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  1. #1

    Garrosh: The Mystery of the Missing Nipples

    Greetings. I come to you today to discuss a conspiracy, not unlike my previous conspiracies. Through the years, Blizzard has shown us who is the boss. They've abused and mistreated us. They've misled and manipulated us. Hell, every year they draw us in like cattle for a weekend of mind-altering torment that we actually pay THEM for.

    But this time, they've gone too far.

    Yes, this is even worse than what those poor shamans had to deal with, first with Jay Leno, and then with their Tier10.

    Let's get started...

    By now, you're all familiar with this loading screen, and this studly war-muffin of carnage.



    This is Garrosh. Garrosh is an Orc Warrior of debatable importance. His strength is questionable, his tactics are argumentative, and his lore leaves much certainty to be desired.

    But one indisputable fact remains: he has nipples.

    Before you try making it seem like nipples aren't a normal occurrence, meet Skillasaurus.


    "WHAT SKILLSAURUS DOING HERE?"

    Skillasaurus is also an Orc Warrior of debatable importance. He just hit max level a week ago, speaks like The Hulk on Prozac, and is neither feared nor revered. However, much like Garrosh, he has nipples.

    Show them to us, Skillasaurus.


    "SKILLSAURUS SHY. SKILLSAURUS SEE CAMERA, AFRAID OF LOSING SOUL. NO CHANCE TO JOIN SOUL TRAIN IF SKILLSAURUS LOSE SOUL."

    Show them to us, or I'll throw you into the middle of Warsong Gulch wearing less than 1500 Resilience.





    Fantastic. Sorry you had to see that, everyone. I'm not usually so abusive. Now collect your things and get out of here, Skillasaurus. You smell of shame.


    "SKILLSAURUS MISS ORKUS. SKILLSAURUS AND ORKUS FRIENDS, ORKUS GAVE BROFIST WHEN SKILLSAURUS SAVED FROM DROWNING IN BOTTOMLESS LAKE."

    Are you sure you saved him? Are you sure you didn't flap around in knee-deep water with him for an hour before some Blood Elf saved you both?

    "...SKILLSAURUS HAVE NO REGRETS."

    Moving on. Now, between the time that Garrosh was photographed for his Load-Screen Debut, and now, something...drastic has changed about Garrosh.



    You see it yet?

    ...

    HOW ABOUT NOW?!



    THAT'S RIGHT! THEY'RE GONE! HIS NIPPLES HAVE DISAPPEARED!

    I've been investigating this unacceptable atrocity for nearly seven minutes, and in that time, I discovered something else. Something tiny. Something nonsensical. Something so ordinary and so mundane that if I didn't point it out to you RIGHT NOW, you'd never notice...

    Garrosh has been mirrored. Like that Kiefer Sutherland movie, only this is horrifying. Left has become right. Right has become left. Gloves have changed hands and axe proficiencies have been redistributed!

    Thus, we can conclude that we are no longer dealing with Garrosh. This entity, probably known as hsorraG, appears to be right-handed, nipple-less, and possibly lacking a soul.

    How am I so sure that the Garrosh in new Orgrimmar is actually the mirror, and not the mirrored?

    You look straight into these glorious pecs and tell me that they lie.



    It's like Shakira, only for us gay dudes...so wait, yeah, Shakira.

    So, like all great conspiracies with respectively blown-off-roofs, the question remains:

    What are we, as mature, responsible, trustworthy people going to do with this information?

    Do we panic? Do we revolt? Do we blame Anime for setting a dangerously smooth-chested precedent in males? Do we smash our heads into every nearby reflective surface in effort to enter the mirror-world, find Garrosh, and save him?

    Well, my face is too pretty to risk that last one, though I invite any of our local teenagers to attempt it (they'll have time to grow into their hideous, recently-acquired looks). Bonus points for pictures.

    Regardless of what we do, or don't do, one thing is certain: an old god is behind it.

    Out of curiosity, has anyone checked the status of Varian's nipples lately?
    Last edited by Abolishment; 2010-12-02 at 09:07 PM. Reason: Photobucket has tried to censor my findings...

  2. #2
    I see nipples in the tattoo on the left side...
    Welcome to the worst MMO ever created: I think I would be infracted from the Star W...wait, from these bullshit game fanboy moderators for telling the truth

  3. #3
    Mechagnome SilenceDHEU's Avatar
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    Ok that made me giggle

    But yea.. where did his nipples go? :O

    http://eu.battle.net/wow/en/characte...c%C3%A9/simple
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  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by wg15 View Post
    I see nipples in the tattoo on the left side...
    Look closely-er.

  5. #5
    i dont get it... You mean they used a better 2d model for the loading screen which was made before the 3d model... of course they will be different.
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  6. #6
    High Overlord Spott's Avatar
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    you sir, are a genius, +23 internet points
    You can not incorporate sarcasm over text

  7. #7
    I must say, the Garrosh from the loading screen is pretty fap-worthy lol xD

  8. #8
    I love you in a non-homo way.
    Signature removed. Please read our guidelines. Venara

  9. #9
    The Insane GennGreymane's Avatar
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    lol will read again 10/10

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  10. #10
    High Overlord TheDallman's Avatar
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    Well done.

    Well done indeed.

  11. #11
    Mechagnome
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    Quote Originally Posted by zakayron View Post
    i dont get it... You mean they used a better 2d model for the loading screen which was made before the 3d model... of course they will be different.
    It is too late for you. You've been brain washed.

  12. #12
    This thread delivers!

  13. #13
    Poor Skillasaurus lol

  14. #14
    Field Marshal Jejin's Avatar
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    I love you
    Warcraft Soundtrack project, bringing new music to old dungeons! Check it out!

    http://www.youtube.com/user/WowSoundtrackProject
    http://wow.curse.com/downloads/wow-a...k-project.aspx

  15. #15
    Herald of the Titans Abstieg's Avatar
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    This thread first made me sad, then made me very happy. hsorraG!
    The goddess in my avatar is Hayley Williams.

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by Poodles View Post
    Poor Skillasaurus lol
    Skillasaurus will be fine. It's shame now, but in a few drinks, it'll turn into rage.

    That's good for Warriors, y'know? Rage. Just saying it sounds Warrior-ey.

  17. #17
    LOLSsssssssssss
    "The sky's will rain fire." "The oceans will boil." "The streets will run red with the blood of billions only then when your last pitiful hope is extinguished will I end your life lets go."

  18. #18

  19. #19
    This made me laugh so hard!! rofl! I love the dialog man, I expect more greatness in the near future!

  20. #20
    All hail King Skillsaurus. I rofl'ed.

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