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  1. #1
    The Patient
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    Coming out to my guild

    I'm a MtF transwoman who's out in IRL to close friends and my girlfriend. I never had huge amounts of worries coming out to them as I'd been though stuff with them and knew they'd accept me. I don't know why but I feel more nervous and more anxiety about coming our to my current guild. Using teamspeak in male voice makes me feel uncomfortable now since I use my female voice 90% of the time in public now. Raiding is becoming draining now just from pretending to be something I'm not.

    Mostly worried abour losing my raid spot and the community I love on Al'Akir - Horde. Don't want to have to relm swap as I have 11 90s there and although beginning again on another server mirrors my life with starting again I can't help feeling attached to the geeat community on Al'Akir.

    Dunno what the point of this post is guess I just wanted to vent and get some oppions on how to go about it since it's coming out to about to lots of people at once which is the scariest bit. Maybe just coming out to my raid roster then the guild or something..

    Really wasnt sure if the was offtopic or wow since it's a mix of both.

  2. #2
    I think you already know the answer and that's be true to yourself and trust those closest to you to support you through it. You already know some will understand and others won't. It may go better than you think or it may go worse, but it can't go until you make it go and the one thing you need for you is to be true to you.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
    Elemental Lord Hyve's Avatar
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    Personally I don't see the need for you to come out to a group of people you've only met online. I'm not suggesting this isn't important to you, and something you shouldn't do, but what will you gain from this?

    In my own experience anyone who has come out as Gay / Lesbian / Bi / Transgender has always done so for attention, so be careful as my experiences may also be similar to others, and they may see it is as nothing more then a cry for some attention, so be clear about why you're making the decision to tell these people.

    If you genuinely feel like you're hiding from yourself, and that's making you feel uncomfortable, as you said speaking within TeamSpeak, then make the announcement, but, and I'm sure you're well aware of this, be prepared to deal with a lot of stupidity and bigotry.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by nulir View Post
    I'm a MtF transwoman who's out in IRL to close friends and my girlfriend. I never had huge amounts of worries coming out to them as I'd been though stuff with them and knew they'd accept me. I don't know why but I feel more nervous and more anxiety about coming our to my current guild. Using teamspeak in male voice makes me feel uncomfortable now since I use my female voice 90% of the time in public now. Raiding is becoming draining now just from pretending to be something I'm not.

    Mostly worried abour losing my raid spot and the community I love on Al'Akir - Horde. Don't want to have to relm swap as I have 11 90s there and although beginning again on another server mirrors my life with starting again I can't help feeling attached to the geeat community on Al'Akir.

    Dunno what the point of this post is guess I just wanted to vent and get some oppions on how to go about it since it's coming out to about to lots of people at once which is the scariest bit. Maybe just coming out to my raid roster then the guild or something..

    Really wasnt sure if the was offtopic or wow since it's a mix of both.
    Fortunately, you've already come out to the people who matter - close friends and family. I'll tell you what I'd tell anyone (as an atheist myself). There's no reason to come out to people, especially if you are afraid of the repercussions of doing so. It's nice to feel comfortable with who you are, especially with people you like, but it's no different than anything else people might freak out over. Don't put yourself in harms way over something that really isn't anyone's business.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jevlin
    Why? Because fuck you, that's why.

    Every time you have a question that begins with "Why?" that is about what other people prefer to do with their own goddamn time, come back here, and reread the first row of this post. That will ALWAYS be the answer to your question. Have a nice day.

  5. #5
    I really wish you luck. You need to do what you feel is right. Not trying to scare you but the internet can be a brutal place more so then the real world. The keyboard bullies (from my own personal experience in person would quake in fear if they said the things they say on the internet in person.) They feel invunerable behind a monitor but take that same person and in a room they could not or would not say what they say. So be careful the transition can be tramatic as is don't need to add to the trama by informing some internet bullies what you are doing with your life.

  6. #6
    The Patient
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    Quote Originally Posted by VoodooGaming View Post
    but what will you gain from this?
    Just so I don't have to use my male voice mostly. Not only does it make me uncomfortable after so much practice and general use of my female voice it's strenuous on my voicebox now and after 3-4 hours of raiding my throat kills from it.

  7. #7
    The sad reality is, we live in a world that is filled with ignorance and judgmental, shallow people. This problem is exacerbated x100 when dealing with people online, where there's little fear of reprisal (hence all the racism and ignorance in trade channel, comments sections, etc).

    In this time you've 'been something you're not' you have given people a perception of you that you're about to shatter like a mirror. Unless you're in the world's most exceptional/kind/understanding guild, you're setting yourself up for a massive, massive dramabomb that will damage - if not outright kill - your enjoyment of the game.

    My advice is to find another guild where you can just be yourself as you wish to be, from the outset. As opposed to a guild where you can't be, only to reach a point where you feel like you have to 'come out' and risk irreparable harm. Your post makes it clear you wish to preserve your raid spot/relationships with players where you are, but its highly unrealistic to expect that all of those things will remain intact through this.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by nulir View Post
    I'm a MtF transwoman who's out in IRL to close friends and my girlfriend.
    Does that mean you girlfriend is straight or lesbian?

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Eroginous View Post
    Fortunately, you've already come out to the people who matter - close friends and family. I'll tell you what I'd tell anyone (as an atheist myself). There's no reason to come out to people, especially if you are afraid of the repercussions of doing so. It's nice to feel comfortable with who you are, especially with people you like, but it's no different than anything else people might freak out over. Don't put yourself in harms way over something that really isn't anyone's business.
    I agree very much with this.

    What matters is that your family and true friends love and accept you. A bunch of people in a video game? Not so much.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by nulir View Post
    I'm a MtF transwoman who's out in IRL to close friends and my girlfriend. I never had huge amounts of worries coming out to them as I'd been though stuff with them and knew they'd accept me. I don't know why but I feel more nervous and more anxiety about coming our to my current guild. Using teamspeak in male voice makes me feel uncomfortable now since I use my female voice 90% of the time in public now. Raiding is becoming draining now just from pretending to be something I'm not.

    Mostly worried abour losing my raid spot and the community I love on Al'Akir - Horde. Don't want to have to relm swap as I have 11 90s there and although beginning again on another server mirrors my life with starting again I can't help feeling attached to the geeat community on Al'Akir.

    Dunno what the point of this post is guess I just wanted to vent and get some oppions on how to go about it since it's coming out to about to lots of people at once which is the scariest bit. Maybe just coming out to my raid roster then the guild or something..

    Really wasnt sure if the was offtopic or wow since it's a mix of both.
    Speak to the guild officers and say you won't be speaking in team speak anymore for personal reasons but you will still listen (if they push just say you have your reasons and they should be fine with it). Most people will be cool with it but there might be enough of a minority that will cause you issues so might not be worth coming out.

  11. #11
    Dreadlord Harmonious's Avatar
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    You need to weigh out the benefits of coming out against the stupidity and ignorance you're going to get, at the end of the day is it really worth it just to "feel better". I'm not saying it's not important to you, which it clearly is. But at the end of the day it's only a voice?

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by nulir View Post
    Just so I don't have to use my male voice mostly. Not only does it make me uncomfortable after so much practice and general use of my female voice it's strenuous on my voicebox now and after 3-4 hours of raiding my throat kills from it.
    Just start talking with your female voice that you're used to, if people will question you, explain yourself. Well or make up some excuse if you don't feel comfortable about it, say you had some problems with your throat making you speak in a more male way or say you were just faking a male voice to not get the 'omg it's a girl' effect.

  13. #13
    Most people dont care and most people dont really wanna know

    But its in human nature that they may and prolly will treat you different

  14. #14
    I'm personally the furthest thing from a racist, sexist, bigot, etc. Now with that being said if someone I have been playing with for awhile just all of a sudden started trying to talk like a chick in team speak it would admittedly be hard not to laugh but eventually I would adjust. As others have stated above the maturity level of those you're going to be dealing with is going to play the biggest role and it really needs to be a judgement call you have to make yourself based 100% on the relationship you have with those in your guild.

  15. #15
    Don't worry, noone takes you that serious.

  16. #16
    Scarab Lord Gimlix's Avatar
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    If they are your friends, they would accept who you are.
    If they don't, then they aren't your friends.
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  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Spikeychris View Post
    Speak to the guild officers and say you won't be speaking in team speak anymore for personal reasons but you will still listen (if they push just say you have your reasons and they should be fine with it). Most people will be cool with it but there might be enough of a minority that will cause you issues so might not be worth coming out.
    Exactly this. All it takes is one ignorant asshole blurting out "LOLOL <insert name> IS A TRANSGENDER" in trade for Nulir to get harassed/etc for the rest of their time in WoW. When it comes to online 'communities' I expect the worst and I am rarely wrong.

    If the only real gain from doing this is not having to talk in a deep voice... just unplug your mic and continue to enjoy your time in WoW as it is. You don't owe it to anyone to reveal information like this about yourself in a game. Much more likely to do a huge amount of harm than even a little good.

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Mirishka View Post
    The sad reality is, we live in a world that is filled with ignorance and judgmental, shallow people. This problem is exacerbated x100 when dealing with people online, where there's little fear of reprisal (hence all the racism and ignorance in trade channel, comments sections, etc).

    In this time you've 'been something you're not' you have given people a perception of you that you're about to shatter like a mirror. Unless you're in the world's most exceptional/kind/understanding guild, you're setting yourself up for a massive, massive dramabomb that will damage - if not outright kill - your enjoyment of the game.

    My advice is to find another guild where you can just be yourself as you wish to be, from the outset. As opposed to a guild where you can't be, only to reach a point where you feel like you have to 'come out' and risk irreparable harm. Your post makes it clear you wish to preserve your raid spot/relationships with players where you are, but its highly unrealistic to expect that all of those things will remain intact through this.
    I concur with most of this - however, if you are keen to continue in this guild, I'd encourage you to speak to an officer you trust and inform them of the situation. It might be better for a third party to quietly inform other guild members on a one to one basis that you're going to be speaking as a female from now on. There is less drama this way (you're avoiding the accusations of attention seeking by not dropping the bomb in front of everybody) and it also takes the pressure off you. The officer will handle the initial reactions and make it known in no uncertain terms that any meanness will not be tolerated.

  19. #19
    I think your not giving your guild enough credit Nulir. This is the beauty of the anonymity of online play it creates a detachment you cant get in real life. These people know you as a voice and a character. They aren't going to care if that voice changes. Granted you may get a few silly jokes from some of the more immature guildies but you are still the person you were before.

    If anything if you explain to the raid leaders that faking a male voice is putting a strain on yer raiding im sure they will be happy with you talking with your proper voice if only to remove that strain and make you a better raider.

    Of course you could go the other root and 'admit' that you've been a girl this whole time and faked being a man due to problems with fedora wearing dweebs drooling over you in the past. There is less stigma attached there but you will still be lying to the guild.

    Either way don't be so fearful. These people may not be real life friends but they are friends non the less. You have worked together consistently for a long time that creates a bond!
    Have you ever stepped on a lego piece while barefoot?

    Can you recall that exquisitely piercing and utterly unforgettable pedal agony? Now imagine what would happen if you were to step on between 10 and 25 angry, well armed lego pieces which are all acting in brutal concert, and tell me how that would go for you.

    Plus they have magic and sharp objects.

  20. #20
    The Patient Kuax's Avatar
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    High chances that reaction will be indifferent in best case, there are a lot of people who are aggressive to anything different. Just start talking in voice you're comfortable, if anybody ask, you can say that you changed your mic, and it seems like your old mic was twisting your voice too much. Why should that people get to know it, if you think they're not ready to know? It's not likely you can really change their opinion, if they have problem with that.

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