Valentine McKee: Good morning Mr. Bassett, this is your wake up call. Please move your ass.
Valentine McKee: STAMPEDE! Stampede, Earl! Get out of the way, get out of the way!
Earl Bassett: [waking up] You dumb shit. I was in a stampede once. Five hundred head, all hell-bent for the horizon.
Valentine McKee: Now, exactly how many cattle are required for a stampede, Earl? Is it three or more? Is there a minimum to 'pede?
Earl Bassett: I wish they'd stampede up your ass.
Valentine McKee: You will have long blonde hair, big green eyes, world class breasts, ass that won't quit and legs that go all the way up.
Earl Bassett: Dammit, Valentine! You never go for any girl unless she fits that stupid list of yours from top to bottom.
Valentine McKee: Well, sure.
Earl Bassett: Yeah, and it's dumber than my hind end! Like that Bobbie Lynn Dexter.
Valentine McKee: Tammy Lynn Baxter!
Earl Bassett: Doesn't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. "Ooh, I broke a nail!" Ugh! Makes my skin crawl.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well, I'm a victim of circumstance.
Earl Bassett: I thought you called it your pecker.
Earl Bassett: Hey, Rhonda you ever seen anything like this before?
Valentine McKee: Oh, sure Earl. Everyone knows about them we just didn't tell you.
Earl Bassett: Damn it, listen to me. I'm older and wiser.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well you're half right.
Earl Bassett: Damn it Valentine, you never plan ahead, you never take the long view, I mean here it is Monday and I'm already thinking of Wednesday... It is Monday right?
Earl Bassett: We gotta run. We've got a schedule to keep.
Valentine McKee: Yeah. See, we plan ahead, that way we don't do anything right now. Earl explained it to me.
Earl Bassett: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.
Valentine McKee: Roger that Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.
Burt Gummer: Broke into the wrong God damn rec room, didn't ya you bastard!
Brick are you just looking around in the office and saying you love them....
I love lamp.
Do you really love the lamp or are you just saying it because you saw it?
I love lamp I love lamp
Every quote from George Costanza, that character is so brilliant. No wonder it is from best sitcom ever made - Seinfeld. But you really got to see it to feel the power of a quote. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gjxnxKmaVQ