[22/M] Kissless Virgin. Fallen for a lady and friend-zoned hard. Where do I go?

[Deleted]

Sorry, man. If you don't understand you won't understand. He's in love, at least in his mind. From the sounds of it, he's in deep and she's basically become an object of fixation (think obsession). You think it's just about sex, but it could be about more than that. People are different, and have different mental perspectives, and idiosyncrasies. Likely remaining her friend, won't give him the distance that he needs to "fix" himself. (Trust me, I understand that this is his problem, not hers) I have renewed friendships years later after I got over my love/crush (whatever you want to call it). Simply getting my "dick wet" didn't help, because it wasn't simply the physical attributes that attracted me to them in the first place.

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This guy said it better than I

I dunno, it's just... I've been into people who aren't into me right, like, obviously it's rare because I'm basically the most attractive person on earth but it does happen. But like, even if I'm really like "oh man, they're so lovely, it's such a shame!" and stuff, like.... The fact that they're so lovely means like why on earth would I want to cut off friendship. Clearly if you like someone enough to be in love with them or whatever, then you value them outside of them being in a relationship with you and why would you wanna throw that away. Like, I can understand being bummed about it and you're really sad and mopey for a bit but like... end of the day, you can still hang around this person and have a whale of a time so why wouldn't you?

[Shaderas]

I dunno, it's just... I've been into people who aren't into me right, like, obviously it's rare because I'm basically the most attractive person on earth but it does happen. But like, even if I'm really like "oh man, they're so lovely, it's such a shame!" and stuff, like.... The fact that they're so lovely means like why on earth would I want to cut off friendship. Clearly if you like someone enough to be in love with them or whatever, then you value them outside of them being in a relationship with you and why would you wanna throw that away. Like, I can understand being bummed about it and you're really sad and mopey for a bit but like... end of the day, you can still hang around this person and have a whale of a time so why wouldn't you?

I didn't want to cut off the friendship. I was head over heels in love with this woman... to me she was the most beautiful person in the world. But she has no feelings for me, so there is an imbalance in the relationship. I also realize that this is not something that is easy to fix within myself, and that it is me, who needs to do what is difficult and fix myself, if I hope to have any friendship with her in the future. (Not a friendship which I hope will blossom into something more)

The closest thing I can equate this to... have you ever been obsessed with, or addicted to something? Try to equate that to a person... a person who you like and respect, but you also realize that you have an unhealthy obsession with. That person stays on your mind all the time... while you are hanging out with them it's bliss, but when you are away from them anxiety, depression and other negative mental states can take affect, eroding at your self esteem and self worth possibly.

Maybe you are mentally stronger than I in some ways, and can have that person near you and not have it affect your mental state. Maybe you can will your mind to do exactly what you want it, in a short time frame. In my experience (and if the OP is similar to me in some way), time and distance are what I need to get over someone. If that's the case, it's just best to recognize it and move on... if after you've taken the time to heal, you can reconnect and become friends again great. But sometimes, I've found that I really overlooked a person's flaws because I was seeing that person through the lens of love/lust (whatever you want to call it). Anyways enough rambling from me