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  1. #1

    Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    Greetings! Those of you who frequent the Shaman forums may remember my last conspiracy thread, "The Conspiracy that will SHOCK YOU!":
    http://www.mmo-champion.com/index.php?topic=74279.0
    If you haven't, go read it. Now. It's important.

    And those of you who frequent THIS forums (the Cataclysm General Discussions) have probably seen:
    http://www.mmo-champion.com/index.php?topic=104698.0
    More importantly, the revelation found here:
    http://www.mmo-champion.com/index.ph...290#msg1433290

    If you haven't. Well, it wasn't written by me, so feel free to ignore the text and focus on the pictures.

    I'll wait while you look at the above links.

    Done yet?

    Good.

    Now, what does this mean? Deathwing is CLEARLY Jay Leno, that much is clear. But what does it mean in the grander scheme of things?

    I think we're safe to jump to conclusions.

    MY THEORY: The Twilight Hammer Cult in-game symbolizes Vivendi. My proof? Glad you asked.
    'Twilight's Hammer' is an anagram for "Siw tarme Hmgt Hil". Now, in English, it looks like gibberish. Luckily for you, I'm fluent in gibberish. Roughly translated, it says "The almighty Cult of Jay Leno". Roughly.
    Blizzard is sick of the Jay Leno agenda, and they've been dropping hints like this for years. They're training us to kill Jay Leno.
    The Shaman Arena gear?
    "Shamans dress like the Jay Leno armadillo. We'll make Shamans easy to kill to get players used to the idea of killing Jay Leno."
    The fact that Caverns of Time keeps turning us into humans with bad puns, corny jokes, and facial deformaties?
    "Bad jokes should not be given an audience, especially when the person telling them is hideous. By repeatedly forcing you to be humans with bad jokes, you will gain a subliminal hatred for ugly comedians who aren't funny."
    And now, Deathchin? Clearly we're reaching the final showdown.
    "THIS IS LENO INCARNATE! DESTROY HIM FOR EPIC LOOT AND ETERNAL FREEDOM!"

    If you truly love and support Blizzard, you will heed the call. You will rise to fight Leno once we've got Deathchin on farm.

    I've assaulted comedians before (three restraining orders to prove it), but none as powerful as Jay Leno. Using what I know about Leno and the latest Blizzard patch notes, I've drawn up a rough draft of how I believe it will be done:

    Phase 1: deal with adds without enraging Leno. Dispose of the security guards, the disgruntled fan (singular), the 17 lawyers there to defend his bad jokes from impending lawsuits. The upgrades to the guild bank and the ability to remotely access it lead me to believe that tanking lawyers will involve a substantial amount of gold. The singular fan must not be underestimated. He's loved Leno for years, so we can assume that he will be immune to reason, and will not feel pity or remorse or fear, and cannot be stopped unless killed. As for the security guards, they work for NBC. If we promise to relocate them to a better channel, they will join our cause. Lifetime is hiring, but we'll have to craft them each a [Battered Woman's Costume] before Lifetime will agree to see them.

    Phase 2: Leno must be kited by an overweight male driving a classic car. DPS must be slow as to not distract him, or the Chin Swipe will wipe the raid. We'll have to have many ranged constantly injecting him with Ritalin to tranquilize his ADHD, or he'll enrage. Note that this will stop the incremental hard-enrages, but probably won't be strong enough to stop the soft enrage, 'The story you're too young to understand'. That enrage will have to be tanked by someone old and humorlessemotionless. See if we can get Keanu Reeves to cameo as an offtank.

    Phase 3: weaken him with fire. That's why Blizzard is planning on buffing the Fire tree for Mages, the recent Shaman Flame Shock patch notes have come to be, and Destruction for Warlocks is in the best shape it has ever been in, and is subsequently ignoring the Shadow spells.

    Phase 4: he will find a microphone. At this point we have to pretend to laugh at his jokes, while continuing the assault. If the laughter dies off, the awkward silence will attract David Letterman. If David Letterman joins in, he must have a volley of Field Goals launched through the gap in his teeth to strangulate him, or he'll hit you with a top ten list of why you need to kill yourself. Six of them won't be funny, three will use words or situations you don't understand, but #1 will hit too close to home and wipe the raid IRL.

    I don't have much time. I hear a knocking on my door. Please, spread the word! Let it be known that Blizzard is in trouble, and it's Jay Leno's faHAHA DISREGARD THAT. COME WATCH JAY LENO'S NEW SHOW AT 10 PM

  2. #2

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    where is the laughing part ??? ??? ???

  3. #3

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    I was hoping for something to laugh, cause it's clearly a nonsense piece.
    But euh... what's this crap?! ???

  4. #4

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    Quote Originally Posted by Abolishment
    'Twilight's Hammer' is an anagram for "Siw tarme Hmgt Hil". Now, in English, it looks like gibberish. Luckily for you, I'm fluent in gibberish. Roughly translated, it says "The almighty Cult of Jay Leno". Roughly.
    Was quite fun to me xD
    Quote Originally Posted by tetrisgoat
    I got full epic before losing my virginity :P

  5. #5

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    What an epic waste of time.

    TLDR and not funny at all. Just like Jay Leno funnily enough.

  6. #6

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    From the other responses I don't think I'm going to read this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Numptydumbty
    What an epic waste of time.

    TLDR and not funny at all. Just like Jay Leno funnily enough.
    Hosts don't write their own jokes you know.
    Never pick a fight with someone who has nothing to lose.

  7. #7

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    Good ones do.

  8. #8

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    Armadillos... Jay Leno... Shamans... + boss tactics...

    Could it be that the LHC caused some sort of black hole where your brain should be? O.o
    I'm confused.
    Journalism & PR-Student, Media enthusiast.

    People will always complain. Even when you change the thing they're complaining about, they'll start to complain how everything was better before the change.

  9. #9

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    I before 'cool story bro 8)'

  10. #10

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    I think we'll be fine as long as we don't aggro Kathy Griffin.

    /shudder

  11. #11
    Dreadlord jonfauscett's Avatar
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    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    Oh my, anyone who does not laugh is dead inside!
    Shiny shiny epics. NO NO, look with your eyes, not with your hands.

  12. #12

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    time to bake another loaf of failbread.
    Quote from: JonTargaryen on October 10, 2009, 09:16:46 pm
    Jaina isn't thinking with her head, she's thinking with her jaina.

  13. #13

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    Quote Originally Posted by jonfauscett
    Oh my, anyone who does not laugh is dead inside!
    sigh.. people will laugh at any random bs or silly comparison.
    the ensidia ban was clever marketing

    oh noes, someone is using engineering

  14. #14

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    I was amused.

    7/10
    Actually, Mr. Lennon, I CAN imagine a world with no hatred, religion, war, or violence.
    I can also imagine attacking such a world, because they would never see it coming.

    http://mhkeehn.tripod.com/trashcan.jpg
    http://politicalhumor.about.com/libr...s/carville.jpe

    For once, Carville was a man ahead of his time.

  15. #15

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    Quote Originally Posted by Numptydumbty
    What an epic waste of time.

    TLDR and not funny at all. Just like Jay Leno funnily enough.
    How do you know it's not funny if you didn't read it? "TLDR" isn't just a phrase to show that something is long.

    I thought it was entertaining (although I actually like both Leno and Letterman). 7/10
    Quote Originally Posted by ruberchoice
    who lomg untill its fixed?

  16. #16

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tigercat
    I was amused.

    7/10
    if tigercat is amused you must all be amused... HAHA
    This user has been banned.

  17. #17
    Dreadlord jonfauscett's Avatar
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    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    Quote Originally Posted by velourea
    sigh.. people will laugh at any random bs or silly comparison.
    Seems that you are dead inside.
    Shiny shiny epics. NO NO, look with your eyes, not with your hands.

  18. #18

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    TLDR in this case was good advice.

    If you like Leno and Letterman then I guess you watch American tv.

    I watch British tv and therefore am spoiled by much funnier shows.

  19. #19

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    Quote Originally Posted by Numptydumbty
    TLDR in this case was good advice.

    If you like Leno and Letterman then I guess you watch American tv.

    I watch British tv and therefore am spoiled by much funnier shows.
    Heaven forbid people read on Forums.

    Here's a picture of a bear for you.

  20. #20

    Re: Jay Leno: The Full Circle...OF LIES!

    Wow. Can I have my 3 minutes back?

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