Why do Women Place so Much Value on "Feeling" Something When Choosing a Partner?

[Aucald]

There's no quantifiable set of criteria for what anyone of either gender is actually looking for in a partner of either gender - like people themselves, wants and needs and requirements are all over the map. Some women, for instance, have an idealized view of what relationships should be like (built up from what movies, TV, and other sources tell them they should be like) which may or may not have a bearing on reality. Women are hardly alone in that category, though; men can and often do have preconceptions about what relationships should be like that may not match up with reality. Once you get past that hurdle, you also need to deal with disparities between the people involved - how much attention they need/want, how much intimacy, and a hundred other factors that figure into any relationship.

For me personally, I primarily look for intelligence and an appreciation for the abstract in potential relationships - not to say physical attraction is unimportant, but it takes a back seat to my desire for a potential match to be an intellectual equal and capable of keeping up in a discussion about esoteric stuff. Shared passions, hobbies, and general outlook on life are also helpful. This is an evolution on the criteria I had when I was a younger man, which emphasized physical attraction much more - I had a naive willingness to settle for less of a match in the intelligence/personality area if the initial physical attraction was stronger. It's a somewhat common issue for younger men, and one that often leads to disinterest in the relationship once that early-stage ardor dies down into the steady smolder of routine.

Long story short everyone has to find another person that's a suitable match for them - someone who can meet them in the areas they deem important to them.

[Moralgy]

We just need to build a clone factory for them!

If only we knew someone that could clone....

[Dug]

I've been in relationships with smart, fun and accomplished girls who no one would think of as easy "fuck conquests" (what a term)

And yet, that's also what they were, and are, when it comes down to it

It's an interesting duality, and keeping the magic of that cognitive dissonance alive makes for a much better sex life

I thought you were heading out for dinner?

[Witchblade77]

I've been in relationships with smart, fun and accomplished girls who no one would think of as easy "fuck conquests" (what a term)

And yet, that's also what they were, and are, when it comes down to it

It's an interesting duality, and keeping the magic of that cognitive dissonance alive makes for a much better sex life

like I said... the only women who would give you a time of the day.

that doesn't mean they cannot be accomplished in other ways, but this sort of "duality" as you call it is what they are looking for in a relationship (or a fuck buddy) and women who are looking for different things? tend not to go for guys like you.

"much better sex life" is incredibly subjective.

same things that would make for a "better sex life" for one person are also a nightmare scenario for another. we don't all enjoy the same things in the same way. which is something you would know if you ACTUALLY had any decent amount of experience.

[nanook12]

like I said... the only women who would give you a time of the day.

that doesn't mean they cannot be accomplished in other ways, but this sort of "duality" as you call it is what they are looking for in a relationship (or a fuck buddy) and women who are looking for different things? tend not to go for guys like you.

The large majority of women are all looking for the same general thing. It is just part of their biological makeup.

"Women are, by nature, manipulative, attention-seeking, inconsistent, emotional, and hypergamous. Accept this truth. Once you do, you can game women for what they are ... not what you want them to be."

http://www.businessinsider.com/the-r...-reddit-2013-8

[Witchblade77]

The large majority of women are all looking for the same general thing. It is just part of their biological makeup.

what same general thing? if you say fulfillment of their needs - sure, its the same general thing. but if you say cast majority of women need the same things (excluding physiological basics that all humans tend to need to survive)? and actualy believe that? I have a bridge to sell you, in brooklyn

[May90]

The large majority of women are all looking for the same general thing. It is just part of their biological makeup.

"Women are, by nature, manipulative, attention-seeking, inconsistent, emotional, and hypergamous. Accept this truth. Once you do, you can game women for what they are ... not what you want them to be."

http://www.businessinsider.com/the-r...-reddit-2013-8

And men are by nature all rapist, right?

The articles such as this make far-going conclusions based on a very limited set of a very specific data, so I wouldn't trust them too much.

[Deleted]

its sounds to me like someone doesn't have very mature emotions and doesn't know how to deal with them in others.

My wife and i have everything you listed and functional emotional bond. thats why it works. we both contribute to every aspect of the relationship

I'd like to think of this as "having common goals" but somehow these modern women are allergic to talking about actual relationship things. Possibly it's just horribly rare.

[Ornerybear]

I'd like to think of this as "having common goals" but somehow these modern women are allergic to talking about actual relationship things. Possibly it's just horribly rare.

my wife and I aren't allergic to talking about our actual "relationship things" whatever that means. I'm slightly confused by your statement.

[Deleted]

Anytime I read about this whole alpha/beta/ypsilon/whatever stuff, specifically when it's treated as a be-all-end-all fact about inter-personal relationships, I can't help but be reminded of the "facts" that I made up in my pubertal mind when I used to be a boy. Conclusions that my experiences have debunked over and over again.

Yup it's anectodal. Whatever.

Edit: Oh right, I actually wanted to say something on topic. I do think that the initial statement is essentially an overstatement. Most women I know base their decisions about relationships on various parameters, some of those being emotionally based, others based on common sense and/or logic. It's a policy that I do not consider that unreasonable.