The best reasons to play Paladin in Vanilla.

[Octayvius]

I've noticed a lot of complaints about paladins lately, with regard to their low dps and limited combat options. But what players are forgetting is the main reason Blizzard programmed Paladins. Paladins were not designed to be hybrid Tanks/Healers, as many claim. Instead, paladins were designed to be played while downloading pornography.

Paladins have roughly zero combat interaction, thus making them the perfect character to play while downloading massive amounts of hardcore pornography. Simply target a monster, hit "1", and minimize your window. Then sit back and enjoy the amazing girl on girl action.

Because a Paladin takes about one full minute to kill any monster, you can leisurely browse the erotic and pornographic fruits of the internet without much concern over your Paladin's welfare. After a minute, I go back to WoW, and usually my Paladin is alive and ready to loot the corpse. This is what makes grinding so pleasurable and convenient for me; the ability to simultaneously watch girls have sex with each other and level up at the same time. I doubt any other class has such an elegantly designed system, and I applaud Blizzard for their foresight in crafting a character that I can play with while playing with myself.

DPS? Who needs it? The quicker I kill something, the less time I have to watch boobies. Combat Interactivity? Overrated. I'd much rather interact with the girls writhing on my computer screen. Yes, a paladin was created for the sole purpose of surviving a fight while you stream hot pornography directly to your computer. That is why we have the high armor class, healing abilities, and the low, low DPS.

As for PvP, nothing is better than getting into Battlegrounds and soaking up the honor points while I watch girls take their clothes off for money. Only the minimum interaction is necessary for a Paladin to perform, and it is this very quality that I love the most about my Paladin. I doubt Rogues get any time to watch pornography while trying to vanish and rack up combo points, and I bet Shamans haven't seen a single naked breast while figuring out which totem to throw down before choosing which shock they are going to cast next.

In addition to grinding, we have several defensive options during combat that also allow us the flexibility of downloading pornography. Hammer of Justice allows a quick 6 second glimpse at a naked lady while our opponent is stunned, and Divine Shield allows a leisurely 8 seconds of quality right-hand time. Indeed, Paladins have cornered the market on the pornography during playtime of World of Warcraft gameplay.

It saddens me that many Paladins do not take advantage of the main functionality of your character, and are in fact lobbying for increased DPS, or more combat options. These are all unnecessary frivolities that would only harm our pornography downloading efficiency. Instead, we should thank the fine programmers at Blizzard for crafting a character that is great to grind with while grinding your loins.

[Fus Ro Yay]

im pretty sure i have read this exact text somewhere before.

[Ange]

Whiny paladins from vanilla, so much lolz.

Complaing about combat mechanics in vanilla, while all melees just did 90% WHITE DAMAGE = autoattack+procs.

As a vanilla raider on horde and ally side the biggest difference between the fraction were the faction classes and how raiding-guilds dealt with them. You pretty much wanted as many hybrid-shamans as you could get and you just tried the opposit with the whiny paladin players.

Playing PvP battlegrounds as horde was the easiest way to get gear. While Paladins where the most popular class by far, they never even poped up in the healing done, while shaman and druids were a common sight to heal in pvp. Faction imbalance in pvp because of the stronger racials...yeah, I don't think so.

[munkeyinorbit]

Whiny paladins from vanilla, so much lolz.

Complaing about combat mechanics in vanilla, while all melees just did 90% WHITE DAMAGE = autoattack+procs.

As a vanilla raider on horde and ally side the biggest difference between the fraction were the faction classes and how raiding-guilds dealt with them. You pretty much wanted as many hybrid-shamans as you could get and you just tried the opposit with the whiny paladin players.

Playing PvP battlegrounds as horde was the easiest way to get gear. While Paladins where the most popular class by far, they never even poped up in the healing done, while shaman and druids were a common sight to heal in pvp. Faction imbalance in pvp because of the stronger racials...yeah, I don't think so.

I call bullshit on you vanillaing. I can tell because you know nothing about melee mechanics. You make generic claims about popularity of classes which are not only unsupported but incorrect. Why do you need to lie like this?

OT
Seen it before OP. Nice try.

[Deleted]

im pretty sure i have read this exact text somewhere before.

Yes, Yes you have.
https://i.imgur.com/99CgKCh.jpg

[Fus Ro Yay]

Yes, Yes you have.
https://i.imgur.com/99CgKCh.jpg

thank you! i knew i wasn't going insane, yet.

[Rezark]

40m raids with 5m blessings back to the buffbot/OoC rezzers we go.

[Octayvius]

i call bullshit on you vanillaing. I can tell because you know nothing about melee mechanics. You make generic claims about popularity of classes which are not only unsupported but incorrect. Why do you need to lie like this?

Ot
seen it before op. Nice try.

damn you meddling kids and that stupid dog

[Orby]

I remember I played Retribution Paladin in Vanilla for quite a while... after every mob I would have to drink up for mana. I so tries to make it work, and as it was an alt I was happy to give it a go and experiment... IT wasnt until halfway through TBC when Retribution Paladins got that super buff that I was glad to stick by Retribution Paladins lol

[bryroo]

The first dungeon group I ever got into was Scarlet Monestary and as soon as I reached the meeting Stone the leader kicked me for being lolret

[epLe]

I remember I played Retribution Paladin in Vanilla for quite a while... after every mob I would have to drink up for mana. I so tries to make it work, and as it was an alt I was happy to give it a go and experiment... IT wasnt until halfway through TBC when Retribution Paladins got that super buff that I was glad to stick by Retribution Paladins lol

Pretty much the issue, like i.e balance druids aswell. Went oom too fast, no time for Judge of Wisdom yet, stand around to get ooc to drink up.

I was in a Top contending guild, we cleared naxx, and we brought 1 ret pally along the way.
First when he got Kalimdors revenge from Twin Emps, he started to compete for like middle spots on the meters at best.

[Saucerian]

Two words: Leeroy Jenkins

[Orby]

Pretty much the issue, like i.e balance druids aswell. Went oom too fast, no time for Judge of Wisdom yet, stand around to get ooc to drink up.

I was in a Top contending guild, we cleared naxx, and we brought 1 ret pally along the way.
First when he got Kalimdors revenge from Twin Emps, he started to compete for like middle spots on the meters at best.

I geared so hard for my ret Paladin. Reminds me of all the Strength/Intellect plate items I had to gear up to get, and sometimes had to wear cloth, because, yes, there was cloth items with Strength/Intellect on it lol. I still find some Strngth/Intellect gear in WoW today, it's still there, right up there with Agility/Spirit items xD