The 4th Sibling

[Rudol Von Stroheim]

Okay, so this is very much a personal grievance but I've got to vent to someone. Sadly, the internet forums on MMO-Champion is the only decent place to do as much currently. I vehemently apologize in advance.

My mother, who is about 50 now, is looking to have another child with her husband who is my age. I shit you not, they got together when me and him were 19. They've already had a boy, who could easily by my child there is such a difference in age betwixt us. About 20 years in fact. So now I'm looking at having a new sibling at age 30 no less.

...What the fuck is it with breeders? Seriously. I hate using that word but goddamn, what else can I call them?! I can understand them wanting a sibling closer to age with their newest, that makes some sense, but having yet another child that will have a large year-gap(a decade in this case) sounds more like a case of, "I miss the baby version of my child. Let's have another!" than any sensible planning.

Then they get upset when I disagree with this idea, basically telling me to shut up or fuck off. One works a job he absolutely hates and is still sorting out his education and future career. The other makes roughly 17 an hour which isn't bad but with the precarious future of the other, questionable for the immediate. He's meanwhile off buying a massive(understatement) 25-30k truck when they're actively seeking a new home(going to have it built new) for their family. They don't even have reliable childcare or someone to watch their boy(let alone new infant) which is an expense they're not being terribly mindful of. Their other vehicle is nearing 200,000 miles and it's a Chevy. A CHEVY. Not some Toyota that could readily get towards 300k but a vehicle that has had dozens of minor problems and is poised to be a brick in the very near future.

They can barely manage as is, in an apartment, on a 4,000 USD a month income(without heavily budgeting themselves) and they're pushing for all of the above within a year's time if not shortly thereafter.

You know. I miss having my family. I miss them having freedom so we can actually do things. I miss not constantly walking on eggshells around children night and day and barely having any personal time among us adults. Then I end up wondering why I'm so lonely and resentful of marriage and families. I can't get out from under them. I would've thought I'd have my mother to myself a bit more and not knocked up(that just sounds wrong but you get my point) at age 50. I thought one day we could all be adults, enjoying adult life. No. Kids. Fucking kids. Always and forever. Constantly being churned out by someone within this fucking circle.

I'm done. I give up. Fuck this family. I need to get gone. I'm also sick of the shitty attitude they give me when I question their life choices, even though half the time they're stupidly ill-prepared. Meanwhile they like to hit me on my life. Yeah, believe it or not, these assholes are why I'm petrified of life itself and how miserable it looks and as a result I am overly cautious and antisocial. I've got no one to look up to or be with except a bunch of cattle that spend their lives knocking up or getting knocked up. I'm shocked they don't all worship some idol of fertility at this point.

Am I an asshole for feeling this way? Am I being "out of line"? Is it ridiculous of me to want some point at where me and my immediate family can merely enjoy our existence rather than be constantly beholden to more brats? I used to have friends among this bunch. I used to have people I could spend time with and look forward to it. Now... all I feel is an urgency to claw away from them. It's a shitty feeling.

[Deleted]

be happy for them.

positivity is a state of mind.

I used to get upset about everything. Now I am happy. Except for people that don't like Firefly the TV Show. I cannot tolerate them.

[Stelio Kontos]

Breeders?

Wow, maybe they need to get away from you just as much.

[Blueobelisk]

You mentioned an 11 year old, but who is the other sibling you have?

Also you're right to be upset. If I were in your shoes I'd push your mom down stairs. Then again, I'm an only child...

Edit: I'm joking before people kill me. They have a right to do what they want but I feel bad for OP being in this kind of situation.

[Deleted]

When you get a 4th sibling, start realizing that your family is a part of why this planet is going to hell because of overpopulation.

[Rudol Von Stroheim]

be happy for them.

positivity is a state of mind.

I used to get upset about everything. Now I am happy. Except for people that don't like Firefly the TV Show. I cannot tolerate them.

I can't be happy for them. I was done before even my third brother came along but I still played my part best I could. I will not be around for the fourth.

- - - Updated - - -

You mentioned an 11 year old, but who is the other sibling you have?

Also you're right to be upset. If I were in your shoes I'd push your mom down stairs. Then again, I'm an only child...

Edit: I'm joking before people kill me. They have a right to do what they want but I feel bad for OP being in this kind of situation.

I have three siblings total, potentially a fourth on the way, as mentioned. One is 26, one is 22, the youngest is about to be 10. I am nearing 30, just to reiterate.

[Deleted]

I can't be happy for them. I was done before even my third brother came along. I will not be around for the fourth.

please don't do that. There is so much to live for. Suicide is never an option.

You have a Frank Underwood picture avatar. Just look forward to season 5 next year. it will be great

[Rudol Von Stroheim]

please don't do that. There is so much to live for. Suicide is never an option.

You have a Frank Underwood picture avatar. Just look forward to season 5 next year. it will be great

...Uh, I wasn't suggesting suicide.

[Deleted]

...Uh, I wasn't suggesting suicide.

That is the spirit !

[Almaric]

If you have an option to leave, do so. You are not required to be happy for them when it fucks up your life, don't let the stupid "altruist" attitude get you, always put yourself first, nobody else will do that for you. Not to mention they seem fucking brainless.

[Stelio Kontos]

If you have an option to leave, do so. You are not required to be happy for them when it fucks up your life, don't let the stupid "altruist" attitude get you, always put yourself first, nobody else will do that for you. Not to mention they seem fucking brainless.

He should definitely not live around family if he's going to have that attitude. So yeah, it'd be in everyone's interest to leave if that's the case.

[Almaric]

He should definitely not live around family if he's going to have that attitude. So yeah, it'd be in everyone's interest to leave if that's the case.

You don't get it, how usefull will you be to your family when you keep doing things that you don't want and keep being down and fucking depressed? I didn't say "don't care for you family". Care for yourself FIRST. Then care for your family, cuz if you are fucked up, no way you are going to be valuable to your family in a long run.

Not to mention that when the family is toxic to that degree, you should really leave, first and foremost care about yourself, it's a basic human condition. Stop pretending and trying to be good to everyone, it's not human nature, this bullshit is fed to you by stupid media and broken culture. If your family doesn't care for you or about you and you don't care for yourself, you will get fucked eventually. So first thing to do is to find a healthy and safe enviroment for yourself, then if you want to care about others, do so when you are fine. Don't sacrifice "no matter what", it's plain stupid.

[Rudol Von Stroheim]

If you have an option to leave, do so. You are not required to be happy for them when it fucks up your life, don't let the stupid "altruist" attitude get you, always put yourself first, nobody else will do that for you. Not to mention they seem fucking brainless.

I still get along fairly well with my grandparents and enjoy their company. They're the only two I can have a sensible discussion about this sort of thing with and they often agree with my sentiment. I think namely because they're the poor bastards that end up having to babysit everyone's children. That burden is constantly put on them because apparently, no one considered the costs of a babysitter or daycare before having them.

[Deleted]

Am I the only one who doesn't seem to overlook the obvious statement that his mother is FUCKING 50, how can you realistically expect to have a child at that age lol, most women go infertile around 40 and kids at 45 are rare, how can this women possibly expect to get a child by 50?

[Rudol Von Stroheim]

Am I the only one who doesn't seem to overlook the obvious statement that his mother is FUCKING 50, how can you realistically expect to have a child at that age lol, most women go infertile around 40 and kids at 45 are rare, how can this women possibly expect to get a child by 50?

Oh I am sure she will and knowing her husband, he'll take every step he can to make it so because he's an obsessive sort. Has a hard time getting past what he wants, hence the completely unnecessary and expensive behemoth he has sitting outside of his apartment.

Their excuse for all of this? "Everything has a way of sorting itself out." DA FUQ KINDA PLANNING IS THAT?!

[starlord]

i understand, my father recently decided to have kids with his new wife, there is about a 20 year difference between us. he enjoys & has the time to raise them, i do worry about his retirement & the additional stress though. i fortunately live away from home but when i visit it is tiresome to have small children all underfoot. and they can't come visit me because "have to worry about the babies..."

[Rudol Von Stroheim]

i understand, my father recently decided to have kids with his new wife, there is about a 20 year difference between us. he enjoys & has he time to raise them, i do worry about his retirement & the additional stress though. i fortunately live away from home but when i visit it is tiresome to have small children all underfoot. and they can't come visit me because "have to worry about the babies..."

Yeah, people tend to fail to realize that the weight of children falls on everybody within their circle, not just their immediate selves.

So sitting here saying that I am selfish for being upset that we're having potentially yet another infant at this juncture within our lives is a bit one-sided.

[Ayla]

My mother had me at 42/43 and my father was about 45. They were way too old and I wasn't the healthiest baby either. I still suffer because they chose to have a child.

No, you are fine telling them they are wrong. I don't suggest having children after 35. My mom still thinks everything on the Internet is a lie, and my dad is barely computer literate.

I have friends who had children in their early 20s, I hear them complaining about handouts. They have children, and want money because of it. I just shake my head, because they were in no way financially ready, and they still aren't.

I'm a firm believer in not having children after 40. (adoption ok) and only having children if you can afford them. However, since nobody is having kids anymore l, you have to have some incentives. But please stop after 40.

[Stelio Kontos]

Wow, I knew little kids got upset and jealous when a new baby is born, but adult siblings too?

[Celista]

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/08/06...lies-late.html

Lots of 50-somethings having kids late, careers + reproductive technologies will make this more common in the future.

Yes you are out of line, two underage children with a 50k a year income is right about the national average. If you're over 18, move out and get a job, if you haven't done so already.

Not your life, you sound petty and bitter. Be happy for your mother and stop being so resentful for a decision that is really none of.your business.