Valentine McKee: Good morning Mr. Bassett, this is your wake up call. Please move your ass.
Valentine McKee: STAMPEDE! Stampede, Earl! Get out of the way, get out of the way!
Earl Bassett: [waking up] You dumb shit. I was in a stampede once. Five hundred head, all hell-bent for the horizon.
Valentine McKee: Now, exactly how many cattle are required for a stampede, Earl? Is it three or more? Is there a minimum to 'pede?
Earl Bassett: I wish they'd stampede up your ass.
Valentine McKee: You will have long blonde hair, big green eyes, world class breasts, ass that won't quit and legs that go all the way up.
Earl Bassett: Dammit, Valentine! You never go for any girl unless she fits that stupid list of yours from top to bottom.
Valentine McKee: Well, sure.
Earl Bassett: Yeah, and it's dumber than my hind end! Like that Bobbie Lynn Dexter.
Valentine McKee: Tammy Lynn Baxter!
Earl Bassett: Doesn't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. "Ooh, I broke a nail!" Ugh! Makes my skin crawl.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well, I'm a victim of circumstance.
Earl Bassett: I thought you called it your pecker.
Earl Bassett: Hey, Rhonda you ever seen anything like this before?
Valentine McKee: Oh, sure Earl. Everyone knows about them we just didn't tell you.
Earl Bassett: Damn it, listen to me. I'm older and wiser.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well you're half right.
Earl Bassett: Damn it Valentine, you never plan ahead, you never take the long view, I mean here it is Monday and I'm already thinking of Wednesday... It is Monday right?
Earl Bassett: We gotta run. We've got a schedule to keep.
Valentine McKee: Yeah. See, we plan ahead, that way we don't do anything right now. Earl explained it to me.
Earl Bassett: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.
Valentine McKee: Roger that Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.
Burt Gummer: Broke into the wrong God damn rec room, didn't ya you bastard!
Every quote from George Costanza, that character is so brilliant. No wonder it is from best sitcom ever made - Seinfeld. But you really got to see it to feel the power of a quote. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gjxnxKmaVQ