are just the Tankiest player in the game spining around and pressing R.
But his laning phase is a nightmare to farm before level 5 where you can one shot creeps with E.

Jax is also easy and wins almost every matchup in top lane but he is banned 99.9% of the times.
And i don't think the life of an assassin is braindead in teamfights.

[docterfreeze]

Pantheon.

1. Throw Spears
2. ?????
3. Profit.

He has the highest winrate in top. Go full armpen runes, thunderlords, max e first, build every armorpen item in the game and if you dont win then it's your team's fault.

[Deleted]

Garen
Malphite
Fiora
Irelia
Poppy

[rykon1459918]

If your at silver level (which I think trying to wade through your post you are) I highly suggest Illaoi.

Why, well its pretty simple at that level the burden of knowledge isn't in full swing yet, people at that level don't see her much and end up doing really stupid things.

So far just yesterday:
I was dived in multiple games by multiple champions under towers when I had 1-2 tenticales in range and my ulti up.
I have seen ignites and ultimates burned on me (almost full tank build) while my team wails on the enemy.
I have seen ranged top laners not poking down tentacles or even worse taking so much free damage just to kill one.
I have seen top lane bullies that I would not beat in a fight run away as soon as I grab their soul (illaoi's E).
I have seen people not understand how much healing she receives if they get hit by tentacles.
I have seen enemy teams not understand that grouping for Illaoi is as (if not more) dangerous then grouping when vsing a Amumu or Malphite.

Do your self a favor if your low learn her, stay top all game and just keep swimmin.... pushing all day long, either it will take 2-3 of them to take you down or you get a free base.

[LuciferTheIV]

imo there lots of brain dead top lane champions.
tanks: prob go with malpite - mundo - garen - nautilus is really popular right now
damage: pantheon - jax - maybe you can try tryndamere if your not versing a tank champion in lane.

all of these champion have worked for me, im currently in silver and play top lane a lot by force. even tho i have it as my secondary role .

[Jibjabb]

Nobody said Nasus? Really?

Anyways Nasus, Malphite, Pantheon, Nautilus, Trundle are all easy and can dominate